diff --git a/The_Difference_Between_an_Idiot_and_a_Moron.md b/The_Difference_Between_an_Idiot_and_a_Moron.md index 4997738..6f88fad 100644 --- a/The_Difference_Between_an_Idiot_and_a_Moron.md +++ b/The_Difference_Between_an_Idiot_and_a_Moron.md @@ -1,13 +1,14 @@ The Difference Between an Idiot and a Moron Adir sat alone in the waiting room. He could feel the receptionist\'s -eyes on him, and huddled nervously on simple plastic chair. +eyes on him, and huddled nervously on a plain plastic chair. He was in a small, light-beige colored room, the color almost identical -to his uniform, blending him in, swallowing him. Traces of strong noon -daylight came through the milky glass panels around the door. +to his uniform, blending him in, swallowing him like an unmerciful +beast. Soft traces of strong noon daylight came through the milky glass +panels around the door. -A plain, small plaque read 'Dedicated Personel Officer'. +Upon it, a small plain plaque read 'Dedicated Personel Officer'. The room was lit with harsh white halogen bulbs - Adir could scarcely raise his head without instinctively reaching for his temples. Some @@ -47,7 +48,7 @@ Tom. Rachel, when is Tom's appointment due?' '10:30', the receptionist shot back without drawing breath. 'Well, I shan't wait any further then. Adir, you're scheduled for... -11:45, was it?" +11:30, was it?" "12:00" @@ -78,8 +79,8 @@ just thinking about. The Dedicated Personel Officer's room was not large, but it felt spacious thanks to the grand floor-to-ceiling window overlooking the -entryway outside -- Adir could just see the soldiers streaming in and -out of the building. The only furnishings were a simple, standard issue +entryway outside. Adir could just see the soldiers streaming in and out +of the building. The only furnishings were a simple, standard issue wooden desk and three more simple plastic chairs against the wall, facing ninety degrees from the desk. A few simple photos were on the walls, as well as a small picture frame on the desk -- yet he could not @@ -88,16 +89,16 @@ make out anything in them. The officer made her way behind the desk, her back to the window, with well adjusted movements. -"You can sit down, Adir. It's the same price", she said softly. He had -not realized he was still standing, and so, flustered, he sat down +"You can sit down, Adir. It's the same price", she said softly, and Adir +-- who had not realized he was still standing, sat down flustered and huched on the middle chair. The officer watched him with observant eyes but made no remark. -"Adir, I am Tamara -- I've been a psychologist here for just over -fifteen years now. I am the head of the personnel department, and I do -not usually treat soldiers as they come in, aside from more severe -cases. However, I understand you've been waiting for some time -- a -month or so, was it?" +"Adir, I am Tamara. I've been a psychologist here for just over fifteen +years now. I am the head of the personnel department, and I do not +usually treat soldiers as they come in, aside from more severe cases. +However, I understand you've been waiting for some time -- a month or +so, was it?" "Since December", Adir answered weakly. @@ -134,19 +135,19 @@ are... 20?" "Born late December, '97" -"Had birthday in boot camp", he chuckled. +"Had birthday in boot camp", he chuckled nervously. -"Have Both parents?" +"Both parents are well?" "Thankfully yes" "Do you have any siblings?" -"A younger sister, and a younger brother" +"A younger sister, and a younger brother." -"Fill in their details here, please". She handed him a form and a pen on -her notepad. Adir painstakingly filled them -- it took a surprisingly -long time. +" I'll need you to fill in their details here, please". She handed him a +form and a pen on her notepad. He painstakingly scribbled them bit by +bit -- it took a surprisingly long time. "Any of them in service?" she asked as he was slaving away. @@ -154,20 +155,25 @@ long time. "Isn't your sister of age?" -"She is. Wasn't cut out for it. She's in National service". He handed -back the form. +"She is." -"Doing what?" +"What happened?" + +"Wasn't cut out for it. She's in National service". He handed back the +form. + +"Doing what?", Tamara asked absent minded, brows furrowed as she +deciphered his handwriting. "Teaching at-risk youth." -Tamara smiled widely. "That's lovely!" +Tamara looked up and smiled widely. "That's lovely!" -"I'm proud of her". +"I'm really proud of her". -"And your brother?" +"How about your younger brother?" -"He's fine" +"He's fine. Good student." "Does he know what he's going to do in the army?" @@ -177,15 +183,15 @@ Tamara smiled widely. "That's lovely!" "Dad's a physicist. Mom's a lawyer" -"Where does he work?" +"Where does your father work?" -"Ministry of defence" +"Ministry of Defence" -"Sounds interesting! What does he do?" +"Sounds interesting. What does he do?" "No idea. He can't say." -"Must be odd." +"I'm quite familiar with it, being here. Must be difficult for you." "He's a bit of a drama queen. Always complains about his rough day. But I can never tell if he's bluffing." @@ -195,17 +201,19 @@ I can never tell if he's bluffing." "They met at the job, so she knows what's going on. It's really annoying". -"She's a lawyer?" +"You mentioned she's a lawyer?" -"Yes." +"She is." -"Of what field?" +"What kind of lawyer?" "Workspace law. I was the most well treated waiter on Earth." -"I see. Everything good at home? Violence between the parents?" +"I see," said Tamara. -"None." +"Everything good at home? Violence between the parents?" + +"No." "Financial status?" @@ -213,7 +221,7 @@ annoying". "Wealthy?" -"No, no. Upper middle class, maybe". +"Wouldn't say so. Upper middle class, maybe". "And you? Big spender?" @@ -221,16 +229,28 @@ annoying". "What for?" -Adir hesitated. "I'll see." +Adir hesitated. "Whatever comes. I'll see." -"Let's go over your service thus far. What is your role called, again?" +"So, let's go over your service thus far, shall we?" + +Adir vaguely gestured a 'go ahead'. + +"What is your role called, again?" "I am a Computing Systems Infastructure Manager". -"Sound big. What do you do?" +"Role number?" she asked, scribbling. -"We're in charge of maintaining the military's operational datacenters -and classified computing systems. Spread across all corps." +"1850". + +"Never heard of it before" + +"It's not air force. Communication corps" + +"That explains it. What do you do?" + +"We're in charge of maintaining the military's operational data centers +and classified computing systems. Spread throughout the corps" "Must be interesting". @@ -244,14 +264,22 @@ Adir said nothing, and Tamara surveyed him cautiously. "We heard jets and mortars at night." +"Right, right! It's just by the strip, isn't it?" + +"15km." + "Must be hard." "It was interesting. Didn't struggle especially." -"Afterwards, you were stationed at the Cyber Defence Academy." +"Following that, you were stationed at the Cyber Defence Academy." -"Defense Forces Academy Of Computer Professions And Cyberspace Defense. -It's a mouthful." +"Defense Forces Academy Of Computer Professions And Cyberspace Defense", +he intoned sarcastically. + +"If you say so" + +"It's a mouthful" "What did you study?" @@ -259,25 +287,33 @@ It's a mouthful." Operating systems. Some databases. A bit of computer hardware. Some programming." -"And how did you do?" +"Were you a good study?" "I was the underdog. But I pulled through nicely." "What's drawn you into computers?" -"Nothing at all". Tamara looked at him questioningly. +"Nothing at all." + +Tamara looked at him questioningly. "It's a cold, dead field." -"It sounds like you've gone through some hardcore training. Why?" +"It sounds like you've gone through some hardcore training. If that's +why you think -- why did you do it?" "That's what they offered." +"They?" + +"The army." + "It's a voluntary course." -"Had no other choice lined up." +"Had no other choice lined up. It sounded cool at the time, so I went +for it." -"What about your education, Adir? Finished highschool?" +"Let's go over your education, Adir. Finished highschool?" "Yes." @@ -285,17 +321,20 @@ programming." "It didn't run that year." -"And you didn't go on your own?" +"Many decide to go on their own." Adir straightened his slouch and looked at Tamara. -"No," he said. +"Not me," he said. Tamara caught his gaze and held it intently. This was the first time he had seen her eyes. "What did you study in highschool?" +It took him a moment to register the question -- her hard gaze +distracted him greatly. + "Biology and Biotechnology." "Quite a long way off from the cold, dead field of computers". @@ -337,4 +376,289 @@ and some even well afterwards." "Can imagine. Not very useful, though." -"So what's hurting you, Adir? You know where you stand." +"So what's hurting you, Adir? You know where you stand. You knew this +was coming, from what I gather. Everything's fine at home. It sounds +like you lead a good life thus far." + +"I did. I'm quite satisfied." + +"So why are you here?" she peered into him. This time, he stood his +ground. + +Adir composed himself and stared back. + +"I am depressed", he said. It still hurt admitting it, but it *was* +getting easier. + +"I wouldn't say it's up to you to decide; you hadn't visited a mental +health professional, as we've established. Or have you?" + +"Not recently." + +"So, you self diagnose. I'll be happy to talk to you, and we'll figure +out what's wrong and how I can help together. But blatant self-diagnosis +-- it will get us nowhere. So let's avoid that terminology, for now." + +Adir did not break his gaze. + +"Call it whatever you will -- that's the best name I have for it at +present." + +"What makes you think you're depressed, Adir?" + +"It's the small things. It gets harder to get out of bed every day. My +head always hurts, and I can never concentrate anymore." + +Tamara listened intently and said nothing. + +"I just don't care about anything anymore. I don't bother seeing my +friends, or doing anything for myself, or at all really. I feel hollow, +and cold. I'm always so, so tired." + +Tamara remained silent. + +"I figured out something's wrong when I realized that if I sit alone in +a blank room, and everything's absolutely fine -- I'll just... get sad. +Just because." + +Tamara nodded and thought. Adir said nothing. + +"Why do you think you feel like that?" + +"I... don't know. I've always been resilient. Nothing really happened +and I just... broke down."\ +"How have you been coping?" + +"I haven't, really. Back during training, I could still function. +Nowadays, I'm utterly useless." + +"Surely you're not utterly useless." + +"I haven't been working a good several months now. Nobody bothers." + +"What do you mean?" + +"They kicked me out. I know my job, and I know it damn well. But they +thought I wasn't worth it. And I've been idle ever since." + +"Adir, nobody thinks you're 'not worth it'. You are here, getting +treatment, aren't you?" + +"It took half my service, but sure. I guess I am". + +"Let's not go to such harsh tones! I'm here to help, Adir" + +"You see," he said passionately, "I'm sure you are. And my commanders +have been saying the same thing since boot camp. But at the end of the +day, those are all just big words that don't amount to anything. I've +been struggling for... eighteen months now. And I've yet to see anyone +lift a finger. + +I'm not saying this against you -- I know how it sounds, but I'm not, +really. + +But I've lost faith. I'll believe it when I see it." + +"I'm sorry you feel that way," she said. + +"I am, too", Adir answered, blinking back tears. "I am, too." + +"Have you talked to any of your commanders?" + +"I did, sure. You know, I got transferred here -- that doesn't really +happen. They knew I had trouble at Hutspace. But they clung to me like a +wet towel." + +"How so?" + +"Training is supposed to be another four months over the Communication +corp training. I've already done it in Hutspace. I had the same role. +But they insisted I go through it again. + +Fine. I did. It took me two weeks -- and they just said I should wait +until I get enrolled into shifts. That never happened. They 'didn't like +my energy'. When I came to ask them what's that all about, I was +berated." + +"What did they tell you?" + +"You walk around with your head down. You don't have a passion; being +here is a privilege, and yet you don't act like you're privileged. How +can we trust you like that?" + +"Must be frustrating, feeling as you describe -- but I'm sure it's out +of good intentions" + +"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." + +"So it's said." + +They sat silent for a while. + +"What did you tell them?" + +"Same as I've told you. I'm depressed." + +"That was late November" + +"And I've been away ever since." + +"What have you been doing?" + +"Both my commanding officer and his commanding officer were replaced in +mid-December. The new officer has never so much as seen my face. Most of +the squad has been promoted and replaced since." + +"Haven't you? You should be a corporal by now, but you're not wearing +your rank." + +"I refused my rank." + +"I didn't know you can do that." + +"The unit commander came to our entire cycle -- eight of us from +Communications. They made a big scene of it, and asked me to come up. I +said no. What can they do in front of everyone?" + +"Why would you refuse?" + +"Why would I accept it? I'm not working. They kept blabbering about how +rank is 'earned, not just granted'. What did I ever do to earn it, +besides pouting and being miserable?" + +"That doesn't come across as very cooperative". + +Adir let that roll around for a bit. "No," he replied. "I suppose it +doesn't". + +Tamara sighed. + +"I'll tell you what, Adir. I think you're just a little misplaced. Many +young men have trouble adapting to their new roles, especially those +that grasp themselves as resilient -- like you. I think we can have a +long talk with your new commanding officer, get you reinstated, and keep +talking from there. + +How does that sound?" + +"The new commanding officer," Adir said, "Is from Hutspace, and +witnessed the whole spectacle I threw to get myself out of there. She's +judged me now, and she doesn't know I'm here. I'd like to keep it that +way." + +"Now, what exactly do you mean, 'she doesn't know I'm here'?" + +"I feel there's not much room for interpretation there". + +"You show up every day. How can she not know?" + +"The thing is, Tamara," he said, "I don't, and haven't in a while." + +"You mean you don't enter the office?" + +"No, no", he said. "I mean I've been sitting at home." + +The officer considered this gravely. + +"You mean to say you're absent in service?" + +"In December, I was an absent in service. By now, I'm well into defector +territory." + +"I'm sorry, but I just don't believe you." + +"I thought you'd say so. But I ask you to take a good, hard look at me. +Do you think I got a permit for my beard? Or that I haven't been caught +without my rank yet? You've likely sent a mail with this appointment, +did you?" + +"We did, several times. You didn't respond." + +"Does that seem reasonable to you that a Systems Administrator in air +force headquarters has no access to a computer to respond to his +emails?" + +"Adir, it just can't be. I'm sorry, but I don't accept this" + +"And I do? It's degrading. I've never been so humiliated in my life. + +But let's go down to the Pit -- to where I'm supposedly stationed. You +can see my Gatekeeper card get rejected, because it hasn't been in use +for five months. + +Let's go down there, and see if anyone recognizes me at all, commanders +included -- no one's seen me with the beard. I didn't have it when I +left! That's how long I've been gone. If so much as a private recognizes +me, I'll withdraw and never bother you again. + +All I ask is we come and take a look." + +Tamara drew a tense, long breath. + +"So what do you want, Adir?" + +"I signed up. I did whatever they asked me to. I pulled through that +vicious course. And as soon as I struggled, I was tossed away like hot +garbage. They kept telling us, from the second we're drafted, how needed +we are, but I guess that's not so. + +I have my own goals in life. My time is precious. I - " + +"And why is that? What exactly do you do that's superior to serving your +country?" + +"I stopped showing up, because -" + +"Why did you, really? Why was so important?" + +"Because I signed up for university!", Adir said, heatedly. "Because if +I wouldn't get out of there instead of sitting like some kind of idiot, +I would've rotted there and no one would have twitched. + +I'm not needed? That's fine and dandy. We all gave it a shot. No hard +feelings. But if that's the case, I want my life back. I want to wake up +early in the morning, like I always used to. I want to be passionate +about what I do. I want to feel loved, and respected. I'd like to do +something worthwhile with my time." + +"So aside from these grand statements - what exactly do you want?" + +"I want out." + +"Out?" + +"Out. It's been half my service. Nothing is coming." + +Tamara stood up, took out a small notebook from one of the desks +drawers, strode up to Adir and handed it to him. + +"What's this?" + +"It's a book," she said, "describing mental illnesses. + +Pick one, or get out." + +It hurt him to hear those words. He saw them coming, but it hurt all the +same. + +"What exactly am I supposed to do now? How long is this supposed to +last?" + +"Don't you dare threaten me", said the officer. "I'm not at all +impressed" + +"I wasn't threatening!" + +"Sure you weren't". + +Adir stood dumbstruck. + +"Pick one, or get out." + +He wanted to scream. He wanted to protest. He wanted to go on yet +another righteous crusade. + +Only this time, he drew a deep breath, and a resolution formed in his +heart. A decision was made, and he will stick to it. + +He got out.