commit ffa09834f7d69ff04765a6cbf5c45dcda7ff776e Author: shmick Date: Thu Oct 28 23:51:09 2021 +0300 Putting Jekyll site files under revision control diff --git a/.gitignore b/.gitignore new file mode 100644 index 0000000..da383d9 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitignore @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* +!docker-compose.yml +!jekyll/ diff --git a/docker-compose.yml b/docker-compose.yml new file mode 100755 index 0000000..97523e6 --- /dev/null +++ b/docker-compose.yml @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +version: '2' + +services: + jekyll: + image: jekyll/jekyll:latest + command: jekyll serve --watch --force_polling --verbose + ports: + - 4000:4000 + volumes: + - ./jekyll:/srv/jekyll + environment: + - TZ=Asia/Jerusalem + restart: unless-stopped +networks: + default: + name: gerbil_network diff --git a/jekyll/.gitignore b/jekyll/.gitignore new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f40fbd8 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.gitignore @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +_site +.sass-cache +.jekyll-cache +.jekyll-metadata +vendor diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Cache/b7/9606fb3afea5bd1609ed40b622142f1c98125abcfe89a76a661b0e8e343910 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Cache/b7/9606fb3afea5bd1609ed40b622142f1c98125abcfe89a76a661b0e8e343910 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..620d4ac --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Cache/b7/9606fb3afea5bd1609ed40b622142f1c98125abcfe89a76a661b0e8e343910 @@ -0,0 +1 @@ +I"N{"source"=>"/srv/jekyll", "destination"=>"/srv/jekyll/_site", "collections_dir"=>"", "cache_dir"=>".jekyll-cache", "plugins_dir"=>"_plugins", "layouts_dir"=>"_layouts", "data_dir"=>"_data", "includes_dir"=>"_includes", "collections"=>{"posts"=>{"output"=>true, "permalink"=>"/:categories/:year/:month/:day/:title:output_ext"}}, "safe"=>false, "include"=>[".htaccess"], "exclude"=>[".sass-cache", ".jekyll-cache", "gemfiles", "Gemfile", "Gemfile.lock", "node_modules", "vendor/bundle/", "vendor/cache/", "vendor/gems/", "vendor/ruby/"], "keep_files"=>[".git", ".svn"], "encoding"=>"utf-8", "markdown_ext"=>"markdown,mkdown,mkdn,mkd,md", "strict_front_matter"=>false, "show_drafts"=>nil, "limit_posts"=>0, "future"=>true, "unpublished"=>false, "whitelist"=>[], "plugins"=>[], "markdown"=>"kramdown", "highlighter"=>"rouge", "lsi"=>false, "excerpt_separator"=>"\n\n", "incremental"=>false, "detach"=>false, "port"=>"4000", "host"=>"127.0.0.1", "baseurl"=>nil, "show_dir_listing"=>false, "permalink"=>"date", "paginate_path"=>"/page:num", "timezone"=>nil, "quiet"=>false, "verbose"=>false, "defaults"=>[], "liquid"=>{"error_mode"=>"warn", "strict_filters"=>false, "strict_variables"=>false}, "kramdown"=>{"auto_ids"=>true, "toc_levels"=>[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6], "entity_output"=>"as_char", "smart_quotes"=>"lsquo,rsquo,ldquo,rdquo", "input"=>"GFM", "hard_wrap"=>false, "guess_lang"=>true, "footnote_nr"=>1, "show_warnings"=>false}, "title"=>"Pukeko.xyz Blog", "email"=>"matanhorovitz@protonmail.com", "description"=>"I have no idea what I'm doing. ", "url"=>"https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz", "theme"=>"minima", "serving"=>false}:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/00/3b99ac708c4755656c4bd78b7ed88c26572006c88aed11fa4c3e5bda6ad5e3 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/00/3b99ac708c4755656c4bd78b7ed88c26572006c88aed11fa4c3e5bda6ad5e3 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..00d27d2 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/00/3b99ac708c4755656c4bd78b7ed88c26572006c88aed11fa4c3e5bda6ad5e3 @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"?

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/01/2bc33fada4903459cec559b3b12da1b90cbf054fd0ac78c4c6fcb228e14275 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/01/2bc33fada4903459cec559b3b12da1b90cbf054fd0ac78c4c6fcb228e14275 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..15384a8 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/01/2bc33fada4903459cec559b3b12da1b90cbf054fd0ac78c4c6fcb228e14275 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"-

I have no idea what I’m doing.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/01/42a5e2a31530e5d80ee10ec5e9509b304d62fa152ba300a5a96656b8f07b5c b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/01/42a5e2a31530e5d80ee10ec5e9509b304d62fa152ba300a5a96656b8f07b5c new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6a01d3a --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/01/42a5e2a31530e5d80ee10ec5e9509b304d62fa152ba300a5a96656b8f07b5c @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I">

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometer journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/03/a06a9a3da443532b6b46aa6434c5e352664870d3763ddfca5d79f450048cbe b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/03/a06a9a3da443532b6b46aa6434c5e352664870d3763ddfca5d79f450048cbe new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cf843b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/03/a06a9a3da443532b6b46aa6434c5e352664870d3763ddfca5d79f450048cbe @@ -0,0 +1,226 @@ +I"K

The Path of the PC + Mean, Lean, Linux machine

+
+

Under review

+
+ +

I’m currently in a phase of life rife with decision - where would I live? what would I do? what drives me in life? +As I sink (characteristically for me, far far too deep) into these questions, there’s a certain inert arrogance to the process I find I can’t stand. +What does that mean?

+ +

There’s a form for everything. Every path you take presents you with a list of demands, definitions and some deep-rooted philosophy aimed at picking the absolute best for you. +I think of these things very seriously, until suddenly reckoning with my own professional path thus far.

+ +

At this point, I dare call myself a Linux Sysadmin by trade, albeit a novice. I have a steady, long term job, a unique set of skills, interesting employment prospects and a clear career path, just shy of 24. +Sounds nice, doesn’t it? I answered the demands, fit with the definitions, and think in that same deep-rooted philosophy as the path I’ve chosen.

+ +

Only I… don’t. In this latest Ler, I’ll make a case (for myself mostly) on how all this mumbled flurry means nothing, and people end where they are by chance, by prejudice, or by the mere entropy of the universe. I’ll present this using the path I went with to start this career: the path of the PC.

+ +

I Like Video Games.

+

Always did. Still do.

+ +

As a kid (of around 8? can’t quite say) I received my grandparents’ old hand-me-down hunk of junk excusing a PC, which was the very first machine I personally owned.

+ +

I remember absolutely nothing of this system - only the grey, plasticy China made chassis and the loud whir of the HDDs, likely added to this memory much later. I played simple, 2D or web games on it on occasion, and life was good, I guess.

+ +

As a fourth grader abroad, our family shared the latest-tech laptop, which I remember more firmly - it was a big, black, shiny plastic HP which that got seriously hot without one of these lap cooler-fan things. It had a fingerprint reader (which we were *demanded not to use because none of us could understand it) and we played Runescape on it for way too many hours. By the time nothing but its’ long dead husk was around, I knew enough to retroactively recall it as a Windows Vista machine, and that’s about it.

+ +

For my Bar Mitzvah, I received the first proper PC I ever had, and was becoming aware of what it is, what’s inside and how it works. It was a Core i5 650 - first generation Core! with maybe 4GB of RAM, some cheap Chinese power supply, that default black InWin ATX Chassis, and Nvidia’s not-latest-and-really-not-greatest GT610. Even that early on, the GT did not make it long - more on that later.

+ +

By that point I started picking up some serious 3D gaming - games actually installed on your machine! I remember some Dawn of War RTS, some Age of Empires II and even Minecraft. Within a year or so, I dared my first technical feat with it: overclocking.

+ +

I Like Computer Hardware.

+

Thinking about it today, it’s amazing to realize I attempted overclocking at all, and twice as amazing to realize I did it responsibly, and have never fried, force shutdown’d or (seriously) harmed a computer. I started raising the clockspeed and voltage of that old yeller, which quickly entailed my first hardware upgrade - a new CPU cooler! (the budget CoolerMaster Evo 212).

+ +

Me and my already disgruntled dad disassembled the whole thing, put on a backplate and even put it back together, only to put in the motherboard front chassis pings wrong, screw up the booting and ask dad’s computer technician friend for help. I wouldn’t be too upset to make that mistake today - those are ferocious little buggers!

+ +

Later on, father went off to the United States, and with the very first of my summer job savings I asked him for a new GPU - the GTX 650Ti. I already had the i5 650 running a full Ghz ahead of spec, with a higher base clock to boot. As time went by I bought the GTX 760, alongside the oldest part still in my machine today - the Seasonic SSP-RT 550 Gold PSU - to support it. Now I had some ragtag rig and started proper gaming. This was the very first computer I made and planned, and upgraded, and much of my hardware knowledge today stems from those days.

+ +

I Like Building Computers.

+

First Build + I was really excited about all those bits and pieces in a proper motherboard

+ +

Some years later, the 650 was becoming unbearably slow, which is when I went for my first full upgrade - the i5 4670K, with 8GB of budget Corsair XMS3 1600Mhz RAM, a too-expensive Z-series Gaming motherboard, and a grey metal ATX Corsair Chassis. The core of that computer is now my little brother’s, alive and kicking!.

+ +

I sank into another round of overclocking - receiving a subpar sample just shy of the mythical 4.4Ghz (from 3.8).

+ +

This is when things began to get wild.

+ +

First Build Pic +This picture, from late 2015, is about the point I was first proud of something I planned and assembled

+ +

Going Monkey

+

By this point, I started referring to myself as a hardware monkey, already realizing I fail to understand the intricacy of computers, but can sure as hell beat the shit out of them with voltage and cooling. I got a massive water cooler (an Arctic double-thick 240mm, which was cheap and quickly disappeared from the market) - so big I had to sandwich two of the fans outside the computer!

+ +

Hardware Monkey +Younger me had no shame - only determination. Bigger, Faster, Stronger!

+ +

I got the cooler solely for overclocking, and was disappointing when it:

+ + +

Before the water cooler leaked its soul back to its lord, there was - you guessed it - yet another upgrade. This time, it was my wisest purchase as a hardware monkey - the R9 390, bought with the explicit intention to undervolt it.

+ +

Always On Top! + Things got pretty messy at times

+ +

Cooling? I’m a fan!

+

That’s right - I bought a part intending to modify it, and it worked out far, far better than I deserve.

+ +

The R9 390, then relatively cheap despite sporting more powerful hardware than the competing GTX 970, was a brilliant purchase - I quickly got it down from 275 Watts to 140, as well as running it about 10% faster. It is now almost six years old and still serving me wonderfully.

+ +

Drunk Undervolt +Naturally, I took the GPU apart at some point.

+ +

To this day, I am far to aware of minute details about cooling fans entirely at fault of this episode.

+ +

Ooh, Shiny! +I came looking for thermals, and I found… Indium?

+ +

Here, drunk with my undervolt’s success, my smug character struck me down in perhaps the worst fashion I would ever be struck down in my life. I was being processed for the military, and the the ripe age of 16 and a half I was sat down in Tel Hashomer, where a pretty, bored soldier asked me what I do.

+ +

I Build Computers.

+ +

“I build computers”, I answered smugly, perhaps aiming to impress her. These memories are heavily repressed.

+ +

“So like coding?” was her bored reply.

+ +

Back in those days, I was (and still am, to a degree) wary of realist professions, chiefly including maths and coding.

+ +

Noooooooooo hu hoooo”, I replied. “I do NOT know coding”.

+ +

Naturally, she sent me off to communications, which drafted me after some testing as a Computer Systems Infrastructure Manager. I am absolutely certain I failed those tests spectacularly, despite it being vehemently denied throughout my service.

+ +

To this day, I’m not sure how I feel about that. Perhaps I would have been better off. Perhaps it saved me from much worse misery, and maybe I owe much of my good fortune to that misunderstanding.

+ +

Monkey Meets Penguin

+

I did take my assigned role very seriously, and one of the most important steps was then taken - I bought a Raspberry Pi (2, model B - which only died last year!).

+ +

Raspberry Pi 2 Model B +I took this picture to show all my friends how awesome this little 25$ computer is. I’m still blown away!.

+ +

This was my first contact with Linux - a field previously unknown and unrelated. +I can only guess whether I’d have stumbled onto Linux on my own, but I’m grateful for it either way - it’s been an unstoppable force in my career and greatly accelerated my hobby.

+ +

Similar experiences of my peers suggest I would never have encountered it on my own, but I’m certainly unwilling to give the military credit.

+ +

So where was I going with this? +Right, the Linuxing.

+ +

The Linuxing

+ +

Right after boot camp, I was enrolled in the Communication Corps’ supposedly top-tier computing course. We were often told we were picked out ‘from the top 10% of many thousands of applicants’.

+ +

Well, I’ll put it bluntly - I failed the course quite miserably. It was deeply centered around programming (in PowerShell of all things!) and very specific technologies no junior sysadmin has any business of knowing.

+ +

I have yet to use MongoDB in my career. Is it great? probably. Is it absolutely essential for a new army recruit? probably not.

+ +

Now, the fact that I failed did not come as a surprise. Within the first week I became acutely aware of this scenario, and within the first month (out of five) I was certain I’d fail quite a few subjects. +My worsening mental health was falsely attributed (by me, as well as my commanders) to these uninspiring results.

+ +
+

You’re giving up on yourself!

+
+ +

I was told constantly, by both commanders and - at times - peers. I never felt this way, and told them as such. My talents lay elsewhere - so I’ll focus on those rather than programming, and that’s just fine and dandy.

+ +
+

If you fail any subject, you’ll fail the course! you’re giving up on yourself!

+
+ +

By this point, I became engrossed in Linux (and, I’ll shamefully admit, Windows and VMWare - don’t judge!), and accepted failure as the price of fluency. I was down on my luck and I stuck to my strengths, despite greatly increasing threats from command staff to flunk me to a shaming service of (gasp!) IT support personnel. This happened anyway, but never mind.

+ +

The big day came around - I was tested in PowerShell, my worst subject and greatest nemesis. After a great deal of effort and much consideration from my commanders, I achieved a brilliant score of 21 points out of 100.

+ +

And you know what? they said I passed the course. And I wasn’t surprised.

+ +

Even as a lean, green army recruit, I called them out on their bluff.

+ +

So what was it all for? it was arbitrary. The requirements were arbitrary, the subjects were arbitrary, my talents were arbitrary and I passed… arbitrarily.

+ +

Still had a great time with my Raspberry Pi, though.

+ +

It Lives! It Lives! +It lives! It lives!

+ +

The Linuxing!

+

Where were we?

+ +

My first post was as a call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I’d learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I was rather quickly reassigned to Air Force HQ as a different type of call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I’d learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I rather quickly found myself unassigned and drowning in free time, because HQ was much slower in kicking me out thanks to its rich bureaucratic ecosystem.

+ +

Being unassigned was deeply humiliating - and while I still had some shred of social awareness left, I wanted to do something with my time to avoid the shame. +The tables have turned, and now I wielded the subject that made me take my post seriously as my sword of defiance. I put up a virtual machine (named Greg and Larry after the Brooklyn Nine-Nine bit) and studied Linux vigorously.

+ +

By now, I quite liked Linux, but it was still an army thing - I wouldn’t go as far as to describe myself as a Linux sysadmin, or even claim it as a hobby or an interest. I had a Ubuntu install running at home for the novelty, but didn’t really use it.

+ +

I’d only chosen to study Linux because it felt slightly less oppressive than the other subjects (it is free, open source software, is it not?).

+ +

As I sank into the worst period of my life, my memory becomes blurred. I don’t quite remember if I had anything to do with Linux over the next year or so. By the time I was reassigned again to a lowly IT support post, I’d already flaunted my Linux experience - so there’s that.

+ +

Goin’ lean and mean

+

I was seriously tired as I drew into my final, year long posting. It should have been of great comfort to me that the work was lowly, uninspiring and greatly prone to technical exaggeration - I could claim the simplest 5 minutes job took me hours and no one would bat an eye.

+ +

Today, it strikes me as utterly bizarre just how much of that time I continued pouring into the Unix world, under quite dire circumstances.

+ +

Dire Circumstances +For some reason, I was booting DragonFly BSD on a different department on that Sunday morning. What was going on?

+ +

Unix projects at this time were numerous, desperate an mostly explainable even to me:

+ + + +

Aftermath

+

Upon my release, I had quite a bit of functional Linux knowledge in store, and kept tinkering and experimenting at home. Just shy of a year after my release, I landed a job as a Linux sysadmin - full time. The military gave me the stamp of society to knowledge I’ve learned almost entirely on my own, and can now claim as my profession.

+ +

When I just started my service, I proudly claimed I would never work in the IT industry - as ‘computers are lifeless and working with them is a cold, soulless job’.

+ +

I studied computers just to get past my service and escape shipping to some shithole down south - and ended up a professional just out of spite. Life really sneaks up on you.

+ +

To summarize:

+ + + +

Everything is nice. I am having fun. Life is great.

+ +

Society barges in

+ + +

Conclusion

+

Warning: the below is my personal opinion of what I know - I do not claim it to be true for everyone, everywhere.

+ +

I ended up where I am despite having no natural talent, no success and no love for the field because I like video games and maybe wanted to impress some girl I didn’t know because I was 16 and slightly stupider than today.

+ +

I did all bunch of prep stuff to get to pick my army role, which supposedly is the pathway to a career and a degree. I got good grades. I had a favorite subject. I even went to an institution-prep thing. I was drilled, instructed, trained and prepared. It had no effect whatsoever. I succeeded solely out of spite.

+ +

I got my career because I studied on my own. And, as the cherry on top, I have no hope of ever getting into the degree that teaches my field, which I already practice, unless I pay a lot of money, which I can earn by practicing the field I cannot study for. Intensely ironic.

+ +

The tests don’t mean anything. All the talk around those things is useless. Stuff happens for no reason. Most things socially demanded of you are void of substance. Don’t take it all so seriously.

+ +

Go do what you love.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/06/17a1a6ed2c077fbb4d64b57b80d89625bfdcab94aea1161e4a7155cd7cc112 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/06/17a1a6ed2c077fbb4d64b57b80d89625bfdcab94aea1161e4a7155cd7cc112 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..53ecaf8 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/06/17a1a6ed2c077fbb4d64b57b80d89625bfdcab94aea1161e4a7155cd7cc112 @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"@

My favorite streaming service (Primephonic) was bought by Apple, declaring imminent shutdown. +Naturally, I switched to Apple’s platform ready to be all condenscending, when it immidiately suggested one of my favorites - Mozart’s 20th piano concerto (K466, in D Minor) brilliantly performed by Seong-Jin Cho.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/09/4454b25e08daeadd28e670e7447482ddcf454343388d0f4d765c930f8e7910 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/09/4454b25e08daeadd28e670e7447482ddcf454343388d0f4d765c930f8e7910 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..678caea --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/09/4454b25e08daeadd28e670e7447482ddcf454343388d0f4d765c930f8e7910 @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ +I"

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+ +

Maunga Taranaki +Sunset at Maunga Taranaki, North Island, Aotearoa New Zealand

+ +

To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the ‘big trip’ mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.

+ +

I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.

+ +

The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.

+ +

I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.

+ +

On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.

+ +

So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.

+ +

I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.

+ +

The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.

+ +

Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/0d/89c964c377aad19a1179194b1f2bf81f1beb25b21e6493c7374e9ca28306ec b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/0d/89c964c377aad19a1179194b1f2bf81f1beb25b21e6493c7374e9ca28306ec new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cd4a53b --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/0d/89c964c377aad19a1179194b1f2bf81f1beb25b21e6493c7374e9ca28306ec @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"l

Maunga Taranaki

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My favorite streaming service (Primephonic) was bought by Apple, declaring imminent shutdown. +Naturally, I switched to Apple’s platform ready to be all condenscending, when it immidiately suggested one of my favorites - Mozart’s 20th piano concerto (K466, in D Minor) brilliantly performed by Seong-Jin Cho.

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Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home.

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All Posts

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It’s always the same. +A quiet, mysterious opening, slowly picking up intensity and volume. +Growing louder and louder, increasing in complexity - new sounds slowly file in. +And somehow, it snuck up on you - you’re bathed in symphonic might, overflowing with emotion. +It’s the Bruckner symphony.

+ +

I’ve come to hear the music of Anton Bruckner when following the path of Mahler, and the two do share many similarities - both hail from the proud German-Austrian traditions of Romantic music, and both brought the symphony to previously unforeseen scale. Their music, however, remains quite different.

+ +

Anton Bruckner’s symphonies are massive in scale, sound and length - Bruckner often repeats himself, and the tempo is quite slow. Somewhat unusually, they all share a very similar structure and even orchestration - Bruckner had a style and he stuck to it.

+ +

Earlier in my classical journey, I was drawn to fast, virtuousic music - and so did not dwell long on Bruckner. As I grew into more diverse style, Bruckner crept up on me.

+ +

If you can spare the attention span to listen to him, you will be richly rewarded.

+ +

I’ve read online somewhere that ‘Bruckner is not to be understood - but to be experienced’.

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His works are extremely rich in texture - the orchestra does not remain idle, and there’s always something going on - the whispering of a wind instrument, low hums of strings, ringing brass. There’s always an atmosphere to decipher, continuously building up and growing bigger, bolder.

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And when you reach the core of each phrase, you are surrounded with pure, clean emotion.

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And while it may sound all very conservative, Bruckner has some surprisingly modern tricks up his sleeve. He is not afraid to suddenly ditch pleasant tonality, rise suddenly in volume and force, and change the mood at a whim. The third symphony is a good example of this - even relatively early, it sounds very different from a conservative Classical era symphony.

+ +

Bruckner was a devout Catholic and an organist, and even though music historians complain that “Bruckner the man has very little to do with Bruckner the composer”, I can hear these influences in his music. There’s always a divine aura to the symphonies, and if you close your eyes, at times you can almost imagine sitting afoot a massive organ, awed by its sound. At other times, it sounds like something of a movie soundtrack, whether released today or in the last decade. Finally, if you’re not aware, you’ll be caught of guard with much more colorful modern maneuvers.

+ +

Anton’s music contrasts greatly with many of my favorites - Brahms being particularly different. Where Brahms uses the orchestra in moderation, and constructs powerful and sudden phrases with sudden might - Bruckner builds up the entire orchestra. It also greatly differs from the music of Mahler, who saw Bruckner as a contemporary (and said of him he is a “Half simpleton, half God”) - Mahler’s vast symphonic scale is fickle and intense, while Bruckner’s is restrained and carefully presented. The music of both is amongst the mightiest I’ve ever heard.

+ +

Nowadays, I really enjoy listening to Bruckner - it’s somewhat of a break from the rest of the music into the familiar structure of his symphonies - which never fail to awe me in their unique voice.

+ +

Just listen to the Adagio of the sixth and see if it does not touch something within your soul.

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I heartily recommend giving the 3rd, 4th, 6th, and 7th symphonies an attentive listen.

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It’s always the same. +A quiet, mysterious opening, slowly picking up intensity and volume. +Growing louder and louder, increasing in complexity - new sounds slowly file in. +And somehow, it snuck up on you - you’re bathed in symphonic might, overflowing with emotion. +It’s the Bruckner symphony.

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Classical season has started earlier this month, and I’ve been having a blast - attending two concerts, as well as a rehearsal - which have all been outstanding. As awesome as those have been, tonight has been particularly spectacular - I had the great priviledge of inviting my parents to listen as well.

+ +

I’ve known for some time experiencing classical live is a big part of it, but it’s amazing just how much of an impact it’s had on my journey in such a short time - even recordings I already know and love sound totally different!

+ +

Classical’s Not Dead - It’s Edgier Than Ever!

+

The programme this year is about bringing unique, less-often performed pieces to the public - and while I don’t know how objectively true that is, it’s certainly been quite spicy.

+ +

The opening was a performance of Tchaikovsky’s brilliant Violin Concerto (played by Joshua Bell), and no other than the (allegedly) riot-inducing Rite Of Spring by Stravinsky.

+ +

Now, the violin concerto is a piece I really like (and as I’ve learned, many people of the public and music students strongly dislike), and it was a heartfelt, lively performance followed by a tasty encore of the first of Chopin’s nocturnes (on violin! I didn’t know that was a thing!). While savouring the joy of hearing this familiar piece, I inevitably fell to smugness ( this can’t get better ) and was completely blindsided by The Rite of Spring.

+ +
+

It began while I sat in the hall during the break - I love watching the players warm up and trill - when they rolled in the gong.

+
+ +

That’s right - The Gong.

+ +

It. Was. Unbelievable.

+ +

From the strange, entrancing call of the basoon, the sudden harsh growling of the strings laced with tense pizicatto, to one of my new favourite bits of music - the gong.

+ +

The gong-man just smacks it and the concert hall bows to submit, heraled by the LOUD cry of strings and wind - absolutely mesmerizing!

+ +

The room quivered with power and emotion like I’ve never felt by any work of art.

+ +

On my way out, I heard a mother asking her teenage son what he thought of the Rite of Spring.

+ +

‘The opening was good’, he condescendingly ruled.

+ +

You don’t know where it’s at, kid!

+ +

Tchaikovski and Chill

+

The next endeavour was a public rehearsel of Tchakovski’s magnificent Fourth Symphony, which has always been one of my very favourites. All the players, as well as the conductor, just waltzed in with their jeans and flip-flops and played the hell out of that symphony.

+ +

Hearing a piece I am deeply familiar with was really exciting, and digging into it with the conductor’s corrections was even better.

+ +

I learned a lot by how he corrects the orchestra - you’re not rising smoothly here, going too fast there, and suddenly seeing it improve was eye opening.

+ +

It was also amusing listening to the complaints of my neighbours (It’s too long! why are they rehearsing for so long!, Oh, look, it’s going to get loud, he’s bringing in the cymbals!).

+ +

To top it off, since the concert hall is near my work place, I got some time to go photograph pigeons in that nice fountain and drink green tea. Really helped process things.

+ +

Classical: Next Generation

+

Finally, tonight me and my folks went to hear another concert.

+ +

The day had all the makings of disaster spelled all over it: both my folks were busy beforehand (lil’ bro won an award! yay!), I dragged them out too early (no regrets), and the pieces to be played were particularly spicy which my father tends to dislike (describing them as white-hot combs searing into the flesh). We hear Ligetti’s Atmospheres, Bartok’s Viola Concerto and of course, Tchaikovski’s magnifienct fourth. I didn’t spoil anything!

+ +

Things went… far better than expected.

+ +

The conductor (charismatic Lahav Shani) promptly explained the concept behind Ligetti’s piece - playing all of the sounds at once and using them to manipulate mood - which helped it ‘click’ both for me and my folks. It was a slower piece, and I expected them to be disappointed - only to be suprised to find them pleased.

+ +
+

It wasn’t comby at all! it makes sense! it’s really cool!

+ +
+ +

Bartok’s Viola concerto was a stellar performance by Pinchas Zuckerman, and it was amazing to see both my folks suddenly intrigued at the edge of their seats

+
+

It’s so beautiful!

+ +
+ +

But much like Stravinsky did to Tchakovski, Tchaikovski did tonight to Bartok - The fourth symphony ticked all my boxes. It was rich, passionate, exciting - it was the sypmhony at it’s best. I listened to it with my eyes watering, and my parents were sucked right in. Their eyes lit up like I haven’t seen in a good while.

+ +

They each told me they’ve never been to a concert before, and if it weren’t for me they likely would not have gone. Tonight, I was able to give them something back, and share a great passion of mine with them - and see it really connect. I’ll never forget this feeling.

+ +

Both have eagerly expressed will to go again, but even if this was a one time thing - I’m overjoyed I was able to give a little something back.

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!(Maunga Taranaki)[https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/assets/aotearoa/long_white_cloud.jpg] +Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the ‘big trip’ mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.

+ +

I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.

+ +

The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.

+ +

I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.

+ +

On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.

+ +

So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.

+ +

I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.

+ +

The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.

+ +

Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.

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Those Roman dudes were pretty cool actually

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+

In progress

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+ +

Following the great sweep of symphonic pieces I have heard thanks to the Philharmonic’s season opening, I find myself straying back to one of my favourites subgenres of classical music - the string quartet. A successful spin of the great classic tradition, I feel the string quartet embodies the best classical has to offer in a unique, heartfelt form.

+ +

As I likely mentioned before, I feel at home listening to symphonies. However, a symphony can feel overwhelming - overflowing with emotion, volume and texture. For me, that’s when the quartets come in.

+ +

I find string quartets fascinating because, to me, they represent about as close as you can get to mainstream music from the classical realm. I like to think of quartets (and their cousins, the quintets and sextets) not unlike a band - a few players with their instruments playing a smaller scale of music. +Coming from mainstream music, you can easily dismiss the difference between mainstream and classical sound by pointing out the orchestra (‘Well, we’re not gonna sound like that - there’s a whole bunch of players!’) or the unique instruments (no one here rocks a tuba). Quartet-wise, it can be argued that if you think of a contra bass as a big, twiddly bass guitar, you’re almost there - and now the difference in what you’re hearing is much more likely to stem from the music itself.

+ +

But what are you hearing?

+ +

The string formations restrict themselves to a single subset of classical sound - there’s string, and that’s it - in stark contrast to both the back-and-forth of strings and wind instruments often heard in symphonic works, and to the virtuousic, often brooding nature of solo piano works. There’s a certain balance that must be kept, and there’s only one type of sound to keep it with.

+ +

As a result, string quartets/quintets/sextets are often very harsh on the ear for those who are not familiar with them (and sometimes, to those who are familiar with them - Shostakovitch’s and Bartok’s quartets are prime example) - they screech, squeal and creak, unable to be disguised in the large formation of orchestras nor in the elegance of the piano. Once you surmount that initial repulsion, however, there’s something really special to be heard.

+ +

The best example of this I can think of is Dvorak’s very well known (for good reason!) quartet #12 - the American quartet. He composed it while in the United States, and listening to it instantly transports you the the States of that time - think rustic, wide open spaces, a new and optimistic world, with smidgens of Native American melodies. Dvorak pursued the Native melodies beautifully in this quartet and in his Ninth Symphony (also incredibly popular) and predicted many others will follow, which they unfortunately did not. What a shame!

+ +

String quartet 12 is the single most atmospheric piece I know.

+ +

To illustrate the difference between this form and the symphony, you can compare this quartet to Dvorak’s own ninth, which was written around a similar time and around a similar thing. Both attempt to convey the same feeling, ableit from different directions - the quartet looks inward to the new world from an European view, while the symphony looks back home to Europe ‘ from the new world ‘. The symphony is far richer - right at the opening, it conveys a deep nostalgia - and it meanders about a range of emotions until finalizing in a great triumph in the finale.

+ +

The quartet is much more gentle - the opening transports you to the wide open spaces, and it feels much as though you’re overlooking great plains and rolling hills. Rather than expoding with sudden intensity as the symphony does, the mood in the quartet rises and falls much more gradually.

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I am a symphonic person. There’s no denying it - I’m gobsmacked by sweeping orchestral manuevers. Romantic symphonies, such as Brahms’ 4th and Tchaikovski’s 4th (both likely mentioned here already) are firmly where my tastes lay. To be a good listener, however (and to actually realise what is your ‘home ground’), I’ve heard the essentials of other types of classical as well. I still feel at home with chamber music, and a passionate string quartet never fails to sucker-punch me in the feels. And of course, I’ve heard some essentials of the solo piano - Chopin’s Nocturnes and Beethoven’s sonatas. +Franz Liszt, however, is a composer I’ve had trouble connecting with - and this enigmatic piano sonata is deep, deep piano territory. It is also one of my absolute favourites.

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Why?

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Liszt’s piano sonata is completely unlike anything I’ve ever heard before, certainly not in any string quartet. It is elaborate, mysterious, and - in my eyes - beyond sublime.

+ +

The sonata has… moods. Naturally, music has moods, yes. However, being a keen Romantic (in music and not much else), I usually have an inkling of the composer’s mood or experience when listening to a piece. This is all ground I’ve covered in the Classical Thunder post, earlier in the ramblings. As mentioned in that post, the only two composers I can think of that totally obstruct this to me are Mozart and Liszt. With Franz, however, the obscurity runs even deeper - I not only fail to understand the mood when writing the piece, but the mood stated in it as well.

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Mood.

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Liszt’s sonata is exquisitley crafted, and can be disassembled in a myraid of ways - below is my humble, uninformed, likely bluntly wrong and stupid take.

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Two moods run through the sonata.

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The Oomph

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The first - uttered with a single, suspended note, repeated and followed by a short phrase of suspended chords - feels tense, and dark. It’s not quite insidious, but it makes you hold your breath knowing something greater is about to be expressed. Sure enough, a few loud chords are uttered, and the mood quickly picks up pace, becoming faster and faster, tension rising and rising, almost disintegrating as it goes. Just when it feels like it all falls apart, the second mood bursts in.

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The Wow

+ +

The tone shifts suddenly, and immediatly slaps from being menacing to… overjoyed? +Stated relatively slowly, this rapture grows more intense, with chords hammered on the piano overpowering the notes of the melody, until reaching an overbearing, strained and emphasised joy.

+ +

This crescendo descendes to a simple, pleasant, heart-tugging melody - with sweet notes floating over the piano, as if the great tension and its’ release are finished and we are basking in the aftermath. The distance between this phrase and the suspended, thundering notes of the opening are unbelieveable.

+ +

Also, everything mention thus far happens within the first five minutes. Just so you know.

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The Cycle

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Amazingly, these two are the only moods expressed throughout the piece. This is a good 30 minutes, and Franz has drawn all his cards within five minutes. What now?

+ +

Well, the piece goes on to dance between these moods - the tense buildup to the disintegration, the rapture, the relief, and back into the tension - each revision getting more and more extreme with whatever it’s expressing. The buildup grows faster, louder, stronger, notes blurring into each other - and still distinguishable as the very first ones the sonata opens with. Conversly, the rapture grows the other way - slower, and even more refined and distinguished from its earlier revisions - with the height right about the middle of the piece. The aftermath is almost a whisper, as the listener unwinds from the second cycle.

+ +

Finally, the final third or so of the piece is approximately the previous two-thirds, repeated and dramaticized. The fast bits are breakneck speed, the rapture is fired swiftly after, and this whole cycle repeats a final time, greatly compressed and exagerated. Some alteration and variations are evident late in this final cycle in both moods, and finally - in the sonata’s dusk - we fall back to the very opening. A single, suspended note, repeated and followed by a short phrase of suspened chords.

+ +

This time, instead of picking up speed again, they dissolve - almost peacefully - and the sonata ends.

+ +

Aftermath

+ +

This sonata is amazingly succint. Moods and phrases feel familiar as they swing around, intertwine and interact, but they’re never quite clear. With both, I have a vague idea of what they’re expressing, but Liszt never quite lets you pin down where they come from, what they mean or where they lead up to. You’re confined to this small subset of emotion - and it is wrung to its core.

+ +

Liszt’s sonata is sublime, and it is fascinating to see how different pianists - one no less talented than the other - interpret this mysterious, emotional piece.

+ +

I recommened Christian Zimmerman’s recording (considered the ‘Gold Standard’), and Jorge Bolets’ recording - both are breathtaking and sound incredibly different.

+ +:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/30/bea2a044f2e1b48e1fb5d5daf440f6bc341a252d6995ad32499a6e30718763 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/30/bea2a044f2e1b48e1fb5d5daf440f6bc341a252d6995ad32499a6e30718763 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2e16ecd --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/30/bea2a044f2e1b48e1fb5d5daf440f6bc341a252d6995ad32499a6e30718763 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"2

Origin of the Angry Piano [Beethoven]

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/39/e876422a4035a25e8d53702efbc25e4e687ae368983f5a410dc76aec409326 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/39/e876422a4035a25e8d53702efbc25e4e687ae368983f5a410dc76aec409326 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5d041c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/39/e876422a4035a25e8d53702efbc25e4e687ae368983f5a410dc76aec409326 @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"

Ruins of Cesearea +Shot with the incredible Fuji X-T30, 18-55 F2.8 Kit lens @ 55mm, F5.6

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/3e/b873756f6085752a8d8015bf387dc0589eb1338b410964d76315a4166365e3 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/3e/b873756f6085752a8d8015bf387dc0589eb1338b410964d76315a4166365e3 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..414eb06 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/3e/b873756f6085752a8d8015bf387dc0589eb1338b410964d76315a4166365e3 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"A

The Path of PC: Adulting is a Quickdraw of Arrogance

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/41/0a6a1e3e77b766f14253df389be2b8947d3ecf9e64eb540d65f8b366ee2f2b b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/41/0a6a1e3e77b766f14253df389be2b8947d3ecf9e64eb540d65f8b366ee2f2b new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2866ca8 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/41/0a6a1e3e77b766f14253df389be2b8947d3ecf9e64eb540d65f8b366ee2f2b @@ -0,0 +1,27 @@ +I"l

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the ‘big trip’ mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.

+ +

I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.

+ +

The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.

+ +

I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.

+ +

On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.

+ +

So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.

+ +

I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.

+ +

The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.

+ +

Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/41/6fc1dc12771b0d7cdfb87cecf0158edc16be36caa50942ad75ce3167da13da b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/41/6fc1dc12771b0d7cdfb87cecf0158edc16be36caa50942ad75ce3167da13da new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6e7e2e6 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/41/6fc1dc12771b0d7cdfb87cecf0158edc16be36caa50942ad75ce3167da13da @@ -0,0 +1,6 @@ +I"

The Path of the PC + Mean, Lean, Linux machine

+
+

Under review

+
+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4a/00be01066439a9422b4a45065563ed221dbea057f00cc5b9c69c44b877b639 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4a/00be01066439a9422b4a45065563ed221dbea057f00cc5b9c69c44b877b639 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5db8cd2 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4a/00be01066439a9422b4a45065563ed221dbea057f00cc5b9c69c44b877b639 @@ -0,0 +1,8 @@ +I"!

In an ironic twist of fate, all the computer knowledge I have gathered throughout the years against my better subject (and at times, against my will! yay!) has been used to create this cyberspace of my nonsense.

+ +

The pen really is mightier than the sillicon, it seems.

+ +

In this website, you (I) will find nothing but the mental chatter in my mind at a given point in time. Not all of it - that’d be disasterous - but only things that at the time seem at least somewhat worthy of… yes.

+ +

Please browse responsibly.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4b/1883aa01a5c8a21084a83127a95d13576d53d254eee9f44d7e93a9f1cca719 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4b/1883aa01a5c8a21084a83127a95d13576d53d254eee9f44d7e93a9f1cca719 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..883f180 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4b/1883aa01a5c8a21084a83127a95d13576d53d254eee9f44d7e93a9f1cca719 @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"@

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four months, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4d/62155de6e04d461513e4e4acac67f9cd874d9fe39ea4eae735d1aa250367e8 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4d/62155de6e04d461513e4e4acac67f9cd874d9fe39ea4eae735d1aa250367e8 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..03bfe8e --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4d/62155de6e04d461513e4e4acac67f9cd874d9fe39ea4eae735d1aa250367e8 @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +I"

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

Maunga Taranaki +Sunset at Maunga Taranaki, North Island, Aotearoa New Zealand

+ +

To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the ‘big trip’ mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.

+ +

I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.

+ +

The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.

+ +

I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.

+ +

On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.

+ +

So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.

+ +

I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.

+ +

The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.

+ +

Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4d/e95d0da64b259c0c75a4511c34f16843acc5f98916cb7db4fc1ebe5c7c28d5 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4d/e95d0da64b259c0c75a4511c34f16843acc5f98916cb7db4fc1ebe5c7c28d5 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..00d27d2 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4d/e95d0da64b259c0c75a4511c34f16843acc5f98916cb7db4fc1ebe5c7c28d5 @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"?

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4e/fca0d10c5feb8e9b35eb1d994f2905bb71714e6a271f511d713b539ea5faa1 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4e/fca0d10c5feb8e9b35eb1d994f2905bb71714e6a271f511d713b539ea5faa1 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2fe7794 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/4e/fca0d10c5feb8e9b35eb1d994f2905bb71714e6a271f511d713b539ea5faa1 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"

About

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/51/c7de687d093cd1411cde38af2bfdd90564b893ae07dc827fa985d2623b2ce5 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/51/c7de687d093cd1411cde38af2bfdd90564b893ae07dc827fa985d2623b2ce5 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5a96bb2 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/51/c7de687d093cd1411cde38af2bfdd90564b893ae07dc827fa985d2623b2ce5 @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +I" +

To The Last Breath: Mahler’s Symphony #9 Finale

+

Let’s get this out of the way: I don’t listen to Mahler very often.

+ +

Gustav Mahler was the very first composer I sought out and listened to on my own - not as a recommendation, nor from prior familiarity. As a fledgling classical listener, Mahler’s works blew me away by their sheer scale - I could never quite name what I’m hearing. It was pure sound, unlike anything I’d ever heard before.

+ +

As time went on, I started listening to other composers much more often, and Mahler fell out of my rotation in favor of mostly Romantic composers (namely Brahms, Tchaikovsky and Dvorak.) The sheer scale and length of his works make them difficult, for me, to listen to often.

+ +

Recently, I’ve started listening to some Mahler again, gradually and carefully - and it strikes me completely differently now as a more experienced listener.

+ +

What prompted me to write this is a particular movement I held close to my heart ever since I first heard it, at the very start of my journey into classical music - the final movement’s of the ninth symphony.

+ +

Some other title

+ +

There’s no easy way to say it -

+
+

This is a devastating piece.

+
+ +

As I’ve come to learn through my listening (and with the help of this great channel), classical music is about the emotional response. A composer has the power to directly influence your feelings through the music to a great extent - and all great composers realize this deeply and act on it.

+ +

Gustav Mahler does it like no other, and this piece does so to the greatest extent I’ve heard.

+ +

Right off the bat, the composer demands your full and utmost attention, and does not let it go. + The orchestra itself is massive in size and scale, and is constantly in motion within itself.

+ +

It all starts with a simple theme. Reminiscent of perhaps a sorrowed wail, it instantly feels drenched in sorrow. The string call out the theme, and as it fades the orchestra moves into motion in something of a big, heavy sigh.

+ +

This fatal feeling lasts throughout the orchestra, masterfully weaved with other feelings - some joy, some anger, some yearning - yet from the first note to its last, this movement feels final. This is a statement about death, and it does not let you forget this for a mere moment.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/53/043e15fcab6d6a82db3582fb5218e7e1e9e5f6b792b1c3697d01e1bd2c30fb b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/53/043e15fcab6d6a82db3582fb5218e7e1e9e5f6b792b1c3697d01e1bd2c30fb new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6ae5d98 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/53/043e15fcab6d6a82db3582fb5218e7e1e9e5f6b792b1c3697d01e1bd2c30fb @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"

Put this bugger up

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/5e/a2eb16b01bf676c579d21e55c895820a1df648ddd12f8faef414598344bd49 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/5e/a2eb16b01bf676c579d21e55c895820a1df648ddd12f8faef414598344bd49 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cd7250f --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/5e/a2eb16b01bf676c579d21e55c895820a1df648ddd12f8faef414598344bd49 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"

My latest classical endeavour is no other than Beethoven, who is unsuprisingly one of the very first composers I listened to (though not the one that brought me over - thanks, Rachmaninoff!).

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/5e/d2c0b0d670b0b93698f0eeff7761461638829b28c7f5dc158e659fefc5aad2 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/5e/d2c0b0d670b0b93698f0eeff7761461638829b28c7f5dc158e659fefc5aad2 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3f5152b --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/5e/d2c0b0d670b0b93698f0eeff7761461638829b28c7f5dc158e659fefc5aad2 @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ +I" 

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+ +

Maunga Taranaki +Sunset at Maunga Taranaki, North Island, Aotearoa New Zealand

+ +

To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the ‘big trip’ mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.

+ +

I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.

+ +

The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.

+ +

I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.

+ +

On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.

+ +

So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.

+ +

I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.

+ +

The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.

+ +

Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/5e/d3b56056798c5d5337feaa1cfda331b3ce95e5754597b642bcc6d77dbc1aad b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/5e/d3b56056798c5d5337feaa1cfda331b3ce95e5754597b642bcc6d77dbc1aad new file mode 100644 index 0000000..66d6118 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/5e/d3b56056798c5d5337feaa1cfda331b3ce95e5754597b642bcc6d77dbc1aad @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"<

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/60/5d45b6f0a427aca6e6fe675d4ba61174734a8c2a3acc7535fc903105d400cb b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/60/5d45b6f0a427aca6e6fe675d4ba61174734a8c2a3acc7535fc903105d400cb new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8af2c0e --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/60/5d45b6f0a427aca6e6fe675d4ba61174734a8c2a3acc7535fc903105d400cb @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +I"

Maunga Taranaki +Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/61/291d54163f5cbe45710c0233738296ef0ce55c7e5df45a314137f1f0b09739 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/61/291d54163f5cbe45710c0233738296ef0ce55c7e5df45a314137f1f0b09739 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dbc2105 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/61/291d54163f5cbe45710c0233738296ef0ce55c7e5df45a314137f1f0b09739 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"

The String Quartet

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/63/22bd3bf9dae34ce4dfe4af6bc6254becf2ac25529af8a004843c1a607964ff b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/63/22bd3bf9dae34ce4dfe4af6bc6254becf2ac25529af8a004843c1a607964ff new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9405387 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/63/22bd3bf9dae34ce4dfe4af6bc6254becf2ac25529af8a004843c1a607964ff @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +I"

!(Maunga Taranaki)[https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/assets/aotearoa/long_white_cloud.jpg] +Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/64/19ecee5cbd1f08cf5a8592493c3b7f9266895c59c4f4039e2e210af7f7875f b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/64/19ecee5cbd1f08cf5a8592493c3b7f9266895c59c4f4039e2e210af7f7875f new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e6d2a9b --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/64/19ecee5cbd1f08cf5a8592493c3b7f9266895c59c4f4039e2e210af7f7875f @@ -0,0 +1,6 @@ +I"4

It’s always the same. +A quiet, mysterious opening, slowly picking up intensity and volume. +Growing louder and louder, increasing in complexity - new sounds slowly file in. +And somehow, it snuck up on you - you’re bathed in symphonic might, overflowing with emotion. +It’s the Bruckner symphony.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6a/91833559bee6dfeb526338be2d3162169bbb20660c58b75414e569c9842bdb b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6a/91833559bee6dfeb526338be2d3162169bbb20660c58b75414e569c9842bdb new file mode 100644 index 0000000..aa9149d --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6a/91833559bee6dfeb526338be2d3162169bbb20660c58b75414e569c9842bdb @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"/

Going Big with Bruckner [Bruckner]

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6b/6028c21e50bc494885973d262ef5b0d0c885500f6cfc83142295b3015cd85b b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6b/6028c21e50bc494885973d262ef5b0d0c885500f6cfc83142295b3015cd85b new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3fada6e --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6b/6028c21e50bc494885973d262ef5b0d0c885500f6cfc83142295b3015cd85b @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +I"5
+

In progress

+
+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6c/6f36f1786505f50aa129dcac8341999c75e73106262b7ed6ef11c08d3b2cad b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6c/6f36f1786505f50aa129dcac8341999c75e73106262b7ed6ef11c08d3b2cad new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a705c76 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6c/6f36f1786505f50aa129dcac8341999c75e73106262b7ed6ef11c08d3b2cad @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I".

Classical Thunder [Mozart, Liszt]

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6d/611e9ba69d85502946155f310a54f8eb40daa9be9f9840e4fd5c1312bc6350 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6d/611e9ba69d85502946155f310a54f8eb40daa9be9f9840e4fd5c1312bc6350 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..aeb3a9e --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/6d/611e9ba69d85502946155f310a54f8eb40daa9be9f9840e4fd5c1312bc6350 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"?

Step Into The Void: Liszt’s Piano Sonata [Liszt]

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/78/05af75b5cacf50e1f3389f7cb1e2c69f1d574d73a1da70c5e636d80aececab b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/78/05af75b5cacf50e1f3389f7cb1e2c69f1d574d73a1da70c5e636d80aececab new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ae6fba --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/78/05af75b5cacf50e1f3389f7cb1e2c69f1d574d73a1da70c5e636d80aececab @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +I"

Welcome to Pukeko.xyz. Please enjoy this nonsense.

+ +

Thanks.

+ +

thinking_man +Do you like this kind of stuff? You won’t find it here. Go away.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/78/2278af4bb024b94102ad4279bdfe8886d05d4a21396325f767872c133781db b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/78/2278af4bb024b94102ad4279bdfe8886d05d4a21396325f767872c133781db new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d5c061e --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/78/2278af4bb024b94102ad4279bdfe8886d05d4a21396325f767872c133781db @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +I"S

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/7a/769deb8ecdc3cf61414439413de71bf1203c7d7fcabf70cc9d20afb9e0f998 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/7a/769deb8ecdc3cf61414439413de71bf1203c7d7fcabf70cc9d20afb9e0f998 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3e6ed9d --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/7a/769deb8ecdc3cf61414439413de71bf1203c7d7fcabf70cc9d20afb9e0f998 @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ +I"

Maunga Taranaki

+ +

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the ‘big trip’ mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.

+ +

I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.

+ +

The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.

+ +

I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.

+ +

On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.

+ +

So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.

+ +

I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.

+ +

The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.

+ +

Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/7f/ee7e7c9ef8a26f9c310f6fa7c8fbb9c76176d25d6d6353b95c037a52d8d28f b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/7f/ee7e7c9ef8a26f9c310f6fa7c8fbb9c76176d25d6d6353b95c037a52d8d28f new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e4f6214 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/7f/ee7e7c9ef8a26f9c310f6fa7c8fbb9c76176d25d6d6353b95c037a52d8d28f @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"

To The Last Breath: Mahler’s Symphony #9 Finale

+

Let’s get this out of the way: I don’t listen to Mahler very often.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/81/90e4c14ccce0564658c61db059ffbb836a1cedb140b7372bd3ae7d11160c00 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/81/90e4c14ccce0564658c61db059ffbb836a1cedb140b7372bd3ae7d11160c00 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5d041c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/81/90e4c14ccce0564658c61db059ffbb836a1cedb140b7372bd3ae7d11160c00 @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"

Ruins of Cesearea +Shot with the incredible Fuji X-T30, 18-55 F2.8 Kit lens @ 55mm, F5.6

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/85/283a4152829fc20884665bbbe865ff98fe9b0d0d44416f2219a2a48fde464a b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/85/283a4152829fc20884665bbbe865ff98fe9b0d0d44416f2219a2a48fde464a new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ef769f --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/85/283a4152829fc20884665bbbe865ff98fe9b0d0d44416f2219a2a48fde464a @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"

What happened in Italy?

+

Today I succumbed yet again to one of the most steadfast pieces in my arsenal - Mendelssohn’s magnificent Italian Symphony (Op. 90, in A).

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/96/abb7b354f5a20a8a6f2735e44c94573e2093ad81ad0b4d01caedf214f19d0b b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/96/abb7b354f5a20a8a6f2735e44c94573e2093ad81ad0b4d01caedf214f19d0b new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6e7e2e6 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/96/abb7b354f5a20a8a6f2735e44c94573e2093ad81ad0b4d01caedf214f19d0b @@ -0,0 +1,6 @@ +I"

The Path of the PC + Mean, Lean, Linux machine

+
+

Under review

+
+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/9a/429e1b5424557e72cc93a2055518dfbf4e86a7aad20a781f0ebaa4b669caa7 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/9a/429e1b5424557e72cc93a2055518dfbf4e86a7aad20a781f0ebaa4b669caa7 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6983a3d --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/9a/429e1b5424557e72cc93a2055518dfbf4e86a7aad20a781f0ebaa4b669caa7 @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"'

I am a symphonic person. There’s no denying it - I’m gobsmacked by sweeping orchestral manuevers. Romantic symphonies, such as Brahms’ 4th and Tchaikovski’s 4th (both likely mentioned here already) are firmly where my tastes lay. To be a good listener, however (and to actually realise what is your ‘home ground’), I’ve heard the essentials of other types of classical as well. I still feel at home with chamber music, and a passionate string quartet never fails to sucker-punch me in the feels. And of course, I’ve heard some essentials of the solo piano - Chopin’s Nocturnes and Beethoven’s sonatas. +Franz Liszt, however, is a composer I’ve had trouble connecting with - and this enigmatic piano sonata is deep, deep piano territory. It is also one of my absolute favourites.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/9b/64dd3811803b0c18fe8eab4314106a9eea643dfd2c72fef8732409128a3e0e b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/9b/64dd3811803b0c18fe8eab4314106a9eea643dfd2c72fef8732409128a3e0e new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cd7250f --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/9b/64dd3811803b0c18fe8eab4314106a9eea643dfd2c72fef8732409128a3e0e @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"

My latest classical endeavour is no other than Beethoven, who is unsuprisingly one of the very first composers I listened to (though not the one that brought me over - thanks, Rachmaninoff!).

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/9f/1f3683d356cbca4a2048015b52f9b92308b8b8fb6bb5de53c9f08bc5cc5215 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/9f/1f3683d356cbca4a2048015b52f9b92308b8b8fb6bb5de53c9f08bc5cc5215 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6983a3d --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/9f/1f3683d356cbca4a2048015b52f9b92308b8b8fb6bb5de53c9f08bc5cc5215 @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"'

I am a symphonic person. There’s no denying it - I’m gobsmacked by sweeping orchestral manuevers. Romantic symphonies, such as Brahms’ 4th and Tchaikovski’s 4th (both likely mentioned here already) are firmly where my tastes lay. To be a good listener, however (and to actually realise what is your ‘home ground’), I’ve heard the essentials of other types of classical as well. I still feel at home with chamber music, and a passionate string quartet never fails to sucker-punch me in the feels. And of course, I’ve heard some essentials of the solo piano - Chopin’s Nocturnes and Beethoven’s sonatas. +Franz Liszt, however, is a composer I’ve had trouble connecting with - and this enigmatic piano sonata is deep, deep piano territory. It is also one of my absolute favourites.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/a6/1e5b9b0de959442d3ef233142ed8e568d960cabd802b299ccfdcb46351121d b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/a6/1e5b9b0de959442d3ef233142ed8e568d960cabd802b299ccfdcb46351121d new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e741526 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/a6/1e5b9b0de959442d3ef233142ed8e568d960cabd802b299ccfdcb46351121d @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"

Pukeko.xyz Blog

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ac/d0191f37b1d3a1717be4347b09e02312915535b1ec4906f52379e5bcb6cf20 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ac/d0191f37b1d3a1717be4347b09e02312915535b1ec4906f52379e5bcb6cf20 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3469486 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ac/d0191f37b1d3a1717be4347b09e02312915535b1ec4906f52379e5bcb6cf20 @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +I"~

On this date, I managed to bring this site up, after many (2) attempts.

+ +

That’s it. Run along now. Shoo!

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ac/f16b0e53fb39a6594fbda5b394a3b58746fb2580fef9be3380dc426ebcc8e6 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ac/f16b0e53fb39a6594fbda5b394a3b58746fb2580fef9be3380dc426ebcc8e6 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8af2c0e --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ac/f16b0e53fb39a6594fbda5b394a3b58746fb2580fef9be3380dc426ebcc8e6 @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +I"

Maunga Taranaki +Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ae/62a4240167c84199cf7eea52c65ae1a1e6a99ca89d96d62edd4d2afbd1fa2f b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ae/62a4240167c84199cf7eea52c65ae1a1e6a99ca89d96d62edd4d2afbd1fa2f new file mode 100644 index 0000000..18fae13 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ae/62a4240167c84199cf7eea52c65ae1a1e6a99ca89d96d62edd4d2afbd1fa2f @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"+

Classical: The Next Generation

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/b3/678b194b3b1bebae70d0e8eaf5245dff02b42e5f61fbe7d904861bea8fc259 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/b3/678b194b3b1bebae70d0e8eaf5245dff02b42e5f61fbe7d904861bea8fc259 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b8010f1 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/b3/678b194b3b1bebae70d0e8eaf5245dff02b42e5f61fbe7d904861bea8fc259 @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ +I"

Ruins of Cesearea +Shot with the incredible Fuji X-T30, 18-55 F2.8 Kit lens @ 55mm, F5.6

+ +

The ol’ family and I traveled to Jerusalem and Cesearea this week, so I can feel like a tourist again. +Harkening back to my tourist days, I recalled the somber words of an Australian father down in Tasmania, after I expressed my wonder at the scope of domestic travel availble to Aussies. +“We’ve got things to see, sure, but in Israel, you have such history!”

+ +

And boy howdy, do we now.

+ +

We went into the Westren Wall tunnels, a destination that (amazingly!) not one of the dozen or so institutions that dragged me to there bothered letting us into. +That bit outside? it’s nice. But there’s a nicer bit inside!

+ +

As it turns out, the actual Jerusalem lies a good few meters under the ground, and the Muslim empires that came after the Romans simply raised the whole gosh darn city to be even with this massive temple complex. Has not a single school, course, government or military institution thought to mention this awesome fact?

+ +

Deep inside, there’s a surreal women’s shul (Yes, I know this word now), and below it is the single biggest stone of the wall - which weights (or so the guide claimed) like approximately 60 African Elephants - about 3 meters deep, 14 meters wide and 3 meters tall. And on it, you can still see the chisel marks from Herod’s stonemasons. 2000 year old chisel marks! that’s history right there, folks!

+ +

There’s even a fraction of authentic Jerusalem street buried underneath (yes, the Muslims just… built right on top of it. Mind boggling.).

+ +

Old Temple era Jerusalem street +It just keeps going on top! How has no one told me this??

+ +

That whole complex was so god darn massive, in fact, the Romans themselves (they really did go on for quite a bit, didn’t they) failed to destroy it after the Jewish Bar Kochva rebellion - yes, there’s also that bit. Slightly less awesome.

+ +

That same crazy Herod (why is it Herod in English?) went on, or perhaps came from - I didn’t do my reasearch - the northen city of Cesearea, named after… the cesear [note: this is intensely ironic in today’s political climate). What can I say, it seems like they had a chill hangout spot back then.

+ +

Roman-style pillar in Cesearea +Hardly anything like this lying around Tassie, is there?

+ +

In Cesearea, I discovered several things:

+ +
    +
  1. +

    Whoever’s in charge of Israel’s national parks has no aesthetic sensitivity whatsoever (see garbage can in image below)

    +
  2. +
  3. +

    Hadera’s famous Wieners, Cesearea and the bunch of those Kibbutzes are within spitting distance, and I should really get around to studying geography

    +
  4. +
  5. +

    Those Romans knew how to have a good time.

    +
  6. +
+ +

Hadera's Wieners and Herod's Wieners +Old & New in Cesearea. Can you see the garbage bin?

+ +

As I stood there gazing at King Herod’s mighty vacation palace sinking in the sea, I could not help but wonder - is there any point aside from having a good time?

+ +

Herod's Vacation Palace +I’d go for a swim.

+ +

I’d like to imagine Herod as a smug bastard sitting in that pool (yes, it is a pool) enjoying a nice glass of Roman wine, and that really helps.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/b4/59605094c3c425b65eec42942d101625edcb7e3a9a7d2a88c67bcccbe59176 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/b4/59605094c3c425b65eec42942d101625edcb7e3a9a7d2a88c67bcccbe59176 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9342364 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/b4/59605094c3c425b65eec42942d101625edcb7e3a9a7d2a88c67bcccbe59176 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I";

Classical season has started earlier this month, and I’ve been having a blast - attending two concerts, as well as a rehearsal - which have all been outstanding. As awesome as those have been, tonight has been particularly spectacular - I had the great priviledge of inviting my parents to listen as well.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/bb/841cc704450e7d3a2d22cc0c25fe0e0cce45988c4dde714d75364a9264c917 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/bb/841cc704450e7d3a2d22cc0c25fe0e0cce45988c4dde714d75364a9264c917 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2805126 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/bb/841cc704450e7d3a2d22cc0c25fe0e0cce45988c4dde714d75364a9264c917 @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +I" +

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four months, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+ +

Maunga Taranaki +Sunset at Maunga Taranaki, North Island, Aotearoa New Zealand

+ +

To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the ‘big trip’ mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.

+ +

I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.

+ +

The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.

+ +

I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.

+ +

On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.

+ +

So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.

+ +

I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.

+ +

The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.

+ +

Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/bc/7b758cdcd043476941748ec38b56bc0ddf915ad0f470bf00799cca473b5911 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/bc/7b758cdcd043476941748ec38b56bc0ddf915ad0f470bf00799cca473b5911 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..74c1233 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/bc/7b758cdcd043476941748ec38b56bc0ddf915ad0f470bf00799cca473b5911 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"

Classical Ramblings

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/c5/8d7edd61d05118ef94872cdb4a7c9cc3014f28f7e60a4f09ca7702f3bdc7c7 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/c5/8d7edd61d05118ef94872cdb4a7c9cc3014f28f7e60a4f09ca7702f3bdc7c7 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3fada6e --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/c5/8d7edd61d05118ef94872cdb4a7c9cc3014f28f7e60a4f09ca7702f3bdc7c7 @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +I"5
+

In progress

+
+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/c8/46573e4cd7152e23b1d8a1d13fc043392f4f14b422351ecbb84f10e128a7bf b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/c8/46573e4cd7152e23b1d8a1d13fc043392f4f14b422351ecbb84f10e128a7bf new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8c9bd37 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/c8/46573e4cd7152e23b1d8a1d13fc043392f4f14b422351ecbb84f10e128a7bf @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"H

It’s Pretty, Without The Shouting [Mendelssohn, Schubert]

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d0/6756ce9a853d948b92767fb0467e21977dbad3d32003a59e59325582c82238 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d0/6756ce9a853d948b92767fb0467e21977dbad3d32003a59e59325582c82238 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ef69824 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d0/6756ce9a853d948b92767fb0467e21977dbad3d32003a59e59325582c82238 @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +I"

Maunga Taranaki +Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the ‘big trip’ mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.

+ +

I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.

+ +

The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.

+ +

I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.

+ +

On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.

+ +

So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.

+ +

I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.

+ +

The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.

+ +

Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d2/aadd87c0e528988f8c0eebe69e959ed7a82ee1badcd8c3980bf62eb6645537 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d2/aadd87c0e528988f8c0eebe69e959ed7a82ee1badcd8c3980bf62eb6645537 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f605739 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d2/aadd87c0e528988f8c0eebe69e959ed7a82ee1badcd8c3980bf62eb6645537 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"T

On this date, I managed to bring this site up, after many (2) attempts.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d2/b98fb53714f23cc0aa7b0ad6dbf910dd537237d7debe818a142590a322b992 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d2/b98fb53714f23cc0aa7b0ad6dbf910dd537237d7debe818a142590a322b992 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..eacf343 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d2/b98fb53714f23cc0aa7b0ad6dbf910dd537237d7debe818a142590a322b992 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"

Travel

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d2/e3f7f67cb73f6453727e6e3a7238302678e149b782a56eaf68f8480756067f b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d2/e3f7f67cb73f6453727e6e3a7238302678e149b782a56eaf68f8480756067f new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4ebc210 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d2/e3f7f67cb73f6453727e6e3a7238302678e149b782a56eaf68f8480756067f @@ -0,0 +1,36 @@ +I"b

What happened in Italy?

+

Today I succumbed yet again to one of the most steadfast pieces in my arsenal - Mendelssohn’s magnificent Italian Symphony (Op. 90, in A).

+ +

Mendelssohn was a composer I stumbled about quite in random, largely due to me initally dismissing him as an ordinary, classical era composer in the shadow of Beethoven. It was actually his string quartets I first stumbled upon (the greatly atypical sixth, Op 80 in F minor). At the time I was discovering Dvorak’s masterful, explosive string quartets, and Mendelssohn blindsided me. I kept listening to the rest of the quartets, followed by the piano concerti - at this point already a keen listener.

+ +

Mendelssohn is greatly restrained in comparison to my top picks at the time (and now, I guess) - including Mahler, Tchaikovski, Brahms, and - as mentioned - Dvorak. However, I found great elegance in his work - it is always interesting, balanced, pleasant to listen to and thought-provoking.

+ +

Then, I found his symphonies. Monikered simply as ‘Italian’, Felix’s fourth seems, on paper, like a by-the-book classical era symphony - 30 minutes long, major key, with the classical structure:

+
    +
  1. Dramatic, fast-tempo opening
  2. +
  3. Slower, brooding movement
  4. +
  5. Minuet/Trio dance movement
  6. +
  7. REALLY fast, REALLY dramatic finisher
  8. +
+ +

Smitten with big, LOUD symphonies, I listened to it out of curiosty.

+ +

I don’t know what happened to Felix in Italy, but something was going on in there. Supposedly a simple representaion of Italy and its people, the fourth is incredibly rich - vibrant, fast and colorful. It manages to provoke strong emotion (listen to the coda of the first movement, and the opening of the fourth), and inspire imagination. Just listen to the second movement - you instantly feel as in the Italian Alps! how does one convey this with a set of notes this effectively? +I’ve never been to the Italian Alps in person, but I feel like I’ve been now!

+ +

Likewise, if I sit in a quiet room and listen attentively to the sixth quartet, I’ll likely choke up with grief - and all done without the excessive yelling that often applies Romantic pieces (close to no yelling at all, really). Mendelssohn walks the line between Classic and Romantic perfectly, strongly conveying what he felt with elegant, precise compositions.

+ +

I initally scoffed at biographies of Felix comparing him to Mozart as yet another child prodigy classical genius, but I gladly stand corrected- there’s undeniable genius in the harmony of Felix’s works.

+ +

The Swan Song of Franz Schubert

+ +

Another composer that does this wonderfully is the oft-neglected Franz Schubert. +In the resources I used to discover classical music, Schubert was often hailed for his genius, yet did not seem as famous, as talented or as interesting as his peers. I didn’t pursue Franz’s works for a good while, but find myself coming back to them.

+ +

His fifth symphony (D.485, in B flat major) is the very first non-yeller I’ve really enjoyed listening to. Schubert does to Brahms what Brahms does to Mahler - if you compare Brahms’ fourth with Schubert’s fifth (or even ninth), there’s a lot less going on, and it’s going much slower - but manages to say just as much. Schubert’s music is understated, and stands solely on the strength of the composition - there’s no massive orchestration, no jaw-dropping crescendos - simply good, passionate music.

+ +

And while Mendelssohn’s compostions are, to me, immediatly Mendelssohn-i, I feel a stroke of genuis runs through each Schubert’s works, not yet fully discovered and realized - I just can’t put my finger on it. I find his String Quintet (D.956, in C major) and his Eighth, unfinished symphony (D.759, in B minor) particularly magical. +Schubert’s music is also surprisingly imaginitve - there’s a great difference between his ominous unfinished symphony and his playful, colorful Trout quintet and Swan Song in the string quintet.

+ +

It’s great to have some choices I can listen to at home or at work with people around without fearing heavy judgement - there’s nothing not to like about both of these composer’s incredible works.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d7/9606c9dffa519203dc672ead74ab097eb168d108fcec198c3d87d0e412275a b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d7/9606c9dffa519203dc672ead74ab097eb168d108fcec198c3d87d0e412275a new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9342364 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/d7/9606c9dffa519203dc672ead74ab097eb168d108fcec198c3d87d0e412275a @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I";

Classical season has started earlier this month, and I’ve been having a blast - attending two concerts, as well as a rehearsal - which have all been outstanding. As awesome as those have been, tonight has been particularly spectacular - I had the great priviledge of inviting my parents to listen as well.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e3/b0c44298fc1c149afbf4c8996fb92427ae41e4649b934ca495991b7852b855 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e3/b0c44298fc1c149afbf4c8996fb92427ae41e4649b934ca495991b7852b855 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e135808 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e3/b0c44298fc1c149afbf4c8996fb92427ae41e4649b934ca495991b7852b855 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I" +:EF \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e3/b47d90fcb712eb2d9c2ed09e328f6381cf3ad9b6c8a71d17ba319757fd5844 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e3/b47d90fcb712eb2d9c2ed09e328f6381cf3ad9b6c8a71d17ba319757fd5844 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..aa28feb --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e3/b47d90fcb712eb2d9c2ed09e328f6381cf3ad9b6c8a71d17ba319757fd5844 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"

LerLer

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e4/30b2423584b6be1f7a2fc24f51a9bfdfc82f91b9359edcdfa4369b0039d29b b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e4/30b2423584b6be1f7a2fc24f51a9bfdfc82f91b9359edcdfa4369b0039d29b new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6a01d3a --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e4/30b2423584b6be1f7a2fc24f51a9bfdfc82f91b9359edcdfa4369b0039d29b @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I">

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometer journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e9/a850823e0190581a932344b62b0954c2f3a13b58b081af60ade31b0bccde57 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e9/a850823e0190581a932344b62b0954c2f3a13b58b081af60ade31b0bccde57 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9405387 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/e9/a850823e0190581a932344b62b0954c2f3a13b58b081af60ade31b0bccde57 @@ -0,0 +1,5 @@ +I"

!(Maunga Taranaki)[https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/assets/aotearoa/long_white_cloud.jpg] +Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ec/48c87a217eeb882a4b360b4d94c9896882a39d56a1692063ded55d5516a51d b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ec/48c87a217eeb882a4b360b4d94c9896882a39d56a1692063ded55d5516a51d new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d5c061e --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ec/48c87a217eeb882a4b360b4d94c9896882a39d56a1692063ded55d5516a51d @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +I"S

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my 36 hour, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home. +Aotearoa New Zealand.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ee/7af0bd38e5b2e7c148332f5ea62603ed1db65b57c4372e353104d3a1f5c9df b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ee/7af0bd38e5b2e7c148332f5ea62603ed1db65b57c4372e353104d3a1f5c9df new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6be7c7f --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ee/7af0bd38e5b2e7c148332f5ea62603ed1db65b57c4372e353104d3a1f5c9df @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"

Aotearoa

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/f4/9b0822183b7d8ee248fdf9604baf2de724620ddb9d1fc90996d50eed05c7e7 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/f4/9b0822183b7d8ee248fdf9604baf2de724620ddb9d1fc90996d50eed05c7e7 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ef769f --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/f4/9b0822183b7d8ee248fdf9604baf2de724620ddb9d1fc90996d50eed05c7e7 @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"

What happened in Italy?

+

Today I succumbed yet again to one of the most steadfast pieces in my arsenal - Mendelssohn’s magnificent Italian Symphony (Op. 90, in A).

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/f9/43640d7b29960cc7ccdf31679c560f88cf855d9142d48505c4149e180dc515 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/f9/43640d7b29960cc7ccdf31679c560f88cf855d9142d48505c4149e180dc515 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f605739 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/f9/43640d7b29960cc7ccdf31679c560f88cf855d9142d48505c4149e180dc515 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"T

On this date, I managed to bring this site up, after many (2) attempts.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/f9/80888d541d038f03d3ca726440ee25bb5227d18ab771255ed403816e2e75f3 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/f9/80888d541d038f03d3ca726440ee25bb5227d18ab771255ed403816e2e75f3 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b090104 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/f9/80888d541d038f03d3ca726440ee25bb5227d18ab771255ed403816e2e75f3 @@ -0,0 +1,25 @@ +I"

My favorite streaming service (Primephonic) was bought by Apple, declaring imminent shutdown. +Naturally, I switched to Apple’s platform ready to be all condenscending, when it immidiately suggested one of my favorites - Mozart’s 20th piano concerto (K466, in D Minor) brilliantly performed by Seong-Jin Cho.

+ +

On the 3rd or 4th listen within that week (I really like that piece), Mozart’s brilliant capacity for classical thunder struck me - not dissimilar to a solo on a Rock/Punk/Metal piece. Sure, it takes it much more time to get there, but Mozart gets seriously intense. It’s odd to think about it, but I feel like today’s musical ‘ hooks ‘ as they are called have clearly existed that far back - listen to how the opening grips you!

+ +

Another thing that listening to Mozart always makes me think is how alien his music feels compared to… most everyone else really. Listening to Beethoven, for example (including the sonatas I mention earlier), I feel like I have a pretty good idea of how he felt when writing them - I often stop at a particular phrase thinking ‘Who pissed ya off, Ludvig?’.

+ +

Most other Romantic composers I enjoy listening to share this trait - Tchaikovski in particular really bleeds out his soul for you (The fourth symphony’s second movements and the piano trio’s first are my favorite examples of this), while even in Brahms’ more restrained music you can feel the underlying emotional currents (think about the yearning in his 4th symphony, and the lonesome sighs of the Clarinet in his Clarinet Quintet).

+ +

But Mozart?

+ +

You’re chilling and your room and… What exactly do you have to feel to craft something as elaborate, as specific (though not any less intense or passionate) as the 20th concert, or the 40th symphony?

+ +

I’ve only found this alien aspect in one other composer so far - Franz Liszt. +Another of the pieces suggested was Liszt’s amazing Piano Sonata (S178, in B minor) - which is one of the most unique pieces I’ve ever heard. It’s starkly different from other piano sonatas I know - I remember listening to it the first time and feeling profoundly confused. It felt like an erratic, show off piece. But after finally stomaching it after a few listens, it suddenly revealed it self as carefully, elegantly structured - there’s definetly something organized going on here which I can’t grasp.

+ +

It is however, quite mad - phrases are intense, sporadic, and very virtousic. At times it feels almost random, but always circles back and finds itself. I can’t think of another piece that makes me feel the same way.

+ +

This time around, I heard Khatia Buniatshvilli’s performance - which I was very glad to find, since her Rachmanninof performances are amongst my favorites. +I’ve heard quite a few performers tackle this unique piece (first by Benjamin Grosevener, followed by Marhta Argerich and Krystian Zimerman, all stunning reneditions), and Khatia’s differs from them greatly. Benjamin’s is very technical, and precise, while Khatia flows with strong emotions - Virtuosic phrases are played with an even faster tempo than called for (!), and then rumble and die down amongst themselves, notes intertwining yet never lost, finally faltering almost to a whisper - uttered softly on the piano. It’s an unbelieveable performance for an intese piece of music.

+ +

And just like with Mozart, I have absolutely no idea what does one have to feel to construct something as crafted, as mysterious, as that sonata. Liszt had also worked on it for a long time (unlike Mozart churned them out pretty quickly), so whatever it is he felt has been laying around there for a good while.

+ +

One of the most gratifying experiences I have while listening to classical is experiencing both of these things - an intense, unexpected crescendo in an awe-inspiring piece. For once, I feel like not fully-understanding these pieces help bring out just how brilliant they are, and how enriching.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/fb/6024cea0a6988d72797a2cefda1d7fd4384bbf35770583d0401eb6e8ad9976 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/fb/6024cea0a6988d72797a2cefda1d7fd4384bbf35770583d0401eb6e8ad9976 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cd4a53b --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/fb/6024cea0a6988d72797a2cefda1d7fd4384bbf35770583d0401eb6e8ad9976 @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +I"l

Maunga Taranaki

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/fd/224d6872d3887c48d9357218ec613b7c07d625a0eaac8e3d60a0d97100f555 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/fd/224d6872d3887c48d9357218ec613b7c07d625a0eaac8e3d60a0d97100f555 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..883f180 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/fd/224d6872d3887c48d9357218ec613b7c07d625a0eaac8e3d60a0d97100f555 @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +I"@

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four months, 55,000 kilometers journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ff/40cee084f730e9c19c65bbd54b9f135f752e8974839305a91a0aaca6054632 b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ff/40cee084f730e9c19c65bbd54b9f135f752e8974839305a91a0aaca6054632 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d968c48 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/.jekyll-cache/Jekyll/Cache/Jekyll--Converters--Markdown/ff/40cee084f730e9c19c65bbd54b9f135f752e8974839305a91a0aaca6054632 @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ +I"

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometer journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+ +

Maunga Taranaki +Sunset at Maunga Taranaki, North Island, Aotearoa New Zealand

+ +

To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the ‘big trip’ mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.

+ +

I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.

+ +

The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.

+ +

I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.

+ +

On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.

+ +

So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.

+ +

I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.

+ +

The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.

+ +

Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.

+:ET \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/404.html b/jekyll/404.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..086a5c9 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/404.html @@ -0,0 +1,25 @@ +--- +permalink: /404.html +layout: default +--- + + + +
+

404

+ +

Page not found :(

+

The requested page could not be found.

+
diff --git a/jekyll/Gemfile b/jekyll/Gemfile new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6d5ab76 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/Gemfile @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +source "https://rubygems.org" +# Hello! This is where you manage which Jekyll version is used to run. +# When you want to use a different version, change it below, save the +# file and run `bundle install`. Run Jekyll with `bundle exec`, like so: +# +# bundle exec jekyll serve +# +# This will help ensure the proper Jekyll version is running. +# Happy Jekylling! +gem "jekyll", "~> 4.2.0" +# This is the default theme for new Jekyll sites. You may change this to anything you like. +gem "minima", "~> 2.5" +# If you want to use GitHub Pages, remove the "gem "jekyll"" above and +# uncomment the line below. To upgrade, run `bundle update github-pages`. +# gem "github-pages", group: :jekyll_plugins +# If you have any plugins, put them here! +group :jekyll_plugins do + gem "jekyll-feed", "~> 0.12" +end + +# Windows and JRuby does not include zoneinfo files, so bundle the tzinfo-data gem +# and associated library. +platforms :mingw, :x64_mingw, :mswin, :jruby do + gem "tzinfo", "~> 1.2" + gem "tzinfo-data" +end + +# Performance-booster for watching directories on Windows +gem "wdm", "~> 0.1.1", :platforms => [:mingw, :x64_mingw, :mswin] + diff --git a/jekyll/Gemfile.lock b/jekyll/Gemfile.lock new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0d61e6b --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/Gemfile.lock @@ -0,0 +1,80 @@ +GEM + remote: https://rubygems.org/ + specs: + addressable (2.7.0) + public_suffix (>= 2.0.2, < 5.0) + colorator (1.1.0) + concurrent-ruby (1.1.7) + em-websocket (0.5.2) + eventmachine (>= 0.12.9) + http_parser.rb (~> 0.6.0) + eventmachine (1.2.7) + ffi (1.14.2) + forwardable-extended (2.6.0) + http_parser.rb (0.6.0) + i18n (1.8.5) + concurrent-ruby (~> 1.0) + jekyll (4.2.0) + addressable (~> 2.4) + colorator (~> 1.0) + em-websocket (~> 0.5) + i18n (~> 1.0) + jekyll-sass-converter (~> 2.0) + jekyll-watch (~> 2.0) + kramdown (~> 2.3) + kramdown-parser-gfm (~> 1.0) + liquid (~> 4.0) + mercenary (~> 0.4.0) + pathutil (~> 0.9) + rouge (~> 3.0) + safe_yaml (~> 1.0) + terminal-table (~> 2.0) + jekyll-feed (0.15.1) + jekyll (>= 3.7, < 5.0) + jekyll-sass-converter (2.1.0) + sassc (> 2.0.1, < 3.0) + jekyll-seo-tag (2.7.1) + jekyll (>= 3.8, < 5.0) + jekyll-watch (2.2.1) + listen (~> 3.0) + kramdown (2.3.0) + rexml + kramdown-parser-gfm (1.1.0) + kramdown (~> 2.0) + liquid (4.0.3) + listen (3.3.3) + rb-fsevent (~> 0.10, >= 0.10.3) + rb-inotify (~> 0.9, >= 0.9.10) + mercenary (0.4.0) + minima (2.5.1) + jekyll (>= 3.5, < 5.0) + jekyll-feed (~> 0.9) + jekyll-seo-tag (~> 2.1) + pathutil (0.16.2) + forwardable-extended (~> 2.6) + public_suffix (4.0.6) + rb-fsevent (0.10.4) + rb-inotify (0.10.1) + ffi (~> 1.0) + rexml (3.2.3) + rouge (3.26.0) + safe_yaml (1.0.5) + sassc (2.4.0) + ffi (~> 1.9) + terminal-table (2.0.0) + unicode-display_width (~> 1.1, >= 1.1.1) + unicode-display_width (1.7.0) + +PLATFORMS + x86_64-linux-musl + +DEPENDENCIES + jekyll (~> 4.2.0) + jekyll-feed (~> 0.12) + minima (~> 2.5) + tzinfo (~> 1.2) + tzinfo-data + wdm (~> 0.1.1) + +BUNDLED WITH + 2.2.2 diff --git a/jekyll/_config.yml b/jekyll/_config.yml new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d6867a4 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_config.yml @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ +# Welcome to Jekyll! +# +# This config file is meant for settings that affect your whole blog, values +# which you are expected to set up once and rarely edit after that. If you find +# yourself editing this file very often, consider using Jekyll's data files +# feature for the data you need to update frequently. +# +# For technical reasons, this file is *NOT* reloaded automatically when you use +# 'bundle exec jekyll serve'. If you change this file, please restart the server process. +# +# If you need help with YAML syntax, here are some quick references for you: +# https://learn-the-web.algonquindesign.ca/topics/markdown-yaml-cheat-sheet/#yaml +# https://learnxinyminutes.com/docs/yaml/ +# +# Site settings +# These are used to personalize your new site. If you look in the HTML files, +# you will see them accessed via {{ site.title }}, {{ site.email }}, and so on. +# You can create any custom variable you would like, and they will be accessible +# in the templates via {{ site.myvariable }}. + +title: Pukeko.xyz Blog +email: matanhorovitz@protonmail.com +description: >- # this means to ignore newlines until "baseurl:" + I have no idea what I'm doing. +#baseurl: "" # the subpath of your site, e.g. /blog +url: "https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz" # the base hostname & protocol for your site, e.g. http://example.com +#twitter_username: pukeko +#github_username: pukeko + +# Build settings +theme: minima +#plugins: +# - jekyll-feed +# Exclude from processing. +# The following items will not be processed, by default. +# Any item listed under the `exclude:` key here will be automatically added to +# the internal "default list". +# +# Excluded items can be processed by explicitly listing the directories or +# their entries' file path in the `include:` list. +# +# exclude: +# - .sass-cache/ +# - .jekyll-cache/ +# - gemfiles/ +# - Gemfile +# - Gemfile.lock +# - node_modules/ +# - vendor/bundle/ +# - vendor/cache/ +# - vendor/gems/ +# - vendor/ruby/ diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.RYOdeP-koCnJq b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.RYOdeP-koCnJq new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5a8de7d --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.RYOdeP-koCnJq @@ -0,0 +1,224 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "The Path of PC: Adulting is a Quickdraw of Arrogance" +category: [Lerler] +date: 2021-09-16 22:33:00 +0200 +--- + +![The Path of the PC](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/path-of-pc.jpg) + *Mean, Lean, Linux machine* +> Under review + + +I'm currently in a phase of life rife with decision - where would I live? what would I do? what drives me in life? +As I sink (characteristically for me, far far too deep) into these questions, there's a certain inert arrogance to the process I find I can't stand. +What does that mean? + +There's a form for everything. Every path you take presents you with a list of demands, definitions and some deep-rooted philosophy aimed at picking the absolute best for you. +I think of these things very seriously, until suddenly reckoning with my own professional path thus far. + +At this point, I dare call myself a Linux Sysadmin by trade, albeit a novice. I have a steady, long term job, a unique set of skills, interesting employment prospects and a clear career path, just shy of 24. +Sounds nice, doesn't it? I answered the demands, fit with the definitions, and think in that same deep-rooted philosophy as the path I've chosen. + +Only I... don't. In this latest Ler, I'll make a case (for myself mostly) on how all this mumbled flurry means nothing, and people end where they are by chance, by prejudice, or by the mere entropy of the universe. I'll present this using the path I went with to start this career: the path of the PC. + +# I Like Video Games. +Always did. Still do. + +As a kid (of around 8? can't quite say) I received my grandparents' old hand-me-down hunk of junk excusing a PC, which was the very first machine I personally owned. + +I remember absolutely nothing of this system - only the grey, plasticy China made chassis and the loud whir of the HDDs, likely added to this memory much later. I played simple, 2D or web games on it on occasion, and life was good, I guess. + +As a fourth grader abroad, our family shared the latest-tech laptop, which I remember more firmly - it was a big, black, shiny plastic HP which that got seriously hot without one of these lap cooler-fan things. It had a fingerprint reader (which we were **demanded* not to use because none of us could understand it) and we played Runescape on it for *way* too many hours. By the time nothing but its' long dead husk was around, I knew enough to retroactively recall it as a Windows Vista machine, and that's about it. + +For my Bar Mitzvah, I received the first proper PC I ever had, and was becoming aware of what it is, what's inside and how it works. It was a Core i5 650 - first generation Core! with maybe 4GB of RAM, some cheap Chinese power supply, that default black InWin ATX Chassis, and Nvidia's not-latest-and-really-not-greatest GT610. Even *that* early on, the GT did not make it long - more on that later. + +By that point I started picking up some serious 3D gaming - games actually installed on your machine! I remember some Dawn of War RTS, some Age of Empires II and even Minecraft. Within a year or so, I dared my first technical feat with it: overclocking. + +# I Like Computer Hardware. +Thinking about it today, it's amazing to realize I attempted overclocking at all, and twice as amazing to realize I did it responsibly, and have never fried, force shutdown'd or (seriously) harmed a computer. I started raising the clockspeed and voltage of that old yeller, which quickly entailed my first hardware upgrade - a new CPU cooler! (the budget CoolerMaster Evo 212). + +Me and my already disgruntled dad disassembled the whole thing, put on a backplate and even put it back together, only to put in the motherboard front chassis pings wrong, screw up the booting and ask dad's computer technician friend for help. I wouldn't be too upset to make that mistake today - those are ferocious little buggers! + +Later on, father went off to the United States, and with the very first of my summer job savings I asked him for a new GPU - the GTX 650Ti. I already had the i5 650 running a full Ghz ahead of spec, with a higher base clock to boot. As time went by I bought the GTX 760, alongside the oldest part still in my machine today - the Seasonic SSP-RT 550 Gold PSU - to support it. Now I had some ragtag rig and started proper gaming. This was the very first computer I *made* and planned, and upgraded, and much of my hardware knowledge today stems from those days. + +# I Like Building Computers. +![First Build](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/first-build.jpg) + I was *really* excited about all those bits and pieces in a proper motherboard + +Some years later, the 650 was becoming unbearably slow, which is when I went for my first full upgrade - the i5 4670K, with 8GB of budget Corsair XMS3 1600Mhz RAM, a too-expensive Z-series Gaming motherboard, and a grey metal ATX Corsair Chassis. The core of that computer is now my little brother's, alive and kicking!. + +I sank into another round of overclocking - receiving a subpar sample just shy of the mythical 4.4Ghz (from 3.8). + +This is when things began to get wild. + +![First Build Pic](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/first-build-pic.jpg) +This picture, from late 2015, is about the point I was first *proud* of something I planned and assembled + +# Going Monkey +By this point, I started referring to myself as a *hardware monkey*, already realizing I fail to understand the intricacy of computers, but can sure as hell beat the shit out of them with voltage and cooling. I got a **massive** water cooler (an Arctic double-thick 240mm, which was cheap and quickly disappeared from the market) - so big I had to sandwich two of the fans outside the computer! + +![Hardware Monkey](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/hardware-monkey-closeup.jpg) +Younger me had no shame - only determination. Bigger, Faster, Stronger! + +I got the cooler solely for overclocking, and was disappointing when it: +- Failed to deliver better clocks (hard lesson in the 'Silicon Lottery' there) +- Died within a year (it was the pump, and no other such cooler existed ever again) + +Before the water cooler leaked its soul back to its lord, there was - you guessed it - yet another upgrade. This time, it was my wisest purchase as a hardware monkey - the R9 390, bought with the explicit intention to undervolt it. + +![Always On Top!](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/always-on-top.jpg) + Things got pretty messy at times + +# Cooling? I'm a fan! +That's right - I bought a part intending to modify it, and it worked out far, far better than I deserve. + +The R9 390, then relatively cheap despite sporting more powerful hardware than the competing GTX 970, was a brilliant purchase - I quickly got it down from 275 Watts to 140, as well as running it about 10% faster. It is now almost six years old and still serving me wonderfully. + +![Drunk Undervolt](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/drunk-undervolt.jpg) +Naturally, I took the GPU apart at some point. + +To this day, I am far to aware of minute details about cooling fans entirely at fault of this episode. + +![Ooh, Shiny!](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/gpu-shiny.jpg) +I came looking for thermals, and I found... Indium? + +Here, drunk with my undervolt's success, my smug character struck me down in perhaps the worst fashion I would ever be struck down in my life. I was being processed for the military, and the the ripe age of 16 and a half I was sat down in Tel Hashomer, where a pretty, bored soldier asked me what I do. + +# I Build Computers. + +"I build computers", I answered smugly, perhaps aiming to impress her. These memories are heavily repressed. + +"So like coding?" was her bored reply. + +Back in those days, I was (and still am, to a degree) wary of realist professions, chiefly including maths and coding. + +" *Noooooooooo hu hoooo*", I replied. "I do NOT know coding". + +Naturally, she sent me off to communications, which drafted me after some testing as a ***Computer Systems Infrastructure Manager***. I am **absolutely certain** I failed those tests spectacularly, despite it being vehemently denied throughout my service. + +To this day, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Perhaps I would have been better off. Perhaps it saved me from much worse misery, and maybe I owe much of my good fortune to that misunderstanding. + +# Monkey Meets Penguin +I did take my assigned role very seriously, and one of the most important steps was then taken - I bought a Raspberry Pi (2, model B - which only died last year!). + +![Raspberry Pi 2 Model B](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/raspi2b.jpg) +I took this picture to show all my friends how awesome this little 25$ computer is. I'm still blown away!. + +This was my first contact with Linux - a field previously unknown and unrelated. +I can only guess whether I'd have stumbled onto Linux on my own, but I'm grateful for it either way - it's been an unstoppable force in my career and greatly accelerated my hobby. + +Similar experiences of my peers suggest I would never have encountered it on my own, but I'm certainly unwilling to give the military credit. + +So where was I going with this? +Right, the Linuxing. + +# The Linuxing + +Right after boot camp, I was enrolled in the Communication Corps' supposedly top-tier computing course. We were often told we were picked out *'from the top 10% of many thousands of applicants'*. + +Well, I'll put it bluntly - I failed the course quite miserably. It was deeply centered around programming (in *PowerShell of all things!*) and very specific technologies no junior sysadmin has any business of knowing. + +I have yet to use MongoDB in my career. Is it great? probably. Is it absolutely essential for a new army recruit? probably not. + +Now, the fact that I failed did not come as a surprise. Within the first week I became acutely aware of this scenario, and within the first month (out of five) I was certain I'd fail quite a few subjects. +My worsening mental health was falsely attributed (by me, as well as my commanders) to these uninspiring results. + +> You're giving up on yourself! + +I was told constantly, by both commanders and - at times - peers. I never felt this way, and told them as such. My talents lay elsewhere - so I'll focus on those rather than programming, and that's just fine and dandy. + +> If you fail any subject, you'll fail the course! you're giving up on yourself! + +By this point, I became engrossed in Linux (and, I'll shamefully admit, Windows and VMWare - don't judge!), and accepted failure as the price of fluency. I was down on my luck and I stuck to my strengths, despite greatly increasing threats from command staff to flunk me to a shaming service of (gasp!) IT support personnel. This happened anyway, but never mind. + +The big day came around - I was tested in PowerShell, my worst subject and greatest nemesis. After a great deal of effort and much consideration from my commanders, I achieved a brilliant score of 21 points out of 100. + +And you know what? they said I passed the course. And I wasn't surprised. + +Even as a lean, green army recruit, I called them out on their bluff. + +So what was it all for? it was arbitrary. The requirements were arbitrary, the subjects were arbitrary, my talents were arbitrary and I passed... arbitrarily. + +Still had a great time with my Raspberry Pi, though. + +![It Lives! It Lives!](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/pi-more-boots.jpg) +It lives! It lives! + +# The Linuxing! +Where were we? + +My first post was as a call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I'd learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I was rather quickly reassigned to Air Force HQ as a different type of call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I'd learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I rather quickly found myself unassigned and drowning in free time, because HQ was much slower in kicking me out thanks to its rich bureaucratic ecosystem. + +Being unassigned was deeply humiliating - and while I still had some shred of social awareness left, I wanted to do something with my time to avoid the shame. +The tables have turned, and now I wielded the subject that made me take my post seriously as my sword of defiance. I put up a virtual machine (named *Greg and Larry* after the Brooklyn Nine-Nine bit) and studied Linux vigorously. + +By now, I quite liked Linux, but it was still an army thing - I wouldn't go as far as to describe myself as a Linux sysadmin, or even claim it as a hobby or an interest. I had a Ubuntu install running at home for the novelty, but didn't really use it. + +I'd only chosen to study Linux because it felt slightly less oppressive than the other subjects (it is *free*, open source software, is it not?). + + +As I sank into the worst period of my life, my memory becomes blurred. I don't quite remember if I had anything to do with Linux over the next year or so. By the time I was reassigned again to a lowly IT support post, I'd already flaunted my Linux experience - so there's that. + +# Goin' *lean* and *mean* +I was seriously *tired* as I drew into my final, year long posting. It should have been of great comfort to me that the work was lowly, uninspiring and greatly prone to technical exaggeration - I could claim the simplest 5 minutes job took me hours and no one would bat an eye. + +Today, it strikes me as utterly bizarre just how much of that time I continued pouring into the Unix world, under quite dire circumstances. + +![Dire Circumstances](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/dragonnight-bsd.jpg) +For some reason, I was booting DragonFly BSD on a different department on that Sunday morning. What was going on? + +Unix projects at this time were numerous, desperate an mostly explainable even to me: + +- I re-purposed an *extremely* old, useless server (dual core, 256MB of RAM) as a FreeBSD machine, aiming to run it as a Chess server +- I gathered dozens of old 1TB drives and tested how violently I could erase them using said server and much worse machines, often on the floor of the storage room +- I put aside a perfectly good computer in a special spot in our 'lab' and dedicated it entirely to testing exotic Linux distros, under various false pretenses +- I booted a specially formatted, carefully considered and fully encrypted Linux install in places I had no business booting Linux in for the sole purpose of gaming at night. The machines assembled for this were irrational, monstrous anomalies of human engineering. +- I carried around a Linux laptop and did a bunch of things with it all while checking just *where* I could get coverage. +- At my commander's request, I created a series of Unix lectures which were quite good, I think. Obviously never got to use them, but kept researching long after things dropped. +- I tried my hand at C and Python. It was bad. +![I am the night](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/sbaseship.jpg) +Late nights with no commanders around were a frenzy of strange Unix abominations + +# Aftermath +Upon my release, I had quite a bit of functional Linux knowledge in store, and kept tinkering and experimenting at home. Just shy of a year after my release, I landed a job as a Linux sysadmin - full time. The military gave me the stamp of society to knowledge I've learned almost entirely on my own, and can now claim as my profession. + +When I just started my service, I proudly claimed I would *never* work in the IT industry - as '*computers are lifeless and working with them is a cold, soulless job*'. + +I studied computers just to get past my service and escape shipping to some shithole down south - and ended up a professional **just out of spite**. Life really sneaks up on you. + +To summarize: + +- I like computer games +- I bought a computer to make games faster +- I bought and installed part to make games faster +- I messed around with the parts to make games faster +- I bought parts that would allow me to buy parts that I could mess around with to make games faster + +Everything is nice. I am having fun. Life is great. + +**Society barges in** +- I said something stupid because I was 16 +- Instantly deemed a coder despite all evidence to the contrary +- Realize I hate IT +- I failed coding and infrastructure training because I am not a coder and hate IT +- I was still assigned to an IT role +- It was bad and I got pissed +- Learned IT out of spite + + +# Conclusion +Warning: the below is my personal opinion of what I know - I do not claim it to be true for everyone, everywhere. + + +I ended up where I am despite having no natural talent, no success and no love for the field because I like video games and maybe wanted to impress some girl I didn't know because I was 16 and slightly stupider than today. + + +I did all bunch of prep stuff to get to pick my army role, which supposedly is the pathway to a career and a degree. I got good grades. I had a favorite subject. I even went to an institution-prep thing. I was drilled, instructed, trained and prepared. It had no effect whatsoever. I succeeded solely out of spite. + +I got my career because I studied on my own. And, as the cherry on top, I have no hope of ever getting into the degree that teaches my field, which I already practice, unless I pay a lot of money, which I can earn by practicing the field I cannot study for. Intensely ironic. + + +The tests don't mean anything. All the talk around those things is useless. Stuff happens for no reason. Most things socially demanded of you are void of substance. Don't take it all so seriously. + +Go do what you love. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.VTiiwh-O82fUX b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.VTiiwh-O82fUX new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0a1c1e2 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.VTiiwh-O82fUX @@ -0,0 +1,160 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "The Path of PC: Adulting is a Quickdraw of Arrogance" +category: [Lerler] +date: 2021-09-16 22:33:00 +0200 +--- + +![The Path of the PC](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/path-of-pc.jpg) + *Mean, Lean, Linux machine* +> In Progress + + +I'm currently in a phase of life rife with decision - where would I live? what would I do? what drives me in life? +As I sink (characteristically for me, far far too deep) into these questions, there's a certain inert arrogance to the process I find I can't stand. +What does that mean? + +There's a form for everything. Every path you take presents you with a list of demands, definitions and some deep-rooted philosophy aimed at picking the absolute best for you. +I think of these things very seriously, until suddenly reckoning with my own professional path thus far. + +At this point, I dare call myself a Linux Sysadmin by trade, albeit a novice. I have a steady, long term job, a unique set of skills, interesting employment prospects and a clear career path, just shy of 24. +Sounds nice, doesn't it? I answered the demands, fit with the definitions, and think in that same deep-rooted philosophy as the path I've chosen. + +Only I... don't. In this latest Ler, I'll make a case (for myself mostly) on how all this mumbled flurry means nothing, and people end where they are by chance, by prejudice, or by the mere entropy of the universe. I'll present this using the path I went with to start this career: the path of the PC. + +# I Like Video Games. +Always did. Still do. + +As a kid (of around 8? can't quite say) I received my grandparents' old hand-me-down hunk of junk excusing a PC, which was the very first machine I personally owned. + +I remember absolutely nothing of this system - only the grey, plasticy China made chassis and the loud whir of the HDDs (which was likely added to this memory much later). I played simple, 2D or web games on it on occasion, and life was good, I guess. + +As a fourth grader abroad, our family shared the then-latest laptop, which I remember more firmly - a big, shiny black plastic HP which was seriously hot without one of these lap cooler-fan things. It had a fingerprint reader (which we were demanded not to use) and we played Runescape on it for too many hours, likely the cause of my need for glasses today. When it's long dead husk was around, I knew enough to retroactively recall it as a Windows Vista machine, and that's it. + +For my Bar Mitzvah, I received the first proper PC I ever had, and was becoming aware of what it is, what's inside and how it works. It was a Core i5 650 - first generation Core! with maybe 4GB of RAM, some cheap Chinese power supply, that default black InWin ATX Chassis, and Nvidia's not-latest-and-really-not-greatest GT610. Even *that* early on, the GT did not make it long - more on that later. + +By that point I started picking up some serious 3D gaming - games actually installed on your machine! I remember some Dawn of War RTS, some Age of Empires II and even Minecraft. Within a year or so, I dared my first technical feat with it: overclocking. + +# I Like Computer Hardware. +I only recently realized I do things with much more intensity than most - at each turn of my journey, people are always surprised by the depth and intensity of my knowledge in the field (yes, yes, r/Iamverysmart - my mistakes were colossal to match, and I was just as stupid, do not worry). Thinking about it today, it's amazing to realize I attempted overclocking at all, and twice as amazing to realize I did it responsibly, and have never fried, force shutdown'd or (seriously) harmed a computer. I started raising the clockspeed and voltage of that old yeller, which quickly entailed my first hardware upgrade - a new cooler (the budget CoolerMaster Evo 212 - still in service!). Me and my already disgruntled dad disassembled the whole thing, put on a backplate and even put it back together, only to put in the motherboard front chassis pings wrong, screw up the booting and ask dad's friend for help. I wouldn't be too upset to make that mistake today - those are ferocious little buggers! + +A few months later, father went off to the United States, and with the very first of my summer job savings I asked him for a new GPU - the GTX 760. I already had the i5 650 running a full Ghz ahead of spec, with a higher base clock to boot. Very shortly after, to support the new GPU, I bought the oldest part still in my machine today - the Seasonic SSP-RT 550 Gold PSU - and now I had some ragtag rig and started proper gaming. This was the very first computer I *made* and planned, and most of my hardware knowledge today stems from those days. + +# I Like Building Computers. +![First Build](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/first-build.jpg) + I was *really* excited about all those bits and pieces in a proper motherboard + +Some years later, the 650 was becoming unbearably slow, which is when I went for my first full upgrade - the i5 4670K, with 8GB of budget Corsair XMS3 1600Mhz RAM and a likely overly expensive Z-series Gaming motherboard, and a grey metal ATX Corsair Chassis. The core of that computer is now my little brother's, alive and kicking. I sank into another round of overclocking - receiving a subpar sample just shy of the mythical 4.4Ghz (from 3.8). +This is when things began to get wild. + +![First Build Pic](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/first-build-pic.jpg) +This picture, from late 2015, is about the point I was first *proud* of something I planned and assembled + +# Going Monkey +By this point, I started referring to myself as a *hardware monkey*, already realizing I fail to understand the intricacy of computers, but can sure as hell beat the shit out of them with voltage and cooling. A mere year after the upgrade, I got a **massive** water cooler (an Alpine double-thick 240mm, which was cheap and quickly disappeared from the market) - so big I had to sandwich two of the fans outside the computer! + +![Hardware Monkey](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/hardware-monkey.jpg) +Younger me had no shame - only determination. Bigger, Faster, Stronger! + +I got the cooler only for overclocking, and was disappointing when it: +- Failed to deliver better clocks (hard lesson in the 'Silicon Lottery' there) +- Died within a year (it was the pump, and no other such cooler existed ever again) + +Before the water cooler leaked its soul back to its lord, there was - you guessed it - yet another upgrade. This time, it was my wisest purchase as a hardware monkey - the R9 390, bought with the intention to undervolt it. + +![Always On Top!](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/always-on-top.jpg) + Things got pretty messy at times + +# Cooling? I'm a fan! +That's right - I bought a part intending to modify it, and it worked out far, far better than I deserve. + +The R9 390, then relatively cheap despite more powerful hardware, was a brilliant purchase - I quickly got it down from 275 Watts to 140. It is now almost six years old and is still serving me wonderfully. + +![Drunk Undervolt](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/drunk-undervolt.jpg) +Naturally, I took the GPU apart shortly after. + +Drunk with the undervolt's success, that whole stint led me to thinking about *efficiency*, rather than just going big and loud. To this day, I am far to aware of minute details about cooling fans entirely at fault of this episode. + +![Ooh, Shiny!](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/gpu-shiny.jpg) +I came looking for thermals, and I found... Indium? + +Here, my smug character struck me down in perhaps the worst fashion I would ever be struck down in my life. I was being processed for the military, and the the ripe age of 16 and a half I was sat down in Tel Hashomer, where a pretty, bored soldier asked me what I do. + +# I Build Computers. + +"I build computers", I answered smugly, perhaps aiming to impress her. I do not remember - these memories are heavily repressed. + +"So like coding?" was her bored reply. + +Back in those days, I was (and still am, to a degree) wary of realist professions, cheifly including maths and coding. + +" *Noooooooooo hu hoooo*", I replied. "I do NOT know coding". + +Naturally, she sent me off to communications, which drafted me after some testing (which I am **absolutely certain** I failed spectacularly, despite it being vehemently denied throughout my service) as a ***Computer Systems Infrastructure Manager***. + +> In all the lerring I've spewed thus far, this is my first piece of evidence against the rat race - I built computers to add more anti-aliasing to my games, and they made me a *sysadmin*. + +To this day, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Perhaps I would have been better off. Perhaps it saved me from much worse misery, and maybe I owe much of my good fortune to that misunderstanding. + +My point still stands - how is it okay for me to not know whether my current profession is a misunderstaning? + +# Monkey Meets Penguin +I did take my assigned role very seriously, and one of the most important steps was then taken - I bought a Raspberry Pi (2, model B - which only died last year!). + +![Raspberry Pi 2 Model B](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/raspi2b.jpg) +I took this picture to show all my friends how awesome this little 25$ computer is. I'm still blown away!. + +This was my first contact with Linux - a field previously unknown and unrelated. +I can only guess whether I'd have stumbled onto Linux on my own, but I'm grateful for it either way - it's been an unstoppable force in my career and greatly accelerated my hobby. + +Similar experiences of my peers suggest I would never have encountered it on my own, but I'm certainly unwilling to give the military credit. + +So where was I going with this? +Right, the Linuxing. + +# The Linuxing + +Right after boot camp, I was enrolled in the Communication Corps' supposedly top-tier computing course. We were often told we were picked out *'from the top 10% of many thousands of applicants'*. + +Well, I'll put it bluntly - I failed the course quite miserably. It was deeply centered around programming (in *PowerShell of all things!*) and very specific technologies no junior sysadmin has any business of knowing. + +I have yet to use MongoDB in my career. Is it great? probably. Is it absolutely essential for a new army recruit? probably not. + +Now, the fact that I failed did not come as a surprise. Within the first week I became acutely aware of this scenario, and within the first month (out of five) I was certain I'd fail quite a few subjects. +My worsening mental health was falsely attributed (by me, as well as my commanders) to these uninspiring results. + +> You're giving up on yourself! + +I was told constantly, by both commanders and - at times - peers. I never felt this way, and told them as such. My talents lay elsewhere - so I'll focus on those rather than programming, and that's just fine and dandy. + +> If you fail any subject, you'll fail the course! you're giving up on yourself! + +By this point, I became engrossed in Linux (and, I'll shamefully admit, Windows and VMWare - don't judge!), and accepted failure as the price of fluency. I was down on my luck and I stuck to my strengths, despite greatly increasing threats from command staff to flunk me to a shaming service of (gasp!) IT support personnel. This happened anyway, but never mind. + +The big day came around - I was tested in PowerShell, my worst subject and greatest nemesis. After a great deal of effort and much consideration from my commanders, I achieved a brilliant score of 21 points out of 100. + +And you know what? they said I passed the course. And I wasn't surprised. + +Even as a lean, green army recruit, I called them out on their bluff. + +So what was it all for? it was arbitrary. The requirements were arbitrary, the subjects were arbitrary, my talents were arbitrary and I passed... arbitrarily. + +Still had a great time with my Raspberry Pi, though. + +![It Lives! It Lives!](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/pi-more-boots.jpg) +It lives! It lives! + +# The Linuxing! +Where were we? + +My first post was as a call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I'd learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I was rather quickly reassigned to Air Force HQ as a different type of call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I'd learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I rather quickly found myself unassigned and drowning in free time, because HQ was much slower in kicking me out thanks to its rich bureaucratic ecosystem. + +Being unassigned was deeply humiliating - and while I still had some shred of social awareness left, I wanted to do something with my time to avoid the shame. +The tables have turned, and now I wielded the subject that made me take my post seriously as my sword of defiance. I put up a virtual machine (named *Greg and Larry* after the Brooklyn Nine-Nine bit) and studied Linux vigorously. + +By now, I quite liked Linux, but it was still an army thing - I wouldn't go as far as to describe myself as a Linux sysadmin, or even claim it as a hobby or an interest. I had a Ubuntu install running at home for the novelty, but didn't really use it. + +I'd only chosen to study Linux because it felt slightly less oppressive than the other subjects (it is *free*, open source software, is it not?). + + +As I sank into the worst period of my life, my memory becomes blurred. I don't quite remember if I had anything to do with Linux over the next year or so. By the time I was reassigned again to a lowly IT support post, I'd already flaunted my Linux experience - so there's that. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.fIhvaa-XicIWA b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.fIhvaa-XicIWA new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ee73613 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.fIhvaa-XicIWA @@ -0,0 +1,25 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "The String Quartet" +category: [Classical Ramblings] +date: 2021-10-26 23:15:00 +0200 +--- +> In progress + +Following the great sweep of symphonic pieces I have heard thanks to the Philharmonic's season opening, I find myself straying back to one of my favourites subgenres of classical music - the string quartet. A successful spin of the great classic tradition, I feel the string quartet embodies the best classical has to offer in a unique, heartfelt form. + +As I likely mentioned before, I feel at home listening to symphonies. However, a symphony can feel overwhelming - overflowing with emotion, volume and texture. For me, that's when the quartets come in. + +I find string quartets fascinating because, to me, they represent about as close as you can get to mainstream music from the classical realm. I like to think of quartets (and their cousins, the quintets and sextets) not unlike a band - a few players with their instruments playing a smaller scale of music. +Coming from mainstream music, you can easily dismiss the difference between mainstream and classical sound by pointing out the orchestra ('Well, we're not gonna sound like *that* - there's a whole bunch of players!') or the unique instruments (no one here rocks a tuba). Quartet-wise, it can be argued that if you think of a contra bass as a big, twiddly bass guitar, you're *almost* there - and now the difference in what you're hearing is much more likely to stem from the music itself. + +But what are you hearing? + +The string formations restrict themselves to a single subset of classical sound - there's string, and that's it - in stark contrast to both the back-and-forth of strings and wind instruments often heard in symphonic works, and to the virtuousic, often brooding nature of solo piano works. There's a certain balance that must be kept, and there's only one type of sound to keep it with. + +As a result, string quartets/quintets/sextets are often *very* harsh on the ear for those who are not familiar with them (and sometimes, to those who ***are*** familiar with them - Shostakovitch's and Bartok's quartets are prime example) - they screech, squeal and creak, unable to be disguised in the large formation of orchestras nor in the elegance of the piano. Once you surmount that initial repulsion, however, there's something really special to be heard. + +The best example of this I can think of is Dvorak's *very* well known (for good reason!) quartet #12 - the American quartet. He composed it while in the United States, and listening to it instantly transports you the the States of that time - think rustic, wide open spaces, a new and optimistic world, with smidgens of Native American melodies. Dvorak pursued the Native melodies beautifully in this quartet and in his Ninth Symphony (also incredibly popular) and predicted many others will follow, which they unfortunately did not. What a shame! + +String quartet 12 is the single most atmospheric piece I know. + diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.gEstPp-hdLetF b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.gEstPp-hdLetF new file mode 100644 index 0000000..864a74b --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.gEstPp-hdLetF @@ -0,0 +1,27 @@ +# To The Last Breath: Mahler's Symphony #9 Finale +Let's get this out of the way: I don't listen to Mahler very often. + +Gustav Mahler was the very first composer I sought out and listened to on my own - not as a recommendation, nor from prior familiarity. As a fledgling classical listener, Mahler's works blew me away by their sheer scale - I could never quite name what I'm hearing. It was pure *sound*, unlike anything I'd ever heard before. + +As time went on, I started listening to other composers much more often, and Mahler fell out of my rotation in favor of mostly Romantic composers (namely Brahms, Tchaikovsky and Dvorak.) The sheer scale and length of his works make them difficult, for me, to listen to often. + + +Recently, I've started listening to some Mahler again, gradually and carefully - and it strikes me completely differently now as a more experienced listener. + +What prompted me to write this is a particular movement I held close to my heart ever since I first heard it, at the very start of my journey into classical music - the final movement's of the ninth symphony. + +## Some other title + +There's no easy way to say it - +> This is a ***devastating*** piece. + + As I've come to learn through my listening (and with the help of [this great channel](https://www.insidethescore.com/)), classical music is about the emotional response. A composer has the power to directly influence your feelings through the music to a great extent - and all great composers realize this deeply and act on it. + + Gustav Mahler does it like no other, and this piece does so to the greatest extent I've heard. + + Right off the bat, the composer demands your full and utmost attention, and does not let it go. + The orchestra itself is massive in size and scale, and is constantly in motion within itself. + + It all starts with a simple theme. Reminiscent of perhaps a sorrowed wail, it instantly feels drenched in sorrow. The string call out the theme, and as it fades the orchestra moves into motion in something of a big, heavy sigh. + + This *fatal* feeling lasts throughout the orchestra, masterfully weaved with other feelings - some jo \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.mzpiFn-tSAbJ7 b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.mzpiFn-tSAbJ7 new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5e2cfdc --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.mzpiFn-tSAbJ7 @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "Going Big with Bruckner [Bruckner]" +category: [Classical Ramblings] +date: 2021-10-07 23:0:00 +0200 +--- +It's always the same. +A quiet, mysterious opening, slowly picking up intensity and volume. +Growing louder and louder, increasing in complexity - new sounds slowly file in. +And somehow, it snuck up on you - you're bathed in symphonic might, overflowing with emotion. +It's the Bruckner symphony. + + +I've come to hear the music of Anton Bruckner when following the path of Mahler, and the two do share many similarities - both hail from the proud German-Austrian traditions of Romantic music, and both brought the symphony to previously unforseen scale. Their music, however, remains quite different. + +Anton Bruckner's symphonies are massive in scale, sound and length - Bruckner often repeats himself, and the tempo is quite slow. Somewhat unusually, they all share a very similar structure and even orchestration - Bruckner had a style and he stuck to it. + + +Earlier in my classical journey, I was drawn to fast, virtousic music - and so did not dwell long on Bruckner. As I grew into more diverse style, Bruckner crept up on me. + +If you can spare the attention span to listen to him, you will be richly rewarded. + + +I've read online somewhere that '*Bruckner is not to be understood - but to be experienced*'. + +His works are extremely rich in texture - the orchestra does not remain idle, and there's always something going on - the whispering of a wind instrument, low hums of strings, ringing brass. There's always an atmoshpere to dechiper, continously building up and growing bigger, bolder. + +And when you reach the core of each phrase, you are surrounded with pure, clean emotion. + +And while it may sound all very conservative, Bruckner has some suprisingly modern tricks up his sleeve. He is not afraid to suddenly ditch pleasent tonality, rise suddenly in volume and force, and change the mood at a whim. The third sypmhony is a good example of this - even relatively early, it sounds very different from a conservative Classical era symphony. + + +Bruckner was a devout Catholic and an organist, and even though music historians complain that "Bruckner the man has very little to do with Bruckner the composer", I can hear these influences in his music. There's always a divine aura to the symphonies, and if you close your eyes, at times you can almost imagine sitting afoot a massive organ, awed by its sound. At other times, it sounds like something of a movie soundtrack, whether released today or in the last decade. Finally, if you're not aware, you'll be caught of guard with much more colurful modern manuvers. + +Anton's music contrasts greatly with many of my favourites - Brahms being particularly different. Where Brahms uses the orchestra in moderation, and constructs powerful and sudden phrases with sudden might - Bruckner builds up the entire orchestra. It also greatly differs from the music of Mahler, who saw Bruckner as a contemporary (and said of him he is a "Half simpleton, half God") - Mahler's vast symphonic scale is fickle and intense, while Bruckner's is restrained and carefully presented. The music of both is amongst the mightiest I've ever heard. + + +Nowadays, I really enjoy listening to Bruckner - it's somewhat of a break from the rest of the music into the familiar structure of his symphonies - which never fail to awe me in their unique voice. + +Just listen to the Adagio of the sixth and see if it does not touch something within your soul. + +I heartily recommend giving the 3rd, 4th, 6th, and 7th symphonies an attentive listen. diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.qRiYfE-ONYIup b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.qRiYfE-ONYIup new file mode 100644 index 0000000..34aa032 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/.xdp-qt_temp.qRiYfE-ONYIup @@ -0,0 +1,27 @@ +# To The Last Breath: Mahler's Symphony #9 Finale +Let's get this out of the way: I don't listen to Mahler very often. + +Gustav Mahler was the very first composer I sought out and listened to on my own - not as a recommendation, nor from prior familiarity. As a fledgling classical listener, Mahler's works blew me away by their sheer scale - I could never quite name what I'm hearing. It was pure *sound*, unlike anything I'd ever heard before. + +As time went on, I started listening to other composers much more often, and Mahler fell out of my rotation in favor of mostly Romantic composers (namely Brahms, Tchaikovsky and Dvorak.) The sheer scale and length of his works make them difficult, for me, to listen to often. + + +Recently, I've started listening to some Mahler again, gradually and carefully - and it strikes me completely differently now as a more experienced listener. + +What prompted me to write this is a particular movement I held close to my heart ever since I first heard it, at the very start of my journey into classical music - the final movement's of the ninth symphony. + +## Some other title + +There's no easy way to say it - +> This is a ***devastating*** piece. + + As I've come to learn through my listening (and with the help of [this great channel](https://www.insidethescore.com/)), classical music is about the emotional response. A composer has the power to directly influence your feelings through the music to a great extent - and all great composers realize this deeply and act on it. + + Gustav Mahler does it like no other, and this piece does so to the greatest extent I've heard. + + Right off the bat, the composer demands your full and utmost attention, and does not let it go. + The orchestra itself is massive in size and scale, and is constantly in motion within itself. + + It all starts with a simple theme. Reminiscent of perhaps a sorrowed wail, it instantly feels drenched in sorrow. The string call out the theme, and as it fades the orchestra moves into motion in something of a big, heavy sigh. + + This *fatal* feeling lasts throughout the orchestra, masterfully weaved with other feelings - some joy, some anger, some yearning - yet from the first note to its last, this movement feels *final*. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-08-23-welcome-to-jekyll.markdown b/jekyll/_posts/2021-08-23-welcome-to-jekyll.markdown new file mode 100644 index 0000000..99bb431 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-08-23-welcome-to-jekyll.markdown @@ -0,0 +1,8 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "Put this bugger up" +date: 2021-08-23 15:16:20 -0500 +--- +On this date, I managed to bring this site up, after many (2) attempts. + +That's it. Run along now. Shoo! diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-08-26-those-roman-dudes.markdown b/jekyll/_posts/2021-08-26-those-roman-dudes.markdown new file mode 100644 index 0000000..574e953 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-08-26-those-roman-dudes.markdown @@ -0,0 +1,52 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "Those Roman dudes were pretty cool actually" +categories: [Lerler] +date: 2021-08-26 23:45:00 +0200 +--- +![Ruins of Cesearea](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/cesearea.jpg) +Shot with the incredible Fuji X-T30, 18-55 F2.8 Kit lens @ 55mm, F5.6 + +The ol' family and I traveled to Jerusalem and Cesearea this week, so I can feel like a tourist again. +Harkening back to my tourist days, I recalled the somber words of an Australian father down in Tasmania, after I expressed my wonder at the scope of domestic travel availble to Aussies. +*"We've got things to see, sure, but in Israel, you have such history!"* + +And boy howdy, do we now. + +We went into the Westren Wall tunnels, a destination that (amazingly!) not one of the dozen or so institutions that dragged me to there bothered letting us into. +That bit outside? it's nice. But there's a *nicer* bit inside! + + +As it turns out, the actual Jerusalem lies a good few meters under the ground, and the Muslim empires that came after the Romans simply raised the whole gosh darn city to be even with this **massive** temple complex. Has not a single school, course, government or military institution thought to mention this awesome fact? + +Deep inside, there's a surreal women's shul (Yes, I know this word now), and below it is the single biggest stone of the wall - which weights (or so the guide claimed) like approximately 60 African Elephants - about 3 meters deep, 14 meters wide and 3 meters tall. And on it, you can still see the chisel marks from Herod's stonemasons. *2000 year old chisel marks!* that's history right there, folks! + +There's even a fraction of authentic Jerusalem street buried underneath (yes, the Muslims just... built right on top of it. Mind boggling.). + +![Old Temple era Jerusalem street](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old_temple.jpg) +It just keeps going on top! How has no one told me this?? + +That whole complex was so god darn *massive*, in fact, the Romans themselves (they really did go on for quite a bit, didn't they) failed to destroy it after the Jewish Bar Kochva rebellion - yes, there's also that bit. Slightly less awesome. + +That same crazy Herod (why *is* it Herod in English?) went on, or perhaps came from - I didn't do my reasearch - the northen city of Cesearea, named after... the cesear [note: this is intensely ironic in today's political climate). What can I say, it seems like they had a chill hangout spot back then. + +![Roman-style pillar in Cesearea](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/roman_pillar.jpg) +Hardly anything like this lying around Tassie, is there? + +In Cesearea, I discovered several things: + +1. Whoever's in charge of Israel's national parks has no aesthetic sensitivity whatsoever (see garbage can in image below) + +2. Hadera's famous Wieners, Cesearea and the bunch of those Kibbutzes are within spitting distance, and I should really get around to studying geography + +3. Those Romans knew how to have a good time. + +![Hadera's Wieners and Herod's Wieners](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/cesearea_old_new.jpg) +Old & New in Cesearea. Can you see the garbage bin? + +As I stood there gazing at King Herod's mighty vacation palace sinking in the sea, I could not help but wonder - is there any point aside from having a good time? + +![Herod's Vacation Palace](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/herod_palace.jpg) +I'd go for a swim. + +I'd like to imagine Herod as a smug bastard sitting in that pool (yes, it is a pool) enjoying a nice glass of Roman wine, and that really helps. diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-08-29-beethoven-piano-sonatas.markdown b/jekyll/_posts/2021-08-29-beethoven-piano-sonatas.markdown new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3c4ce36 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-08-29-beethoven-piano-sonatas.markdown @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "Origin of the Angry Piano [Beethoven]" +category: [Classical Ramblings] +date: 2021-08-29 21:42:00 +0200 +--- +My latest classical endeavour is no other than Beethoven, who is unsuprisingly one of the very first composers I listened to (though not the one that brought me over - thanks, Rachmaninoff!). + +I've had it in mind Beethoven composed for the piano, but had assumed it was his symphonies alone that made him as famous as he is. *Wrong!* + +This time around I barged in from Chopin's nocturnes, which are already quite a long way from the big, sad string symphonies that awed me into Classical music (shortly after Rach's banger of a second piano concerto that is). Coming back to Beethoven's sonatas, which are amongst the first Classical pieces I've heard, now with much more listening under my belt - really feels like a sort of closure. Only this time around, I didn't just enjoy them - they *wowed* me to my core. + +The one that prompted me to write this is **Appasioneta**, *number 23, opus 57* (in *F minor*). Having already heard some very powerful, passionate piano pieces (Liszt's brilliant, almost alien piano sonata and Chopin's moving *opus 48/1 nocturne* spring to mind), Beethoven's is **mind blowing**. It starts off strong with an ominous phrase, and quickly explodes in speed and emotion - it is incredibly **raw**. I can't seem to grasp what exactly is it coming through - is it rage? sadness? power? or perhaps just unbridled, undefined raw emotion? + +In any case, it is magnificent. The way a single instrument, powered with a skilled, passionate player (the amazingly talented Igor Levit in this instance) can absolutely thunder through a room with a single instrument is almost ungraspable to me. Listening to the tempo pick up, it feels as if my consciousness itself is shaken - and yet, it's not just *loud*. It's not just *fast*. It is *beatiful* - amongst the flurry of notes there's something truly profound. + +Others I've listened to and enjoyed (yes, aside from **Moonlight**) are the very first one ( **Opus 2** , also in *F minor* - in just works!), the eighth ( **Opus 13**, **Pathetique'** in *C minor*), and the final, 32nd (**Opus 111!** in *C minor*). + +- The first, while clearly under Mozart's shadow, to me already feels very different - it just *works* in a way I can't describe. + +- *Pathetique* Feels like a clean glance into Beethoven's character - it is a flurry of emotion, at times anger and at times calm - to me it feels like him venting his frustration with a particularly annoying individual. + +- Finally, the last, 32nd sonata feels like Ludvig knows something we don't, and will never grasp - and we are simply spectators watching that... something unfold. Very profound and very mysterious. + + +In the last month or so I've been straying from my Romantic symphonies heartland deep into Baroque and Classical territory - previously the two genres I liked the least by far. After studying and connecting with Mozart's amazingly flowing piano concerti (namely Opuses *20,21,24 and 27*), and drifting away with Chopin's nocturnes (as brought to life by the passionate Jan Lisiecky), Beethoven's raw, all-minor all-oomph sonatas really are a fresh wet slap in the face. + +It's a good thing there's so many of them - I'll be following this thread for a while. diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-04-liszt-mozart-piano-oomph.md b/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-04-liszt-mozart-piano-oomph.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..741ef1e --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-04-liszt-mozart-piano-oomph.md @@ -0,0 +1,31 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "Classical Thunder [Mozart, Liszt]" +category: [Classical Ramblings] +date: 2021-09-04 22:09:00 +0200 +--- +My favorite streaming service (Primephonic) was bought by Apple, declaring imminent shutdown. +Naturally, I switched to Apple's platform ready to be all condenscending, when it immidiately suggested one of my favorites - Mozart's 20th piano concerto (K466, in D Minor) brilliantly performed by Seong-Jin Cho. + +On the 3rd or 4th listen within that week (I *really* like that piece), Mozart's brilliant capacity for *classical thunder* struck me - not dissimilar to a solo on a Rock/Punk/Metal piece. Sure, it takes it much more time to get there, but Mozart gets seriously intense. It's odd to think about it, but I feel like today's musical ' *hooks* ' as they are called have clearly existed that far back - listen to how the opening grips you! + +Another thing that listening to Mozart always makes me think is how *alien* his music feels compared to... most everyone else really. Listening to Beethoven, for example (including the sonatas I mention earlier), I feel like I have a pretty good idea of how he felt when writing them - I often stop at a particular phrase thinking *'Who pissed ya off, Ludvig?'*. + +Most other Romantic composers I enjoy listening to share this trait - Tchaikovski in particular really bleeds out his soul for you (The fourth symphony's second movements and the piano trio's first are my favorite examples of this), while even in Brahms' more restrained music you can feel the underlying emotional currents (think about the *yearning* in his 4th symphony, and the lonesome sighs of the Clarinet in his Clarinet Quintet). + +But Mozart? + +You're chilling and your room and... What exactly do you have to **feel** to craft something as elaborate, as specific (though not any less intense or passionate) as the 20th concert, or the 40th symphony? + +I've only found this alien aspect in one other composer so far - Franz Liszt. +Another of the pieces suggested was Liszt's amazing Piano Sonata (S178, in B minor) - which is one of the most unique pieces I've ever heard. It's starkly different from other piano sonatas I know - I remember listening to it the first time and feeling profoundly confused. It felt like an erratic, show off piece. But after finally stomaching it after a few listens, it suddenly revealed it self as carefully, elegantly structured - there's definetly *something* organized going on here which I can't grasp. + +It is however, quite mad - phrases are intense, sporadic, and very virtousic. At times it feels almost random, but always circles back and finds itself. I can't think of another piece that makes me feel the same way. + +This time around, I heard Khatia Buniatshvilli's performance - which I was very glad to find, since her Rachmanninof performances are amongst my favorites. +I've heard quite a few performers tackle this unique piece (first by Benjamin Grosevener, followed by Marhta Argerich and Krystian Zimerman, all stunning reneditions), and Khatia's differs from them greatly. Benjamin's is very technical, and precise, while Khatia flows with strong emotions - Virtuosic phrases are played with an even faster tempo than called for (!), and then rumble and die down amongst themselves, notes intertwining yet never lost, finally faltering almost to a whisper - uttered softly on the piano. It's an unbelieveable performance for an intese piece of music. + + +And just like with Mozart, I have absolutely no idea what does one have to feel to construct something as crafted, as mysterious, as that sonata. Liszt had also worked on it for a long time (unlike Mozart churned them out pretty quickly), so whatever it is he felt has been laying around there for a good while. + +One of the most gratifying experiences I have while listening to classical is experiencing both of these things - an intense, unexpected crescendo in an awe-inspiring piece. For once, I feel like not fully-understanding these pieces help bring out just how brilliant they are, and how enriching. diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-05-mendel-schub-not-shouting.md b/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-05-mendel-schub-not-shouting.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8795ddf --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-05-mendel-schub-not-shouting.md @@ -0,0 +1,40 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "It's Pretty, Without The Shouting [Mendelssohn, Schubert]" +category: [Classical Ramblings] +date: 2021-09-05 21:18:00 +0200 +--- +# What happened in Italy? +Today I succumbed yet again to one of the most steadfast pieces in my arsenal - Mendelssohn's magnificent *Italian Symphony* (Op. 90, in A). + +Mendelssohn was a composer I stumbled about quite in random, largely due to me initally dismissing him as an ordinary, classical era composer in the shadow of Beethoven. It was actually his string quartets I first stumbled upon (the greatly atypical sixth, Op 80 in F minor). At the time I was discovering Dvorak's masterful, explosive string quartets, and Mendelssohn blindsided me. I kept listening to the rest of the quartets, followed by the piano concerti - at this point already a keen listener. + +Mendelssohn is greatly restrained in comparison to my top picks at the time (and now, I guess) - including Mahler, Tchaikovski, Brahms, and - as mentioned - Dvorak. However, I found great elegance in his work - it is always interesting, balanced, pleasant to listen to and thought-provoking. + +Then, I found his symphonies. Monikered simply as 'Italian', Felix's fourth seems, on paper, like a by-the-book classical era symphony - 30 minutes long, major key, with the classical structure: +1. Dramatic, fast-tempo opening +2. Slower, brooding movement +3. Minuet/Trio dance movement +4. REALLY fast, REALLY dramatic finisher + +Smitten with big, *LOUD* symphonies, I listened to it out of curiosty. + +I don't know *what* happened to Felix in Italy, but *something* was going on in there. Supposedly a simple representaion of Italy and its people, the fourth is incredibly rich - vibrant, fast and colorful. It manages to provoke strong emotion (listen to the coda of the first movement, and the opening of the fourth), and inspire imagination. Just listen to the second movement - you *instantly* feel as in the Italian Alps! how does one convey this *with a set of notes* ***this effectively?*** +I've never been to the Italian Alps in person, but I feel like I've been now! + +Likewise, if I sit in a quiet room and listen attentively to the sixth quartet, I'll likely choke up with grief - and all done without the excessive *yelling* that often applies Romantic pieces (close to no yelling at all, really). Mendelssohn walks the line between Classic and Romantic perfectly, strongly conveying what he felt with elegant, precise compositions. + +I initally scoffed at biographies of Felix comparing him to Mozart as yet another child prodigy classical genius, but I gladly stand corrected- there's undeniable genius in the harmony of Felix's works. + +# The Swan Song of Franz Schubert + +Another composer that does this wonderfully is the oft-neglected Franz Schubert. +In the resources I used to discover classical music, Schubert was often hailed for his genius, yet did not seem as famous, as talented or as interesting as his peers. I didn't pursue Franz's works for a good while, but find myself coming back to them. + +His fifth symphony (D.485, in B flat major) is the very first non-yeller I've really enjoyed listening to. Schubert does to Brahms what Brahms does to Mahler - if you compare Brahms' fourth with Schubert's fifth (or even ninth), there's a lot less going on, and it's going much slower - but manages to say just as much. Schubert's music is understated, and stands solely on the strength of the composition - there's no massive orchestration, no jaw-dropping crescendos - simply good, passionate music. + +And while Mendelssohn's compostions are, to me, immediatly *Mendelssohn-i*, I feel a stroke of genuis runs through each Schubert's works, not yet fully discovered and realized - I just can't put my finger on it. I find his String Quintet (D.956, in C major) and his Eighth, unfinished symphony (D.759, in B minor) particularly magical. +Schubert's music is also surprisingly imaginitve - there's a great difference between his ominous unfinished symphony and his playful, colorful Trout quintet and Swan Song in the string quintet. + + +It's great to have some choices I can listen to at home or at work with people around without fearing heavy judgement - there's nothing not to like about both of these composer's incredible works. diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-11-liszt-piano-sonata-deep-dive.md b/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-11-liszt-piano-sonata-deep-dive.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e751934 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-11-liszt-piano-sonata-deep-dive.md @@ -0,0 +1,57 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "Step Into The Void: Liszt's Piano Sonata [Liszt]" +category: [Classical Ramblings] +date: 2021-09-11 00:26:00 +0200 +--- +I am a symphonic person. There's no denying it - I'm gobsmacked by sweeping orchestral manuevers. Romantic symphonies, such as Brahms' 4th and Tchaikovski's 4th (both likely mentioned here already) are firmly where my tastes lay. To be a good listener, however (and to actually realise what is your 'home ground'), I've heard the essentials of other types of classical as well. I still feel at home with chamber music, and a passionate string quartet never fails to sucker-punch me in the feels. And of course, I've heard some essentials of the solo piano - Chopin's Nocturnes and Beethoven's sonatas. +Franz Liszt, however, is a composer I've had trouble connecting with - and this enigmatic piano sonata is deep, deep piano territory. It is also one of my absolute favourites. + +# Why? + +Liszt's piano sonata is completely unlike anything I've ever heard before, certainly not in any string quartet. It is elaborate, mysterious, and - in my eyes - beyond sublime. + +The sonata has... moods. Naturally, music has moods, yes. However, being a keen Romantic (in music and not much else), I usually have an inkling of the composer's mood or experience when listening to a piece. This is all ground I've covered in the [Classical Thunder](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/classical%20ramblings/2021/09/04/liszt-mozart-piano-oomph.html) post, earlier in the ramblings. As mentioned in that post, the only two composers I can think of that totally obstruct this to me are Mozart and Liszt. With Franz, however, the obscurity runs even deeper - I not only fail to understand the mood when writing the piece, but the mood stated in it as well. + +# Mood. + +Liszt's sonata is exquisitley crafted, and can be disassembled in a myraid of ways - below is my humble, uninformed, likely bluntly wrong and stupid take. + +Two moods run through the sonata. + +## The Oomph + +The first - uttered with a single, suspended note, repeated and followed by a short phrase of suspended chords - feels tense, and dark. It's not quite insidious, but it makes you hold your breath knowing something greater is about to be expressed. Sure enough, a few loud chords are uttered, and the mood quickly picks up pace, becoming faster and faster, tension rising and rising, almost disintegrating as it goes. Just when it feels like it all falls apart, the second mood bursts in. + +## The Wow + +The tone shifts suddenly, and immediatly slaps from being menacing to... overjoyed? +Stated relatively slowly, this rapture grows more intense, with chords hammered on the piano overpowering the notes of the melody, until reaching an overbearing, strained and emphasised joy. + +This crescendo descendes to a simple, pleasant, heart-tugging melody - with sweet notes floating over the piano, as if the great tension and its' release are finished and we are basking in the aftermath. The distance between this phrase and the suspended, thundering notes of the opening are unbelieveable. + + +Also, everything mention thus far happens within the first five minutes. Just so you know. + + + + +# The Cycle + +Amazingly, these two are the *only moods expressed throughout the piece*. This is a good 30 minutes, and Franz has drawn all his cards within five minutes. What now? + +Well, the piece goes on to dance between these moods - the tense buildup to the disintegration, the rapture, the relief, and back into the tension - each revision getting more and more extreme with whatever it's expressing. The buildup grows faster, louder, stronger, notes blurring into each other - and still distinguishable as the very first ones the sonata opens with. Conversly, the rapture grows the other way - slower, and even more refined and distinguished from its earlier revisions - with the height right about the middle of the piece. The aftermath is almost a whisper, as the listener unwinds from the second cycle. + + +Finally, the final third or so of the piece is approximately the previous two-thirds, *repeated and dramaticized*. The fast bits are breakneck speed, the rapture is fired swiftly after, and this whole cycle repeats a final time, greatly compressed and exagerated. Some alteration and variations are evident late in this final cycle in both moods, and finally - in the sonata's dusk - we fall back to the very opening. A single, suspended note, repeated and followed by a short phrase of suspened chords. + +This time, instead of picking up speed again, they dissolve - almost peacefully - and the sonata ends. + +# Aftermath + +This sonata is amazingly succint. Moods and phrases feel familiar as they swing around, intertwine and interact, but they're never quite clear. With both, I have a vague idea of what they're expressing, but Liszt never quite lets you pin down where they come from, what they mean or where they lead up to. You're confined to this small subset of emotion - and it is wrung to its core. + +Liszt's sonata is sublime, and it is fascinating to see how different pianists - one no less talented than the other - interpret this mysterious, emotional piece. + +I recommened Christian Zimmerman's recording (considered the 'Gold Standard'), and Jorge Bolets' recording - both are breathtaking and sound incredibly different. + diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-16-path-of-PC.md b/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-16-path-of-PC.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5a8de7d --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-16-path-of-PC.md @@ -0,0 +1,224 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "The Path of PC: Adulting is a Quickdraw of Arrogance" +category: [Lerler] +date: 2021-09-16 22:33:00 +0200 +--- + +![The Path of the PC](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/path-of-pc.jpg) + *Mean, Lean, Linux machine* +> Under review + + +I'm currently in a phase of life rife with decision - where would I live? what would I do? what drives me in life? +As I sink (characteristically for me, far far too deep) into these questions, there's a certain inert arrogance to the process I find I can't stand. +What does that mean? + +There's a form for everything. Every path you take presents you with a list of demands, definitions and some deep-rooted philosophy aimed at picking the absolute best for you. +I think of these things very seriously, until suddenly reckoning with my own professional path thus far. + +At this point, I dare call myself a Linux Sysadmin by trade, albeit a novice. I have a steady, long term job, a unique set of skills, interesting employment prospects and a clear career path, just shy of 24. +Sounds nice, doesn't it? I answered the demands, fit with the definitions, and think in that same deep-rooted philosophy as the path I've chosen. + +Only I... don't. In this latest Ler, I'll make a case (for myself mostly) on how all this mumbled flurry means nothing, and people end where they are by chance, by prejudice, or by the mere entropy of the universe. I'll present this using the path I went with to start this career: the path of the PC. + +# I Like Video Games. +Always did. Still do. + +As a kid (of around 8? can't quite say) I received my grandparents' old hand-me-down hunk of junk excusing a PC, which was the very first machine I personally owned. + +I remember absolutely nothing of this system - only the grey, plasticy China made chassis and the loud whir of the HDDs, likely added to this memory much later. I played simple, 2D or web games on it on occasion, and life was good, I guess. + +As a fourth grader abroad, our family shared the latest-tech laptop, which I remember more firmly - it was a big, black, shiny plastic HP which that got seriously hot without one of these lap cooler-fan things. It had a fingerprint reader (which we were **demanded* not to use because none of us could understand it) and we played Runescape on it for *way* too many hours. By the time nothing but its' long dead husk was around, I knew enough to retroactively recall it as a Windows Vista machine, and that's about it. + +For my Bar Mitzvah, I received the first proper PC I ever had, and was becoming aware of what it is, what's inside and how it works. It was a Core i5 650 - first generation Core! with maybe 4GB of RAM, some cheap Chinese power supply, that default black InWin ATX Chassis, and Nvidia's not-latest-and-really-not-greatest GT610. Even *that* early on, the GT did not make it long - more on that later. + +By that point I started picking up some serious 3D gaming - games actually installed on your machine! I remember some Dawn of War RTS, some Age of Empires II and even Minecraft. Within a year or so, I dared my first technical feat with it: overclocking. + +# I Like Computer Hardware. +Thinking about it today, it's amazing to realize I attempted overclocking at all, and twice as amazing to realize I did it responsibly, and have never fried, force shutdown'd or (seriously) harmed a computer. I started raising the clockspeed and voltage of that old yeller, which quickly entailed my first hardware upgrade - a new CPU cooler! (the budget CoolerMaster Evo 212). + +Me and my already disgruntled dad disassembled the whole thing, put on a backplate and even put it back together, only to put in the motherboard front chassis pings wrong, screw up the booting and ask dad's computer technician friend for help. I wouldn't be too upset to make that mistake today - those are ferocious little buggers! + +Later on, father went off to the United States, and with the very first of my summer job savings I asked him for a new GPU - the GTX 650Ti. I already had the i5 650 running a full Ghz ahead of spec, with a higher base clock to boot. As time went by I bought the GTX 760, alongside the oldest part still in my machine today - the Seasonic SSP-RT 550 Gold PSU - to support it. Now I had some ragtag rig and started proper gaming. This was the very first computer I *made* and planned, and upgraded, and much of my hardware knowledge today stems from those days. + +# I Like Building Computers. +![First Build](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/first-build.jpg) + I was *really* excited about all those bits and pieces in a proper motherboard + +Some years later, the 650 was becoming unbearably slow, which is when I went for my first full upgrade - the i5 4670K, with 8GB of budget Corsair XMS3 1600Mhz RAM, a too-expensive Z-series Gaming motherboard, and a grey metal ATX Corsair Chassis. The core of that computer is now my little brother's, alive and kicking!. + +I sank into another round of overclocking - receiving a subpar sample just shy of the mythical 4.4Ghz (from 3.8). + +This is when things began to get wild. + +![First Build Pic](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/first-build-pic.jpg) +This picture, from late 2015, is about the point I was first *proud* of something I planned and assembled + +# Going Monkey +By this point, I started referring to myself as a *hardware monkey*, already realizing I fail to understand the intricacy of computers, but can sure as hell beat the shit out of them with voltage and cooling. I got a **massive** water cooler (an Arctic double-thick 240mm, which was cheap and quickly disappeared from the market) - so big I had to sandwich two of the fans outside the computer! + +![Hardware Monkey](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/hardware-monkey-closeup.jpg) +Younger me had no shame - only determination. Bigger, Faster, Stronger! + +I got the cooler solely for overclocking, and was disappointing when it: +- Failed to deliver better clocks (hard lesson in the 'Silicon Lottery' there) +- Died within a year (it was the pump, and no other such cooler existed ever again) + +Before the water cooler leaked its soul back to its lord, there was - you guessed it - yet another upgrade. This time, it was my wisest purchase as a hardware monkey - the R9 390, bought with the explicit intention to undervolt it. + +![Always On Top!](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/always-on-top.jpg) + Things got pretty messy at times + +# Cooling? I'm a fan! +That's right - I bought a part intending to modify it, and it worked out far, far better than I deserve. + +The R9 390, then relatively cheap despite sporting more powerful hardware than the competing GTX 970, was a brilliant purchase - I quickly got it down from 275 Watts to 140, as well as running it about 10% faster. It is now almost six years old and still serving me wonderfully. + +![Drunk Undervolt](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/drunk-undervolt.jpg) +Naturally, I took the GPU apart at some point. + +To this day, I am far to aware of minute details about cooling fans entirely at fault of this episode. + +![Ooh, Shiny!](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/gpu-shiny.jpg) +I came looking for thermals, and I found... Indium? + +Here, drunk with my undervolt's success, my smug character struck me down in perhaps the worst fashion I would ever be struck down in my life. I was being processed for the military, and the the ripe age of 16 and a half I was sat down in Tel Hashomer, where a pretty, bored soldier asked me what I do. + +# I Build Computers. + +"I build computers", I answered smugly, perhaps aiming to impress her. These memories are heavily repressed. + +"So like coding?" was her bored reply. + +Back in those days, I was (and still am, to a degree) wary of realist professions, chiefly including maths and coding. + +" *Noooooooooo hu hoooo*", I replied. "I do NOT know coding". + +Naturally, she sent me off to communications, which drafted me after some testing as a ***Computer Systems Infrastructure Manager***. I am **absolutely certain** I failed those tests spectacularly, despite it being vehemently denied throughout my service. + +To this day, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Perhaps I would have been better off. Perhaps it saved me from much worse misery, and maybe I owe much of my good fortune to that misunderstanding. + +# Monkey Meets Penguin +I did take my assigned role very seriously, and one of the most important steps was then taken - I bought a Raspberry Pi (2, model B - which only died last year!). + +![Raspberry Pi 2 Model B](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/raspi2b.jpg) +I took this picture to show all my friends how awesome this little 25$ computer is. I'm still blown away!. + +This was my first contact with Linux - a field previously unknown and unrelated. +I can only guess whether I'd have stumbled onto Linux on my own, but I'm grateful for it either way - it's been an unstoppable force in my career and greatly accelerated my hobby. + +Similar experiences of my peers suggest I would never have encountered it on my own, but I'm certainly unwilling to give the military credit. + +So where was I going with this? +Right, the Linuxing. + +# The Linuxing + +Right after boot camp, I was enrolled in the Communication Corps' supposedly top-tier computing course. We were often told we were picked out *'from the top 10% of many thousands of applicants'*. + +Well, I'll put it bluntly - I failed the course quite miserably. It was deeply centered around programming (in *PowerShell of all things!*) and very specific technologies no junior sysadmin has any business of knowing. + +I have yet to use MongoDB in my career. Is it great? probably. Is it absolutely essential for a new army recruit? probably not. + +Now, the fact that I failed did not come as a surprise. Within the first week I became acutely aware of this scenario, and within the first month (out of five) I was certain I'd fail quite a few subjects. +My worsening mental health was falsely attributed (by me, as well as my commanders) to these uninspiring results. + +> You're giving up on yourself! + +I was told constantly, by both commanders and - at times - peers. I never felt this way, and told them as such. My talents lay elsewhere - so I'll focus on those rather than programming, and that's just fine and dandy. + +> If you fail any subject, you'll fail the course! you're giving up on yourself! + +By this point, I became engrossed in Linux (and, I'll shamefully admit, Windows and VMWare - don't judge!), and accepted failure as the price of fluency. I was down on my luck and I stuck to my strengths, despite greatly increasing threats from command staff to flunk me to a shaming service of (gasp!) IT support personnel. This happened anyway, but never mind. + +The big day came around - I was tested in PowerShell, my worst subject and greatest nemesis. After a great deal of effort and much consideration from my commanders, I achieved a brilliant score of 21 points out of 100. + +And you know what? they said I passed the course. And I wasn't surprised. + +Even as a lean, green army recruit, I called them out on their bluff. + +So what was it all for? it was arbitrary. The requirements were arbitrary, the subjects were arbitrary, my talents were arbitrary and I passed... arbitrarily. + +Still had a great time with my Raspberry Pi, though. + +![It Lives! It Lives!](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/pi-more-boots.jpg) +It lives! It lives! + +# The Linuxing! +Where were we? + +My first post was as a call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I'd learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I was rather quickly reassigned to Air Force HQ as a different type of call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I'd learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I rather quickly found myself unassigned and drowning in free time, because HQ was much slower in kicking me out thanks to its rich bureaucratic ecosystem. + +Being unassigned was deeply humiliating - and while I still had some shred of social awareness left, I wanted to do something with my time to avoid the shame. +The tables have turned, and now I wielded the subject that made me take my post seriously as my sword of defiance. I put up a virtual machine (named *Greg and Larry* after the Brooklyn Nine-Nine bit) and studied Linux vigorously. + +By now, I quite liked Linux, but it was still an army thing - I wouldn't go as far as to describe myself as a Linux sysadmin, or even claim it as a hobby or an interest. I had a Ubuntu install running at home for the novelty, but didn't really use it. + +I'd only chosen to study Linux because it felt slightly less oppressive than the other subjects (it is *free*, open source software, is it not?). + + +As I sank into the worst period of my life, my memory becomes blurred. I don't quite remember if I had anything to do with Linux over the next year or so. By the time I was reassigned again to a lowly IT support post, I'd already flaunted my Linux experience - so there's that. + +# Goin' *lean* and *mean* +I was seriously *tired* as I drew into my final, year long posting. It should have been of great comfort to me that the work was lowly, uninspiring and greatly prone to technical exaggeration - I could claim the simplest 5 minutes job took me hours and no one would bat an eye. + +Today, it strikes me as utterly bizarre just how much of that time I continued pouring into the Unix world, under quite dire circumstances. + +![Dire Circumstances](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/dragonnight-bsd.jpg) +For some reason, I was booting DragonFly BSD on a different department on that Sunday morning. What was going on? + +Unix projects at this time were numerous, desperate an mostly explainable even to me: + +- I re-purposed an *extremely* old, useless server (dual core, 256MB of RAM) as a FreeBSD machine, aiming to run it as a Chess server +- I gathered dozens of old 1TB drives and tested how violently I could erase them using said server and much worse machines, often on the floor of the storage room +- I put aside a perfectly good computer in a special spot in our 'lab' and dedicated it entirely to testing exotic Linux distros, under various false pretenses +- I booted a specially formatted, carefully considered and fully encrypted Linux install in places I had no business booting Linux in for the sole purpose of gaming at night. The machines assembled for this were irrational, monstrous anomalies of human engineering. +- I carried around a Linux laptop and did a bunch of things with it all while checking just *where* I could get coverage. +- At my commander's request, I created a series of Unix lectures which were quite good, I think. Obviously never got to use them, but kept researching long after things dropped. +- I tried my hand at C and Python. It was bad. +![I am the night](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/sbaseship.jpg) +Late nights with no commanders around were a frenzy of strange Unix abominations + +# Aftermath +Upon my release, I had quite a bit of functional Linux knowledge in store, and kept tinkering and experimenting at home. Just shy of a year after my release, I landed a job as a Linux sysadmin - full time. The military gave me the stamp of society to knowledge I've learned almost entirely on my own, and can now claim as my profession. + +When I just started my service, I proudly claimed I would *never* work in the IT industry - as '*computers are lifeless and working with them is a cold, soulless job*'. + +I studied computers just to get past my service and escape shipping to some shithole down south - and ended up a professional **just out of spite**. Life really sneaks up on you. + +To summarize: + +- I like computer games +- I bought a computer to make games faster +- I bought and installed part to make games faster +- I messed around with the parts to make games faster +- I bought parts that would allow me to buy parts that I could mess around with to make games faster + +Everything is nice. I am having fun. Life is great. + +**Society barges in** +- I said something stupid because I was 16 +- Instantly deemed a coder despite all evidence to the contrary +- Realize I hate IT +- I failed coding and infrastructure training because I am not a coder and hate IT +- I was still assigned to an IT role +- It was bad and I got pissed +- Learned IT out of spite + + +# Conclusion +Warning: the below is my personal opinion of what I know - I do not claim it to be true for everyone, everywhere. + + +I ended up where I am despite having no natural talent, no success and no love for the field because I like video games and maybe wanted to impress some girl I didn't know because I was 16 and slightly stupider than today. + + +I did all bunch of prep stuff to get to pick my army role, which supposedly is the pathway to a career and a degree. I got good grades. I had a favorite subject. I even went to an institution-prep thing. I was drilled, instructed, trained and prepared. It had no effect whatsoever. I succeeded solely out of spite. + +I got my career because I studied on my own. And, as the cherry on top, I have no hope of ever getting into the degree that teaches my field, which I already practice, unless I pay a lot of money, which I can earn by practicing the field I cannot study for. Intensely ironic. + + +The tests don't mean anything. All the talk around those things is useless. Stuff happens for no reason. Most things socially demanded of you are void of substance. Don't take it all so seriously. + +Go do what you love. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-21-mahler-symphony-9.md b/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-21-mahler-symphony-9.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a3e41ad --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-09-21-mahler-symphony-9.md @@ -0,0 +1,27 @@ +# To The Last Breath: Mahler's Symphony #9 Finale +Let's get this out of the way: I don't listen to Mahler very often. + +Gustav Mahler was the very first composer I sought out and listened to on my own - not as a recommendation, nor from prior familiarity. As a fledgling classical listener, Mahler's works blew me away by their sheer scale - I could never quite name what I'm hearing. It was pure *sound*, unlike anything I'd ever heard before. + +As time went on, I started listening to other composers much more often, and Mahler fell out of my rotation in favor of mostly Romantic composers (namely Brahms, Tchaikovsky and Dvorak.) The sheer scale and length of his works make them difficult, for me, to listen to often. + + +Recently, I've started listening to some Mahler again, gradually and carefully - and it strikes me completely differently now as a more experienced listener. + +What prompted me to write this is a particular movement I held close to my heart ever since I first heard it, at the very start of my journey into classical music - the final movement's of the ninth symphony. + +## Some other title + +There's no easy way to say it - +> This is a ***devastating*** piece. + + As I've come to learn through my listening (and with the help of [this great channel](https://www.insidethescore.com/)), classical music is about the emotional response. A composer has the power to directly influence your feelings through the music to a great extent - and all great composers realize this deeply and act on it. + + Gustav Mahler does it like no other, and this piece does so to the greatest extent I've heard. + + Right off the bat, the composer demands your full and utmost attention, and does not let it go. + The orchestra itself is massive in size and scale, and is constantly in motion within itself. + + It all starts with a simple theme. Reminiscent of perhaps a sorrowed wail, it instantly feels drenched in sorrow. The string call out the theme, and as it fades the orchestra moves into motion in something of a big, heavy sigh. + + This *fatal* feeling lasts throughout the orchestra, masterfully weaved with other feelings - some joy, some anger, some yearning - yet from the first note to its last, this movement feels *final*. This is a statement about death, and it does not let you forget this for a mere moment. \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-07-big-bruckner.md b/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-07-big-bruckner.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..462551e --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-07-big-bruckner.md @@ -0,0 +1,42 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "Going Big with Bruckner [Bruckner]" +category: [Classical Ramblings] +date: 2021-10-07 23:0:00 +0200 +--- +It's always the same. +A quiet, mysterious opening, slowly picking up intensity and volume. +Growing louder and louder, increasing in complexity - new sounds slowly file in. +And somehow, it snuck up on you - you're bathed in symphonic might, overflowing with emotion. +It's the Bruckner symphony. + + +I've come to hear the music of Anton Bruckner when following the path of Mahler, and the two do share many similarities - both hail from the proud German-Austrian traditions of Romantic music, and both brought the symphony to previously unforeseen scale. Their music, however, remains quite different. + +Anton Bruckner's symphonies are massive in scale, sound and length - Bruckner often repeats himself, and the tempo is quite slow. Somewhat unusually, they all share a very similar structure and even orchestration - Bruckner had a style and he stuck to it. + + +Earlier in my classical journey, I was drawn to fast, virtuousic music - and so did not dwell long on Bruckner. As I grew into more diverse style, Bruckner crept up on me. + +If you can spare the attention span to listen to him, you will be richly rewarded. + + +I've read online somewhere that '*Bruckner is not to be understood - but to be experienced*'. + +His works are extremely rich in texture - the orchestra does not remain idle, and there's always something going on - the whispering of a wind instrument, low hums of strings, ringing brass. There's always an atmosphere to decipher, continuously building up and growing bigger, bolder. + +And when you reach the core of each phrase, you are surrounded with pure, clean emotion. + +And while it may sound all very conservative, Bruckner has some surprisingly modern tricks up his sleeve. He is not afraid to suddenly ditch pleasant tonality, rise suddenly in volume and force, and change the mood at a whim. The third symphony is a good example of this - even relatively early, it sounds very different from a conservative Classical era symphony. + + +Bruckner was a devout Catholic and an organist, and even though music historians complain that "Bruckner the man has very little to do with Bruckner the composer", I can hear these influences in his music. There's always a divine aura to the symphonies, and if you close your eyes, at times you can almost imagine sitting afoot a massive organ, awed by its sound. At other times, it sounds like something of a movie soundtrack, whether released today or in the last decade. Finally, if you're not aware, you'll be caught of guard with much more colorful modern maneuvers. + +Anton's music contrasts greatly with many of my favorites - Brahms being particularly different. Where Brahms uses the orchestra in moderation, and constructs powerful and sudden phrases with sudden might - Bruckner builds up the entire orchestra. It also greatly differs from the music of Mahler, who saw Bruckner as a contemporary (and said of him he is a "Half simpleton, half God") - Mahler's vast symphonic scale is fickle and intense, while Bruckner's is restrained and carefully presented. The music of both is amongst the mightiest I've ever heard. + + +Nowadays, I really enjoy listening to Bruckner - it's somewhat of a break from the rest of the music into the familiar structure of his symphonies - which never fail to awe me in their unique voice. + +Just listen to the Adagio of the sixth and see if it does not touch something within your soul. + +I heartily recommend giving the 3rd, 4th, 6th, and 7th symphonies an attentive listen. diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-18-classical-next-generation.md b/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-18-classical-next-generation.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7221c4f --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-18-classical-next-generation.md @@ -0,0 +1,69 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "Classical: The Next Generation" +category: [Classical Ramblings] +date: 2021-10-18 23:20:00 +0200 +--- +Classical season has started earlier this month, and I've been having a blast - attending two concerts, as well as a rehearsal - which have all been outstanding. As awesome as those have been, tonight has been particularly spectacular - I had the great priviledge of inviting my parents to listen as well. + +I've known for some time experiencing classical live is a big part of it, but it's amazing just how much of an impact it's had on my journey in such a short time - even recordings I already know and love sound totally different! + +# Classical's Not Dead - It's Edgier Than Ever! +The programme this year is about *bringing unique, less-often performed pieces to the public* - and while I don't know how objectively true that is, it's certainly been quite spicy. + +The opening was a performance of Tchaikovsky's brilliant Violin Concerto (played by Joshua Bell), and no other than the (allegedly) riot-inducing *Rite Of Spring* by Stravinsky. + +Now, the violin concerto is a piece I really like (and as I've learned, many people of the public and music students strongly dislike), and it was a heartfelt, lively performance followed by a tasty encore of the first of Chopin's nocturnes (on violin! I didn't know that was a thing!). While savouring the joy of hearing this familiar piece, I inevitably fell to smugness ( *this can't get better* ) and was completely blindsided by *The Rite of Spring*. + +> It began while I sat in the hall during the break - I love watching the players warm up and trill - when they rolled in ***the gong***. + +That's right - ***The Gong***. + +It. Was. Unbelievable. + +From the strange, entrancing call of the basoon, the sudden harsh *growling* of the strings laced with tense pizicatto, to one of my new favourite bits of music - the gong. + +The gong-man just *smacks it* and the concert hall bows to submit, heraled by the LOUD cry of strings and wind - absolutely mesmerizing! + +The room quivered with power and emotion like I've never felt by any work of art. + + +On my way out, I heard a mother asking her teenage son what he thought of the Rite of Spring. + +'The opening was good', he condescendingly ruled. + +You don't know where it's at, kid! + +# Tchaikovski and Chill +The next endeavour was a public rehearsel of Tchakovski's magnificent Fourth Symphony, which has always been one of my very favourites. All the players, as well as the conductor, just waltzed in with their jeans and flip-flops and played the hell out of that symphony. + +Hearing a piece I am deeply familiar with was really exciting, and digging into it with the conductor's corrections was even better. + +I learned a lot by how he corrects the orchestra - you're not *rising* smoothly here, going *too fast* there, and suddenly seeing it improve was eye opening. + +It was also amusing listening to the complaints of my neighbours (It's too long! why are they rehearsing for so long!, Oh, look, it's going to get loud, he's bringing in the cymbals!). + +To top it off, since the concert hall is near my work place, I got some time to go photograph pigeons in that nice fountain and drink green tea. Really helped process things. + +# Classical: Next Generation +Finally, tonight me and my folks went to hear another concert. + +The day had all the makings of disaster spelled all over it: both my folks were busy beforehand (lil' bro won an award! yay!), I dragged them out too early (no regrets), and the pieces to be played were particularly spicy which my father tends to dislike (describing them as *white-hot combs searing into the flesh*). We hear Ligetti's Atmospheres, Bartok's Viola Concerto and of course, Tchaikovski's magnifienct fourth. I didn't spoil anything! + +Things went... far better than expected. + +The conductor (charismatic Lahav Shani) promptly explained the concept behind Ligetti's piece - playing all of the sounds at once and using them to manipulate mood - which helped it 'click' both for me and my folks. It was a slower piece, and I expected them to be disappointed - only to be suprised to find them pleased. + +> It wasn't *comby* at all! it makes sense! it's really cool! +- Dad + +Bartok's Viola concerto was a stellar performance by Pinchas Zuckerman, and it was amazing to see both my folks suddenly intrigued at the edge of their seats +> *It's so beautiful!* +- Mum, silently to herself. + + +But much like Stravinsky did to Tchakovski, Tchaikovski did tonight to Bartok - The fourth symphony ticked all my boxes. It was rich, passionate, exciting - it was the sypmhony at it's best. I listened to it with my eyes watering, and my parents were sucked right in. Their eyes lit up like I haven't seen in a good while. + +They each told me they've never been to a concert before, and if it weren't for me they likely would not have gone. Tonight, I was able to give them something back, and share a great passion of mine with them - and see it really connect. I'll never forget this feeling. + +Both have eagerly expressed will to go again, but even if this was a one time thing - I'm overjoyed I was able to give a little something back. diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-26-string-quartet.md b/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-26-string-quartet.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..965a331 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-26-string-quartet.md @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "The String Quartet" +category: [Classical Ramblings] +date: 2021-10-26 23:15:00 +0200 +--- +> In progress + +Following the great sweep of symphonic pieces I have heard thanks to the Philharmonic's season opening, I find myself straying back to one of my favourites subgenres of classical music - the string quartet. A successful spin of the great classic tradition, I feel the string quartet embodies the best classical has to offer in a unique, heartfelt form. + +As I likely mentioned before, I feel at home listening to symphonies. However, a symphony can feel overwhelming - overflowing with emotion, volume and texture. For me, that's when the quartets come in. + +I find string quartets fascinating because, to me, they represent about as close as you can get to mainstream music from the classical realm. I like to think of quartets (and their cousins, the quintets and sextets) not unlike a band - a few players with their instruments playing a smaller scale of music. +Coming from mainstream music, you can easily dismiss the difference between mainstream and classical sound by pointing out the orchestra ('Well, we're not gonna sound like *that* - there's a whole bunch of players!') or the unique instruments (no one here rocks a tuba). Quartet-wise, it can be argued that if you think of a contra bass as a big, twiddly bass guitar, you're *almost* there - and now the difference in what you're hearing is much more likely to stem from the music itself. + +But what are you hearing? + +The string formations restrict themselves to a single subset of classical sound - there's string, and that's it - in stark contrast to both the back-and-forth of strings and wind instruments often heard in symphonic works, and to the virtuousic, often brooding nature of solo piano works. There's a certain balance that must be kept, and there's only one type of sound to keep it with. + +As a result, string quartets/quintets/sextets are often *very* harsh on the ear for those who are not familiar with them (and sometimes, to those who ***are*** familiar with them - Shostakovitch's and Bartok's quartets are prime example) - they screech, squeal and creak, unable to be disguised in the large formation of orchestras nor in the elegance of the piano. Once you surmount that initial repulsion, however, there's something really special to be heard. + +The best example of this I can think of is Dvorak's *very* well known (for good reason!) quartet #12 - the American quartet. He composed it while in the United States, and listening to it instantly transports you the the States of that time - think rustic, wide open spaces, a new and optimistic world, with smidgens of Native American melodies. Dvorak pursued the Native melodies beautifully in this quartet and in his Ninth Symphony (also incredibly popular) and predicted many others will follow, which they unfortunately did not. What a shame! + +String quartet 12 is the single most atmospheric piece I know. + +To illustrate the difference between this form and the symphony, you can compare this quartet to Dvorak's own ninth, which was written around a similar time and around a similar thing. Both attempt to convey the same feeling, ableit from different directions - the quartet looks inward to the new world from an European view, while the symphony looks back home to Europe ' *from the new world* '. The symphony is far richer - right at the opening, it conveys a deep nostalgia - and it meanders about a range of emotions until finalizing in a great triumph in the finale. + +The quartet is much more gentle - the opening transports you to the wide open spaces, and it feels much as though you're overlooking great plains and rolling hills. Rather than expoding with sudden intensity as the symphony does, the mood in the quartet rises and falls much more gradually. diff --git a/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-28-aotearoa.md b/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-28-aotearoa.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0ca2f28 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_posts/2021-10-28-aotearoa.md @@ -0,0 +1,39 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "Aotearoa" +category: [Travel] +date: 2021-10-28 23:06:00 +0200 +--- + +Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometer journey almost as far as I could go from home. + + + +![Maunga Taranaki](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/aotearoa/long_white_cloud.jpg) +Sunset at Maunga Taranaki, North Island, Aotearoa New Zealand + + + +To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the *'big trip'* mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released. + +I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip. + +The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service. + +I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early. + +On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand. + +The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did. + +So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today. + +I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written. + +The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you've seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I've felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left. + +Here's to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa. diff --git a/jekyll/_site/2021/08/23/welcome-to-jekyll.html b/jekyll/_site/2021/08/23/welcome-to-jekyll.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..73d0536 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/2021/08/23/welcome-to-jekyll.html @@ -0,0 +1,84 @@ + + + + + +Put this bugger up | Pukeko.xyz Blog + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
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Put this bugger up

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On this date, I managed to bring this site up, after many (2) attempts.

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That’s it. Run along now. Shoo!

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+ + + diff --git a/jekyll/_site/2021/09/21/mahler-symphony-9.html b/jekyll/_site/2021/09/21/mahler-symphony-9.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3b0a8fe --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/2021/09/21/mahler-symphony-9.html @@ -0,0 +1,28 @@ +

To The Last Breath: Mahler’s Symphony #9 Finale

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Let’s get this out of the way: I don’t listen to Mahler very often.

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Gustav Mahler was the very first composer I sought out and listened to on my own - not as a recommendation, nor from prior familiarity. As a fledgling classical listener, Mahler’s works blew me away by their sheer scale - I could never quite name what I’m hearing. It was pure sound, unlike anything I’d ever heard before.

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As time went on, I started listening to other composers much more often, and Mahler fell out of my rotation in favor of mostly Romantic composers (namely Brahms, Tchaikovsky and Dvorak.) The sheer scale and length of his works make them difficult, for me, to listen to often.

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Recently, I’ve started listening to some Mahler again, gradually and carefully - and it strikes me completely differently now as a more experienced listener.

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What prompted me to write this is a particular movement I held close to my heart ever since I first heard it, at the very start of my journey into classical music - the final movement’s of the ninth symphony.

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Some other title

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There’s no easy way to say it -

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This is a devastating piece.

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As I’ve come to learn through my listening (and with the help of this great channel), classical music is about the emotional response. A composer has the power to directly influence your feelings through the music to a great extent - and all great composers realize this deeply and act on it.

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Gustav Mahler does it like no other, and this piece does so to the greatest extent I’ve heard.

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Right off the bat, the composer demands your full and utmost attention, and does not let it go. + The orchestra itself is massive in size and scale, and is constantly in motion within itself.

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It all starts with a simple theme. Reminiscent of perhaps a sorrowed wail, it instantly feels drenched in sorrow. The string call out the theme, and as it fades the orchestra moves into motion in something of a big, heavy sigh.

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This fatal feeling lasts throughout the orchestra, masterfully weaved with other feelings - some joy, some anger, some yearning - yet from the first note to its last, this movement feels final. This is a statement about death, and it does not let you forget this for a mere moment.

diff --git a/jekyll/_site/404.html b/jekyll/_site/404.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0c96f7d --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/404.html @@ -0,0 +1,86 @@ + + + + + +Pukeko.xyz Blog | I have no idea what I’m doing. + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
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About

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In an ironic twist of fate, all the computer knowledge I have gathered throughout the years against my better subject (and at times, against my will! yay!) has been used to create this cyberspace of my nonsense.

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The pen really is mightier than the sillicon, it seems.

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In this website, you (I) will find nothing but the mental chatter in my mind at a given point in time. Not all of it - that’d be disasterous - but only things that at the time seem at least somewhat worthy of… yes.

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Please browse responsibly.

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+.highlight .il { color: #099; } + +/*# sourceMappingURL=main.css.map */ \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/_site/assets/main.css.map b/jekyll/_site/assets/main.css.map new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2c774b1 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/assets/main.css.map @@ -0,0 +1,20 @@ +{ + "version": 3, + "file": "main.css", + "sources": [ + "main.scss", + "../../usr/gem/gems/minima-2.5.1/_sass/minima.scss", + "../../usr/gem/gems/minima-2.5.1/_sass/minima/_base.scss", + "../../usr/gem/gems/minima-2.5.1/_sass/minima/_layout.scss", + "../../usr/gem/gems/minima-2.5.1/_sass/minima/_syntax-highlighting.scss" + ], + "sourcesContent": [ + "@import \"minima\";\n", + "@charset \"utf-8\";\n\n// Define defaults for each variable.\n\n$base-font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif, \"Apple Color Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Emoji\", \"Segoe UI Symbol\" !default;\n$base-font-size: 16px !default;\n$base-font-weight: 400 !default;\n$small-font-size: $base-font-size * 0.875 !default;\n$base-line-height: 1.5 !default;\n\n$spacing-unit: 30px !default;\n\n$text-color: #111 !default;\n$background-color: #fdfdfd !default;\n$brand-color: #2a7ae2 !default;\n\n$grey-color: #828282 !default;\n$grey-color-light: lighten($grey-color, 40%) !default;\n$grey-color-dark: darken($grey-color, 25%) !default;\n\n$table-text-align: left !default;\n\n// Width of the content area\n$content-width: 800px !default;\n\n$on-palm: 600px !default;\n$on-laptop: 800px !default;\n\n// Use media queries like this:\n// @include media-query($on-palm) {\n// .wrapper {\n// padding-right: $spacing-unit / 2;\n// padding-left: $spacing-unit / 2;\n// }\n// }\n@mixin media-query($device) {\n @media screen and (max-width: $device) {\n @content;\n }\n}\n\n@mixin relative-font-size($ratio) {\n font-size: $base-font-size * $ratio;\n}\n\n// Import partials.\n@import\n \"minima/base\",\n \"minima/layout\",\n \"minima/syntax-highlighting\"\n;\n", + "/**\n * Reset some basic elements\n */\nbody, h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6,\np, blockquote, pre, hr,\ndl, dd, ol, ul, figure {\n margin: 0;\n padding: 0;\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Basic styling\n */\nbody {\n font: $base-font-weight #{$base-font-size}/#{$base-line-height} $base-font-family;\n color: $text-color;\n background-color: $background-color;\n -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;\n -webkit-font-feature-settings: \"kern\" 1;\n -moz-font-feature-settings: \"kern\" 1;\n -o-font-feature-settings: \"kern\" 1;\n font-feature-settings: \"kern\" 1;\n font-kerning: normal;\n display: flex;\n min-height: 100vh;\n flex-direction: column;\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Set `margin-bottom` to maintain vertical rhythm\n */\nh1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6,\np, blockquote, pre,\nul, ol, dl, figure,\n%vertical-rhythm {\n margin-bottom: $spacing-unit / 2;\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * `main` element\n */\nmain {\n display: block; /* Default value of `display` of `main` element is 'inline' in IE 11. */\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Images\n */\nimg {\n max-width: 100%;\n vertical-align: middle;\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Figures\n */\nfigure > img {\n display: block;\n}\n\nfigcaption {\n font-size: $small-font-size;\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Lists\n */\nul, ol {\n margin-left: $spacing-unit;\n}\n\nli {\n > ul,\n > ol {\n margin-bottom: 0;\n }\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Headings\n */\nh1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6 {\n font-weight: $base-font-weight;\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Links\n */\na {\n color: $brand-color;\n text-decoration: none;\n\n &:visited {\n color: darken($brand-color, 15%);\n }\n\n &:hover {\n color: $text-color;\n text-decoration: underline;\n }\n\n .social-media-list &:hover {\n text-decoration: none;\n\n .username {\n text-decoration: underline;\n }\n }\n}\n\n\n/**\n * Blockquotes\n */\nblockquote {\n color: $grey-color;\n border-left: 4px solid $grey-color-light;\n padding-left: $spacing-unit / 2;\n @include relative-font-size(1.125);\n letter-spacing: -1px;\n font-style: italic;\n\n > :last-child {\n margin-bottom: 0;\n }\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Code formatting\n */\npre,\ncode {\n @include relative-font-size(0.9375);\n border: 1px solid $grey-color-light;\n border-radius: 3px;\n background-color: #eef;\n}\n\ncode {\n padding: 1px 5px;\n}\n\npre {\n padding: 8px 12px;\n overflow-x: auto;\n\n > code {\n border: 0;\n padding-right: 0;\n padding-left: 0;\n }\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Wrapper\n */\n.wrapper {\n max-width: -webkit-calc(#{$content-width} - (#{$spacing-unit} * 2));\n max-width: calc(#{$content-width} - (#{$spacing-unit} * 2));\n margin-right: auto;\n margin-left: auto;\n padding-right: $spacing-unit;\n padding-left: $spacing-unit;\n @extend %clearfix;\n\n @include media-query($on-laptop) {\n max-width: -webkit-calc(#{$content-width} - (#{$spacing-unit}));\n max-width: calc(#{$content-width} - (#{$spacing-unit}));\n padding-right: $spacing-unit / 2;\n padding-left: $spacing-unit / 2;\n }\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Clearfix\n */\n%clearfix:after {\n content: \"\";\n display: table;\n clear: both;\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Icons\n */\n\n.svg-icon {\n width: 16px;\n height: 16px;\n display: inline-block;\n fill: #{$grey-color};\n padding-right: 5px;\n vertical-align: text-top;\n}\n\n.social-media-list {\n li + li {\n padding-top: 5px;\n }\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Tables\n */\ntable {\n margin-bottom: $spacing-unit;\n width: 100%;\n text-align: $table-text-align;\n color: lighten($text-color, 18%);\n border-collapse: collapse;\n border: 1px solid $grey-color-light;\n tr {\n &:nth-child(even) {\n background-color: lighten($grey-color-light, 6%);\n }\n }\n th, td {\n padding: ($spacing-unit / 3) ($spacing-unit / 2);\n }\n th {\n background-color: lighten($grey-color-light, 3%);\n border: 1px solid darken($grey-color-light, 4%);\n border-bottom-color: darken($grey-color-light, 12%);\n }\n td {\n border: 1px solid $grey-color-light;\n }\n}\n", + "/**\n * Site header\n */\n.site-header {\n border-top: 5px solid $grey-color-dark;\n border-bottom: 1px solid $grey-color-light;\n min-height: $spacing-unit * 1.865;\n\n // Positioning context for the mobile navigation icon\n position: relative;\n}\n\n.site-title {\n @include relative-font-size(1.625);\n font-weight: 300;\n line-height: $base-line-height * $base-font-size * 2.25;\n letter-spacing: -1px;\n margin-bottom: 0;\n float: left;\n\n &,\n &:visited {\n color: $grey-color-dark;\n }\n}\n\n.site-nav {\n float: right;\n line-height: $base-line-height * $base-font-size * 2.25;\n\n .nav-trigger {\n display: none;\n }\n\n .menu-icon {\n display: none;\n }\n\n .page-link {\n color: $text-color;\n line-height: $base-line-height;\n\n // Gaps between nav items, but not on the last one\n &:not(:last-child) {\n margin-right: 20px;\n }\n }\n\n @include media-query($on-palm) {\n position: absolute;\n top: 9px;\n right: $spacing-unit / 2;\n background-color: $background-color;\n border: 1px solid $grey-color-light;\n border-radius: 5px;\n text-align: right;\n\n label[for=\"nav-trigger\"] {\n display: block;\n float: right;\n width: 36px;\n height: 36px;\n z-index: 2;\n cursor: pointer;\n }\n\n .menu-icon {\n display: block;\n float: right;\n width: 36px;\n height: 26px;\n line-height: 0;\n padding-top: 10px;\n text-align: center;\n\n > svg {\n fill: $grey-color-dark;\n }\n }\n\n input ~ .trigger {\n clear: both;\n display: none;\n }\n\n input:checked ~ .trigger {\n display: block;\n padding-bottom: 5px;\n }\n\n .page-link {\n display: block;\n padding: 5px 10px;\n\n &:not(:last-child) {\n margin-right: 0;\n }\n margin-left: 20px;\n }\n }\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Site footer\n */\n.site-footer {\n border-top: 1px solid $grey-color-light;\n padding: $spacing-unit 0;\n}\n\n.footer-heading {\n @include relative-font-size(1.125);\n margin-bottom: $spacing-unit / 2;\n}\n\n.contact-list,\n.social-media-list {\n list-style: none;\n margin-left: 0;\n}\n\n.footer-col-wrapper {\n @include relative-font-size(0.9375);\n color: $grey-color;\n margin-left: -$spacing-unit / 2;\n @extend %clearfix;\n}\n\n.footer-col {\n float: left;\n margin-bottom: $spacing-unit / 2;\n padding-left: $spacing-unit / 2;\n}\n\n.footer-col-1 {\n width: -webkit-calc(35% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n width: calc(35% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n}\n\n.footer-col-2 {\n width: -webkit-calc(20% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n width: calc(20% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n}\n\n.footer-col-3 {\n width: -webkit-calc(45% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n width: calc(45% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n}\n\n@include media-query($on-laptop) {\n .footer-col-1,\n .footer-col-2 {\n width: -webkit-calc(50% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n width: calc(50% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n }\n\n .footer-col-3 {\n width: -webkit-calc(100% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n width: calc(100% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n }\n}\n\n@include media-query($on-palm) {\n .footer-col {\n float: none;\n width: -webkit-calc(100% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n width: calc(100% - (#{$spacing-unit} / 2));\n }\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Page content\n */\n.page-content {\n padding: $spacing-unit 0;\n flex: 1;\n}\n\n.page-heading {\n @include relative-font-size(2);\n}\n\n.post-list-heading {\n @include relative-font-size(1.75);\n}\n\n.post-list {\n margin-left: 0;\n list-style: none;\n\n > li {\n margin-bottom: $spacing-unit;\n }\n}\n\n.post-meta {\n font-size: $small-font-size;\n color: $grey-color;\n}\n\n.post-link {\n display: block;\n @include relative-font-size(1.5);\n}\n\n\n\n/**\n * Posts\n */\n.post-header {\n margin-bottom: $spacing-unit;\n}\n\n.post-title {\n @include relative-font-size(2.625);\n letter-spacing: -1px;\n line-height: 1;\n\n @include media-query($on-laptop) {\n @include relative-font-size(2.25);\n }\n}\n\n.post-content {\n margin-bottom: $spacing-unit;\n\n h2 {\n @include relative-font-size(2);\n\n @include media-query($on-laptop) {\n @include relative-font-size(1.75);\n }\n }\n\n h3 {\n @include relative-font-size(1.625);\n\n @include media-query($on-laptop) {\n @include relative-font-size(1.375);\n }\n }\n\n h4 {\n @include relative-font-size(1.25);\n\n @include media-query($on-laptop) {\n @include relative-font-size(1.125);\n }\n }\n}\n", + "/**\n * Syntax highlighting styles\n */\n.highlight {\n background: #fff;\n @extend %vertical-rhythm;\n\n .highlighter-rouge & {\n background: #eef;\n }\n\n .c { color: #998; font-style: italic } // Comment\n .err { color: #a61717; background-color: #e3d2d2 } // Error\n .k { font-weight: bold } // Keyword\n .o { font-weight: bold } // Operator\n .cm { color: #998; font-style: italic } // Comment.Multiline\n .cp { color: #999; font-weight: bold } // Comment.Preproc\n .c1 { color: #998; font-style: italic } // Comment.Single\n .cs { color: #999; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic } // Comment.Special\n .gd { color: #000; background-color: #fdd } // Generic.Deleted\n .gd .x { color: #000; background-color: #faa } // Generic.Deleted.Specific\n .ge { font-style: italic } // Generic.Emph\n .gr { color: #a00 } // Generic.Error\n .gh { color: #999 } // Generic.Heading\n .gi { color: #000; background-color: #dfd } // Generic.Inserted\n .gi .x { color: #000; background-color: #afa } // Generic.Inserted.Specific\n .go { color: #888 } // Generic.Output\n .gp { color: #555 } // Generic.Prompt\n .gs { font-weight: bold } // Generic.Strong\n .gu { color: #aaa } // Generic.Subheading\n .gt { color: #a00 } // Generic.Traceback\n .kc { font-weight: bold } // Keyword.Constant\n .kd { font-weight: bold } // Keyword.Declaration\n .kp { font-weight: bold } // Keyword.Pseudo\n .kr { font-weight: bold } // Keyword.Reserved\n .kt { color: #458; font-weight: bold } // Keyword.Type\n .m { color: #099 } // Literal.Number\n .s { color: #d14 } // Literal.String\n .na { color: #008080 } // Name.Attribute\n .nb { color: #0086B3 } // Name.Builtin\n .nc { color: #458; font-weight: bold } // Name.Class\n .no { color: #008080 } // Name.Constant\n .ni { color: #800080 } // Name.Entity\n .ne { color: #900; font-weight: bold } // Name.Exception\n .nf { color: #900; font-weight: bold } // Name.Function\n .nn { color: #555 } // Name.Namespace\n .nt 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Origin of the Angry Piano [Beethoven]

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My latest classical endeavour is no other than Beethoven, who is unsuprisingly one of the very first composers I listened to (though not the one that brought me over - thanks, Rachmaninoff!).

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I’ve had it in mind Beethoven composed for the piano, but had assumed it was his symphonies alone that made him as famous as he is. Wrong!

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This time around I barged in from Chopin’s nocturnes, which are already quite a long way from the big, sad string symphonies that awed me into Classical music (shortly after Rach’s banger of a second piano concerto that is). Coming back to Beethoven’s sonatas, which are amongst the first Classical pieces I’ve heard, now with much more listening under my belt - really feels like a sort of closure. Only this time around, I didn’t just enjoy them - they wowed me to my core.

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The one that prompted me to write this is Appasioneta, number 23, opus 57 (in F minor). Having already heard some very powerful, passionate piano pieces (Liszt’s brilliant, almost alien piano sonata and Chopin’s moving opus 48/1 nocturne spring to mind), Beethoven’s is mind blowing. It starts off strong with an ominous phrase, and quickly explodes in speed and emotion - it is incredibly raw. I can’t seem to grasp what exactly is it coming through - is it rage? sadness? power? or perhaps just unbridled, undefined raw emotion?

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In any case, it is magnificent. The way a single instrument, powered with a skilled, passionate player (the amazingly talented Igor Levit in this instance) can absolutely thunder through a room with a single instrument is almost ungraspable to me. Listening to the tempo pick up, it feels as if my consciousness itself is shaken - and yet, it’s not just loud. It’s not just fast. It is beatiful - amongst the flurry of notes there’s something truly profound.

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Others I’ve listened to and enjoyed (yes, aside from Moonlight) are the very first one ( Opus 2 , also in F minor - in just works!), the eighth ( Opus 13, Pathetique’ in C minor), and the final, 32nd (Opus 111! in C minor).

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    The first, while clearly under Mozart’s shadow, to me already feels very different - it just works in a way I can’t describe.

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    Pathetique Feels like a clean glance into Beethoven’s character - it is a flurry of emotion, at times anger and at times calm - to me it feels like him venting his frustration with a particularly annoying individual.

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    Finally, the last, 32nd sonata feels like Ludvig knows something we don’t, and will never grasp - and we are simply spectators watching that… something unfold. Very profound and very mysterious.

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In the last month or so I’ve been straying from my Romantic symphonies heartland deep into Baroque and Classical territory - previously the two genres I liked the least by far. After studying and connecting with Mozart’s amazingly flowing piano concerti (namely Opuses 20,21,24 and 27), and drifting away with Chopin’s nocturnes (as brought to life by the passionate Jan Lisiecky), Beethoven’s raw, all-minor all-oomph sonatas really are a fresh wet slap in the face.

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It’s a good thing there’s so many of them - I’ll be following this thread for a while.

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Classical Thunder [Mozart, Liszt]

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My favorite streaming service (Primephonic) was bought by Apple, declaring imminent shutdown. +Naturally, I switched to Apple’s platform ready to be all condenscending, when it immidiately suggested one of my favorites - Mozart’s 20th piano concerto (K466, in D Minor) brilliantly performed by Seong-Jin Cho.

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On the 3rd or 4th listen within that week (I really like that piece), Mozart’s brilliant capacity for classical thunder struck me - not dissimilar to a solo on a Rock/Punk/Metal piece. Sure, it takes it much more time to get there, but Mozart gets seriously intense. It’s odd to think about it, but I feel like today’s musical ‘ hooks ‘ as they are called have clearly existed that far back - listen to how the opening grips you!

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Another thing that listening to Mozart always makes me think is how alien his music feels compared to… most everyone else really. Listening to Beethoven, for example (including the sonatas I mention earlier), I feel like I have a pretty good idea of how he felt when writing them - I often stop at a particular phrase thinking ‘Who pissed ya off, Ludvig?’.

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Most other Romantic composers I enjoy listening to share this trait - Tchaikovski in particular really bleeds out his soul for you (The fourth symphony’s second movements and the piano trio’s first are my favorite examples of this), while even in Brahms’ more restrained music you can feel the underlying emotional currents (think about the yearning in his 4th symphony, and the lonesome sighs of the Clarinet in his Clarinet Quintet).

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But Mozart?

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You’re chilling and your room and… What exactly do you have to feel to craft something as elaborate, as specific (though not any less intense or passionate) as the 20th concert, or the 40th symphony?

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I’ve only found this alien aspect in one other composer so far - Franz Liszt. +Another of the pieces suggested was Liszt’s amazing Piano Sonata (S178, in B minor) - which is one of the most unique pieces I’ve ever heard. It’s starkly different from other piano sonatas I know - I remember listening to it the first time and feeling profoundly confused. It felt like an erratic, show off piece. But after finally stomaching it after a few listens, it suddenly revealed it self as carefully, elegantly structured - there’s definetly something organized going on here which I can’t grasp.

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It is however, quite mad - phrases are intense, sporadic, and very virtousic. At times it feels almost random, but always circles back and finds itself. I can’t think of another piece that makes me feel the same way.

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This time around, I heard Khatia Buniatshvilli’s performance - which I was very glad to find, since her Rachmanninof performances are amongst my favorites. +I’ve heard quite a few performers tackle this unique piece (first by Benjamin Grosevener, followed by Marhta Argerich and Krystian Zimerman, all stunning reneditions), and Khatia’s differs from them greatly. Benjamin’s is very technical, and precise, while Khatia flows with strong emotions - Virtuosic phrases are played with an even faster tempo than called for (!), and then rumble and die down amongst themselves, notes intertwining yet never lost, finally faltering almost to a whisper - uttered softly on the piano. It’s an unbelieveable performance for an intese piece of music.

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And just like with Mozart, I have absolutely no idea what does one have to feel to construct something as crafted, as mysterious, as that sonata. Liszt had also worked on it for a long time (unlike Mozart churned them out pretty quickly), so whatever it is he felt has been laying around there for a good while.

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One of the most gratifying experiences I have while listening to classical is experiencing both of these things - an intense, unexpected crescendo in an awe-inspiring piece. For once, I feel like not fully-understanding these pieces help bring out just how brilliant they are, and how enriching.

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+ + + diff --git a/jekyll/_site/classical ramblings/2021/09/05/mendel-schub-not-shouting.html b/jekyll/_site/classical ramblings/2021/09/05/mendel-schub-not-shouting.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8a0d19c --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/classical ramblings/2021/09/05/mendel-schub-not-shouting.html @@ -0,0 +1,116 @@ + + + + + +It’s Pretty, Without The Shouting [Mendelssohn, Schubert] | Pukeko.xyz Blog + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
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It's Pretty, Without The Shouting [Mendelssohn, Schubert]

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What happened in Italy?

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Today I succumbed yet again to one of the most steadfast pieces in my arsenal - Mendelssohn’s magnificent Italian Symphony (Op. 90, in A).

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Mendelssohn was a composer I stumbled about quite in random, largely due to me initally dismissing him as an ordinary, classical era composer in the shadow of Beethoven. It was actually his string quartets I first stumbled upon (the greatly atypical sixth, Op 80 in F minor). At the time I was discovering Dvorak’s masterful, explosive string quartets, and Mendelssohn blindsided me. I kept listening to the rest of the quartets, followed by the piano concerti - at this point already a keen listener.

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Mendelssohn is greatly restrained in comparison to my top picks at the time (and now, I guess) - including Mahler, Tchaikovski, Brahms, and - as mentioned - Dvorak. However, I found great elegance in his work - it is always interesting, balanced, pleasant to listen to and thought-provoking.

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Then, I found his symphonies. Monikered simply as ‘Italian’, Felix’s fourth seems, on paper, like a by-the-book classical era symphony - 30 minutes long, major key, with the classical structure:

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  1. Dramatic, fast-tempo opening
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  3. Slower, brooding movement
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  5. Minuet/Trio dance movement
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  7. REALLY fast, REALLY dramatic finisher
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Smitten with big, LOUD symphonies, I listened to it out of curiosty.

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I don’t know what happened to Felix in Italy, but something was going on in there. Supposedly a simple representaion of Italy and its people, the fourth is incredibly rich - vibrant, fast and colorful. It manages to provoke strong emotion (listen to the coda of the first movement, and the opening of the fourth), and inspire imagination. Just listen to the second movement - you instantly feel as in the Italian Alps! how does one convey this with a set of notes this effectively? +I’ve never been to the Italian Alps in person, but I feel like I’ve been now!

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Likewise, if I sit in a quiet room and listen attentively to the sixth quartet, I’ll likely choke up with grief - and all done without the excessive yelling that often applies Romantic pieces (close to no yelling at all, really). Mendelssohn walks the line between Classic and Romantic perfectly, strongly conveying what he felt with elegant, precise compositions.

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I initally scoffed at biographies of Felix comparing him to Mozart as yet another child prodigy classical genius, but I gladly stand corrected- there’s undeniable genius in the harmony of Felix’s works.

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The Swan Song of Franz Schubert

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Another composer that does this wonderfully is the oft-neglected Franz Schubert. +In the resources I used to discover classical music, Schubert was often hailed for his genius, yet did not seem as famous, as talented or as interesting as his peers. I didn’t pursue Franz’s works for a good while, but find myself coming back to them.

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His fifth symphony (D.485, in B flat major) is the very first non-yeller I’ve really enjoyed listening to. Schubert does to Brahms what Brahms does to Mahler - if you compare Brahms’ fourth with Schubert’s fifth (or even ninth), there’s a lot less going on, and it’s going much slower - but manages to say just as much. Schubert’s music is understated, and stands solely on the strength of the composition - there’s no massive orchestration, no jaw-dropping crescendos - simply good, passionate music.

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And while Mendelssohn’s compostions are, to me, immediatly Mendelssohn-i, I feel a stroke of genuis runs through each Schubert’s works, not yet fully discovered and realized - I just can’t put my finger on it. I find his String Quintet (D.956, in C major) and his Eighth, unfinished symphony (D.759, in B minor) particularly magical. +Schubert’s music is also surprisingly imaginitve - there’s a great difference between his ominous unfinished symphony and his playful, colorful Trout quintet and Swan Song in the string quintet.

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It’s great to have some choices I can listen to at home or at work with people around without fearing heavy judgement - there’s nothing not to like about both of these composer’s incredible works.

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Step Into The Void: Liszt's Piano Sonata [Liszt]

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I am a symphonic person. There’s no denying it - I’m gobsmacked by sweeping orchestral manuevers. Romantic symphonies, such as Brahms’ 4th and Tchaikovski’s 4th (both likely mentioned here already) are firmly where my tastes lay. To be a good listener, however (and to actually realise what is your ‘home ground’), I’ve heard the essentials of other types of classical as well. I still feel at home with chamber music, and a passionate string quartet never fails to sucker-punch me in the feels. And of course, I’ve heard some essentials of the solo piano - Chopin’s Nocturnes and Beethoven’s sonatas. +Franz Liszt, however, is a composer I’ve had trouble connecting with - and this enigmatic piano sonata is deep, deep piano territory. It is also one of my absolute favourites.

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Why?

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Liszt’s piano sonata is completely unlike anything I’ve ever heard before, certainly not in any string quartet. It is elaborate, mysterious, and - in my eyes - beyond sublime.

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The sonata has… moods. Naturally, music has moods, yes. However, being a keen Romantic (in music and not much else), I usually have an inkling of the composer’s mood or experience when listening to a piece. This is all ground I’ve covered in the Classical Thunder post, earlier in the ramblings. As mentioned in that post, the only two composers I can think of that totally obstruct this to me are Mozart and Liszt. With Franz, however, the obscurity runs even deeper - I not only fail to understand the mood when writing the piece, but the mood stated in it as well.

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Mood.

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Liszt’s sonata is exquisitley crafted, and can be disassembled in a myraid of ways - below is my humble, uninformed, likely bluntly wrong and stupid take.

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Two moods run through the sonata.

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The Oomph

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The first - uttered with a single, suspended note, repeated and followed by a short phrase of suspended chords - feels tense, and dark. It’s not quite insidious, but it makes you hold your breath knowing something greater is about to be expressed. Sure enough, a few loud chords are uttered, and the mood quickly picks up pace, becoming faster and faster, tension rising and rising, almost disintegrating as it goes. Just when it feels like it all falls apart, the second mood bursts in.

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The Wow

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The tone shifts suddenly, and immediatly slaps from being menacing to… overjoyed? +Stated relatively slowly, this rapture grows more intense, with chords hammered on the piano overpowering the notes of the melody, until reaching an overbearing, strained and emphasised joy.

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This crescendo descendes to a simple, pleasant, heart-tugging melody - with sweet notes floating over the piano, as if the great tension and its’ release are finished and we are basking in the aftermath. The distance between this phrase and the suspended, thundering notes of the opening are unbelieveable.

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Also, everything mention thus far happens within the first five minutes. Just so you know.

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The Cycle

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Amazingly, these two are the only moods expressed throughout the piece. This is a good 30 minutes, and Franz has drawn all his cards within five minutes. What now?

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Well, the piece goes on to dance between these moods - the tense buildup to the disintegration, the rapture, the relief, and back into the tension - each revision getting more and more extreme with whatever it’s expressing. The buildup grows faster, louder, stronger, notes blurring into each other - and still distinguishable as the very first ones the sonata opens with. Conversly, the rapture grows the other way - slower, and even more refined and distinguished from its earlier revisions - with the height right about the middle of the piece. The aftermath is almost a whisper, as the listener unwinds from the second cycle.

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Finally, the final third or so of the piece is approximately the previous two-thirds, repeated and dramaticized. The fast bits are breakneck speed, the rapture is fired swiftly after, and this whole cycle repeats a final time, greatly compressed and exagerated. Some alteration and variations are evident late in this final cycle in both moods, and finally - in the sonata’s dusk - we fall back to the very opening. A single, suspended note, repeated and followed by a short phrase of suspened chords.

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This time, instead of picking up speed again, they dissolve - almost peacefully - and the sonata ends.

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Aftermath

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This sonata is amazingly succint. Moods and phrases feel familiar as they swing around, intertwine and interact, but they’re never quite clear. With both, I have a vague idea of what they’re expressing, but Liszt never quite lets you pin down where they come from, what they mean or where they lead up to. You’re confined to this small subset of emotion - and it is wrung to its core.

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Liszt’s sonata is sublime, and it is fascinating to see how different pianists - one no less talented than the other - interpret this mysterious, emotional piece.

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I recommened Christian Zimmerman’s recording (considered the ‘Gold Standard’), and Jorge Bolets’ recording - both are breathtaking and sound incredibly different.

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Going Big with Bruckner [Bruckner]

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It’s always the same. +A quiet, mysterious opening, slowly picking up intensity and volume. +Growing louder and louder, increasing in complexity - new sounds slowly file in. +And somehow, it snuck up on you - you’re bathed in symphonic might, overflowing with emotion. +It’s the Bruckner symphony.

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I’ve come to hear the music of Anton Bruckner when following the path of Mahler, and the two do share many similarities - both hail from the proud German-Austrian traditions of Romantic music, and both brought the symphony to previously unforeseen scale. Their music, however, remains quite different.

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Anton Bruckner’s symphonies are massive in scale, sound and length - Bruckner often repeats himself, and the tempo is quite slow. Somewhat unusually, they all share a very similar structure and even orchestration - Bruckner had a style and he stuck to it.

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Earlier in my classical journey, I was drawn to fast, virtuousic music - and so did not dwell long on Bruckner. As I grew into more diverse style, Bruckner crept up on me.

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If you can spare the attention span to listen to him, you will be richly rewarded.

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I’ve read online somewhere that ‘Bruckner is not to be understood - but to be experienced’.

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His works are extremely rich in texture - the orchestra does not remain idle, and there’s always something going on - the whispering of a wind instrument, low hums of strings, ringing brass. There’s always an atmosphere to decipher, continuously building up and growing bigger, bolder.

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And when you reach the core of each phrase, you are surrounded with pure, clean emotion.

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And while it may sound all very conservative, Bruckner has some surprisingly modern tricks up his sleeve. He is not afraid to suddenly ditch pleasant tonality, rise suddenly in volume and force, and change the mood at a whim. The third symphony is a good example of this - even relatively early, it sounds very different from a conservative Classical era symphony.

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Bruckner was a devout Catholic and an organist, and even though music historians complain that “Bruckner the man has very little to do with Bruckner the composer”, I can hear these influences in his music. There’s always a divine aura to the symphonies, and if you close your eyes, at times you can almost imagine sitting afoot a massive organ, awed by its sound. At other times, it sounds like something of a movie soundtrack, whether released today or in the last decade. Finally, if you’re not aware, you’ll be caught of guard with much more colorful modern maneuvers.

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Anton’s music contrasts greatly with many of my favorites - Brahms being particularly different. Where Brahms uses the orchestra in moderation, and constructs powerful and sudden phrases with sudden might - Bruckner builds up the entire orchestra. It also greatly differs from the music of Mahler, who saw Bruckner as a contemporary (and said of him he is a “Half simpleton, half God”) - Mahler’s vast symphonic scale is fickle and intense, while Bruckner’s is restrained and carefully presented. The music of both is amongst the mightiest I’ve ever heard.

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Nowadays, I really enjoy listening to Bruckner - it’s somewhat of a break from the rest of the music into the familiar structure of his symphonies - which never fail to awe me in their unique voice.

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Just listen to the Adagio of the sixth and see if it does not touch something within your soul.

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I heartily recommend giving the 3rd, 4th, 6th, and 7th symphonies an attentive listen.

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Classical: The Next Generation

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Classical season has started earlier this month, and I’ve been having a blast - attending two concerts, as well as a rehearsal - which have all been outstanding. As awesome as those have been, tonight has been particularly spectacular - I had the great priviledge of inviting my parents to listen as well.

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I’ve known for some time experiencing classical live is a big part of it, but it’s amazing just how much of an impact it’s had on my journey in such a short time - even recordings I already know and love sound totally different!

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Classical’s Not Dead - It’s Edgier Than Ever!

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The programme this year is about bringing unique, less-often performed pieces to the public - and while I don’t know how objectively true that is, it’s certainly been quite spicy.

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The opening was a performance of Tchaikovsky’s brilliant Violin Concerto (played by Joshua Bell), and no other than the (allegedly) riot-inducing Rite Of Spring by Stravinsky.

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Now, the violin concerto is a piece I really like (and as I’ve learned, many people of the public and music students strongly dislike), and it was a heartfelt, lively performance followed by a tasty encore of the first of Chopin’s nocturnes (on violin! I didn’t know that was a thing!). While savouring the joy of hearing this familiar piece, I inevitably fell to smugness ( this can’t get better ) and was completely blindsided by The Rite of Spring.

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It began while I sat in the hall during the break - I love watching the players warm up and trill - when they rolled in the gong.

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That’s right - The Gong.

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It. Was. Unbelievable.

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From the strange, entrancing call of the basoon, the sudden harsh growling of the strings laced with tense pizicatto, to one of my new favourite bits of music - the gong.

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The gong-man just smacks it and the concert hall bows to submit, heraled by the LOUD cry of strings and wind - absolutely mesmerizing!

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The room quivered with power and emotion like I’ve never felt by any work of art.

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On my way out, I heard a mother asking her teenage son what he thought of the Rite of Spring.

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‘The opening was good’, he condescendingly ruled.

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You don’t know where it’s at, kid!

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Tchaikovski and Chill

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The next endeavour was a public rehearsel of Tchakovski’s magnificent Fourth Symphony, which has always been one of my very favourites. All the players, as well as the conductor, just waltzed in with their jeans and flip-flops and played the hell out of that symphony.

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Hearing a piece I am deeply familiar with was really exciting, and digging into it with the conductor’s corrections was even better.

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I learned a lot by how he corrects the orchestra - you’re not rising smoothly here, going too fast there, and suddenly seeing it improve was eye opening.

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It was also amusing listening to the complaints of my neighbours (It’s too long! why are they rehearsing for so long!, Oh, look, it’s going to get loud, he’s bringing in the cymbals!).

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To top it off, since the concert hall is near my work place, I got some time to go photograph pigeons in that nice fountain and drink green tea. Really helped process things.

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Classical: Next Generation

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Finally, tonight me and my folks went to hear another concert.

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The day had all the makings of disaster spelled all over it: both my folks were busy beforehand (lil’ bro won an award! yay!), I dragged them out too early (no regrets), and the pieces to be played were particularly spicy which my father tends to dislike (describing them as white-hot combs searing into the flesh). We hear Ligetti’s Atmospheres, Bartok’s Viola Concerto and of course, Tchaikovski’s magnifienct fourth. I didn’t spoil anything!

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Things went… far better than expected.

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The conductor (charismatic Lahav Shani) promptly explained the concept behind Ligetti’s piece - playing all of the sounds at once and using them to manipulate mood - which helped it ‘click’ both for me and my folks. It was a slower piece, and I expected them to be disappointed - only to be suprised to find them pleased.

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It wasn’t comby at all! it makes sense! it’s really cool!

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Bartok’s Viola concerto was a stellar performance by Pinchas Zuckerman, and it was amazing to see both my folks suddenly intrigued at the edge of their seats

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It’s so beautiful!

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  • Mum, silently to herself.
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But much like Stravinsky did to Tchakovski, Tchaikovski did tonight to Bartok - The fourth symphony ticked all my boxes. It was rich, passionate, exciting - it was the sypmhony at it’s best. I listened to it with my eyes watering, and my parents were sucked right in. Their eyes lit up like I haven’t seen in a good while.

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They each told me they’ve never been to a concert before, and if it weren’t for me they likely would not have gone. Tonight, I was able to give them something back, and share a great passion of mine with them - and see it really connect. I’ll never forget this feeling.

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Both have eagerly expressed will to go again, but even if this was a one time thing - I’m overjoyed I was able to give a little something back.

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The String Quartet

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In progress

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Following the great sweep of symphonic pieces I have heard thanks to the Philharmonic’s season opening, I find myself straying back to one of my favourites subgenres of classical music - the string quartet. A successful spin of the great classic tradition, I feel the string quartet embodies the best classical has to offer in a unique, heartfelt form.

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As I likely mentioned before, I feel at home listening to symphonies. However, a symphony can feel overwhelming - overflowing with emotion, volume and texture. For me, that’s when the quartets come in.

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I find string quartets fascinating because, to me, they represent about as close as you can get to mainstream music from the classical realm. I like to think of quartets (and their cousins, the quintets and sextets) not unlike a band - a few players with their instruments playing a smaller scale of music. +Coming from mainstream music, you can easily dismiss the difference between mainstream and classical sound by pointing out the orchestra (‘Well, we’re not gonna sound like that - there’s a whole bunch of players!’) or the unique instruments (no one here rocks a tuba). Quartet-wise, it can be argued that if you think of a contra bass as a big, twiddly bass guitar, you’re almost there - and now the difference in what you’re hearing is much more likely to stem from the music itself.

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But what are you hearing?

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The string formations restrict themselves to a single subset of classical sound - there’s string, and that’s it - in stark contrast to both the back-and-forth of strings and wind instruments often heard in symphonic works, and to the virtuousic, often brooding nature of solo piano works. There’s a certain balance that must be kept, and there’s only one type of sound to keep it with.

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As a result, string quartets/quintets/sextets are often very harsh on the ear for those who are not familiar with them (and sometimes, to those who are familiar with them - Shostakovitch’s and Bartok’s quartets are prime example) - they screech, squeal and creak, unable to be disguised in the large formation of orchestras nor in the elegance of the piano. Once you surmount that initial repulsion, however, there’s something really special to be heard.

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The best example of this I can think of is Dvorak’s very well known (for good reason!) quartet #12 - the American quartet. He composed it while in the United States, and listening to it instantly transports you the the States of that time - think rustic, wide open spaces, a new and optimistic world, with smidgens of Native American melodies. Dvorak pursued the Native melodies beautifully in this quartet and in his Ninth Symphony (also incredibly popular) and predicted many others will follow, which they unfortunately did not. What a shame!

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String quartet 12 is the single most atmospheric piece I know.

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To illustrate the difference between this form and the symphony, you can compare this quartet to Dvorak’s own ninth, which was written around a similar time and around a similar thing. Both attempt to convey the same feeling, ableit from different directions - the quartet looks inward to the new world from an European view, while the symphony looks back home to Europe ‘ from the new world ‘. The symphony is far richer - right at the opening, it conveys a deep nostalgia - and it meanders about a range of emotions until finalizing in a great triumph in the finale.

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The quartet is much more gentle - the opening transports you to the wide open spaces, and it feels much as though you’re overlooking great plains and rolling hills. Rather than expoding with sudden intensity as the symphony does, the mood in the quartet rises and falls much more gradually.

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Classical Ramblings

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+ Below are spewing I think about when listening to Classical Music. They are likely wrong, insultingly innacurate, and offensive to anyone who'd really understand music, but it is what it is. +Take everything with a grain of salt, and read seeking conflict and superiority. +----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- + + + +
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+ Classical: The Next Generation +

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Classical season has started earlier this month, and I’ve been having a blast - attending two concerts, as well as a rehearsal - which have all been outstanding. As awesome as those have been, tonight has been particularly spectacular - I had the great priviledge of inviting my parents to listen as well.

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+ Going Big with Bruckner [Bruckner] +

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It’s always the same. +A quiet, mysterious opening, slowly picking up intensity and volume. +Growing louder and louder, increasing in complexity - new sounds slowly file in. +And somehow, it snuck up on you - you’re bathed in symphonic might, overflowing with emotion. +It’s the Bruckner symphony.

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+ Step Into The Void: Liszt's Piano Sonata [Liszt] +

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I am a symphonic person. There’s no denying it - I’m gobsmacked by sweeping orchestral manuevers. Romantic symphonies, such as Brahms’ 4th and Tchaikovski’s 4th (both likely mentioned here already) are firmly where my tastes lay. To be a good listener, however (and to actually realise what is your ‘home ground’), I’ve heard the essentials of other types of classical as well. I still feel at home with chamber music, and a passionate string quartet never fails to sucker-punch me in the feels. And of course, I’ve heard some essentials of the solo piano - Chopin’s Nocturnes and Beethoven’s sonatas. +Franz Liszt, however, is a composer I’ve had trouble connecting with - and this enigmatic piano sonata is deep, deep piano territory. It is also one of my absolute favourites.

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+ Classical Thunder [Mozart, Liszt] +

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My favorite streaming service (Primephonic) was bought by Apple, declaring imminent shutdown. +Naturally, I switched to Apple’s platform ready to be all condenscending, when it immidiately suggested one of my favorites - Mozart’s 20th piano concerto (K466, in D Minor) brilliantly performed by Seong-Jin Cho.

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+ Origin of the Angry Piano [Beethoven] +

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My latest classical endeavour is no other than Beethoven, who is unsuprisingly one of the very first composers I listened to (though not the one that brought me over - thanks, Rachmaninoff!).

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+ + + diff --git a/jekyll/_site/feed.xml b/jekyll/_site/feed.xml new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8756084 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/feed.xml @@ -0,0 +1,529 @@ +Jekyll2021-10-28T23:42:43+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/feed.xmlPukeko.xyz BlogI have no idea what I'm doing. Aotearoa2021-10-29T00:06:00+03:002021-10-29T00:06:00+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/travel/2021/10/29/aotearoa<p>Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometer journey almost as far as I could go from home.</p> + +<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/aotearoa/long_white_cloud.jpg" alt="Maunga Taranaki" /> +<sub>Sunset at Maunga Taranaki, North Island, Aotearoa New Zealand</sub></p> + +<p>To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the <em>‘big trip’</em> mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.</p> + +<p>I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.</p> + +<p>The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.</p> + +<p>I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.</p> + +<p>On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.</p> + +<p>The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.</p> + +<p>So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.</p> + +<p>I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.</p> + +<p>The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.</p> + +<p>Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.</p>Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometer journey almost as far as I could go from home.The String Quartet2021-10-27T00:15:00+03:002021-10-27T00:15:00+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/classical%20ramblings/2021/10/27/string-quartet<blockquote> + <p>In progress</p> +</blockquote> + +<p>Following the great sweep of symphonic pieces I have heard thanks to the Philharmonic’s season opening, I find myself straying back to one of my favourites subgenres of classical music - the string quartet. A successful spin of the great classic tradition, I feel the string quartet embodies the best classical has to offer in a unique, heartfelt form.</p> + +<p>As I likely mentioned before, I feel at home listening to symphonies. However, a symphony can feel overwhelming - overflowing with emotion, volume and texture. For me, that’s when the quartets come in.</p> + +<p>I find string quartets fascinating because, to me, they represent about as close as you can get to mainstream music from the classical realm. I like to think of quartets (and their cousins, the quintets and sextets) not unlike a band - a few players with their instruments playing a smaller scale of music. +Coming from mainstream music, you can easily dismiss the difference between mainstream and classical sound by pointing out the orchestra (‘Well, we’re not gonna sound like <em>that</em> - there’s a whole bunch of players!’) or the unique instruments (no one here rocks a tuba). Quartet-wise, it can be argued that if you think of a contra bass as a big, twiddly bass guitar, you’re <em>almost</em> there - and now the difference in what you’re hearing is much more likely to stem from the music itself.</p> + +<p>But what are you hearing?</p> + +<p>The string formations restrict themselves to a single subset of classical sound - there’s string, and that’s it - in stark contrast to both the back-and-forth of strings and wind instruments often heard in symphonic works, and to the virtuousic, often brooding nature of solo piano works. There’s a certain balance that must be kept, and there’s only one type of sound to keep it with.</p> + +<p>As a result, string quartets/quintets/sextets are often <em>very</em> harsh on the ear for those who are not familiar with them (and sometimes, to those who <strong><em>are</em></strong> familiar with them - Shostakovitch’s and Bartok’s quartets are prime example) - they screech, squeal and creak, unable to be disguised in the large formation of orchestras nor in the elegance of the piano. Once you surmount that initial repulsion, however, there’s something really special to be heard.</p> + +<p>The best example of this I can think of is Dvorak’s <em>very</em> well known (for good reason!) quartet #12 - the American quartet. He composed it while in the United States, and listening to it instantly transports you the the States of that time - think rustic, wide open spaces, a new and optimistic world, with smidgens of Native American melodies. Dvorak pursued the Native melodies beautifully in this quartet and in his Ninth Symphony (also incredibly popular) and predicted many others will follow, which they unfortunately did not. What a shame!</p> + +<p>String quartet 12 is the single most atmospheric piece I know.</p> + +<p>To illustrate the difference between this form and the symphony, you can compare this quartet to Dvorak’s own ninth, which was written around a similar time and around a similar thing. Both attempt to convey the same feeling, ableit from different directions - the quartet looks inward to the new world from an European view, while the symphony looks back home to Europe ‘ <em>from the new world</em> ‘. The symphony is far richer - right at the opening, it conveys a deep nostalgia - and it meanders about a range of emotions until finalizing in a great triumph in the finale.</p> + +<p>The quartet is much more gentle - the opening transports you to the wide open spaces, and it feels much as though you’re overlooking great plains and rolling hills. Rather than expoding with sudden intensity as the symphony does, the mood in the quartet rises and falls much more gradually.</p>In progressClassical: The Next Generation2021-10-19T00:20:00+03:002021-10-19T00:20:00+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/classical%20ramblings/2021/10/19/classical-next-generation<p>Classical season has started earlier this month, and I’ve been having a blast - attending two concerts, as well as a rehearsal - which have all been outstanding. As awesome as those have been, tonight has been particularly spectacular - I had the great priviledge of inviting my parents to listen as well.</p> + +<p>I’ve known for some time experiencing classical live is a big part of it, but it’s amazing just how much of an impact it’s had on my journey in such a short time - even recordings I already know and love sound totally different!</p> + +<h1 id="classicals-not-dead---its-edgier-than-ever">Classical’s Not Dead - It’s Edgier Than Ever!</h1> +<p>The programme this year is about <em>bringing unique, less-often performed pieces to the public</em> - and while I don’t know how objectively true that is, it’s certainly been quite spicy.</p> + +<p>The opening was a performance of Tchaikovsky’s brilliant Violin Concerto (played by Joshua Bell), and no other than the (allegedly) riot-inducing <em>Rite Of Spring</em> by Stravinsky.</p> + +<p>Now, the violin concerto is a piece I really like (and as I’ve learned, many people of the public and music students strongly dislike), and it was a heartfelt, lively performance followed by a tasty encore of the first of Chopin’s nocturnes (on violin! I didn’t know that was a thing!). While savouring the joy of hearing this familiar piece, I inevitably fell to smugness ( <em>this can’t get better</em> ) and was completely blindsided by <em>The Rite of Spring</em>.</p> + +<blockquote> + <p>It began while I sat in the hall during the break - I love watching the players warm up and trill - when they rolled in <strong><em>the gong</em></strong>.</p> +</blockquote> + +<p>That’s right - <strong><em>The Gong</em></strong>.</p> + +<p>It. Was. Unbelievable.</p> + +<p>From the strange, entrancing call of the basoon, the sudden harsh <em>growling</em> of the strings laced with tense pizicatto, to one of my new favourite bits of music - the gong.</p> + +<p>The gong-man just <em>smacks it</em> and the concert hall bows to submit, heraled by the LOUD cry of strings and wind - absolutely mesmerizing!</p> + +<p>The room quivered with power and emotion like I’ve never felt by any work of art.</p> + +<p>On my way out, I heard a mother asking her teenage son what he thought of the Rite of Spring.</p> + +<p>‘The opening was good’, he condescendingly ruled.</p> + +<p>You don’t know where it’s at, kid!</p> + +<h1 id="tchaikovski-and-chill">Tchaikovski and Chill</h1> +<p>The next endeavour was a public rehearsel of Tchakovski’s magnificent Fourth Symphony, which has always been one of my very favourites. All the players, as well as the conductor, just waltzed in with their jeans and flip-flops and played the hell out of that symphony.</p> + +<p>Hearing a piece I am deeply familiar with was really exciting, and digging into it with the conductor’s corrections was even better.</p> + +<p>I learned a lot by how he corrects the orchestra - you’re not <em>rising</em> smoothly here, going <em>too fast</em> there, and suddenly seeing it improve was eye opening.</p> + +<p>It was also amusing listening to the complaints of my neighbours (It’s too long! why are they rehearsing for so long!, Oh, look, it’s going to get loud, he’s bringing in the cymbals!).</p> + +<p>To top it off, since the concert hall is near my work place, I got some time to go photograph pigeons in that nice fountain and drink green tea. Really helped process things.</p> + +<h1 id="classical-next-generation">Classical: Next Generation</h1> +<p>Finally, tonight me and my folks went to hear another concert.</p> + +<p>The day had all the makings of disaster spelled all over it: both my folks were busy beforehand (lil’ bro won an award! yay!), I dragged them out too early (no regrets), and the pieces to be played were particularly spicy which my father tends to dislike (describing them as <em>white-hot combs searing into the flesh</em>). We hear Ligetti’s Atmospheres, Bartok’s Viola Concerto and of course, Tchaikovski’s magnifienct fourth. I didn’t spoil anything!</p> + +<p>Things went… far better than expected.</p> + +<p>The conductor (charismatic Lahav Shani) promptly explained the concept behind Ligetti’s piece - playing all of the sounds at once and using them to manipulate mood - which helped it ‘click’ both for me and my folks. It was a slower piece, and I expected them to be disappointed - only to be suprised to find them pleased.</p> + +<blockquote> + <p>It wasn’t <em>comby</em> at all! it makes sense! it’s really cool!</p> + <ul> + <li>Dad</li> + </ul> +</blockquote> + +<p>Bartok’s Viola concerto was a stellar performance by Pinchas Zuckerman, and it was amazing to see both my folks suddenly intrigued at the edge of their seats</p> +<blockquote> + <p><em>It’s so beautiful!</em></p> + <ul> + <li>Mum, silently to herself.</li> + </ul> +</blockquote> + +<p>But much like Stravinsky did to Tchakovski, Tchaikovski did tonight to Bartok - The fourth symphony ticked all my boxes. It was rich, passionate, exciting - it was the sypmhony at it’s best. I listened to it with my eyes watering, and my parents were sucked right in. Their eyes lit up like I haven’t seen in a good while.</p> + +<p>They each told me they’ve never been to a concert before, and if it weren’t for me they likely would not have gone. Tonight, I was able to give them something back, and share a great passion of mine with them - and see it really connect. I’ll never forget this feeling.</p> + +<p>Both have eagerly expressed will to go again, but even if this was a one time thing - I’m overjoyed I was able to give a little something back.</p>Classical season has started earlier this month, and I’ve been having a blast - attending two concerts, as well as a rehearsal - which have all been outstanding. As awesome as those have been, tonight has been particularly spectacular - I had the great priviledge of inviting my parents to listen as well.Going Big with Bruckner [Bruckner]2021-10-08T00:00:00+03:002021-10-08T00:00:00+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/classical%20ramblings/2021/10/08/big-bruckner<p>It’s always the same. +A quiet, mysterious opening, slowly picking up intensity and volume. +Growing louder and louder, increasing in complexity - new sounds slowly file in. +And somehow, it snuck up on you - you’re bathed in symphonic might, overflowing with emotion. +It’s the Bruckner symphony.</p> + +<p>I’ve come to hear the music of Anton Bruckner when following the path of Mahler, and the two do share many similarities - both hail from the proud German-Austrian traditions of Romantic music, and both brought the symphony to previously unforeseen scale. Their music, however, remains quite different.</p> + +<p>Anton Bruckner’s symphonies are massive in scale, sound and length - Bruckner often repeats himself, and the tempo is quite slow. Somewhat unusually, they all share a very similar structure and even orchestration - Bruckner had a style and he stuck to it.</p> + +<p>Earlier in my classical journey, I was drawn to fast, virtuousic music - and so did not dwell long on Bruckner. As I grew into more diverse style, Bruckner crept up on me.</p> + +<p>If you can spare the attention span to listen to him, you will be richly rewarded.</p> + +<p>I’ve read online somewhere that ‘<em>Bruckner is not to be understood - but to be experienced</em>’.</p> + +<p>His works are extremely rich in texture - the orchestra does not remain idle, and there’s always something going on - the whispering of a wind instrument, low hums of strings, ringing brass. There’s always an atmosphere to decipher, continuously building up and growing bigger, bolder.</p> + +<p>And when you reach the core of each phrase, you are surrounded with pure, clean emotion.</p> + +<p>And while it may sound all very conservative, Bruckner has some surprisingly modern tricks up his sleeve. He is not afraid to suddenly ditch pleasant tonality, rise suddenly in volume and force, and change the mood at a whim. The third symphony is a good example of this - even relatively early, it sounds very different from a conservative Classical era symphony.</p> + +<p>Bruckner was a devout Catholic and an organist, and even though music historians complain that “Bruckner the man has very little to do with Bruckner the composer”, I can hear these influences in his music. There’s always a divine aura to the symphonies, and if you close your eyes, at times you can almost imagine sitting afoot a massive organ, awed by its sound. At other times, it sounds like something of a movie soundtrack, whether released today or in the last decade. Finally, if you’re not aware, you’ll be caught of guard with much more colorful modern maneuvers.</p> + +<p>Anton’s music contrasts greatly with many of my favorites - Brahms being particularly different. Where Brahms uses the orchestra in moderation, and constructs powerful and sudden phrases with sudden might - Bruckner builds up the entire orchestra. It also greatly differs from the music of Mahler, who saw Bruckner as a contemporary (and said of him he is a “Half simpleton, half God”) - Mahler’s vast symphonic scale is fickle and intense, while Bruckner’s is restrained and carefully presented. The music of both is amongst the mightiest I’ve ever heard.</p> + +<p>Nowadays, I really enjoy listening to Bruckner - it’s somewhat of a break from the rest of the music into the familiar structure of his symphonies - which never fail to awe me in their unique voice.</p> + +<p>Just listen to the Adagio of the sixth and see if it does not touch something within your soul.</p> + +<p>I heartily recommend giving the 3rd, 4th, 6th, and 7th symphonies an attentive listen.</p>It’s always the same. A quiet, mysterious opening, slowly picking up intensity and volume. Growing louder and louder, increasing in complexity - new sounds slowly file in. And somehow, it snuck up on you - you’re bathed in symphonic might, overflowing with emotion. It’s the Bruckner symphony.Mahler Symphony 92021-09-21T00:00:00+03:002021-09-21T00:00:00+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/2021/09/21/mahler-symphony-9<h1 id="to-the-last-breath-mahlers-symphony-9-finale">To The Last Breath: Mahler’s Symphony #9 Finale</h1> +<p>Let’s get this out of the way: I don’t listen to Mahler very often.</p> + +<p>Gustav Mahler was the very first composer I sought out and listened to on my own - not as a recommendation, nor from prior familiarity. As a fledgling classical listener, Mahler’s works blew me away by their sheer scale - I could never quite name what I’m hearing. It was pure <em>sound</em>, unlike anything I’d ever heard before.</p> + +<p>As time went on, I started listening to other composers much more often, and Mahler fell out of my rotation in favor of mostly Romantic composers (namely Brahms, Tchaikovsky and Dvorak.) The sheer scale and length of his works make them difficult, for me, to listen to often.</p> + +<p>Recently, I’ve started listening to some Mahler again, gradually and carefully - and it strikes me completely differently now as a more experienced listener.</p> + +<p>What prompted me to write this is a particular movement I held close to my heart ever since I first heard it, at the very start of my journey into classical music - the final movement’s of the ninth symphony.</p> + +<h2 id="some-other-title">Some other title</h2> + +<p>There’s no easy way to say it -</p> +<blockquote> + <p>This is a <strong><em>devastating</em></strong> piece.</p> +</blockquote> + +<p>As I’ve come to learn through my listening (and with the help of <a href="https://www.insidethescore.com/">this great channel</a>), classical music is about the emotional response. A composer has the power to directly influence your feelings through the music to a great extent - and all great composers realize this deeply and act on it.</p> + +<p>Gustav Mahler does it like no other, and this piece does so to the greatest extent I’ve heard.</p> + +<p>Right off the bat, the composer demands your full and utmost attention, and does not let it go. + The orchestra itself is massive in size and scale, and is constantly in motion within itself.</p> + +<p>It all starts with a simple theme. Reminiscent of perhaps a sorrowed wail, it instantly feels drenched in sorrow. The string call out the theme, and as it fades the orchestra moves into motion in something of a big, heavy sigh.</p> + +<p>This <em>fatal</em> feeling lasts throughout the orchestra, masterfully weaved with other feelings - some joy, some anger, some yearning - yet from the first note to its last, this movement feels <em>final</em>. This is a statement about death, and it does not let you forget this for a mere moment.</p>To The Last Breath: Mahler’s Symphony #9 Finale Let’s get this out of the way: I don’t listen to Mahler very often.The Path of PC: Adulting is a Quickdraw of Arrogance2021-09-16T23:33:00+03:002021-09-16T23:33:00+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/lerler/2021/09/16/path-of-PC<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/path-of-pc.jpg" alt="The Path of the PC" /> +<sub> <em>Mean, Lean, Linux machine</em> </sub></p> +<blockquote> + <p>Under review</p> +</blockquote> + +<p>I’m currently in a phase of life rife with decision - where would I live? what would I do? what drives me in life? +As I sink (characteristically for me, far far too deep) into these questions, there’s a certain inert arrogance to the process I find I can’t stand. +What does that mean?</p> + +<p>There’s a form for everything. Every path you take presents you with a list of demands, definitions and some deep-rooted philosophy aimed at picking the absolute best for you. +I think of these things very seriously, until suddenly reckoning with my own professional path thus far.</p> + +<p>At this point, I dare call myself a Linux Sysadmin by trade, albeit a novice. I have a steady, long term job, a unique set of skills, interesting employment prospects and a clear career path, just shy of 24. +Sounds nice, doesn’t it? I answered the demands, fit with the definitions, and think in that same deep-rooted philosophy as the path I’ve chosen.</p> + +<p>Only I… don’t. In this latest Ler, I’ll make a case (for myself mostly) on how all this mumbled flurry means nothing, and people end where they are by chance, by prejudice, or by the mere entropy of the universe. I’ll present this using the path I went with to start this career: the path of the PC.</p> + +<h1 id="i-like-video-games">I Like Video Games.</h1> +<p>Always did. Still do.</p> + +<p>As a kid (of around 8? can’t quite say) I received my grandparents’ old hand-me-down hunk of junk excusing a PC, which was the very first machine I personally owned.</p> + +<p>I remember absolutely nothing of this system - only the grey, plasticy China made chassis and the loud whir of the HDDs, likely added to this memory much later. I played simple, 2D or web games on it on occasion, and life was good, I guess.</p> + +<p>As a fourth grader abroad, our family shared the latest-tech laptop, which I remember more firmly - it was a big, black, shiny plastic HP which that got seriously hot without one of these lap cooler-fan things. It had a fingerprint reader (which we were <em>*demanded</em> not to use because none of us could understand it) and we played Runescape on it for <em>way</em> too many hours. By the time nothing but its’ long dead husk was around, I knew enough to retroactively recall it as a Windows Vista machine, and that’s about it.</p> + +<p>For my Bar Mitzvah, I received the first proper PC I ever had, and was becoming aware of what it is, what’s inside and how it works. It was a Core i5 650 - first generation Core! with maybe 4GB of RAM, some cheap Chinese power supply, that default black InWin ATX Chassis, and Nvidia’s not-latest-and-really-not-greatest GT610. Even <em>that</em> early on, the GT did not make it long - more on that later.</p> + +<p>By that point I started picking up some serious 3D gaming - games actually installed on your machine! I remember some Dawn of War RTS, some Age of Empires II and even Minecraft. Within a year or so, I dared my first technical feat with it: overclocking.</p> + +<h1 id="i-like-computer-hardware">I Like Computer Hardware.</h1> +<p>Thinking about it today, it’s amazing to realize I attempted overclocking at all, and twice as amazing to realize I did it responsibly, and have never fried, force shutdown’d or (seriously) harmed a computer. I started raising the clockspeed and voltage of that old yeller, which quickly entailed my first hardware upgrade - a new CPU cooler! (the budget CoolerMaster Evo 212).</p> + +<p>Me and my already disgruntled dad disassembled the whole thing, put on a backplate and even put it back together, only to put in the motherboard front chassis pings wrong, screw up the booting and ask dad’s computer technician friend for help. I wouldn’t be too upset to make that mistake today - those are ferocious little buggers!</p> + +<p>Later on, father went off to the United States, and with the very first of my summer job savings I asked him for a new GPU - the GTX 650Ti. I already had the i5 650 running a full Ghz ahead of spec, with a higher base clock to boot. As time went by I bought the GTX 760, alongside the oldest part still in my machine today - the Seasonic SSP-RT 550 Gold PSU - to support it. Now I had some ragtag rig and started proper gaming. This was the very first computer I <em>made</em> and planned, and upgraded, and much of my hardware knowledge today stems from those days.</p> + +<h1 id="i-like-building-computers">I Like Building Computers.</h1> +<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/first-build.jpg" alt="First Build" /> +<sub> I was <em>really</em> excited about all those bits and pieces in a proper motherboard</sub></p> + +<p>Some years later, the 650 was becoming unbearably slow, which is when I went for my first full upgrade - the i5 4670K, with 8GB of budget Corsair XMS3 1600Mhz RAM, a too-expensive Z-series Gaming motherboard, and a grey metal ATX Corsair Chassis. The core of that computer is now my little brother’s, alive and kicking!.</p> + +<p>I sank into another round of overclocking - receiving a subpar sample just shy of the mythical 4.4Ghz (from 3.8).</p> + +<p>This is when things began to get wild.</p> + +<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/first-build-pic.jpg" alt="First Build Pic" /> +<sub>This picture, from late 2015, is about the point I was first <em>proud</em> of something I planned and assembled</sub></p> + +<h1 id="going-monkey">Going Monkey</h1> +<p>By this point, I started referring to myself as a <em>hardware monkey</em>, already realizing I fail to understand the intricacy of computers, but can sure as hell beat the shit out of them with voltage and cooling. I got a <strong>massive</strong> water cooler (an Arctic double-thick 240mm, which was cheap and quickly disappeared from the market) - so big I had to sandwich two of the fans outside the computer!</p> + +<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/hardware-monkey-closeup.jpg" alt="Hardware Monkey" /> +<sub>Younger me had no shame - only determination. Bigger, Faster, Stronger!</sub></p> + +<p>I got the cooler solely for overclocking, and was disappointing when it:</p> +<ul> + <li>Failed to deliver better clocks (hard lesson in the ‘Silicon Lottery’ there)</li> + <li>Died within a year (it was the pump, and no other such cooler existed ever again)</li> +</ul> + +<p>Before the water cooler leaked its soul back to its lord, there was - you guessed it - yet another upgrade. This time, it was my wisest purchase as a hardware monkey - the R9 390, bought with the explicit intention to undervolt it.</p> + +<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/always-on-top.jpg" alt="Always On Top!" /> +<sub> Things got pretty messy at times</sub></p> + +<h1 id="cooling-im-a-fan">Cooling? I’m a fan!</h1> +<p>That’s right - I bought a part intending to modify it, and it worked out far, far better than I deserve.</p> + +<p>The R9 390, then relatively cheap despite sporting more powerful hardware than the competing GTX 970, was a brilliant purchase - I quickly got it down from 275 Watts to 140, as well as running it about 10% faster. It is now almost six years old and still serving me wonderfully.</p> + +<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/drunk-undervolt.jpg" alt="Drunk Undervolt" /> +<sub>Naturally, I took the GPU apart at some point.</sub></p> + +<p>To this day, I am far to aware of minute details about cooling fans entirely at fault of this episode.</p> + +<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/gpu-shiny.jpg" alt="Ooh, Shiny!" /> +<sub>I came looking for thermals, and I found… Indium?</sub></p> + +<p>Here, drunk with my undervolt’s success, my smug character struck me down in perhaps the worst fashion I would ever be struck down in my life. I was being processed for the military, and the the ripe age of 16 and a half I was sat down in Tel Hashomer, where a pretty, bored soldier asked me what I do.</p> + +<h1 id="i-build-computers">I Build Computers.</h1> + +<p>“I build computers”, I answered smugly, perhaps aiming to impress her. These memories are heavily repressed.</p> + +<p>“So like coding?” was her bored reply.</p> + +<p>Back in those days, I was (and still am, to a degree) wary of realist professions, chiefly including maths and coding.</p> + +<p>” <em>Noooooooooo hu hoooo</em>”, I replied. “I do NOT know coding”.</p> + +<p>Naturally, she sent me off to communications, which drafted me after some testing as a <strong><em>Computer Systems Infrastructure Manager</em></strong>. I am <strong>absolutely certain</strong> I failed those tests spectacularly, despite it being vehemently denied throughout my service.</p> + +<p>To this day, I’m not sure how I feel about that. Perhaps I would have been better off. Perhaps it saved me from much worse misery, and maybe I owe much of my good fortune to that misunderstanding.</p> + +<h1 id="monkey-meets-penguin">Monkey Meets Penguin</h1> +<p>I did take my assigned role very seriously, and one of the most important steps was then taken - I bought a Raspberry Pi (2, model B - which only died last year!).</p> + +<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/raspi2b.jpg" alt="Raspberry Pi 2 Model B" /> +<sub>I took this picture to show all my friends how awesome this little 25$ computer is. I’m still blown away!</sub>.</p> + +<p>This was my first contact with Linux - a field previously unknown and unrelated. +I can only guess whether I’d have stumbled onto Linux on my own, but I’m grateful for it either way - it’s been an unstoppable force in my career and greatly accelerated my hobby.</p> + +<p>Similar experiences of my peers suggest I would never have encountered it on my own, but I’m certainly unwilling to give the military credit.</p> + +<p>So where was I going with this? +Right, the Linuxing.</p> + +<h1 id="the-linuxing">The Linuxing</h1> + +<p>Right after boot camp, I was enrolled in the Communication Corps’ supposedly top-tier computing course. We were often told we were picked out <em>‘from the top 10% of many thousands of applicants’</em>.</p> + +<p>Well, I’ll put it bluntly - I failed the course quite miserably. It was deeply centered around programming (in <em>PowerShell of all things!</em>) and very specific technologies no junior sysadmin has any business of knowing.</p> + +<p>I have yet to use MongoDB in my career. Is it great? probably. Is it absolutely essential for a new army recruit? probably not.</p> + +<p>Now, the fact that I failed did not come as a surprise. Within the first week I became acutely aware of this scenario, and within the first month (out of five) I was certain I’d fail quite a few subjects. +My worsening mental health was falsely attributed (by me, as well as my commanders) to these uninspiring results.</p> + +<blockquote> + <p>You’re giving up on yourself!</p> +</blockquote> + +<p>I was told constantly, by both commanders and - at times - peers. I never felt this way, and told them as such. My talents lay elsewhere - so I’ll focus on those rather than programming, and that’s just fine and dandy.</p> + +<blockquote> + <p>If you fail any subject, you’ll fail the course! you’re giving up on yourself!</p> +</blockquote> + +<p>By this point, I became engrossed in Linux (and, I’ll shamefully admit, Windows and VMWare - don’t judge!), and accepted failure as the price of fluency. I was down on my luck and I stuck to my strengths, despite greatly increasing threats from command staff to flunk me to a shaming service of (gasp!) IT support personnel. This happened anyway, but never mind.</p> + +<p>The big day came around - I was tested in PowerShell, my worst subject and greatest nemesis. After a great deal of effort and much consideration from my commanders, I achieved a brilliant score of 21 points out of 100.</p> + +<p>And you know what? they said I passed the course. And I wasn’t surprised.</p> + +<p>Even as a lean, green army recruit, I called them out on their bluff.</p> + +<p>So what was it all for? it was arbitrary. The requirements were arbitrary, the subjects were arbitrary, my talents were arbitrary and I passed… arbitrarily.</p> + +<p>Still had a great time with my Raspberry Pi, though.</p> + +<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/pi-more-boots.jpg" alt="It Lives! It Lives!" /> +<sub>It lives! It lives!</sub></p> + +<h1 id="the-linuxing-1">The Linuxing!</h1> +<p>Where were we?</p> + +<p>My first post was as a call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I’d learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I was rather quickly reassigned to Air Force HQ as a different type of call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I’d learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I rather quickly found myself unassigned and drowning in free time, because HQ was much slower in kicking me out thanks to its rich bureaucratic ecosystem.</p> + +<p>Being unassigned was deeply humiliating - and while I still had some shred of social awareness left, I wanted to do something with my time to avoid the shame. +The tables have turned, and now I wielded the subject that made me take my post seriously as my sword of defiance. I put up a virtual machine (named <em>Greg and Larry</em> after the Brooklyn Nine-Nine bit) and studied Linux vigorously.</p> + +<p>By now, I quite liked Linux, but it was still an army thing - I wouldn’t go as far as to describe myself as a Linux sysadmin, or even claim it as a hobby or an interest. I had a Ubuntu install running at home for the novelty, but didn’t really use it.</p> + +<p>I’d only chosen to study Linux because it felt slightly less oppressive than the other subjects (it is <em>free</em>, open source software, is it not?).</p> + +<p>As I sank into the worst period of my life, my memory becomes blurred. I don’t quite remember if I had anything to do with Linux over the next year or so. By the time I was reassigned again to a lowly IT support post, I’d already flaunted my Linux experience - so there’s that.</p> + +<h1 id="goin-lean-and-mean">Goin’ <em>lean</em> and <em>mean</em></h1> +<p>I was seriously <em>tired</em> as I drew into my final, year long posting. It should have been of great comfort to me that the work was lowly, uninspiring and greatly prone to technical exaggeration - I could claim the simplest 5 minutes job took me hours and no one would bat an eye.</p> + +<p>Today, it strikes me as utterly bizarre just how much of that time I continued pouring into the Unix world, under quite dire circumstances.</p> + +<p><img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/dragonnight-bsd.jpg" alt="Dire Circumstances" /> +<sub>For some reason, I was booting DragonFly BSD on a different department on that Sunday morning. What was going on?</sub></p> + +<p>Unix projects at this time were numerous, desperate an mostly explainable even to me:</p> + +<ul> + <li>I re-purposed an <em>extremely</em> old, useless server (dual core, 256MB of RAM) as a FreeBSD machine, aiming to run it as a Chess server</li> + <li>I gathered dozens of old 1TB drives and tested how violently I could erase them using said server and much worse machines, often on the floor of the storage room</li> + <li>I put aside a perfectly good computer in a special spot in our ‘lab’ and dedicated it entirely to testing exotic Linux distros, under various false pretenses</li> + <li>I booted a specially formatted, carefully considered and fully encrypted Linux install in places I had no business booting Linux in for the sole purpose of gaming at night. The machines assembled for this were irrational, monstrous anomalies of human engineering.</li> + <li>I carried around a Linux laptop and did a bunch of things with it all while checking just <em>where</em> I could get coverage.</li> + <li>At my commander’s request, I created a series of Unix lectures which were quite good, I think. Obviously never got to use them, but kept researching long after things dropped.</li> + <li>I tried my hand at C and Python. It was bad. +<img src="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/old-computer-pictures/sbaseship.jpg" alt="I am the night" /> +<sub>Late nights with no commanders around were a frenzy of strange Unix abominations</sub></li> +</ul> + +<h1 id="aftermath">Aftermath</h1> +<p>Upon my release, I had quite a bit of functional Linux knowledge in store, and kept tinkering and experimenting at home. Just shy of a year after my release, I landed a job as a Linux sysadmin - full time. The military gave me the stamp of society to knowledge I’ve learned almost entirely on my own, and can now claim as my profession.</p> + +<p>When I just started my service, I proudly claimed I would <em>never</em> work in the IT industry - as ‘<em>computers are lifeless and working with them is a cold, soulless job</em>’.</p> + +<p>I studied computers just to get past my service and escape shipping to some shithole down south - and ended up a professional <strong>just out of spite</strong>. Life really sneaks up on you.</p> + +<p>To summarize:</p> + +<ul> + <li>I like computer games</li> + <li>I bought a computer to make games faster</li> + <li>I bought and installed part to make games faster</li> + <li>I messed around with the parts to make games faster</li> + <li>I bought parts that would allow me to buy parts that I could mess around with to make games faster</li> +</ul> + +<p>Everything is nice. I am having fun. Life is great.</p> + +<p><strong>Society barges in</strong></p> +<ul> + <li>I said something stupid because I was 16</li> + <li>Instantly deemed a coder despite all evidence to the contrary</li> + <li>Realize I hate IT</li> + <li>I failed coding and infrastructure training because I am not a coder and hate IT</li> + <li>I was still assigned to an IT role</li> + <li>It was bad and I got pissed</li> + <li>Learned IT out of spite</li> +</ul> + +<h1 id="conclusion">Conclusion</h1> +<p>Warning: the below is my personal opinion of what I know - I do not claim it to be true for everyone, everywhere.</p> + +<p>I ended up where I am despite having no natural talent, no success and no love for the field because I like video games and maybe wanted to impress some girl I didn’t know because I was 16 and slightly stupider than today.</p> + +<p>I did all bunch of prep stuff to get to pick my army role, which supposedly is the pathway to a career and a degree. I got good grades. I had a favorite subject. I even went to an institution-prep thing. I was drilled, instructed, trained and prepared. It had no effect whatsoever. I succeeded solely out of spite.</p> + +<p>I got my career because I studied on my own. And, as the cherry on top, I have no hope of ever getting into the degree that teaches my field, which I already practice, unless I pay a lot of money, which I can earn by practicing the field I cannot study for. Intensely ironic.</p> + +<p>The tests don’t mean anything. All the talk around those things is useless. Stuff happens for no reason. Most things socially demanded of you are void of substance. Don’t take it all so seriously.</p> + +<p>Go do what you love.</p>Mean, Lean, Linux machine Under reviewStep Into The Void: Liszt’s Piano Sonata [Liszt]2021-09-11T01:26:00+03:002021-09-11T01:26:00+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/classical%20ramblings/2021/09/11/liszt-piano-sonata-deep-dive<p>I am a symphonic person. There’s no denying it - I’m gobsmacked by sweeping orchestral manuevers. Romantic symphonies, such as Brahms’ 4th and Tchaikovski’s 4th (both likely mentioned here already) are firmly where my tastes lay. To be a good listener, however (and to actually realise what is your ‘home ground’), I’ve heard the essentials of other types of classical as well. I still feel at home with chamber music, and a passionate string quartet never fails to sucker-punch me in the feels. And of course, I’ve heard some essentials of the solo piano - Chopin’s Nocturnes and Beethoven’s sonatas. +Franz Liszt, however, is a composer I’ve had trouble connecting with - and this enigmatic piano sonata is deep, deep piano territory. It is also one of my absolute favourites.</p> + +<h1 id="why">Why?</h1> + +<p>Liszt’s piano sonata is completely unlike anything I’ve ever heard before, certainly not in any string quartet. It is elaborate, mysterious, and - in my eyes - beyond sublime.</p> + +<p>The sonata has… moods. Naturally, music has moods, yes. However, being a keen Romantic (in music and not much else), I usually have an inkling of the composer’s mood or experience when listening to a piece. This is all ground I’ve covered in the <a href="https://ler.pukeko.xyz/classical%20ramblings/2021/09/04/liszt-mozart-piano-oomph.html">Classical Thunder</a> post, earlier in the ramblings. As mentioned in that post, the only two composers I can think of that totally obstruct this to me are Mozart and Liszt. With Franz, however, the obscurity runs even deeper - I not only fail to understand the mood when writing the piece, but the mood stated in it as well.</p> + +<h1 id="mood">Mood.</h1> + +<p>Liszt’s sonata is exquisitley crafted, and can be disassembled in a myraid of ways - below is my humble, uninformed, likely bluntly wrong and stupid take.</p> + +<p>Two moods run through the sonata.</p> + +<h2 id="the-oomph">The Oomph</h2> + +<p>The first - uttered with a single, suspended note, repeated and followed by a short phrase of suspended chords - feels tense, and dark. It’s not quite insidious, but it makes you hold your breath knowing something greater is about to be expressed. Sure enough, a few loud chords are uttered, and the mood quickly picks up pace, becoming faster and faster, tension rising and rising, almost disintegrating as it goes. Just when it feels like it all falls apart, the second mood bursts in.</p> + +<h2 id="the-wow">The Wow</h2> + +<p>The tone shifts suddenly, and immediatly slaps from being menacing to… overjoyed? +Stated relatively slowly, this rapture grows more intense, with chords hammered on the piano overpowering the notes of the melody, until reaching an overbearing, strained and emphasised joy.</p> + +<p>This crescendo descendes to a simple, pleasant, heart-tugging melody - with sweet notes floating over the piano, as if the great tension and its’ release are finished and we are basking in the aftermath. The distance between this phrase and the suspended, thundering notes of the opening are unbelieveable.</p> + +<p>Also, everything mention thus far happens within the first five minutes. Just so you know.</p> + +<h1 id="the-cycle">The Cycle</h1> + +<p>Amazingly, these two are the <em>only moods expressed throughout the piece</em>. This is a good 30 minutes, and Franz has drawn all his cards within five minutes. What now?</p> + +<p>Well, the piece goes on to dance between these moods - the tense buildup to the disintegration, the rapture, the relief, and back into the tension - each revision getting more and more extreme with whatever it’s expressing. The buildup grows faster, louder, stronger, notes blurring into each other - and still distinguishable as the very first ones the sonata opens with. Conversly, the rapture grows the other way - slower, and even more refined and distinguished from its earlier revisions - with the height right about the middle of the piece. The aftermath is almost a whisper, as the listener unwinds from the second cycle.</p> + +<p>Finally, the final third or so of the piece is approximately the previous two-thirds, <em>repeated and dramaticized</em>. The fast bits are breakneck speed, the rapture is fired swiftly after, and this whole cycle repeats a final time, greatly compressed and exagerated. Some alteration and variations are evident late in this final cycle in both moods, and finally - in the sonata’s dusk - we fall back to the very opening. A single, suspended note, repeated and followed by a short phrase of suspened chords.</p> + +<p>This time, instead of picking up speed again, they dissolve - almost peacefully - and the sonata ends.</p> + +<h1 id="aftermath">Aftermath</h1> + +<p>This sonata is amazingly succint. Moods and phrases feel familiar as they swing around, intertwine and interact, but they’re never quite clear. With both, I have a vague idea of what they’re expressing, but Liszt never quite lets you pin down where they come from, what they mean or where they lead up to. You’re confined to this small subset of emotion - and it is wrung to its core.</p> + +<p>Liszt’s sonata is sublime, and it is fascinating to see how different pianists - one no less talented than the other - interpret this mysterious, emotional piece.</p> + +<p>I recommened Christian Zimmerman’s recording (considered the ‘Gold Standard’), and Jorge Bolets’ recording - both are breathtaking and sound incredibly different.</p>I am a symphonic person. There’s no denying it - I’m gobsmacked by sweeping orchestral manuevers. Romantic symphonies, such as Brahms’ 4th and Tchaikovski’s 4th (both likely mentioned here already) are firmly where my tastes lay. To be a good listener, however (and to actually realise what is your ‘home ground’), I’ve heard the essentials of other types of classical as well. I still feel at home with chamber music, and a passionate string quartet never fails to sucker-punch me in the feels. And of course, I’ve heard some essentials of the solo piano - Chopin’s Nocturnes and Beethoven’s sonatas. Franz Liszt, however, is a composer I’ve had trouble connecting with - and this enigmatic piano sonata is deep, deep piano territory. It is also one of my absolute favourites.It’s Pretty, Without The Shouting [Mendelssohn, Schubert]2021-09-05T22:18:00+03:002021-09-05T22:18:00+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/classical%20ramblings/2021/09/05/mendel-schub-not-shouting<h1 id="what-happened-in-italy">What happened in Italy?</h1> +<p>Today I succumbed yet again to one of the most steadfast pieces in my arsenal - Mendelssohn’s magnificent <em>Italian Symphony</em> (Op. 90, in A).</p> + +<p>Mendelssohn was a composer I stumbled about quite in random, largely due to me initally dismissing him as an ordinary, classical era composer in the shadow of Beethoven. It was actually his string quartets I first stumbled upon (the greatly atypical sixth, Op 80 in F minor). At the time I was discovering Dvorak’s masterful, explosive string quartets, and Mendelssohn blindsided me. I kept listening to the rest of the quartets, followed by the piano concerti - at this point already a keen listener.</p> + +<p>Mendelssohn is greatly restrained in comparison to my top picks at the time (and now, I guess) - including Mahler, Tchaikovski, Brahms, and - as mentioned - Dvorak. However, I found great elegance in his work - it is always interesting, balanced, pleasant to listen to and thought-provoking.</p> + +<p>Then, I found his symphonies. Monikered simply as ‘Italian’, Felix’s fourth seems, on paper, like a by-the-book classical era symphony - 30 minutes long, major key, with the classical structure:</p> +<ol> + <li>Dramatic, fast-tempo opening</li> + <li>Slower, brooding movement</li> + <li>Minuet/Trio dance movement</li> + <li>REALLY fast, REALLY dramatic finisher</li> +</ol> + +<p>Smitten with big, <em>LOUD</em> symphonies, I listened to it out of curiosty.</p> + +<p>I don’t know <em>what</em> happened to Felix in Italy, but <em>something</em> was going on in there. Supposedly a simple representaion of Italy and its people, the fourth is incredibly rich - vibrant, fast and colorful. It manages to provoke strong emotion (listen to the coda of the first movement, and the opening of the fourth), and inspire imagination. Just listen to the second movement - you <em>instantly</em> feel as in the Italian Alps! how does one convey this <em>with a set of notes</em> <strong><em>this effectively?</em></strong> +I’ve never been to the Italian Alps in person, but I feel like I’ve been now!</p> + +<p>Likewise, if I sit in a quiet room and listen attentively to the sixth quartet, I’ll likely choke up with grief - and all done without the excessive <em>yelling</em> that often applies Romantic pieces (close to no yelling at all, really). Mendelssohn walks the line between Classic and Romantic perfectly, strongly conveying what he felt with elegant, precise compositions.</p> + +<p>I initally scoffed at biographies of Felix comparing him to Mozart as yet another child prodigy classical genius, but I gladly stand corrected- there’s undeniable genius in the harmony of Felix’s works.</p> + +<h1 id="the-swan-song-of-franz-schubert">The Swan Song of Franz Schubert</h1> + +<p>Another composer that does this wonderfully is the oft-neglected Franz Schubert. +In the resources I used to discover classical music, Schubert was often hailed for his genius, yet did not seem as famous, as talented or as interesting as his peers. I didn’t pursue Franz’s works for a good while, but find myself coming back to them.</p> + +<p>His fifth symphony (D.485, in B flat major) is the very first non-yeller I’ve really enjoyed listening to. Schubert does to Brahms what Brahms does to Mahler - if you compare Brahms’ fourth with Schubert’s fifth (or even ninth), there’s a lot less going on, and it’s going much slower - but manages to say just as much. Schubert’s music is understated, and stands solely on the strength of the composition - there’s no massive orchestration, no jaw-dropping crescendos - simply good, passionate music.</p> + +<p>And while Mendelssohn’s compostions are, to me, immediatly <em>Mendelssohn-i</em>, I feel a stroke of genuis runs through each Schubert’s works, not yet fully discovered and realized - I just can’t put my finger on it. I find his String Quintet (D.956, in C major) and his Eighth, unfinished symphony (D.759, in B minor) particularly magical. +Schubert’s music is also surprisingly imaginitve - there’s a great difference between his ominous unfinished symphony and his playful, colorful Trout quintet and Swan Song in the string quintet.</p> + +<p>It’s great to have some choices I can listen to at home or at work with people around without fearing heavy judgement - there’s nothing not to like about both of these composer’s incredible works.</p>What happened in Italy? Today I succumbed yet again to one of the most steadfast pieces in my arsenal - Mendelssohn’s magnificent Italian Symphony (Op. 90, in A).Classical Thunder [Mozart, Liszt]2021-09-04T23:09:00+03:002021-09-04T23:09:00+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/classical%20ramblings/2021/09/04/liszt-mozart-piano-oomph<p>My favorite streaming service (Primephonic) was bought by Apple, declaring imminent shutdown. +Naturally, I switched to Apple’s platform ready to be all condenscending, when it immidiately suggested one of my favorites - Mozart’s 20th piano concerto (K466, in D Minor) brilliantly performed by Seong-Jin Cho.</p> + +<p>On the 3rd or 4th listen within that week (I <em>really</em> like that piece), Mozart’s brilliant capacity for <em>classical thunder</em> struck me - not dissimilar to a solo on a Rock/Punk/Metal piece. Sure, it takes it much more time to get there, but Mozart gets seriously intense. It’s odd to think about it, but I feel like today’s musical ‘ <em>hooks</em> ‘ as they are called have clearly existed that far back - listen to how the opening grips you!</p> + +<p>Another thing that listening to Mozart always makes me think is how <em>alien</em> his music feels compared to… most everyone else really. Listening to Beethoven, for example (including the sonatas I mention earlier), I feel like I have a pretty good idea of how he felt when writing them - I often stop at a particular phrase thinking <em>‘Who pissed ya off, Ludvig?’</em>.</p> + +<p>Most other Romantic composers I enjoy listening to share this trait - Tchaikovski in particular really bleeds out his soul for you (The fourth symphony’s second movements and the piano trio’s first are my favorite examples of this), while even in Brahms’ more restrained music you can feel the underlying emotional currents (think about the <em>yearning</em> in his 4th symphony, and the lonesome sighs of the Clarinet in his Clarinet Quintet).</p> + +<p>But Mozart?</p> + +<p>You’re chilling and your room and… What exactly do you have to <strong>feel</strong> to craft something as elaborate, as specific (though not any less intense or passionate) as the 20th concert, or the 40th symphony?</p> + +<p>I’ve only found this alien aspect in one other composer so far - Franz Liszt. +Another of the pieces suggested was Liszt’s amazing Piano Sonata (S178, in B minor) - which is one of the most unique pieces I’ve ever heard. It’s starkly different from other piano sonatas I know - I remember listening to it the first time and feeling profoundly confused. It felt like an erratic, show off piece. But after finally stomaching it after a few listens, it suddenly revealed it self as carefully, elegantly structured - there’s definetly <em>something</em> organized going on here which I can’t grasp.</p> + +<p>It is however, quite mad - phrases are intense, sporadic, and very virtousic. At times it feels almost random, but always circles back and finds itself. I can’t think of another piece that makes me feel the same way.</p> + +<p>This time around, I heard Khatia Buniatshvilli’s performance - which I was very glad to find, since her Rachmanninof performances are amongst my favorites. +I’ve heard quite a few performers tackle this unique piece (first by Benjamin Grosevener, followed by Marhta Argerich and Krystian Zimerman, all stunning reneditions), and Khatia’s differs from them greatly. Benjamin’s is very technical, and precise, while Khatia flows with strong emotions - Virtuosic phrases are played with an even faster tempo than called for (!), and then rumble and die down amongst themselves, notes intertwining yet never lost, finally faltering almost to a whisper - uttered softly on the piano. It’s an unbelieveable performance for an intese piece of music.</p> + +<p>And just like with Mozart, I have absolutely no idea what does one have to feel to construct something as crafted, as mysterious, as that sonata. Liszt had also worked on it for a long time (unlike Mozart churned them out pretty quickly), so whatever it is he felt has been laying around there for a good while.</p> + +<p>One of the most gratifying experiences I have while listening to classical is experiencing both of these things - an intense, unexpected crescendo in an awe-inspiring piece. For once, I feel like not fully-understanding these pieces help bring out just how brilliant they are, and how enriching.</p>My favorite streaming service (Primephonic) was bought by Apple, declaring imminent shutdown. Naturally, I switched to Apple’s platform ready to be all condenscending, when it immidiately suggested one of my favorites - Mozart’s 20th piano concerto (K466, in D Minor) brilliantly performed by Seong-Jin Cho.Origin of the Angry Piano [Beethoven]2021-08-29T22:42:00+03:002021-08-29T22:42:00+03:00https://jekyll.pukeko.xyz/classical%20ramblings/2021/08/29/beethoven-piano-sonatas<p>My latest classical endeavour is no other than Beethoven, who is unsuprisingly one of the very first composers I listened to (though not the one that brought me over - thanks, Rachmaninoff!).</p> + +<p>I’ve had it in mind Beethoven composed for the piano, but had assumed it was his symphonies alone that made him as famous as he is. <em>Wrong!</em></p> + +<p>This time around I barged in from Chopin’s nocturnes, which are already quite a long way from the big, sad string symphonies that awed me into Classical music (shortly after Rach’s banger of a second piano concerto that is). Coming back to Beethoven’s sonatas, which are amongst the first Classical pieces I’ve heard, now with much more listening under my belt - really feels like a sort of closure. Only this time around, I didn’t just enjoy them - they <em>wowed</em> me to my core.</p> + +<p>The one that prompted me to write this is <strong>Appasioneta</strong>, <em>number 23, opus 57</em> (in <em>F minor</em>). Having already heard some very powerful, passionate piano pieces (Liszt’s brilliant, almost alien piano sonata and Chopin’s moving <em>opus 48/1 nocturne</em> spring to mind), Beethoven’s is <strong>mind blowing</strong>. It starts off strong with an ominous phrase, and quickly explodes in speed and emotion - it is incredibly <strong>raw</strong>. I can’t seem to grasp what exactly is it coming through - is it rage? sadness? power? or perhaps just unbridled, undefined raw emotion?</p> + +<p>In any case, it is magnificent. The way a single instrument, powered with a skilled, passionate player (the amazingly talented Igor Levit in this instance) can absolutely thunder through a room with a single instrument is almost ungraspable to me. Listening to the tempo pick up, it feels as if my consciousness itself is shaken - and yet, it’s not just <em>loud</em>. It’s not just <em>fast</em>. It is <em>beatiful</em> - amongst the flurry of notes there’s something truly profound.</p> + +<p>Others I’ve listened to and enjoyed (yes, aside from <strong>Moonlight</strong>) are the very first one ( <strong>Opus 2</strong> , also in <em>F minor</em> - in just works!), the eighth ( <strong>Opus 13</strong>, <strong>Pathetique’</strong> in <em>C minor</em>), and the final, 32nd (<strong>Opus 111!</strong> in <em>C minor</em>).</p> + +<ul> + <li> + <p>The first, while clearly under Mozart’s shadow, to me already feels very different - it just <em>works</em> in a way I can’t describe.</p> + </li> + <li> + <p><em>Pathetique</em> Feels like a clean glance into Beethoven’s character - it is a flurry of emotion, at times anger and at times calm - to me it feels like him venting his frustration with a particularly annoying individual.</p> + </li> + <li> + <p>Finally, the last, 32nd sonata feels like Ludvig knows something we don’t, and will never grasp - and we are simply spectators watching that… something unfold. Very profound and very mysterious.</p> + </li> +</ul> + +<p>In the last month or so I’ve been straying from my Romantic symphonies heartland deep into Baroque and Classical territory - previously the two genres I liked the least by far. After studying and connecting with Mozart’s amazingly flowing piano concerti (namely Opuses <em>20,21,24 and 27</em>), and drifting away with Chopin’s nocturnes (as brought to life by the passionate Jan Lisiecky), Beethoven’s raw, all-minor all-oomph sonatas really are a fresh wet slap in the face.</p> + +<p>It’s a good thing there’s so many of them - I’ll be following this thread for a while.</p>My latest classical endeavour is no other than Beethoven, who is unsuprisingly one of the very first composers I listened to (though not the one that brought me over - thanks, Rachmaninoff!). \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/jekyll/_site/index.html b/jekyll/_site/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..06fd54b --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,72 @@ + + + + + +Pukeko.xyz Blog | I have no idea what I’m doing. + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
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Welcome to Pukeko.xyz. Please enjoy this nonsense.

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Thanks.

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thinking_man +Do you like this kind of stuff? You won’t find it here. Go away.

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diff --git a/jekyll/_site/lerler.html b/jekyll/_site/lerler.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3a4bc2a --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/lerler.html @@ -0,0 +1,126 @@ + + + + + +LerLer | Pukeko.xyz Blog + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
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LerLer

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+ This is what you're here for, folks. The Lers. These are things I think about and decide they're worthy enough to document, so my shame will remain long after my pink jelly-pudding gelatinous lump of frig lets them go. + +These things are observations, speculations, and things that made sense at some point. Take them as they are: long winded rants about anything. +----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- + + + + +
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+ + + diff --git a/jekyll/_site/lerler/2021/08/27/those-roman-dudes.html b/jekyll/_site/lerler/2021/08/27/those-roman-dudes.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b1b0c11 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/lerler/2021/08/27/those-roman-dudes.html @@ -0,0 +1,132 @@ + + + + + +Those Roman dudes were pretty cool actually | Pukeko.xyz Blog + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
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Those Roman dudes were pretty cool actually

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Ruins of Cesearea +Shot with the incredible Fuji X-T30, 18-55 F2.8 Kit lens @ 55mm, F5.6

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The ol’ family and I traveled to Jerusalem and Cesearea this week, so I can feel like a tourist again. +Harkening back to my tourist days, I recalled the somber words of an Australian father down in Tasmania, after I expressed my wonder at the scope of domestic travel availble to Aussies. +“We’ve got things to see, sure, but in Israel, you have such history!”

+ +

And boy howdy, do we now.

+ +

We went into the Westren Wall tunnels, a destination that (amazingly!) not one of the dozen or so institutions that dragged me to there bothered letting us into. +That bit outside? it’s nice. But there’s a nicer bit inside!

+ +

As it turns out, the actual Jerusalem lies a good few meters under the ground, and the Muslim empires that came after the Romans simply raised the whole gosh darn city to be even with this massive temple complex. Has not a single school, course, government or military institution thought to mention this awesome fact?

+ +

Deep inside, there’s a surreal women’s shul (Yes, I know this word now), and below it is the single biggest stone of the wall - which weights (or so the guide claimed) like approximately 60 African Elephants - about 3 meters deep, 14 meters wide and 3 meters tall. And on it, you can still see the chisel marks from Herod’s stonemasons. 2000 year old chisel marks! that’s history right there, folks!

+ +

There’s even a fraction of authentic Jerusalem street buried underneath (yes, the Muslims just… built right on top of it. Mind boggling.).

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Old Temple era Jerusalem street +It just keeps going on top! How has no one told me this??

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That whole complex was so god darn massive, in fact, the Romans themselves (they really did go on for quite a bit, didn’t they) failed to destroy it after the Jewish Bar Kochva rebellion - yes, there’s also that bit. Slightly less awesome.

+ +

That same crazy Herod (why is it Herod in English?) went on, or perhaps came from - I didn’t do my reasearch - the northen city of Cesearea, named after… the cesear [note: this is intensely ironic in today’s political climate). What can I say, it seems like they had a chill hangout spot back then.

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Roman-style pillar in Cesearea +Hardly anything like this lying around Tassie, is there?

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In Cesearea, I discovered several things:

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  1. +

    Whoever’s in charge of Israel’s national parks has no aesthetic sensitivity whatsoever (see garbage can in image below)

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  2. +
  3. +

    Hadera’s famous Wieners, Cesearea and the bunch of those Kibbutzes are within spitting distance, and I should really get around to studying geography

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  4. +
  5. +

    Those Romans knew how to have a good time.

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Hadera's Wieners and Herod's Wieners +Old & New in Cesearea. Can you see the garbage bin?

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As I stood there gazing at King Herod’s mighty vacation palace sinking in the sea, I could not help but wonder - is there any point aside from having a good time?

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Herod's Vacation Palace +I’d go for a swim.

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I’d like to imagine Herod as a smug bastard sitting in that pool (yes, it is a pool) enjoying a nice glass of Roman wine, and that really helps.

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+ + + diff --git a/jekyll/_site/lerler/2021/09/16/path-of-PC.html b/jekyll/_site/lerler/2021/09/16/path-of-PC.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a95eeaa --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/lerler/2021/09/16/path-of-PC.html @@ -0,0 +1,306 @@ + + + + + +The Path of PC: Adulting is a Quickdraw of Arrogance | Pukeko.xyz Blog + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
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The Path of PC: Adulting is a Quickdraw of Arrogance

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The Path of the PC + Mean, Lean, Linux machine

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Under review

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I’m currently in a phase of life rife with decision - where would I live? what would I do? what drives me in life? +As I sink (characteristically for me, far far too deep) into these questions, there’s a certain inert arrogance to the process I find I can’t stand. +What does that mean?

+ +

There’s a form for everything. Every path you take presents you with a list of demands, definitions and some deep-rooted philosophy aimed at picking the absolute best for you. +I think of these things very seriously, until suddenly reckoning with my own professional path thus far.

+ +

At this point, I dare call myself a Linux Sysadmin by trade, albeit a novice. I have a steady, long term job, a unique set of skills, interesting employment prospects and a clear career path, just shy of 24. +Sounds nice, doesn’t it? I answered the demands, fit with the definitions, and think in that same deep-rooted philosophy as the path I’ve chosen.

+ +

Only I… don’t. In this latest Ler, I’ll make a case (for myself mostly) on how all this mumbled flurry means nothing, and people end where they are by chance, by prejudice, or by the mere entropy of the universe. I’ll present this using the path I went with to start this career: the path of the PC.

+ +

I Like Video Games.

+

Always did. Still do.

+ +

As a kid (of around 8? can’t quite say) I received my grandparents’ old hand-me-down hunk of junk excusing a PC, which was the very first machine I personally owned.

+ +

I remember absolutely nothing of this system - only the grey, plasticy China made chassis and the loud whir of the HDDs, likely added to this memory much later. I played simple, 2D or web games on it on occasion, and life was good, I guess.

+ +

As a fourth grader abroad, our family shared the latest-tech laptop, which I remember more firmly - it was a big, black, shiny plastic HP which that got seriously hot without one of these lap cooler-fan things. It had a fingerprint reader (which we were *demanded not to use because none of us could understand it) and we played Runescape on it for way too many hours. By the time nothing but its’ long dead husk was around, I knew enough to retroactively recall it as a Windows Vista machine, and that’s about it.

+ +

For my Bar Mitzvah, I received the first proper PC I ever had, and was becoming aware of what it is, what’s inside and how it works. It was a Core i5 650 - first generation Core! with maybe 4GB of RAM, some cheap Chinese power supply, that default black InWin ATX Chassis, and Nvidia’s not-latest-and-really-not-greatest GT610. Even that early on, the GT did not make it long - more on that later.

+ +

By that point I started picking up some serious 3D gaming - games actually installed on your machine! I remember some Dawn of War RTS, some Age of Empires II and even Minecraft. Within a year or so, I dared my first technical feat with it: overclocking.

+ +

I Like Computer Hardware.

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Thinking about it today, it’s amazing to realize I attempted overclocking at all, and twice as amazing to realize I did it responsibly, and have never fried, force shutdown’d or (seriously) harmed a computer. I started raising the clockspeed and voltage of that old yeller, which quickly entailed my first hardware upgrade - a new CPU cooler! (the budget CoolerMaster Evo 212).

+ +

Me and my already disgruntled dad disassembled the whole thing, put on a backplate and even put it back together, only to put in the motherboard front chassis pings wrong, screw up the booting and ask dad’s computer technician friend for help. I wouldn’t be too upset to make that mistake today - those are ferocious little buggers!

+ +

Later on, father went off to the United States, and with the very first of my summer job savings I asked him for a new GPU - the GTX 650Ti. I already had the i5 650 running a full Ghz ahead of spec, with a higher base clock to boot. As time went by I bought the GTX 760, alongside the oldest part still in my machine today - the Seasonic SSP-RT 550 Gold PSU - to support it. Now I had some ragtag rig and started proper gaming. This was the very first computer I made and planned, and upgraded, and much of my hardware knowledge today stems from those days.

+ +

I Like Building Computers.

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First Build + I was really excited about all those bits and pieces in a proper motherboard

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Some years later, the 650 was becoming unbearably slow, which is when I went for my first full upgrade - the i5 4670K, with 8GB of budget Corsair XMS3 1600Mhz RAM, a too-expensive Z-series Gaming motherboard, and a grey metal ATX Corsair Chassis. The core of that computer is now my little brother’s, alive and kicking!.

+ +

I sank into another round of overclocking - receiving a subpar sample just shy of the mythical 4.4Ghz (from 3.8).

+ +

This is when things began to get wild.

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First Build Pic +This picture, from late 2015, is about the point I was first proud of something I planned and assembled

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Going Monkey

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By this point, I started referring to myself as a hardware monkey, already realizing I fail to understand the intricacy of computers, but can sure as hell beat the shit out of them with voltage and cooling. I got a massive water cooler (an Arctic double-thick 240mm, which was cheap and quickly disappeared from the market) - so big I had to sandwich two of the fans outside the computer!

+ +

Hardware Monkey +Younger me had no shame - only determination. Bigger, Faster, Stronger!

+ +

I got the cooler solely for overclocking, and was disappointing when it:

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  • Failed to deliver better clocks (hard lesson in the ‘Silicon Lottery’ there)
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  • Died within a year (it was the pump, and no other such cooler existed ever again)
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+ +

Before the water cooler leaked its soul back to its lord, there was - you guessed it - yet another upgrade. This time, it was my wisest purchase as a hardware monkey - the R9 390, bought with the explicit intention to undervolt it.

+ +

Always On Top! + Things got pretty messy at times

+ +

Cooling? I’m a fan!

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That’s right - I bought a part intending to modify it, and it worked out far, far better than I deserve.

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The R9 390, then relatively cheap despite sporting more powerful hardware than the competing GTX 970, was a brilliant purchase - I quickly got it down from 275 Watts to 140, as well as running it about 10% faster. It is now almost six years old and still serving me wonderfully.

+ +

Drunk Undervolt +Naturally, I took the GPU apart at some point.

+ +

To this day, I am far to aware of minute details about cooling fans entirely at fault of this episode.

+ +

Ooh, Shiny! +I came looking for thermals, and I found… Indium?

+ +

Here, drunk with my undervolt’s success, my smug character struck me down in perhaps the worst fashion I would ever be struck down in my life. I was being processed for the military, and the the ripe age of 16 and a half I was sat down in Tel Hashomer, where a pretty, bored soldier asked me what I do.

+ +

I Build Computers.

+ +

“I build computers”, I answered smugly, perhaps aiming to impress her. These memories are heavily repressed.

+ +

“So like coding?” was her bored reply.

+ +

Back in those days, I was (and still am, to a degree) wary of realist professions, chiefly including maths and coding.

+ +

Noooooooooo hu hoooo”, I replied. “I do NOT know coding”.

+ +

Naturally, she sent me off to communications, which drafted me after some testing as a Computer Systems Infrastructure Manager. I am absolutely certain I failed those tests spectacularly, despite it being vehemently denied throughout my service.

+ +

To this day, I’m not sure how I feel about that. Perhaps I would have been better off. Perhaps it saved me from much worse misery, and maybe I owe much of my good fortune to that misunderstanding.

+ +

Monkey Meets Penguin

+

I did take my assigned role very seriously, and one of the most important steps was then taken - I bought a Raspberry Pi (2, model B - which only died last year!).

+ +

Raspberry Pi 2 Model B +I took this picture to show all my friends how awesome this little 25$ computer is. I’m still blown away!.

+ +

This was my first contact with Linux - a field previously unknown and unrelated. +I can only guess whether I’d have stumbled onto Linux on my own, but I’m grateful for it either way - it’s been an unstoppable force in my career and greatly accelerated my hobby.

+ +

Similar experiences of my peers suggest I would never have encountered it on my own, but I’m certainly unwilling to give the military credit.

+ +

So where was I going with this? +Right, the Linuxing.

+ +

The Linuxing

+ +

Right after boot camp, I was enrolled in the Communication Corps’ supposedly top-tier computing course. We were often told we were picked out ‘from the top 10% of many thousands of applicants’.

+ +

Well, I’ll put it bluntly - I failed the course quite miserably. It was deeply centered around programming (in PowerShell of all things!) and very specific technologies no junior sysadmin has any business of knowing.

+ +

I have yet to use MongoDB in my career. Is it great? probably. Is it absolutely essential for a new army recruit? probably not.

+ +

Now, the fact that I failed did not come as a surprise. Within the first week I became acutely aware of this scenario, and within the first month (out of five) I was certain I’d fail quite a few subjects. +My worsening mental health was falsely attributed (by me, as well as my commanders) to these uninspiring results.

+ +
+

You’re giving up on yourself!

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+ +

I was told constantly, by both commanders and - at times - peers. I never felt this way, and told them as such. My talents lay elsewhere - so I’ll focus on those rather than programming, and that’s just fine and dandy.

+ +
+

If you fail any subject, you’ll fail the course! you’re giving up on yourself!

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+ +

By this point, I became engrossed in Linux (and, I’ll shamefully admit, Windows and VMWare - don’t judge!), and accepted failure as the price of fluency. I was down on my luck and I stuck to my strengths, despite greatly increasing threats from command staff to flunk me to a shaming service of (gasp!) IT support personnel. This happened anyway, but never mind.

+ +

The big day came around - I was tested in PowerShell, my worst subject and greatest nemesis. After a great deal of effort and much consideration from my commanders, I achieved a brilliant score of 21 points out of 100.

+ +

And you know what? they said I passed the course. And I wasn’t surprised.

+ +

Even as a lean, green army recruit, I called them out on their bluff.

+ +

So what was it all for? it was arbitrary. The requirements were arbitrary, the subjects were arbitrary, my talents were arbitrary and I passed… arbitrarily.

+ +

Still had a great time with my Raspberry Pi, though.

+ +

It Lives! It Lives! +It lives! It lives!

+ +

The Linuxing!

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Where were we?

+ +

My first post was as a call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I’d learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I was rather quickly reassigned to Air Force HQ as a different type of call center operative and had absolutely nothing to do with anything I’d learned or failed to learn. My disappointment quickly led to much hostility, and I rather quickly found myself unassigned and drowning in free time, because HQ was much slower in kicking me out thanks to its rich bureaucratic ecosystem.

+ +

Being unassigned was deeply humiliating - and while I still had some shred of social awareness left, I wanted to do something with my time to avoid the shame. +The tables have turned, and now I wielded the subject that made me take my post seriously as my sword of defiance. I put up a virtual machine (named Greg and Larry after the Brooklyn Nine-Nine bit) and studied Linux vigorously.

+ +

By now, I quite liked Linux, but it was still an army thing - I wouldn’t go as far as to describe myself as a Linux sysadmin, or even claim it as a hobby or an interest. I had a Ubuntu install running at home for the novelty, but didn’t really use it.

+ +

I’d only chosen to study Linux because it felt slightly less oppressive than the other subjects (it is free, open source software, is it not?).

+ +

As I sank into the worst period of my life, my memory becomes blurred. I don’t quite remember if I had anything to do with Linux over the next year or so. By the time I was reassigned again to a lowly IT support post, I’d already flaunted my Linux experience - so there’s that.

+ +

Goin’ lean and mean

+

I was seriously tired as I drew into my final, year long posting. It should have been of great comfort to me that the work was lowly, uninspiring and greatly prone to technical exaggeration - I could claim the simplest 5 minutes job took me hours and no one would bat an eye.

+ +

Today, it strikes me as utterly bizarre just how much of that time I continued pouring into the Unix world, under quite dire circumstances.

+ +

Dire Circumstances +For some reason, I was booting DragonFly BSD on a different department on that Sunday morning. What was going on?

+ +

Unix projects at this time were numerous, desperate an mostly explainable even to me:

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    +
  • I re-purposed an extremely old, useless server (dual core, 256MB of RAM) as a FreeBSD machine, aiming to run it as a Chess server
  • +
  • I gathered dozens of old 1TB drives and tested how violently I could erase them using said server and much worse machines, often on the floor of the storage room
  • +
  • I put aside a perfectly good computer in a special spot in our ‘lab’ and dedicated it entirely to testing exotic Linux distros, under various false pretenses
  • +
  • I booted a specially formatted, carefully considered and fully encrypted Linux install in places I had no business booting Linux in for the sole purpose of gaming at night. The machines assembled for this were irrational, monstrous anomalies of human engineering.
  • +
  • I carried around a Linux laptop and did a bunch of things with it all while checking just where I could get coverage.
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  • At my commander’s request, I created a series of Unix lectures which were quite good, I think. Obviously never got to use them, but kept researching long after things dropped.
  • +
  • I tried my hand at C and Python. It was bad. +I am the night +Late nights with no commanders around were a frenzy of strange Unix abominations
  • +
+ +

Aftermath

+

Upon my release, I had quite a bit of functional Linux knowledge in store, and kept tinkering and experimenting at home. Just shy of a year after my release, I landed a job as a Linux sysadmin - full time. The military gave me the stamp of society to knowledge I’ve learned almost entirely on my own, and can now claim as my profession.

+ +

When I just started my service, I proudly claimed I would never work in the IT industry - as ‘computers are lifeless and working with them is a cold, soulless job’.

+ +

I studied computers just to get past my service and escape shipping to some shithole down south - and ended up a professional just out of spite. Life really sneaks up on you.

+ +

To summarize:

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  • I like computer games
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  • I bought a computer to make games faster
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  • I bought and installed part to make games faster
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  • I messed around with the parts to make games faster
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  • I bought parts that would allow me to buy parts that I could mess around with to make games faster
  • +
+ +

Everything is nice. I am having fun. Life is great.

+ +

Society barges in

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  • I said something stupid because I was 16
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  • Instantly deemed a coder despite all evidence to the contrary
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  • Realize I hate IT
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  • I failed coding and infrastructure training because I am not a coder and hate IT
  • +
  • I was still assigned to an IT role
  • +
  • It was bad and I got pissed
  • +
  • Learned IT out of spite
  • +
+ +

Conclusion

+

Warning: the below is my personal opinion of what I know - I do not claim it to be true for everyone, everywhere.

+ +

I ended up where I am despite having no natural talent, no success and no love for the field because I like video games and maybe wanted to impress some girl I didn’t know because I was 16 and slightly stupider than today.

+ +

I did all bunch of prep stuff to get to pick my army role, which supposedly is the pathway to a career and a degree. I got good grades. I had a favorite subject. I even went to an institution-prep thing. I was drilled, instructed, trained and prepared. It had no effect whatsoever. I succeeded solely out of spite.

+ +

I got my career because I studied on my own. And, as the cherry on top, I have no hope of ever getting into the degree that teaches my field, which I already practice, unless I pay a lot of money, which I can earn by practicing the field I cannot study for. Intensely ironic.

+ +

The tests don’t mean anything. All the talk around those things is useless. Stuff happens for no reason. Most things socially demanded of you are void of substance. Don’t take it all so seriously.

+ +

Go do what you love.

+ +
+
+ +
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+ + + diff --git a/jekyll/_site/posts.html b/jekyll/_site/posts.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..20a47e2 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/posts.html @@ -0,0 +1,130 @@ + + + + + +All Posts | Pukeko.xyz Blog + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
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+

Travel

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+ +
+ Here, I recall and work through my travel experiences, home and abroad. +----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- + + + + +
+ +
+

+ Aotearoa +

+
+ +
+
+

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometer journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+ +
+ + Read More + +
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+ + + diff --git a/jekyll/_site/travel/2021/10/29/aotearoa.html b/jekyll/_site/travel/2021/10/29/aotearoa.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1f21dcb --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/_site/travel/2021/10/29/aotearoa.html @@ -0,0 +1,109 @@ + + + + + +Aotearoa | Pukeko.xyz Blog + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+
+
+ +
+

Aotearoa

+ +
+ +
+

Exactly two years ago, at this very time, I was racing against the night in a long, long journey that would change my life forever. +Two years ago, I embarked on a journey I had painstakingly planned, dreamt and hoped for - I began my four month, 55,000 kilometer journey almost as far as I could go from home.

+ +

Maunga Taranaki +Sunset at Maunga Taranaki, North Island, Aotearoa New Zealand

+ +

To this day, I cannot recall how I got the idea of travelling to New Zealand. I was quite adamant againt the ‘big trip’ mentality of soldiers in Israel, decreeing it wasteful and unneccesary. +After drafting, my mental health began to sharply deteriorate, and I sank into a pit I could not see myself climb out of. +Many months of my life began blurring away, people and places disappearing into a deep, repressed void. And for some reason, in my darkest of times, I had decided to travel to New Zealand as soon as I am released.

+ +

I cannot recall what prompted me to change my mind so swiftly, nor what made me decide on New Zealand - a decision I remember was quick and sure. Yet within days, I had bought a pair of travel books - one for New Zealand and one for Australia - and from there onwards I had spent every free evening, every holiday, every dark day planning, documenting and dreaming of my trip.

+ +

The plan was ambitious to a fault - I would travel alone, and across the entire country - relying on no one and hoping for nothing. As a depressed, socially anxious soldier, this state of mind was almost unthinkable - yet it was the hope towards it which gave me strength to push through my service.

+ +

I remember booking my flight shortly after my release, and drinking my very first shot of whiskey to celebrate. I remember pouring over my notes and maps and marking destinations. I remember buying the gear - the clothes, the boots - and finally, I remember packing and rushing to the airport to catch my flight as it was pushed early.

+ +

On October 28th, 2019, around 17:00, I embarked on a 36 hour journey towards my triumph over apathy - Aotearoa New Zealand.

+ +

The journey was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, it had changes in the plan, the destinations, and expectations - but it could not have gone any better than it did.

+ +

So powerful was the experience that to this day I cannot recall it without tears of joy rising in my throat. So powerful was the experience that I remember each and every day I spent overseas, down to the smallest, most minute details - all after close to three years erased from my life almost completely. It has taken me two years to fully process, recall and work through my experience as I begin to do today.

+ +

I hope to work through my journey today, as it transpired two years ago - how I felt, what I saw, and how I have evolved since. Thankfully, I have left countless memories, photos and journal entries, which I will bring to light in the order they were written.

+ +

The most important lesson I have learned in my travels is that what really matters is not where you are, nor what you see - but how what you’ve seen makes you feel. +If I close my eyes, I feel as I’ve felt then - in the rainy slopes of the Taranaki, in the tarns of Maunga Aoraki, in the forests of Rakiura, under the stars of Abel Tasman and in the clouds of the Tongariro. And thus, I never really left.

+ +

Here’s to many more wonderful journeys, which all began here - in Aotearoa.

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https://jekyllrb.com/docs/themes/#overriding-theme-defaults +layout: default +--- +Welcome to Pukeko.xyz. Please enjoy this nonsense. + +Thanks. + + +![thinking_man](https://ler.pukeko.xyz/assets/not_to_think.jpg) +Do you like this kind of stuff? You won't find it here. Go away. diff --git a/jekyll/layout.html b/jekyll/layout.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4db1b61 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/layout.html @@ -0,0 +1,12 @@ + +--- +layout: default +--- + +
+

Filed Under #{{ page.tag }}

+ + {% for post in site.categories[page.tag] %} + {% include post_preview.html %} + {% endfor %} +
diff --git a/jekyll/pages/classical_ramblings.html b/jekyll/pages/classical_ramblings.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4769c06 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/pages/classical_ramblings.html @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +--- +layout: page +permalink: /classical-ramblings +title: "Classical Ramblings" +--- +Below are spewing I think about when listening to Classical Music. They are likely wrong, insultingly innacurate, and offensive to anyone who'd really understand music, but it is what it is. +Take everything with a grain of salt, and read seeking conflict and superiority. +----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- + + + +
+ {% for post in site.categories['Classical Ramblings'] %} + + {% endfor %} +
+ diff --git a/jekyll/pages/lerler.html b/jekyll/pages/lerler.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..27d0618 --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/pages/lerler.html @@ -0,0 +1,32 @@ +--- +layout: page +permalink: /lerler +title: "LerLer" +--- +This is what you're here for, folks. The Lers. These are things I think about and decide they're worthy enough to document, so my shame will remain long after my pink jelly-pudding gelatinous lump of frig lets them go. + +These things are observations, speculations, and things that made sense at some point. Take them as they are: long winded rants about anything. +----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- + + + + +
+ {% for post in site.categories['Lerler'] %} + + {% endfor %} +
+ diff --git a/jekyll/pages/posts.html b/jekyll/pages/posts.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2cc9c9a --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/pages/posts.html @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +--- +# Feel free to add content and custom Front Matter to this file. +# To modify the layout, see https://jekyllrb.com/docs/themes/#overriding-theme-defaults +layout: home +permalink: /posts +title: "All Posts" +--- diff --git a/jekyll/pages/travel.html b/jekyll/pages/travel.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..60ecedc --- /dev/null +++ b/jekyll/pages/travel.html @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +--- +layout: page +permalink: /travel +title: "Travel" +--- +Here, I recall and work through my travel experiences, home and abroad. +----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- + + + + +
+ {% for post in site.categories['Travel'] %} + + {% endfor %} +
+