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Royal Purple Gerbil
2020-11-11 22:48:31 +02:00
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@@ -4,14 +4,14 @@ Working Title: *The Difference Between an Idiot and a Moron*
Step I -- the 'Big Idea': Step I -- the 'Big Idea':
'Adir's spectacularly mediocre lifestyle is unsuprisingly jeopardised 'Adir's spectacularly mediocre lifestyle is unsurprisingly jeopardized
when he's drafted into *nature's dumbest animal --* the military' when he's drafted into *nature's dumbest animal --* the military'
Step II -- Plot Outline: Step II -- Plot Outline:
I. The Big Idea I. The Big Idea
*\"Adir proudly leads a nice, coushined life: he's chosen his future *\"Adir proudly leads a nice, cushioned life: he's chosen his future
profession, he hangs out at his friend's house every now and then, and profession, he hangs out at his friend's house every now and then, and
he kinda likes serving coffee to nice strangers. Obviously ready for an he kinda likes serving coffee to nice strangers. Obviously ready for an
outstanding grown-up life, he's drafted into the military like everyone outstanding grown-up life, he's drafted into the military like everyone
@@ -20,60 +20,112 @@ the 'Meaningful Service'."*
II\. Structure: II\. Structure:
I. The Naivete The story will be told using location-based storytelling.
\"Yes, I'm just going to tell them I'll do whatever. I like hard work. The plot will be through the 'eyes' of a place -- the (major) places
It's going to be so cool!" being:
II\. First Contact with The Beast \* **Defense Forces Academy Of Computer Professions And Cyberspace
Defense (DFACP)**
\"No, I never jaywalked. Should I have said I had to get a good role?" \- a place of great hopes from young soldiers who will never reach the
greatness they are led to believe they deserve. (False Hope)
III\. I'm Not Scared; I'm Amused! \* **Hutspace Base Complex-** And old place reeking of despair, and the
endgame of all hopes from previous training. (Apathy)
\"Hey, look! The're giving us guns! It's so cold! Cool! I don't need \* The Boroughs, Airforce HQ -- A proud place full of false substance,
that much sleep!" the false pinnacle (Pride, Despair)
IV\. Big Things Are Coming \* 15^th^ AFB and Wing -- Representing the common air force base, a
place that is a mix of all the army's faults -- the false hope, the
apathy, the pride -- and as a first, of rage. (Rage)
\"Yes, I'm learning computers. It's very difficult, because we'll be the Told through these places, the protagonist (Adir) and all he knows are
center of the universe." shown for what they are -- fleeting moments in places of old, almost
insurmountable wrongs, which will stay long past them despite all
efforts.
**V. \...Big Things** ***Are*** **Coming, Right?** The only exception is the 15^th^ AFB, Job Field -- which despite being
the very worst is miraculously torn down -- no thanks to our
protagonists but to their great joy.
\"This is just a temporary stopgap. It doesn't stay *this* boring. The story will progress linearly through each of these places -- four
Right?" different starting points and four different personalities, which will
merge at the ends -- the first place's end will be the second's much
earlier start, etc. Character differences will unify and only then will
a full picture be acquired by the reader.
VI\. Of Course I Have A Say! I'm Just Being Civil. Also featured are the minor places, which serve as glue to the story:
\"Now that we smoothed things out and compromised, that big role is \* Spring Buds rookie base -- the blatant introduction to the military
coming!"
**VII. I'm Starting To Think It's Best We Seperate. \['Bleakest \* The University -- a glimpse into what could have been outside the
Moment'\]** army, a source of great salvation and the source of a great rage at its'
loss
\"I'm just going to Uni real quick. You guys don't mind, right?" \* Small connecting scenarios -- AFB 30, South Plains Reserve Base, AF
Tech School. These are satellites to their main locations.
VIII\. Nature's Dumbest Animal \* Small glimpses of pre-draft life.
\"You have got to be kidding me." ***1. Defense Force Academy of Computer Professions and Cyberspace
Defense***
IX\. How Is This Still Going On? The Naivete
\"I have no shame, nothing to prove, and will never get up from this Adir believes he will lead a great role, and works hard to achieve it,
beanbag" despite warning signs to this belief's falseness -- which he ignores and
agonizes over.
X. Your Maw Stinks But So Does Mine (False Hope)
\"So long, and thanks for -- um, nevermind" ***2. Hutspace Base Complex Base 108***
Summarized: **Big Things** ***Are*** **Coming, Right?**
Act I-IV -- The Naivete Adir is stationed in a reality unlike what he had believed, and
desperately clings to hope of his great role, despite all signs
suggesting otherwise.
Act V-VII -- The Helplesness (Apathy)
Act VII-X -- Belly of the Beast ***3. The Boroughs, Air Force Headquarters***
Of Course I Have A Say!
Adir is restationed again, this time aware of the faults in his new
station -- but powerless to prevent or face them, he grows proud and
distant -- a facade that comes crashing down and leads to depression.
***4. University***
It's So Nice To Feel Human Again
An offshoot and a break from the four places narrative, Adir defects
(something only suggested beforehand on 15^th^ AFB chapters)\* and
enters university -- the bleakest moment. Adir reaches the height of his
service and regains his self worth and dignity -- which leads to a
painful loss, and the conversion of depression to rage on his next
stationing.
***5. 15***^***th***^ ***AFB -Job Field Airbase***
**Nature's Dumbest Animal**
The story reaches its' climax at Adir's final stationing, where all
faults are magnified, and all lessons are applied. Adir is friendlier,
more assertive and much happier -- but prouder, angrier, and with fits
of bad depression and recklessness.
Despite learning and maturing, Adir at times shows himself worse than
those he now fiercely hates.
***6. Release***
Though greatly anticipated, Adir is released at once and without
ceremony. The base closes down, leaving Adir alone to cope with a place
now gone -- with all his pains and hopes.
III\. Characters: III\. Characters:
@@ -87,12 +139,12 @@ III\. Characters:
What/Who is preventing that? What/Who is preventing that?
The country's sacred tax that all citizens go through three years of The country's sacred tax that all citizens go through three years of
stupid, and it's enforcers insistince that you see how awesome it stupid, and it's enforcers insistence that you see how awesome it
is, too. is, too.
What personal flaws does this reveal? How does it hinder? What personal flaws does this reveal? How does it hinder?
Appearently, Adir's gentle mediocre soul is of an idealist mule, and Apparently, Adir's gentle mediocre soul is of an idealist mule, and
Adir is a smug, selfish idiot. Adir is a smug, selfish idiot.
What will be done to accomplish the goals? What will be done to accomplish the goals?
@@ -108,8 +160,8 @@ III\. Characters:
IV\. Plot: IV\. Plot:
Adir is quite the standard, mild and boring teenager/young adult -- he's Adir is quite the standard, mild and boring teenager/young adult -- he's
just finished highschool, awaiting his drafting into the military, just just finished high school, awaiting his drafting into the military, just
like everyone else. He's lined up a suprisingly good role in the like everyone else. He's lined up a surprisingly good role in the
military because he eagerly told the Human Resources Commander Who Is military because he eagerly told the Human Resources Commander Who Is
Not An Officer he likes assembling computers to play video games on, and Not An Officer he likes assembling computers to play video games on, and
because he went to those prep things. He won't have as much time to play because he went to those prep things. He won't have as much time to play
@@ -120,134 +172,7 @@ the world.
Here comes the Sacred Cow, and that *'Meaningful Service'* everyone's on Here comes the Sacred Cow, and that *'Meaningful Service'* everyone's on
about. What could go wrong? about. What could go wrong?
V. Setting: V. Point Of View:
The story takes place in a series of ridicolous army bases -- the Spring The story will be told alternating between a narrator and Adir's view --
Buds Rookie Base, the Defense Force Cyber Academy of Computing trying to show how distorted his view becomes.
Proffessions, the Hutspace Base Cluster, The Borough, and finally, Job
Field Airbase. While fundamentally different, each is a manifestation of
a trait of the army -- the pointlesness, the false hopes, the neglect,
the arrogance, and a mix of all.
VI\. Main Characters:
Adir -- a soft, unwisened but optimist teen who seeks to lead a
meaningful life, and do so fairly comfortably. He sees himself as an
iron wall -- whatever he decides comes to be -- but that doesn't mean
he's looking for confrontation. Or does it.
Gilad Ben David -- while they share a core, Gilad is Adir's military
opposite -- he's wisened up and pragmatic, held fairly high -- but not
too high -- by his commanders, and always willing to just keep his head
down until everyone just shuts up -- his greatest wish. He is just as
bitter, and though he'll never admit it -- just as passionate.
Yoav -- upbeat, brilliant, sensetive, fiercy loyal and ill-lucked, Yoav
is constantly trampled by the military's worst, who take advantage of
his non-confronting nature. He's almost helpless -- but he always sticks
up for his friends despite his own real troubles and self doubts.
Max - severely depressed and hit worst by the army's blaring
insensitivity, max has a soul like no other -- rife with wit, cynicism,
unbeliveable resillience and lots of great memes. He is the greatest
passive-agressor known to man.
Ana - A periphery girl in all her heart, Ana has grown up in the
military and can't see what all the bad fuss is about. She is incredibly
fair, reasonable and welcoming, which throws absolutely everyone off
guard -- to her confused dismay. Life absolutely refuses to give her a
break.
Gilad Henessee -- A recently promoted officer who believes in
discipline, values of service and properly shined shoes, which naturally
makes him Adir's archnemessis and generally dislikeable to all. Gilad
has taken a sacred vow to educate Adir to the greatness of the military,
while Adir has taken a sacred vow to make Gilad at least as miserable as
he is at all times.s
Ronen -- a salt of the earth, blindly positive and very highly
self-esteemed NCO in command of Adir's Job Field Squad. Ron sees himself
as the penultimate educator, and his soldiers as gooselings to take
under his wings. Ron is absolutely fantastic and very kind, so long as
you lead your life and service exactly as he graciously envisions them
for you.
Johnny -- if the army's a game, then Johnny is the MVP -- and he's
stayed here so long because he knows how to put out fires. Just keep it
down, and he'll cut you a deal -- so long as you remember he sets the
price. His ultimate goal is to retire early to a fat pension -- help,
and you're a friend. Hinder, and you'll find out who *really* is the
commander.
Current Outline
The book will constantly go back and forth between the three acts --
Naivete, Helplesness, and the Belly of The Beast. Within each part, the
plot will be somewhat linear -- but events will reference each other
across acts.
Opener \[4\]-- Adir wakes up particularly grumpy after a Job Field
Saturday, desperate for peace, when a drill -- the absolutely worst day
-- starts.
Link: Character Contrast
Chapter I \[An Elephant Tranquiliser To Remenber\]-- Undrafted Adir is
working the afternoon at the coffeeshop and chatting with his coworker.
They reminecse about this peaceful time against his upcoming drafting.
He folds it up at the end of the day feeling satisfied with a day's
work, and excited for the future.
Chapter I \[Go Home, Kid\] -- Adir goes through the transition from a
CFDS to a rookie in a turbulent day -- his very first contact with the
beast.
Link: ~~Needle bruise in Adir's shoulder~~
Chapter II \[The New Cyber\] -- Adir writes his first stupid poem in
service -- one of many -- about the new Cyber coursemates which everyone
seems to hate. He is struggling to keep his initial optimism, and the
course's intensity wears him down despite support from his coursemates.
Link:
Chapter III \[The Grand Computing Conference Room\] -- In the midst of a
surprise drill, Adir rallies up his squadmates and then his
platoonmates, where they try to escape the amok of the commanders. These
encounters bring to light Adir's troubled relationship with his
commanders.
Link:
Chapter IV \[Machine Is Perfect\] -- Adir is at the gunrange, at a day
which encompasses the quintessential rookie experience. He starts coming
into grips with the incident, from which begins his slow sinking.
Link: Miserable Dinner
Chapter V \[Cat Fall Break Ceiling Again\] -- Adir is eating a late
miserable supper with a few of his coursemates, reminescing about the
gunrange, how stupid it's been and how it's all about to get better. He
is reminescing about this from the Pit, writing a stupid poem.
Link: From Pit to Post-Exile
Chapter VI \[Tears of the CSU\] -- Adir returns from a long exile into
his first day at Job Field airbase. Wounded and solitary, he establishes
a relationship of trust with his squadmates and his commanders -- only
one of which will last.
Link: New Beginnings -- first and last stop.
Chapter VII \[Touchscreen Showers\] - Day old rookies at the Spring Buds
Rookie Base are awaiting their promised transfer out to INBA City, where
they'll enjoy touch screen showers and waffles. The days go by until
they realise that bus isn't coming.
Link: Wretched Bus.
Chapter VIII \[Line 6\] -- Adir goes through the ordeal of getting to
the wretched Hutspace base complex, only to arrive and realise no one
noticed his absence. He stays the weekend in comfort at the 'office',
only for everything to sink in when he makes his way home, bleeding
randomly.