diff --git a/The_Difference_Between_an_Idiot_and_a_Moron.md b/The_Difference_Between_an_Idiot_and_a_Moron.md index 4b6666d..4997738 100644 --- a/The_Difference_Between_an_Idiot_and_a_Moron.md +++ b/The_Difference_Between_an_Idiot_and_a_Moron.md @@ -1,2064 +1,340 @@ The Difference Between an Idiot and a Moron -Adir opened his eyes to the same dull, leaden brain fog he's so used to -by now. The room was pitch black, except for the small ray of light -coursing through the broken window blind, crushed by many musty -mattresses. +Adir sat alone in the waiting room. He could feel the receptionist\'s +eyes on him, and huddled nervously on simple plastic chair. -He could tell exactly what time it was by the amount of revulsion he was -already feeling. Reluctantly, He started peeling himself off the -mattress so he could sneak off to a scalding cup of Mud Coffee and go -die on a smelly beanbag somewhere. +He was in a small, light-beige colored room, the color almost identical +to his uniform, blending him in, swallowing him. Traces of strong noon +daylight came through the milky glass panels around the door. -He had just finished donning the pajamas when Eitan stepped into the -room. +A plain, small plaque read 'Dedicated Personel Officer'. -'Good morning', he said neutrally but not unkindly as he made his way to -the router room out back. He was walking too fast for a stay-and-chat, -but slow enough to be viable for a response, which he could accept but -did not expect. +The room was lit with harsh white halogen bulbs - Adir could scarcely +raise his head without instinctively reaching for his temples. Some +effort appears to have been made at hospitality -- some pictures, some +thank you notes, a few ancient magazines, a few stray old pillows -- but +he felt it was a weak, false facade. -'Good morning', the Gerbil bluntly tossed back while lacing the -perverted boots. +Adir had forgotten how uncomfortable the uniform is. The heavy black +boots, the rough unbreathing fabric, the shirt tucked into the pants, +the vile warm beret on his shoulder. It was the smallest touch he hated +the most -- the cold metal dogtag touching his heart. He always wore it +over his shirt against regulations, dreading the cold metal -- but he +could feel it seeping through the worn fabric. -'Everything okay?' Eitan addressed the Gerbil's general vicinity from -the router room. 'Mmmhm', he replied, thus completing the ritual. With -the bare minimum achieved, Eitan took a router somewhere and stepped -through the side door outside, bombing the tall, dark room with blinding -morning light. +Though he had his phone, Adir could not bring himself to use it -- it +still felt unnatural to him, used as he was to spending his days away +from it. From the endless sea of information, entertainment and comforts +of the Internet, he could think of nothing to do, and so sat there +staring at his heavy black boots, adjusting his shirt, his socks or his +cuffs. -He was, by far, the Gerbil's favorite of the commanders -- little talk, -no expectations, no comments. Had the rest had been like this things -would have been considerably easier. +The door suddenly opened and a pretty, middle aged woman stepped out +decisively. -The Gerbil was already striding through the dark server room towards the -(aptly named, he mused) restroom for his usual *embarrassing medical -issue* when one of the many pointless IP phones in the great hall rang. -He picked up and said nothing because he still thinks it's really funny. +Upon seeing him, she drew her notepad and searched it intently. -'Hi,' said Mike Tavor cheerily across the line. 'What's up? Who is it?' +'Hello! Welcome! Good to have you here!' she said sweetly. Too sweetly, +Adir thought. -'Me', he replied. - -'What's up, Adir? Could you maybe help us with a little something, you -know, when you've got some time?' Hope swelled in Adir's heart, and he -hated himself for it. - -'I'll try,' he said. 'What is it?' - -'Oh, well, I was going to call David about it, sure glad you picked up ---' he chuckled nervously - \`The Trainer is acting up again. I think -it's the, um, DVI RAM co-board multi-caster, or -' - -'Say no more, Tavor', the Gerbil said professionally, 'I'm coming -straight away'. - -'Well, it's not running today so if you'd prefer to come later, I-' - -'Don't you worry about it' he assured him. 'Be there in a minute', he -hung up. - -Considering how there's no such thing as a 'DVI RAM co-board -multi-caster', he'll just swing by and kick the bloody thing so it -works. He could fart dust that computes faster. Ignorant old dinosaurs. - -And now he has to go outside. Yuck. - -The Gerbil irritably squished his beard to a somewhat presentable shape -and muscled through the side door into the scorching hell outside. Too -bright, too hot, and people. Oof, the people. The smoking area's musty -ash smell wafted in with the hot salty sea wind to create what was now -engraved in his sorry psyche as the aroma of despair and stupid. - -He strode towards the squadron as the jobnics were already pouring in -with their little backpacks and single Airpods talking enthusiastically -to their friends about the *crazy* party last night, praying to no one -in particular that none of *them* show up. None of the bastards did -- -likely too busy parking and shaving and whatever it is they do - and he -stepped into the first squadron's soothing, people free inner courtyard -and towards the Trainer's door, where Tavor awaited him next to the -phone shelf. +*Help has finally come*, he thought. *I shouldn't be so bitter.* -'Hey man', he said, 'Thanks for swinging by!'. He quickly surveyed him -and frowned. 'You look pretty tired'. +'Adir', he croaked in response, surprised at how feeble his voice was. -'It's okay', Adir answered, despite the fact it was not, in fact, okay. - -'Do you want a Mud Coffee, maybe? Was just making one for myself'. +'I see. There must be some mistake -- I was expecting a young man named +Tom. Rachel, when is Tom's appointment due?' -Sitting down for Mud Coffee with a pilot was every self respecting Air -Force soldier's *dream*, man, but the Gerbil had an appointment with a -smelly beanbag, and he meant to honor it. It was his highest duty as a -jobnic, a rebel, and an irritable ass. Even though they have those nice, -tall coffee glasses here\... +'10:30', the receptionist shot back without drawing breath. -'No, thank you -- you're very kind. I can take it from here -- I'll let -you know what's up'. +'Well, I shan't wait any further then. Adir, you're scheduled for... +11:45, was it?" -'Sure. Thanks dude!' +"12:00" -Tavor took his phone from the phone shelf and strode away with purpose. +"Really? How odd. Rachel?" -Adir kind of liked Mike Tavor. He still treats him as human. +"12:00" -He casually hid his phone in his pajama pockets (with a loud -*ccccrrrrk!* from the scotch pockets), entered the code on the numpad -and stepped inside. He didn't need the phone -- in fact, it was a -hindrance -- but it was a matter of principle, like most other matters -in the Gerbil's life right now. This is his domain and he answers to -none. +"Well then, there's no need for you to be here so soon. You can go back +to the office in the meantime" -The Trainer room was blessedly dark -- even the blinds into the -courtyard were shut. The only light was the big digital clock, filling -the room an eerie red glow indicating he has a few precious peaceful -moments before the instructors arrive. +Adir stared at his feet, never meeting the officer's gaze. He made no +move to rise. -He entered the small side room and did the whole usual nonsense -- -flipped only some of the switches in that specific order, closed the -hatch, put the AC on the thingy, made the three beeps, waited for the -*Vrrrrruuuhhhhh!* to start up and the *Hhhhhuuurrrrrv* that died down -and crouched his way back to the main room, where the eight big screens -slowly lit up and started complaining. +"\...Though I suppose I *could* push your appointment early", the +officer said, mild irritation slipping into her voice. "How about you +wait here a while, and I'll see you inside soon?" -*You and me both*, he thought. Both stupid old things. +He nodded. -The thing took a good ten minutes to power on, of course -- sixty -seconds of booting up, and five hundred and forty seconds of him staring -at it. He then clicked on the thing and waited for it to start up -- -thirty seconds of starting the program and three hundred seconds of -staring at it. Add about thirty scattered seconds of taking out his -phone, checking the time, sighing grumpily and putting it back with a -*ccccrrrrk!* Because he still could, dammit. Just as he pressed the -gamepad (they paid millions for this! how?!) to confirm the thing works, -today's two instructors walked in. +"Alright," she said, closing the door behind her, and Adir was left +alone with the receptionist again. -'Oh, hi! Didn't see you there', said the first. He thought she was nice -because she never made for the light until he was gone, and it was those -small gestures that kept him going at this point, really. +The door swung open again, yanking Adir from his train of thought. He +had not the faintest idea to how much time has passed, or what was he +just thinking about. -'Hi Adir', said the other a bit too friendly. She was the first's -commander, and she clearly thought the darkness was kind of weird but -still respected it. He thought *she* was a bit *too nice* because of -that time she called Ronen to tell him what a great job he did (which he -did not -- it was a matter of principle), which got him an *hour* stuck -with all the commanders in the room so he can detail exactly what he -did. What a nightmare. He was still okay with her because it's just not -her fault -- the poor soul could never know, they're all nice here. +"Adir?", the officer offered sweetly. "Come on inside". -'Good morning,' he replied casually. 'Just finished, uh, checking it. -Looks all clear. You can give it a test too if you'd like'. The -commander sometimes calls Ronen or David for errors as well, despite him -clearly declaring he'll handle it, which he never ever did out of -principle, so he may just get it out of the way. +The Dedicated Personel Officer's room was not large, but it felt +spacious thanks to the grand floor-to-ceiling window overlooking the +entryway outside -- Adir could just see the soldiers streaming in and +out of the building. The only furnishings were a simple, standard issue +wooden desk and three more simple plastic chairs against the wall, +facing ninety degrees from the desk. A few simple photos were on the +walls, as well as a small picture frame on the desk -- yet he could not +make out anything in them. -'It's okay! I'm sure its fine, we never have problem with it when you -power it up', the nice instructor said. '\...Why *did* you power it up, -though? It's not in use today'. +The officer made her way behind the desk, her back to the window, with +well adjusted movements. -He stared dazed and confused into her beautiful green eyes. It had -suddenly occurred to him that this is still going on, and he is -partaking in it. He found this all very strange. +"You can sit down, Adir. It's the same price", she said softly. He had +not realized he was still standing, and so, flustered, he sat down +huched on the middle chair. The officer watched him with observant eyes +but made no remark. -'To check,', he replied. 'If anyone asks you'll mention me, right? have -an awesome day', he added to the confused silence. With the bare minimum -achieved, he left. +"Adir, I am Tamara -- I've been a psychologist here for just over +fifteen years now. I am the head of the personnel department, and I do +not usually treat soldiers as they come in, aside from more severe +cases. However, I understand you've been waiting for some time -- a +month or so, was it?" -When he was a safe distance away on his Evasive Maneuver, he checked his -phone, which of course showed eight missed calls in a span of two -minutes. Slow day. +"Since December", Adir answered weakly. -He also got a message. It was safe to check. The commanders never text -him after calling, because it implies a lack of urgency and an -acceptance of him being unavailable which just won't do. +"No, no, that cannot be. How long have you been waiting, Adir?" -'Where'd you go', wrote Gilad. +"Since December", Adir said again, finally finding some fortitude in his +voice. "I've asked for an appointment in early November. It was +scheduled for December". -'Trainer', he replied. +"Adir, you're already here", Tamara said in a comforting voice. "I +understand how you feel, truly, but there's no need to make an +impression". -'What do I say', wrote Gilad. +Adir said nothing. -'Big trainer trouble', he replied. 'And then Operations'. +"You don't expect me to believe it's been five months?" -Operations was great because there were no phones there, and everyone -always says he was there because he replaces their printer ink on time. -He replaces their printer ink on time so he can say it ran out, and -devoutly go replace it seven more times alternating between Job Field's -many luxurious avenues. +Adir drew in a breath, and maintained his silence. -'Why do they ask me?' Gilad complained yet again. 'It's annoying'. +"Well never mind about that -- I can look into it later. Tell me about +yourself, Adir." -'Just say you don't know then'. +"Not much to tell." -'They keep crying. Crying, crying. I have a headache.' +This time, Tamara maintened her silence. -'You know what helps headaches' Adir wrote, hoping there was some truth -in it to ease his own. +"I was drafted in December, last year. One month of boot camp. Four +months of training. Five months in 108. And here since". -'Fine, fine. Give me fifteen minutes. They're checking shoes'. He really -conveyed his contempt through the text somehow. The animals. +"So it says in your file, Adir. Let's go over it, just in case. You +are... 20?" -There are very few people Adir was willing to delay Mud Coffee for. -Gilad was one of them. +"Yes." -If he shows his face there now to make it, though, he'll be interrogated -on all the Trainer's troubles, and why they took so little time to fix --- as he had long since established the Trainer could not be kicked for -any less than three hours. So he continued his route to its next -destination -- the grass behind the Igloo. +"Born late December, '97" -The Igloo is the most pointless structure on the earth, aside from the -Old City behind Computing. It has large windows overlooking absolutely -nothing, fancy marble floors, a big dome and walls made of acoustic -retardant for no reason whatsoever. It stood empty 99% of the time, -except when it was used for the safety lectures. He sold himself on the -idea he always shows up to those because someone has to tear up that -acoustic retardant bit by bit. God, they're lucky to have him. +"Had birthday in boot camp", he chuckled. -The Igloo is so pointless, in fact, no one bothers approaching it -- and -even if you did stumble there on the way wherever, it's just not worth -looking at. The Gerbil himself occasional gets lost on his way there, -because he passes it by and fails to notice. Throw in the fact it's this -side of the airstrip too and you got the ultimate safe haven. +"Have Both parents?" -He crashed down on the grass and took out his phone to another -*crrrrrrk*. The phone, of course, was ringing casually with its twenty -second call this morning. He let it go on because he likes the ringtone --- from the videogame *Doom* -- and because the vibration felt nice. +"Thankfully yes" -He put the phone to his chest and looked up at the clear blue skies. He -closed his eyes and felt the pleasant warmth seeping into the dark -pajama and heavy dark boots. +"Do you have any siblings?" -Maybe it's not so bad. +"A younger sister, and a younger brother" -He got another message. +"Fill in their details here, please". She handed him a form and a pen on +her notepad. Adir painstakingly filled them -- it took a surprisingly +long time. -'Will take time,' Gilad said. 'You won't like this'. +"Any of them in service?" she asked as he was slaving away. -'What.' +"No." -'Drill.' +"Isn't your sister of age?" -'No.' +"She is. Wasn't cut out for it. She's in National service". He handed +back the form. -'Yup.' +"Doing what?" -The air sirens blared up immediately. He heard some of the miserable -planes taking off. His phone started hanging from all the phone calls, -from various sources, which kindly sent each other to hold. +"Teaching at-risk youth." -Perverted Boots were thumping around, none glancing at him. Maybe it's -because of his weirdly squashed beard. +Tamara smiled widely. "That's lovely!" -Adir lay on the grass, his head pounding in the deafening noise, with -tears of frustration welling in his eyes. +"I'm proud of her". -Chapter I -- Go Home, Kid +"And your brother?" -Adir sat almost motionless in the great hall. +"He's fine" -There was something strange about this room -- it felt as if it was -yanked straight out of the 1950's, much like all the places he's been in -today. Here and there he saw shreds of the modern world -- it was lit -with cold, white light bulbs and all the benches were fancy, incredibly -uncomfortable stainless steel. Despite this, all four hundred or so of -the young people in the room sat perfectly upright, worried eyes -unmoving, gazing intently at nothing in particular. +"Does he know what he's going to do in the army?" -'Strange day, huh?' someone echoed weakly from somewhere. Someone else -replied with a nervous chuckle, and their echoes feebly died out in the -great hall. +"He's thirteen." -A small girl cautiously arose from her seat, and very slowly thread her -way between the cramped benches. No one bothered making way for her -between the duffel bags chaotically tossed on the floor. +"I see." Tamara paused momentarily. "What do your parents do, Adir?" -'Excuse me,' she eventually said to the soldier standing at the end of -the room, near the doors. The soldier made no sign that she heard nor -cared, inspecting her nails. +"Dad's a physicist. Mom's a lawyer" -'Um, uh...' the girl said. Her uniform was very ill fitting -- it was as -if she was wearing an old tent. +"Where does he work?" -'Would you know, maybe, when are the buses due?' +"Ministry of defence" -The soldier did not even lift her head to answer -- she lazily looked up -at the girl. +"Sounds interesting! What does he do?" -'A sec.' she said. A sec had passed. Nothing happened. +"No idea. He can't say." -'O..Ok' said the girl, and slowly thread her way back to her seat. This -whole process took around five minutes. +"Must be odd." -Behind him, some massive dude threaded past, plunked down at a certain -spot again and stared into the horizon like everyone else. +"He's a bit of a drama queen. Always complains about his rough day. But +I can never tell if he's bluffing." -Adir was intensely uncomfortable. His shoulder hurt where the needle hit -earlier, when the guy he assumed was the medic tossed it across the room -into his shoulder, and these massive boots were so alien to him he -simply could not walk in them. His legs hurt from hours of waddling. The -boots' tab was sticking out again and he was completely and utterly -powerless to fix it. His shirt kept slipping out of his trousers because -he could not figure out how to close the belt, if it was one at all. +"Surely your mother knows" -Earlier that day, he realized for the first time that he had no real -clue how soldiers look like. Sure, they have big black boots and wear -long, olive green clothes - and that's about as far as he got. The -family's eldest, he had never really seen a soldier up close before -- -no one else got drafted yet, and it just didn't happen naturally, common -as they were. He was just entering that massive tin shed when a skinny -soldier rudely shoved him to a great wooden counter, where he stood limp -and confused until something else happened. +"They met at the job, so she knows what's going on. It's really +annoying". -'What size?' spewed a voice from the other side. +"She's a lawyer?" -'Huh?' he said. +"Yes." -A bored young soldier appeared behind the counter. +"Of what field?" -'What size?' he asked impatiently. +"Workspace law. I was the most well treated waiter on Earth." -'What size what?' Adir replied. He had absolutely no clue as to what is -happening. +"I see. Everything good at home? Violence between the parents?" -'How big are your feet?' +"None." -'My feet?' +"Financial status?" -'Yes. Those you walk with'. +"We're doing OK. Pretty good." -'Oh'. +"Wealthy?" -'Size?' +"No, no. Upper middle class, maybe". -Adir was concerned, because he had very large feet. Over the last few -months he and his friends debated intently whether the army could -provide shoes big enough, because if they couldn't he could walk around -in sneakers. He couldn't remember who told him that but felt it was -true. +"And you? Big spender?" -'I am concerned,' he said. +"Absolutely not. Saving every penny." -The soldier looked past him grumpily. +"What for?" -'Because I have very large feet'. +Adir hesitated. "I'll see." -A fly could have slept on the guy's face. There was an awkward silence. +"Let's go over your service thus far. What is your role called, again?" -'I'm size 14,' he said. 'With width. Do you think mayb-' +"I am a Computing Systems Infastructure Manager". -The soldier *thumped* a pair of massive boots on the counter. There was -another awkward silence. +"Sound big. What do you do?" -'Here. Those fit. If not, come back. I've up to 16's'. +"We're in charge of maintaining the military's operational datacenters +and classified computing systems. Spread across all corps." -Adir took a second to let that it. For a fragment of a second he saw -pity in the guy's sad, sad eyes. +"Must be interesting". -He carefully took the boots. They were really heavy. +Adir said nothing, and Tamara surveyed him cautiously. -'Go home, kid', the guy told him, and sunk back down below the counter. +"You went to boot camp at... Spring Buds rookie base?" -Adir had no idea what to do, again. Fortunately, a soldier swung by and -rudely shoved him towards a blue door. +"Yes." -He stumbled inside. There were many stalls. Another soldier stood in the -middle. Tall and skinny with pimples on his shaven face with an -expression of constant, mild misery. Adir thought the soldiers here all -look surprisingly alike. +"December boot camp in the south. Hard introduction." -'What size?' he asked. +"We heard jets and mortars at night." -'What size what?' Adir replied. +"Must be hard." -He gestured vaguely at Adir. 'What size?' +"It was interesting. Didn't struggle especially." -'Um, medium?' +"Afterwards, you were stationed at the Cyber Defence Academy." -'So B.' he said, clearly upset. He tossed two nylon squares at him, -which Adir gracefully missed. As soon as he had the slightest grip on -them he was rudely shoved him into a stall. +"Defense Forces Academy Of Computer Professions And Cyberspace Defense. +It's a mouthful." -The squares turned out to be his new uniform -- a shirt, pants and -something he guessed was a belt. Everything had buttons and straps where -there should not be straps. +"What did you study?" -After some time someone pounded on the stall doors. 'Hurry up!' he -yelled. +"It's a very wide field. There's been a touch of everything. Some +Operating systems. Some databases. A bit of computer hardware. Some +programming." -Adir inspected himself, pleased. Yes, this is how soldiers look. He -stumbled outside. +"And how did you do?" -'What the fuck,' said the skinny miserable soldier. +"I was the underdog. But I pulled through nicely." -'Is this not right?' Adir asked. His shirt was hanging open and the -shoes fit weird. Shouldn't they have laces? He still thought it was -right because the others were dressed the same. +"What's drawn you into computers?" -'Yea, whatever. Just. Go. They're waiting'. Adir didn't know who was -waiting or where to go, but he did anyway. He stepped outside and -straight into a middle aged man. His uniform was different -- it was -light blue -- and he had an air of authority around him. Adir made a -move to pass him but he did not budge. +"Nothing at all". Tamara looked at him questioningly. -Behind the man, the warehouse went silent. The man scanned him from head -to toe in a way that, to him, felt predatory, almost sexual. They locked -eyes. The man's cold expression was consumed by rage. For a moment, -there was no sound. +"It's a cold, dead field." -Adir deducted something was amiss using his superb emotional -intelligence. +"It sounds like you've gone through some hardcore training. Why?" -'**WHO**', the man bellowed, '**IN THE** ***FUCK,*** **LET HIM OUT LIKE -THIS?!**' +"That's what they offered." -In the background, people started scurrying. A hand reeled him back in -immediately. The soldier was on the verge of tears. +"It's a voluntary course." -'You could have asked for help, man' he said pleadingly. 'You could have -asked for help!' +"Had no other choice lined up." -He yanked out Adir's belt and somehow slung it around. It was really -tight. 'I was supposed to go out this weekend', he intoned, somehow -lacing the monstrous boots with laces he pulled out somewhere. He then -yanked some part of the boot and sent a flash of pain through Adir's -leg. +"What about your education, Adir? Finished highschool?" -'God dammit', he muttered and shoved him outside straight into the man -again. +"Yes." -He stared him down from head to toe again, breathing heavily, and barely -made way. +"University? I see you were accepted into post-uni service." -Adir had later learned that was the commander of the recruitment unit, -whatever that means. He was not surprised because he's so clever. +"It didn't run that year." -Adir was pulled out of his trance processing these odd events by a short -soldier who replaced the one who stood there earlier. +"And you didn't go on your own?" -'FOUR HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO!' she bellowed at an unbelievable volume. +Adir straightened his slouch and looked at Tamara. -No one answered. +"No," he said. -'WAKE THE FUCK UP! THIS ISN'T KINDERGARTEN! I SAID -- FOUR HUNDRED AND -SIXTY TWO!'. +Tamara caught his gaze and held it intently. This was the first time he +had seen her eyes. -Silently, a great ox of a guy rose from the back of the room. He -hesitantly took up his duffel bag and threaded the hall. His stance was -of a small, shamed child. +"What did you study in highschool?" -'MAKE WAY!' screamed another soldier no one had seen before. People -cowered before the guy. +"Biology and Biotechnology." -He dashed beyond the doors of the hall. +"Quite a long way off from the cold, dead field of computers". -'EIGHTEEN!' the small soldier yelled again. A tall blonde girl ran -maniacally to the doors and burst through. +"It's a noble science. Fascinating, too." -This mad ritual went on for almost two hours when the soldier shouted, -'TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN!' +"You must feel displaced." -Adir vaguely recalled *he* was two hundred and sixteen. He could not -figure out how were his life dependent on it. This had been a strange -day. +"I wasn't expecting it as an army job." -He got up and made his way down the hall. +"It's funny. Many young men base their studies on their aspired military +role. Some earn their training in service." -'MOOOOVE!' the other soldier screeched at him, veins popping on his -neck. Adir found this odd, as they both stood at the door already. He -was too tired to dwell on it. He opened the heavy door behind the -soldier. +"Not me." -Waddling outside to a bright early afternoon sun, squinting in -confusion, he could see a man walking up to him. He had a green uniform, -but it was clean and well ironed, and thus Adir wisely came to the -conclusion that he was an officer. +"Why not?" -The officer approached Adir. He had kind eyes and smiled widely. +"It's a different chapter of my life." -'Ah, hello! Adir, isn't it?'. +"How so?" -'Yeah,' Adir answered nonchalantly. +"I didn't choose." -'Hello Adir,' the kind officer said. 'Let's see, now, *your* bus is that -way -- see, the red one with the grey stripe?' +"Many young soldiers are dissatisfied in service. But if everyone had a +choice, the army could not stay afloat," she questioned him pointedly, +"Would it?" -'I see it,' he replied. 'Say, you wouldn't know where its' going, is -it?'. Smooth as silk. +"I don't care for that discussion. I was asked to serve, so I did." -'Oh, of course. That bus is for the Instruction Base City. You'll go -through boot camp there.' +"How do you feel about it?" -Score! INBA city soldiers have touchscreen in the shower and waffles for -dinner. He couldn't remember who told him that but he felt it was true. -'The bus will leave in a few minutes. Why don't you go show yourself -nearby, and you'll get moving soon? I'm sure you've had a long day'. +"There's no way to feel about it. It's a fact of life. So I just don't +bother." -'It's alright,' he said. 'Thanks'. +"That's an interesting response, Adir. Most young men I meet here rage +against that 'fact', as you put it. They feel powerless since they +refuse to accept it, and struggle against it until they are released, +and some even well afterwards." -Around the bus were gathered several other people. All guys, he noticed. -'Sweet, huh? INBA CITY!' one of the others shouted at him. 'WOOP WOOP!' +"Can imagine. Not very useful, though." -The others around him burst with 'Yeah!-'s and 'Brooooo!'-s and resumed -smoking their cigarettes. - -'Yeah', he said, now confused. 'You guys into computers?' - -'No, man', said one. 'That's some boring ass shit!' - -INBA city was where people drafted into his role -- Computer Systems -Infrastructure Managers -- go through boot camp. This means that either: - -1\) These people are headed to INBA city, the most luxurious base in the -force, or - -2\) This bus isn't going to INBA city. - -It's probably just a logistics thing. Adir was certain things will work -out. - -Chapter II -- The Feline, Or The Language? - -Commander Kim gracefully turned away from the blackboard. He surveyed -the class calmly with a proud smirk, and was content to see no confused -faces. - -'And that is it,' he said. 'That was a good introduction to case -statements. Does anyone have any further questions?' - -'No', the other coursees piped smugly, which Adir found kind of -annoying. - -He raised his hand. Commander Kim looked at him, offended and -bewildered. 'Yes?' - -'Permission to speak, commander'. - -'Adir,' he said, 'You don't need to ask for permission to speak anymore. -This is not boot camp'. - -'I understand, commander'. - -'And you don't have to call me commander', he added benevolently. 'This -is not boot camp'. - -'I understand, Kim'. - -'Adir,' he admonished, 'You can't just call me by my name. I'm not your -mate from boot camp'. - -'I understand, commander'. - -'And you don't have to call me commander', he said sternly. 'This is not -boot camp'. - -Adir simply stared at him, relinquishing control of the situation. Kim -stared back with futile anticipation of a response. - -'You had a question,' he prompted after a billion years. - -'Yes...' - -'...' - -'...' - -'Commander Kim,' said Commander Kim - -'Commander Kim,' said Adir. - -'I have a question about case statements, Commander Kim' - -'Yes, Adir -- you had a question about case statements' - -'Yes' - -'Well?' - -The guy did not even twitch. It's almost midnight, for god's sake. What -do they do to these people? *What happens in INBA city?* - -'I don't understand'. - -'\...You don't understand?' asked Commander Kim - -'I don't understand', said Adir. - -'You don't understand case statements?' Commander Kim cleverly deducted. - -'Commander Kim, I think Adir does not understand case statements', -Re'em, Adir's desk mate, helpfully pitched in. - -'Commander, I don't think I understand case statements', Adir admitted. - -'What,' inquired Commander Kim, 'About case statements don't you -understand?' - -'The case statements, commander', Adir stated. 'I lost you a good 50 -minutes ago'. - -'We've only been on case statements for the last 30 minutes' - -'Yes.' - -'Well, then, why didn't you say anything earlier?' - -'Commander Kim, Adir did say something earlier', Re'em pitched in. - -'I did say something earlier, Commander Kim', confirmed Adir. - -'I'm sorry,' said Commander Kim, who was not at all sorry. 'I can't -quite recall. Could you repeat your question?' - -'When we just started,' he said, 'You explained what case statements -were, and I said I did not understand'. - -'I told you to see me after class if you don't understand', Commander -Kim recalled. - -'Yes.' - -'I answered your question, then' - -'I suppose you did at that' - -'But you did not come to me after class' - -'Class has yet to end. Commander.' - -'Okay,' said Kim, who was clearly going for something else. 'What else -don't you understand?' - -'The whole thing -- you were talking about case statements' - -'And?' - -'I do not understand case statements' - -'Come see me after class', Commander Kim commanded. - -'Does anyone have any further questions?' - -'No', everyone else piped smugly - -'Good. Class is over. Adir, will you come see me, please?' - -Adir came to see him. Everyone else left besides Re'em, who was never -tired because he eats so many coffee beans. Re'em left when Commander -Kim demanded that he leave. - -'Do I really have to leave, Commander Kim?' he insisted. 'I kinda wanna -see this'. - -'You can go back to the hostel with the other soldiers,' Commander Kim -said. - -'Yes, but -' - -'Don't you ever but me. I'm not your mate from boot camp'. Re'em sulkily -crunched a coffee bean. - -'Now go'. - -With that, they were two. - -'Adir,' Commander Kim said with everlasting patience, 'What don't you -understand about case statements?' - -'Well-' - -'If you don't understand case statements,' demanded Commander Kim, 'Why -don't you stay after class to study it?' - -'Because it is 11P.M, commander' - -'Stop calling me commander' - -'I'm sorry, commander' - -'Why don't you stay after class?' - -'We start at 7AM' - -'That you do' - -'You must see some fault here' - -'I do,' he said. 'You're giving up on yourself'. - -Adir thought that was a rather exaggerated statement. 'I think that is a -rather exaggerated statement', he said. - -'When I was a coursee here,' Kim lectured him, 'I did not understand -case statements. So I stayed late every day, until I understood case -statements. Do you understand?' - -'You have also been studying programming throughout highschool with -excellence', Adir said. He knew this because Commander Kim often told -them he had been studying programming throughout highschool, with -excellence. - -'The course requires no prior programming knowledge', Kim reiterated yet -again. - -'And yet, you all have extensive prior programming knowledge' - -'Pele does not, either' - -'It doesn't matter, because Pele is getting released in a month' - -'How did you come to that conclusion?' - -'It's true,' Adir insisted, 'he told me.' - -They sat at their tent together, in the Spring Buds Rookie Base Harel -Division Tent Area B. It was cold and damp and there was fuel on the -floor as always. - -'You mark my words, Adir', said Pele, who says very little. This sudden -outburst alarmed Adir. 'If I am still in the military in three months', -he proudly intoned, 'then I am a god damned whoreson'. - -'Don't be silly', Adir had told him. 'We just got in' - -'And no one told me it was so stupid. I'm not going through with this. -It's just not for me. - -You mark my words, Adir. Should I still be drafted three months from -now, I am a stupid, spineless whoreson.' Adir did mark his words, and -could not help but admire his perseverance. There's a man who knows what -he's after. - -'What are you on about?' asked Kim. - -'Look,' he said. 'I could obviously sit here and grind water for many -sleepless nights until I understand case statements' - -'Good,' Kim said, 'Then it is decided' - -'However', Adir said, 'We study for 15 hours everyday' - -'And?' - -'And I am a human being' - -'You're getting off track here' - -'I do just dandy at everything else, and I need to work very hard to do -so, because I'm not supposed to be here. I have only so many hours, and -I choose to use them to surmount the challenges I can' - -'You can do whatever you want if you study hard enough.' - -'I have limited time and energy and I choose to spend them thus. If -you'd like to help, Commander, I'd be grateful. But I just don't have -the patience to grind through this alone' - -'Ask your coursemates.' - -'Hey, can you help me with variable type declaration?' Adir had asked -Tom, who was the best programmer in the course. - -'Sure Adir,' said Tom, 'I'm the best programmer in the course. What -don't you understand about variable declarations?' - -'The variable declarations', said Adir. - -Tom had gathered the course's finest with a solemn mission -- to teach -Adir variable declarations. They sat with Adir for about four late -nights before declaring him unteachable. - -'We're sorry, Adir', they had told him, 'But maybe you should ask -Commander Kim'. - -'Do you guys wanna get ice cream or something?' - -'It's midnight', said Nitzan. - -'Oh, right,' Adir replied. - -'What are you on about?' said Kim, finally losing his patience. 'You -know what? When you put in some *real* effort, I may consider helping -you. I'll see you tomorrow' he said and left. - -Adir left the cold, dead classroom and sat outside, even though he could -go home. He wished he had some coffee beans. Programming, the feline -cat, jumped to his lap. They were best buds, even though he was allergic -to feline cats. And they say he can't pull through. - -The next day, Commander Idan spoke to him just before lunch, robbing his -precious free minutes. They sat outside just within sight and out of -earshot of everyone else. Commander Idan, while a skilled adversary at -military mind chess, still fell short of Adir, who has learned to -anticipate his moves quite easily. First, the admonishment. - -'Adir, why were you late this morning?' - -'Life gets in the way, Commander'. - -'Do you think,' he said, 'When you're on duty, life will get in the -way?' - -'That is very much a possibility, I'm afraid'. - -Then, there is the steely gaze. - -Commander Idan gazed at him, steely. Adir did nothing in response -because he was so tired. - -Then, the merciful change of subject. - -'Commander Kim told me you've been struggling with case statements', he -said. - -'I have been, commander' - -'Yet you do not stay late and ask for help from your coursemates' - -'I do not, commander' - -'Why are you giving up on yourself?' Idan demanded fiercely. - -'I think that is a rather exaggerated statement.' - -'Look, you've got it in you.' Idan said, inspired. 'Otherwise you would -not have been here' - -'I am not supposed to be here', Adir stated. - -'How are you so certain?' - -'I turned half my test in empty' - -'If you are here', Idan intoned poetically, 'You should be here. Look, -you got it in you. Wouldn't you like to be a Computer Systems -Infrastructure Manager?' - -'That would be nice', he said - -'Don't you feel it burning in your soul?' - -'I think that is a rather exaggerated statement.' - -'Look, you've got it in you, Adir. What happens if you fail -Programming?' - -'The feline, or the language?' - -'What?' - -'The feline, or the language?' - -'What if you fail the feline, Programming?' Idan asked, dumbstruck. - -'I would be greatly upset. We have a special bond' - -'So why do you struggle with case statements?' - -'What does that have anything to do with the cat?' - -'What cat?' - -'So the language' - -'The programming language, yes' - -'Oh. Not the feline cat' - -'Don't joke around with me,' said Commander Idan. 'I'm not your mate -from boot camp. You know, you shouldn't even touch it'. - -'The language?' - -'No, the feline cat. It's prohibited by martial law' - -'Because I think I shouldn't touch the language either'. - -There was silence. - -'The language should also be prohibited by martial law'. - -'\...' - -'I'm also severely allergic' - -Idan tried the steely gaze again. It was ineffective. - -'If I touch my face now,' Adir mused, petting Programming, 'It will be -so, so bad'. - -'If you fail Programming -- *the language*, you will fail the course. -What will you do if you fail the course?' - -'Something else, probably' - -'Wouldn't you like to be a Computer Systems Infrastructure Manager?' - -'That would be nice' - -'Don't you feel it burning in your soul?' - -Adir was not listening, because he was so tired, and Programming's fur -was so soft. - -'Don't give up on your self,' Commander Idan preached, 'It says a lot -about character'. - -That got to him. 'I honestly don't understand,' he said, 'Why is it -considered so awful when I set my own priorities. I'm good at a few of -the other fields. An hour spent there will help me much, much more that -an hour of futile programming. I could grind away coding, sure -- but -I'd like to be good at a few things I already have a grip on, rather -than a mediocre programmer. Is that so bad?' - -'Don't make excuses. We're good at everything'. - -'It doesn't work like that' - -'Don't give up on yourself,' he said. 'Now go eat lunch. I don't want to -be having this conversation again'. - -Yogev walked up to him. 'I think you're absolutely amazing with -Programming,' he said in his usual cold, cynicism soaked drone. - -'The language?' - -'Don't be an idiot', Yogev said. 'The feline cat, of course. Things that -matter'. - -Commander Shilo swung by from somewhere. 'Go! Run!' he told them. -'There's PE! The Communications commander is here!' - -'Yes Commander!' Yogev spat back and took of with a frenzy. - -'You too, Adir! Get up! Why are you giving up on yourself?' - -Adir was so, so tired, and Programming was purring softly, which Adir -loved because he'd never had a cat before, much less a feline cat. - -'I'm not running', he tossed back, annoyed. - -Chapter III -- The Grand Computing Conference Room - -'I'm not running!' Adir spat back outraged. - -Around them lay pandemonium, with officers, technicians, and the other -soldiers from Adir's department scattering randomly in every direction. - -'What do you mean you're not running!?' roared Henesee, loud enough to -slow the scattering around them, if momentarily. 'I am your *Department -Commander!,* and as your ***Department Commander!** I demand that* --**'** - -'*How are we still having this conversation??'* Adir shouted back at the -top of his lungs. *'I could have gotten there **TEN TIMES** by now!'* - -'*IF I TELL YOU TO GO THAT WAY, THEN -'* - -'I WENT TO PICK UP THE TOOLS!' - -***'YOU DIDN'T SIGN OFF THE TOOLS?!'*** Henesse screeched at him, -outraged. Adir thought him moments from fuming with spittle. - -He took a deep breath. - -'I have finished our little talk, commander, please and thank you', he -said. - -*'*Well *I* have been running like crazy here all morning, while *you --*' - -'And that is your business, commander, and I wish you best of luck with -it.' - -'Maybe I will be busy preparing your trial, so you' - -'Getting tools. Buh-bye now', Adir announced, already pacing back. - -Gilad waited around the corner. 'You're an idiot, you know?', he said - -'I am aware, yes'. - -'You drove them crazy this morning' - -'That's not very hard to do' - -'They've been searching for you like crazy people. Couldn't find you at -the Trainer' - -'I was behind the Igloo' - -'Of course', he said. 'Looking at memes' - -'Yes.' - -His mistake was caving in and going back to prepare the coffee. - -'My mistake was caving in and going back to prepare the coffee', he -explained to Gilad. 'As soon as I opened the doors David stood there -staring at me like a deer in the headlights, and I knew I'm in for it'. - -'You poor thing', Gilad said unenthused. - -'Ronen was there within the minute, lecturing about our responsibility -to be constantly vigilant, and carry out the drill so that we shall be -prepared in the event of war'. - -'The guy just won't take a hint,' Gilad stated, irritated. 'He's a good -man but he just won't take a hint. What did you tell him?' - -'Look, we've been over this. I will not keep 'undergarments' here. I -will *never* keep 'undergarments' here. Not for two weeks, not for two -hours!' - -'Not even for the war?' asked Ronen with an air of triumph - -'*Especially* not for the war!' Adir proclaimed. - -'What if a rocket falls on you?' cried Ronen - -'I should hope so', he said to Ronen, who was stunned despite them being -over this a million times. - -'What do you *mean* you hope one lands on you?' Ronen demanded. 'Have -you ever had a rocket land on you? Oh, it's not pleasant!" - -'Because now I'm having a blast!' - -'What am I going to tell your parents?' Ronen confronted him sharply. -'Your son just stood there and got blasted apart?'. - -'You can tell them their son is an idiot,' he said. 'Mum already knows. -Dad, I'm not so sure'. - -'Just go to the bunker,' Ronen spat back with visible disgust. 'You've -done enough'. - -'Oh, yes. The bastion. Our stronghold'. - -'Could you lay off for five minutes? We'll discuss this later' - -'Can't wait. I'll schedule an appointment.' - -'Go.' - -'You're an idiot', Ana told him back at the smoking area, where they sat -with Gilad and Max about thirty minutes later. 'Why do you bother -bickering with them?' - -'It pisses me off!' - -'Do you think nature's dumbest animal cares?' Gilad rounded on him. 'Do -you think a guy like Henesee stops after this and thinks, *man, that -P.F.C is right! I **am** being a jerk!* Do you think this happens in a -place like this?' - -'I'm not a P.F.C for a while. And it doesn't mean I have to take it' - -'Kinda does', Max piped in. 'Kinda does. So shut up, youngster'. - -'I have a day over you! One extra day in the army!' - -'Sure, young'un. Sure you do. But you'll be released later.' - -'Over my cold, dead body' - -'Maybe. Who knows?' - -'Shut up,' said Gilad. 'You've given me a headache.' - -They fell silent until yet another air siren died out. Eitan burst from -inside through the door. - -'You finished your coffee?' he queried Ana and Max sarcastically. - -'Yeah, ok', Max replied neutrally. - -'Just finishing a cig,' Ana said. - -'Whatever. Come soon', he told them. - -'Gilad, Adir'. With that he left. - -'Come,' said Gilad. 'We have to rescue Yoav. They probably got to him as -well. Crazy people.' - -'Do you think Eitan will snitch?' - -'Of course. Not like he's got anything better to do', Ana blurt out -grumpily. - -'I'll be dead right inside, per usual', remarked Max. - -'I'll go scream into my pillow and change my mail signature,' Ana said. -'See you at lunch'. - -'Give me some credit,' Adir told them. 'I'll swing by much sooner'. - -'Your problem', Max said and let the door slam behind them. - -'Come on, enough bullshit', Gilad told him. 'We're going to gather as a -squad and discuss your problem, you idiot. Let's fetch Yoav' - -'Do you think he can help?' - -'Not even you can help. Come on' - -'Like you're not an idiot' - -'How dare you', Gilad admonished him. 'I've been stuck here for *two -years* with these guys. Do you think an idiot like you could have pulled -two years like that?' - -'Over my cold, dead body' - -'You've died like a dozen times the last two hours. Calm down, -princess.' - -Unsurprisingly, they found Yoav in the department alone with David, who -was on with six phones at once. - -'Yes, Gilad, I'm still working through the operations log,' he proudly -told commander Gilad Henesee over the phone. 'Yoav, how's it going with -the operations log?' he frantically asked. 'Well, there's the -' 'Yoav, -hang on. No, Ronen, the operation log is incomplete. I can't find Adir -anywhere. Sent Gilad out to fetch him, and -' - -'I'm right here, dude' Adir said, feigning himself hurt. 'You're not -looking very hard. It's like I don't mean anything to you, man' - -'No! Adir, you kind soul, of course you - Ronen, I'll call you right -back!, just wanted to report, okay? I, uh, I have found Adir -- I will -add him to the task force, with him and, and uh, Yotam, to handle the -operations log, quickly. Can you please keep Gilad up to date? No? Okay, -I'll tell him. Just hang on a second, Adir, don't go anywhere. Yes, -Gilad, I have Adir here, an- to your office? At 18:00? well, now, look, -there's a task forc-' - -'Thank god,' Yotam said as the door slammed on David alone in the -platoon. 'The guy really needs a break! They won' t stop calling'. - -'Really?' Adir asked innocently. 'It's been a slow day'. - -'Ronen just sits upstairs and constantly calls Gilad, who constantly -calls David, who constantly calls Dor, who is constantly called by -Johnny -- how does anything get done? They just sit around and call each -other. No one ever gets up!' - -'You have a call', Gilad said. - -Adir snatched the phone. 'We're at Operations, David', he said quickly -and out of breath. 'The new server fell! Yoav helped set it up so he can -help' - -'Look, I need Yoa-' - -'I'm sorry, I'm being bombarded with calls. Call you from inside', he -said and hung up. - -'Poor David', Yoav said. - -'He chose this', Adir said. 'Part of the job, dealing with pricks like -me'. - -'Shut up,' said Gilad. 'My head hurts, because of you two.' - -'I didn't say any-' - -'You too. Off to the Great Computing Conference Room.' - -Another siren blared, and everyone else conveniently rushed in the -opposite direction. The three naturally assumed a stance of great -importance and strode with purpose until everyone was holed up again. - -And there they were: The Great Computing Conference Room, the Computing -Department's pride and joy. - -The other departments in the platoon all had their spots -- -Communications had the smoking area, and even Comms -- cursed as they -were -- could sit around in their spacious room and never talk to each -ever, as they often do, because nobody cares what Comms do, including -Comms. - -Yet Computing had been deprived of that joy -- besieged by the -department (the room) a few steps down the road next to the airfield, -Communications Platoon command a bit further inward and the Base Command -right across, they stood no chance. Until Gilad, tired and greatly -depraved of the silence he so desired, had come to a decision. - -'This is the Great Computing Conference Room', he had told Yoav and Adir -one day when they arrived out back of the Tradition Room, further away -from the airstrip just before Construction. 'Look at the luxury! There -is this nice ledge, here, and we can shelter at Construction if it -rains, and no one comes here ever'. - -'Yes, I guess no one does', mused Adir, who stared even further away -towards the Igloo with sudden interest, as no one had ever done before. - -'What are we going to do here?' Yoav asked, skeptical. 'We're just going -to sit here with our coffee and discuss events of the day? - -'We are going to sit here with our coffee,' Gilad curtly explained, 'And -discuss events of the day'. - -The three sank in deep thought. - -'You know,' Adir told them, 'There really is way too much going on.' - -'There's no such thing as too much for the sons and daughters of Job -Field Airbase!' Yoav proudly proclaimed, giggling. - -'Shut up,' Gilad said. - -'Shut up,' Adir said. - -'No, I mean, every day here can be a damned soap opera. Something -happens every single day' - -'You know,' admitted Gilad, 'It's true.' - -'A real *Computanovella*', said Yoav - -*'*Shut u- no, wait. That's actually brilliant', said Gilad. -'*Computanovella, chapter 3253: Opal configures the squadron's mails*' - -*'*God, that was a disaster', said Adir*.* - -*'Computanovella, episode 6386: David fixes a keyboard'*, Yoav continued - -'The motherboard!' cried Adir. 'We ended up replacing the motherboard! -The guy wouldn't listen!' - -'He's a good guy, but he just can't take a hint!' - -'*Computanovella, episode 4972: Adir discovers Igloo meme-haven'*, Adir -added, excited. - -'When was that?' asked Yoav - -'Why, today', Adir replied, looking further off with newfound greed. - -'You're an idiot', said Gilad. 'As well as a co-founder of the Great -Computing Conference Room, where we have just proven the system works' - -'Our system', stated Yoav - -'Of course', Adir retorted. 'Who else's? Those animals?' - -'What are you doing here?!' barked some officer they'd never seen at -them. - -'What are *we* doing here??' Adir shot up and confronted him. 'What are -*you* doing here?!' - -'Me?! How dare you! While you loiter an-' - -'*Loiter!?* You come waltzing in from headquarters and think you know it -all? Can't you see we're discussing strategy?' - -'*Out in the open?*' the officer demanded. 'That's against information -security regulations!' - -'It is!' Adir cried. 'This is a confidential zone! You trespass and run -off to complain about us? Wait until your commander hears this!' - -'What?? I-' - -'You're leaving', said Adir, 'and we part as friends'. - -The officer checked the time on his iPhone. 'I don't have time for -this,' he muttered and strode off. - -Chapter IV -- The Machine Is Perfect - -Delicate, smooth waves of sandy motes gently blew past the virgin, -desolate sands of Firing Range Six. Unbelievably tall hills, the tallest -Adir had ever seen, masked the source of the harsh salty wind spray, -turbulent ocean waters a rich shade of deep blue in the day's furnace. -He thought it a terrible waste to designate such a place to the -military. - -He took a deep breath, feeling the warmth of the baked, tainted earth -filling him completely. The warmth even took away some of the cold -indifference in the muffled shouts he could hear. - -"Fire!", he just made out, and pulled the trigger. The shockwave met -rough, dirty green linen as it coarsed through him without resistance. - -Even through the earplugs, the roar of gunpowder was deafening. The -media never gets it right -- it's such a raw, explosive noise, such a -vicious boom of hate and violence ready to pierce both flesh and soul. - -*"**Fire!***", the cry came again, and Adir smoothly fell to a crouch -with accustomed movement. Six more rounds, the ritual uninterrupted -- a -little nudge to position the butt of the rifle, squeezing the cheek -against the disgusting, sweat-sodden stock, making contact around the -dirty plastic barrel, pulling it close, closer. closing an eye, holding -breath, and finally -- the mental leap to pull the trigger, and embrace -the violence about to surge past you. - -"Fire!", and Adir dropped to the ground and fired ten more bullets with -a clean, timed rhythm. He hated how he found it both therapeutic and -awesome at the same time, like some dumb middle schooler with a new -Xbox. - -"Cease fire! Cease fire!" - -Adir lowered Karl and took out his earplugs. - -"CHECK SAFETY!" - -"CHECK SAFETY!" they all shouted back. - -"RIFLE -- SIXTY DEGREES!" - -"RIFLE -- SIXTY DEGREES!" - -"MAGAZINE -- PULL OUT!" - -"MAGAZINE -- PULL OUT!" - -"**RIFLE -- DISCHARGE FOR EXAMINATION!"** - -"RIFLE, DISCHARGE FOR EXAMINATION!" - -Adir quickly discharged his rifle and kept it up. He found this part -harder than the actual gunfire. - -The company commander made the usual scurry behind them. - -"Discharge indicator," she spat at Ran at the edge of the line and -tapped his shoulder. - -"Discharge indicator! Discharge indicator!" - -She tapped his shoulder as well. "Discharge indicator!" - -Adir put in his discharge indicator. The company commander finished the -survey. - -"RIFLE, DISARM!" she roared. Adir pressed the thingy and disarmed Karl. - -"You may lower your rifles," said the company commander. - -"SHOOTERS, CROSS THE LINE OF FIRE!" Commander \#5 took back charge and -lashed at them, perfectly conveying his deep displeasure of the -situation. Disgusting prick. - -Everyone slung their blistering rifles aside carefully, and began -running across the slosh of sand and old military gunk to the cardboard -targets afoot the great wall of sand. - -He somehow got to his first. He looked up, fascinated to the shrubs -hanging of the hill's side. How can it grow in such a hostile place? - -"Adir", said commander Gal. Adir shot her a surprised glanced -- he did -not see her running with them. Commander Gal, in turn, seemed surprised -by his surprise. - -"Let's take a look. How do you think you did?" - -"How I did?" - -"Yes. Do you think you hit?" - -"Hit? Hit what? We're not supposed to hit anything" - -"The targets", she said, masking a confident smile. - -"Oh! The targets!" - -"Yes! Do you think you hit?" - -"Well of course I hit the targets. That's what we're supposed to hit, -isn't it?" - -"You know, not everyone hits at all." - -"Kind of funny for a soldier" - -Gal was already inspecting the battered cardboard cutout. Adir thought -shaping it like a person is quite distasteful, considering his battalion -of computer guys, university students and general staff. - -"Come with me. The next round is coming up." - -She started jogging back, and he took it as an excuse to avoid another -sprint as well. - -They crossed the line, and she motioned him further on, past the -crumbling concrete wall. They were out of the range. - -"What side did you end up firing on?" - -"I think it was right this time." - -"Is this your rifle?" - -"Yes, this is Karl." - -She gave him a distasteful look. He didn't argue. That lot doesn't get -it. - -"And you have yours with you, commander" - -"Yes, of course," Gal said, flustered. She had lent him her rifle on the -previous shootout so they could determine on which side he shoots. - -"Do you think you did any better?" - -"I honestly don't remember how it went last time." - -"Adir, didn't you shoot about ten minutes ago?" - -He stared blankly. - -"Well, let's see", she browsed her dusty notepad, flipping back and -fourth between the pages. - -"How strange." - -"Yea." - -"I didn't tell you anything yet." - -"Yea." - -Gal gave him a somewhat concerned look and gave a small sigh. "You hit -all but two dead center," she said. "If no one this round hits it all, -you're first in the company and second in the battalion." - -Adir continued staring blankly, not registering at all. - -"You had the exact same score on both hands. Never seen it before." - -"So I can go akimbo?" - -"Could you what?" - -"Can I go akimbo, commander?" - -"Explain yourself, please, Adir" - -"Two rifles, one on each hand, commander", he curtly explained. - -"Every soldier gets one rifle, Adir". That lot doesn't get it. - -"But I have two" - -"That's because Yuval is sick today." - -"Oh, he is? Is that why I have his rifle?" - -"You can't go akimbo." - -"Damn shame. Knew I should have gone to combat. I'm wasted talent at -communications" - -"That's enough. You're out of line. Go rejoin the squad" - -"Yes, commander". - -Adir could feel the vibrations in the earth as he kindly waited for Gal -to turn her back and head away from the squad into the smallest bit of -shade. He awarded her this great courtesy because she was both a -commander and a human, a rare gem in Spring Buds Rookie Base. - -Commander Gal later found him in the ruins of the old ammunition bunker -with a few drifters from other companies. - -"Where are your commanders?!" she shouted as they scrammed back outside. -Adir looked up and was once again surprised to see her. - -"Why were you staring like that?" - -Adir was even further surprised by her lack of antagonism. Commander \#5 -would have fried him alive. Disgusting prick. - -"I'm sorry, commander. I don't follow". - -"You were staring at your rifle." - -"Karl?" - -Commander Gal gave another resigned sigh. "You were staring at your -rifle, Karl". - -"Was I? I\...I've been trying to stop it. Keeps happening." - -They locked eyes for a few seconds. - -"Is everything okay?" - -He hesitated. - -"There was.. an incident. Shortly before I was drafted". Should he -really state that? It hasn't even been a month. And yet, it seems so far -off. - -"The machine is perfect", she said suddenly with cold determination. - -Adir frowned. - -"The rifle", she said, moving her own around and inspecting it -reverently, "Is a perfect machine. It is a simple mechanism, executed to -perfection. - -The flaw," she added, "Is always who holds the trigger". - -With that, she stood up and walked away, leaving Adir with a rare quiet -moment to steam gazing at the sands, weak mind racing with new thought. - -Chapter V \[Unordered\] -- Air Force Headquarters - -Above all, it was silent. The grand, modern skyscraper, always busting -with activity, stood as a monument to the advancement, the brashness, -standing in defiance of the comforting spring sun. - -Soft white rays of light made their lazy way to the grey brick path -littered with remnants of old cigarettes, the wooden benches crumbling, -not a hand tapping against the white tin sealing the narrow passageway. -On, the silence went, to the grand space afoot the scraper, the curves -brutally leading your eyes up, up so high, the distance not only -physical but mental as well, so high you could not bear to look. It -draws you into the guts, the cold marble floors and the metallic high -ceilings, looking ahead towards the way up to the towers. - -One can almost miss the small passageway aside, the chrome gates barring -you out and caging you in, and you stand alone with the massive metal -door flung aside, and yet hanging there menacingly. Beyond the doorstep -lies an older era, not unlike an old hospital, checkered tiles worn and -bright wooden railing leading your descent. To him, it felt a descent -into madness, watching the officers run up and down in a frenzy, -enlisted men slunking up, all professional, and nothing echoes but the -sound of heavy boots. Further and further down, each stop a different -realm of the same kingdom -- the operators, the intelligence guys, -co-ordinators, and you're at the bottom. You're home. - -The creak of the floating tiles sears into your very soul, so repulsive -you tread lightly. You know where to step -- often blamed for sowing -fear and deceit in the banging and crashing that never follow your path -like the rest. The effort is unnecessary today -- today is cold, even -colder than usual, because the beast is dead and the facade is finished -for now. The silence follows, out of habit, further up the passageway -and away from the storage area, the crypt of many bright ideals and -long, successful careers, gone and forgotten. On and on, to the very -source of the seeping cold -- the wide blank doors. - -You have nothing to do there, you are seldom wanted there, but there -lies your promise, your right, your legacy. None watch behind the -cameras today, and so you take a deep breath, hear the faint metallic -*clunk* and step inside. - -Rows upon rows upon rows of the very best, as good as it gets, fill this -cramped white cavern to the brim, wires running up the causeways just -over your head as thick as a man or two. Here, you tread with even more -care -- below the soft floors lie more and more wires, delicate strands -of life, a life that should have been yours, that *are* yours, a life -that inside yourself, and surfacing, you know you will never live. You -browse the rows, back and fourth, watching the text fly on unclosed -consoles, hearing the hum of electricity, the screech of a false warm -gale your only solace this deep. - -You know each and every cabinet -- what it does, why it's there, how to -handle it -- at least you think you do, but that doesn't matter -- you -are not needed. You are not wanted. - -You consider going back inside, with what few *elders* remain, if only -to find something warm to wear, and as revolting as the thought is, you -head back out the blank doors, sealing them -- as you know -- for the -very last time -- thought none other know yet. - -Of its own will, your hand reaches out to the searing metal, and pulls --- to a muted clunk. Nothing. - -You are shunned. You are alone. You are relieved, and you are hurt. - -The only other way is back, back to the small room with a small blanket, -to dose off yet again and let this strange dream pass by as you drift -aimlessly towards the warmth. The creaking metal door swings in with a -hiss, and an old breeze wafts by, the stench of sweat, dust, and -despair. The metal slams with a bang, the first real noise in ages, and -darkness leaps into you and envelopes you completely. - -The only sound your ragged breath. The only scent ashes of those who -have long since left. The only sensation your blood pulsing in delicate -veins behind strained ears, aimlessly seeking a sing of life. - -You cannot stand this a second longer. There is nothing for you here. -There is nothing for you there. There is nothing for you up. Up, at -least, you trade the lying wind for the spring sun. You begin your -ascent again. You know it to be one of your last -- so you dream, so you -will, but where will you go? Anywhere but here. There must be someplace -better. Or is there? - -Out, out past the checkered tiles and thudding boots, past the fearsome -metal door, past the chrome gates and through that massive hall, small -and alone. Out to the foothills of this monster, a speck across the -grand entryway, drifting with the soft light to the crumbling benches, -lowering with a gentle croak of old wood. - -Outside, just a hand above your head and a small plunge, you can hear -the happy chatter of people, the heavy engines of buses, impatient -screeches of cars loaded with families and friends on with their day, -blissfully unaware of this. - -His eyes drawn up, and he could finally see the top of the building. - -Adir spread out his arms, crossed his legs, and with his head tilted -upwards he closed his eyes and soaked up every last bit of warmth he -could gather. - -Chapter VI \[Unordered\] -- Getting helped - -Adir warily made his way deeper and deeper into the base. He had not -been here in months, and felt a strong mixture of emotions he had -trouble deciphering. - -Right now, he did not have the liberty to dwell on it. He knew that if -he faltered, if he breaks face, the tight reins will snap right off, and -he'll do something he'll regret. - -His appointment was at 11:30 -- about as late as possible if he is to -make it to his lesson afterwards. Today was biology, scheduled for -Genetic Engineering -- he could not bear to miss it, long as he's -awaited it. For months and months he's been waiting on a response from -the military, and how like them, he thought bitterly, to break radio -silence at the most inconvenient time. - -He could not tell them that, of course, since his studies are illegal by -martial law. Whatever ills he may have committed - this was -unforgivable. This set him on the warpath. - -He made a small attempt at fixing his scruffy beard -- still an -unfamiliar motion, and at this situation it seemed unreal. He had -forgotten how *smooth* everyone was, heads and face shaven for the men -and long, carefully gathered ponytails for the women. He had forgotten -how hot and uncomfortable the uniform was, to the point he had wondered -whether by design, how heavy and clumsy the boots. - -He arrived hot, sweating, uneasy, extremely self conscious, and worst of -all -- very early. - -Adir hated it here - a raw, seething hatred. He had done his very best -to arrive just in time, and leave as soon as possible -- but now he had -a full forty-five minutes to spend before he can slowly muster the -courage to make his appointment. - -He could go down to the pit, of course, and see his old coursemates -again. He wanted to, but was afraid of what he will find -- and afraid -of what they will see. Will they see a determined student, fighting -against all odds to follow his dream, or a depressed wreck trying -desperately to save himself? - -So he revisited his habit from the worst of his days and sat outside on -the disgusting benches aside the construction site, where he could stay -in the shade and covertly watch everyone go by. Even the worst of -slackers could not go out for a smoke this time of the day, so he should -have some peace. He did not have to reclaim his phone and that was a -difference he found great solace in. - -And just as luck would have it, a few general workers quickly scurried -past and rolled out a red carpet. - -This can't be good. - -The first sergeant showed up not long after, trailed by a swarm of fresh -officers and P.F.C's from public relations, and his glanced went to Adir -like a starved hound. - -As much as he would have enjoyed making the smug bastard work for it, -Adir did not have the capacity to deal with this today. He got up and -started heading off in a random direction, but he was too slow and by -that point he was within earshot. - -'Oh, no no no no', the sergeant piped smugly at him. "I want to hear -this. Don't you move another step'. - -Torn by his desire to flip the guy off and roll into a ball and cry, -Adir casually leaned on one of the wooden pillars conveniently nearby. - -He could soon feels the man's piping hot breath on his face. So that's -how it's going to be. - -'Stand up straight while you're talking to me'. - -So he did. - -'And look at me when I'm talking to you!' - -'You don't have to yell. I can quite clearly hear you'. - -'Now just what do you think you're doing here?' - -'I'm obviously missing something. Is there a reason I should not be?' - -'You're joking' - -'I'm completely serious. Please, tell me' - -'Have you not checked you email in the last three months?' - -'I have not.' - -That set him back. 'First I'm hearing about a headquarters soldier with -no access to a computer, but okay. Surely, one of your commanders have -told you'. - -Adir did not mentally prepare for this, and he was desperate to escape -the situation. - -'No,' he said. - -'Who is your commander?' - -'I... don't know.' - -The sergeant was dumbstruck by the honesty in Adir's voice, and was -suddenly compassionate. - -'Kid, how long have you been here?' - -'I'd really rather not talk about it. Look, whatever it is, I don't want -to know. I'll just scram.' - -'I've asked you a question'. - -A few of the officers were curiously listening from the back, surprised -the exchange is taking so long. - -'Since September' - -'You're telling me', he said, furious, 'You've been here since -*September* and you don't know your commander, soldier?' - -'Let me go somewhere in peace.' - -'What do you mean somewhere? Do you have no place to go?' - -Adir lost his patience. 'Gee, thanks for rubbing it in. Yea, I have no -place to go. No one in this rathole gives a damn fuck about where I am -or what I do. And you know what? It's none of your damn business. You -told me to leave -- I'm leaving, and that's all there is to it. You can -go ahead and report me, too -- if you find out who's supposed to take -care of it, please -- let me know. I sure have no stinking idea'. - -'That's how it is? Alright then. I'll teach you how to behave and we'll -find your commander just dandy. What's your name?' - -'Fuck off and good luck', Adir tossed back and left. The rest were too -stunned to do anything. - -Great. That killed off a good ten minutes. And now he'd lost his temper. - -\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-- - -By the time he'd found the place in the maze of floors, corridors, -offices and unhelpful secretaries, Adir had composed himself again. Just -in time, he rapped the door gently. - -A tall middle aged woman opened the door. She was tall, fairly handsome, -and had a soft, comforting air around her. - -'Hi! Good to have you here. Your name?' - -'I am Adir. I have the 11:30 appointment' - -'Ah, yes. Adir! I've been waiting quite a while to see you. Please, wait -here for a bit and I'll be with you shortly'. - -'OK'. - -'Alright. Should not be long'. - -He sat down in the austere waiting room. It had the same dull cream -color like everywhere in the towers. It was cramped, and some attempt at -making it comforting had clearly taken place, making it all the more -disheartening. Since he can't actually have his phone here, he was stuck -in silence with the pretty but cool assistant, who stared at him -shamelessly like some peculiar beast. - -"Adir? Would you come in please?" - -Adir's trance had broken, and he wordlessly stepped inside. The room was -much brighter, and very minimal -- a simple wooden desk, and to its -corner a chair against the wall, and nothing else. - -Behind the desk was a massive window overlooking the entryway, now with -a rolling red carpet and lots of soldiers in clean, ironed and -immaculate uniforms standing motionless. The sight hurt him, and he -could not say why. - -The woman sat down behind the desk. - -'Hello, Adir. I am Dr. Tamar Hussberg, and I've been the mental health -officer here for more than fifteen years. I understand you have been -asking for help for quite some time, and I just want to ask some -questions and see where we stand. Is that okay?' - -Adir shrugged and gave a feeble nod, not daring to do much else. - -'Please, sit down. No need to be so dense. This is unofficial business. -Everything here is completely confidential.' - -He did not realize he had been standing in the middle of the room. He -slowly made for the small chair and sat down, back to the wall and -facing Dr. Tamar and the entryway below. - -'Adir, tell me about your family. Do you have any brothers or sisters?' - -'A younger brother and a younger sister.' - -'Do any of them serve in the army' - -'No. My brother is 13, and my sister 17'. - -'I see. Does your sister has a drafting date?' - -'I... don't know', it occurred to him. How could he be so selfish? And -with her drafting, no less! - -'What do your parents do?' - -'My father is a physicist. My mother is a lawyer.' - -'Living together?' - -'Yes, thankfully' - -'Where do they work?' - -'Dad works for the ministry of defense. Mom works at a private firm' - -'Very nice. Good home', Tamar said, smiling warmly. - -Adir could not help but smirk as well. 'Yes, it is. Things are good'. - -'Many young men come here with issues they bring from home. I suppose -you feel this is not the case here?' - -'No, not at all' - -'That's great. How long have you been in the army?' - -Adir had to take a moment to recall. Tamar noticed this and frowned. - -'Funny, soldiers usually spit it out down to the hour. When did you -draft?' - -'December 2016' - -'Then that puts you... about halfway, doesn't it?' - -He had to take a moment to let it in. 'Yes,' he said tensely. - -The halfway point -- *Touching the wall* as people call it. Adir had no -idea it had been so long. - -'Quite unusual for soldiers to come up here so late into their service. -Especially outside of combat. Did you finish highschool?' - -'Yes' - -'Good grades?' - -'Great grades' - -'Hard study?' - -'Not terribly. I liked what I did' - -'What did you major in?' - -'Biotechnology' - -'Sounds fascinating' - -'It is. I can think of nothing more amazing' - -'Your role in the army... I've had it written down somewhere. Something -to do with computers?' - -'The course is called 'Computing systems infastructure management' - -'Sound big.' - -'I wouldn't know' - -'That's quite far off from Biotech. How did you get into it?' - -'I never did. That's what I was offered, and I took it'. - -'Doesn't sound like they'd offer it to just anyone.' - -'I was screened beforehand. Did okay, but nothing spectacular'. - -'The recruiters thought otherwise' - -'I suppose' - -'So, Adir - you come from a good home. You had a good education in a -field you're passionate about. You have a prestigious role in the -military, and you're halfway through your service, stationed in air -force headquarters, widely considered the best station in the military. - -I don't recall seeing anyone with a similar background here lately at -all. What is it that's been weighting you down?' - -Adir thought about all his old coursemates and how they withered, how -they hunkered down and became less and less responsive each day. He -wondered if Tamar was lying, or if they were all too cowardly to get -help. Tamar was friendly and with a docile smile, but he could not help -but feel this was a crackdown, an assault. He chalked it down to -paranoia. - -'I am depressed', Adir said . 'I've realized it a few months ago, but I -am depressed. I've been depressed since the moment I got drafted, and -it's getting unbearable. I don't know where else to turn.' - -'Why now?' - -'It's not now. I've been asking for help since December.' - -'Seems highly unlikely -- response time is two weeks. Sure, things get -delayed -- this is a big base -- but not that delayed. - -But never mind that. Adir -- I don't think you're in a state to -self-diagnose. Depression is a mental disease, and is very different -from what healthy people exhibit, even in difficult times. Why would you -say you're depressed?' - -'Depressed, down, sad, whatever you name it. I.. I don't know. What I do -know is I just can't keep up. I have trouble sleeping. I feel sick and -weak. I have trouble getting myself out of bed in the morning, and -sometimes I... I don't. I have trouble talking to people -- I hadn't -spoken to anyone in my squad in forever. I don't know what else to do.' - -'Adir, I understand you're facing difficulties. The military is a harsh, -unforgiving place. People are moved from their homes, their lives, to -something strange unfamiliar, and note everyone copes well -- and that's -okay. I think we can start a gradual treatment, and see how we can ease -things up for you." - -Adir sat silent, contemplating. - -"I can offer, say -- once a month?' - -The bastards. He fucking knew in. He fucking knew they can't pull -through! - -'Look, Tamar -- do you want to know why I'm *really* here?' - -'We can discuss it next time, Adir' - -'I still have time. It's been, what -- fifteen minutes? I've been -waiting almost seven months. I'm asking you to listen' - -'Go ahead' - -'I am here because... I am a defector. I have not set foot here since -January, and no one has bothered to do anything about it, because no one -cares. - -I am here because I have been taking drastic measures to save my mental -health. - -I am a strong person. I am a fighter. And I've been battling *this* -- -whatever it's called -- for almost a year and a half now. - -And I'm here because, for the first time - I feel like I'm losing. Every -day gets harder, and I have to find some respite. I *have* to. Next -month will not do. I need help -- real help. And if you can't -provide...'. - -Tamar frowned in concetration. - -'Since January... That makes it five months. That's the longest I've -ever heard of.' - -'That's why it took so long. Because I have no commander. Because nobody -cares about me.' - -'Do you not report in every morning?' - -'Hell, I couldn't even if I'd wanted to. Half the squad switched out -already. The new commanders have never set eyes on me and my access card -has expired a good four months ago.' - -'But you should be arrested! Had you no contact with MP's?' - -'None", he chuckled bitterly. "That's the beauty of being invisible, -isn't it?' - -Tamar broke the drawn out silence. - -'Adir, I find this highly unlikely.' - -'I know you do. I do as well. But take a *good look* at me -- do you -think I had that beard approved? Can you see I bear no rank? Please, be -my guest -- let's go down to the pit right now and see if anyone -recognizes me at all.' - -'How did this happen?' - -'Quite simple, really. I got worse. No one wanted to deal with it. So -they threw me out. - -This is my third stationing, with another rejecting me from the -beginning. They see I'm having trouble so they kick me out. Here, they -made quite the spectacle of it too.' - -'What do you do to pass the time?' - -'I took up my sanity into my own hands. Around late December, I realized -help isn't coming. - -So just before lunch, I got up and left for the campus nearby. Ten -minute bus ride. - -I went to see a university advisor. They said they have a prep opening -the following week for the March semester. - -I signed up, and I've been going every day since. I do something I like -again.' - -'\...For a full degree?' - -'For a full degree. If the military doesn't give a shit about my time, I -may as well do something with it.' - -Tamar took a deep sigh. - -'So what do you want?' - -'It's too late for me. No one wants me here.' - -'*So what do you want?*' - -'What do you mean, what do I want? Aren't you supposed to help, -somehow?' - -'I need a goal from you.' - -'Once a month won't do.' - -'*So what do you want?'* - -Adir took a deep breath. - -'I want out.' - -Tamar gracefully got up, and handed Adir a small, colorful pamphlet. - -'These are mental diseases. Depression, Bi-polar syndrome. Mania, -Schizophrenia and friends. - -Take a good long read, and see if anything fits. - -It won't.' - -Adir looked up, shocked. - -'Pick one, or get out.' - -He got out. +"So what's hurting you, Adir? You know where you stand."