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Cutting_room_floor.md
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@@ -1,189 +1,3 @@
Chapter II -- The New Cyber Kids
'So, I'm standing there like an utter idiot, and all of a sudden the
syringe flies across the room and into my shoulder!' Adir was telling
several of his new coursemates, all huddled excitedly.
'Into your *shoulder?*' Karin asked with silent awe. She always spoke
silently.
'Still have a nasty mark,' he answered, 'Look'. He lowered the thick
green uniform to reveal a blackened old bruise. 'This is where it went
in', he gestured just below the neck.
'And I though I had it bad', said Dennis. 'I still think I had it bad.
Bastards wouldn't let me out for a smoke. We sat there for hours'.
'Well, you got in front of me in line. You have the bigger Personal
Number.'
'That's Time Length!' Sharon excitedly pitched in. 'Nothing's more
important!'
Adir found the whole concept of 'Time Length' *incredibly* stupid.
'Alright, line up', Shani said from the now open classroom door, just
enough for them to hear. Adir has yet to decide his stance on the whole
constant shouting business, now that's it's over with.
They lined up in front of the classroom, all fourty two of them.
'One minute to attention', Shani said coldly. 'Look nice for the Course
Commander'.
'ONE MINUTE TO ATTENTION!' bellowed Roi. Well, maybe not entirely over
with.
After much more than a minute, the CC showed up.
'Alright, alright', he chuckled. 'Come on, get inside'.
It was 11AM and Adir was fiercly struggling to stay awake. The CC was
vigoursly instructing them on Operating System Internals, and Adir
realised that for the first time in all these months he is in real
jepoardy of dozing off. He stood up -- joining most of his coursemates
at this point.
Much to his surprise, Re'em nudged his shoulder. He had fallen asleep.
Adir suddenly felt a wave of despair. What else is he supposed to do?
'Could I go?' he suddenly blurted out to the CC.
The CC stopped mid-sentence, and everyone turned their fragile attention
to him. The officer was so surprised he did not even seem about to scold
him.
'Go?' he asked, frowning with puzzlement.
'Yea'.
Silence fell, and eventually Adir realised the CC was expecting him to
say something else.
'Pee, I mean'.
Yotam did not expect this from Adir, who had never piped up before.
'Be a bit more professional next time, please', he said, and gestured at
the door. Adir fuddled out with elation.
'The key,' Yotam added.
'Here man', mumbled Bar and tossed the keys at him. They hit his face
and fell to his hands.
The heavy metal door closed behind him. He stood at the small, empty
space outside, overlooking the muddy nothing with the few benches in
between. Everyone was still studying.
He took a deep, exhausted breath. He felt the warm sun on his uniform.
He stretched lazily, feeling some strength returning.
Adir rounded the small classroom towards the restrooms, very slowly,
humming to himself.
He inserted the key in the door -- to his surprise, it was unlocked.
A tall, red headed coursee opened the door. Behind him was another
squat, dark haired soldier.
'What?' he demanded.
Adir saw his stripithings. Black and white. These must be the new Cyber
coursees.
Asocial as he was, even Adir picked up on the long lasting rivalry
between the Computer Systems Infastructure Managers and the Cyber
Security Defense Specialists. He could not understand why -- they do
pretty much the same thing -- but this was a fact of this place,
inherited one course cycle at a time. He did not buy into it, though. He
would treat this person with utmost respect.
'Pee', he answered diplomatically.
The Cyberer sighed.
'Don't make a mess', he reprimanded. 'We clean this up later'.
'Everyone cleans this up later', he said. The Cyberer looked at him as
one might a deranged, fuming chimpanzee.
He 'ugh'd and left.
By the time he got back around the classroom, everyone was outside. How
long has it been?
Naturally, he went to his desk for his three minutes of intense sleep.
When he sat down in front of the computer, however, he did something
else -- and was not quite sure why.
'I don't understand why you would act like this', Commander Dan told
him. 'You've been a good soldier so far. Where is this coming from?'
Adir was vaguely aware of the situation. They were sitting around one of
the tables outside, after Dan pulled him out from class. He suddenly
felt cold.
Adir did not answer, because he genuinly did not know what this is
about. Why can't he hold on to thoughts lately?
Dan did that thing where he sits and stares until Adir blurts something
out to break the silence. Every single soldier ever trained for command
used this tactic liberally, certain all the enlisted would break under
their steely gaze.
It never worked on Adir, and he quite liked seeing confusion creeping up
their faces.
Dan was a bit proud for that, though. 'You skipped out on the CC's
lesson,' he continued, 'And now you write this nonsense on the course
forum. You're one of the better soldiers here. Why?'
Adir's poem burst out from the nothing, and he was supremely proud of
it. It read thus:
The New Cyberers / Pooshellu
The Man Bar hands me the key,
Methinks to meself, make water I shall
And just when the hand reaches out for the trousers
Into the room enter the new Cyberees.
The first's eyes fall to my stripthings
Purple is great, yet he did not see it thus
His nose rising just shy of his brows
'What, do you have a bathroom key too?' he asks
The restrooms are for all coursees, says I
Yet Cybereeno remains unimpressed
*Do me a favor, he begs with a look of plea*
Don't thrash the bathroom
Wer'e cleaning them later.
'I thought it was funny', he stated.
'And you came here to laugh?', Dan inquired.
He stared Adir down again. Adir mulled the question over.
'I know things are difficult', Dan finally gave out, 'But get a grip.
You've been given a great privelege. Act like it'. He left.
The others were just pouring out, and as soon as Dan was out of sight
many they flocked to Adir.
Adir opened his eyes to the same dull, leaden brain fog he's so used to
by now. The room was pitch black, except for the small ray of light
coursing through the broken window blind, crushed by many musty
@@ -701,427 +515,6 @@ force, or
It's probably just a logistics thing. Adir was certain things will work
out.
Chapter II -- The Feline, Or The Language?
Commander Kim gracefully turned away from the blackboard. He surveyed
the class calmly with a proud smirk, and was content to see no confused
faces.
'And that is it,' he said. 'That was a good introduction to case
statements. Does anyone have any further questions?'
'No', the other coursees piped smugly, which Adir found kind of
annoying.
He raised his hand. Commander Kim looked at him, offended and
bewildered. 'Yes?'
'Permission to speak, commander'.
'Adir,' he said, 'You don't need to ask for permission to speak anymore.
This is not boot camp'.
'I understand, commander'.
'And you don't have to call me commander', he added benevolently. 'This
is not boot camp'.
'I understand, Kim'.
'Adir,' he admonished, 'You can't just call me by my name. I'm not your
mate from boot camp'.
'I understand, commander'.
'And you don't have to call me commander', he said sternly. 'This is not
boot camp'.
Adir simply stared at him, relinquishing control of the situation. Kim
stared back with futile anticipation of a response.
'You had a question,' he prompted after a billion years.
'Yes...'
'...'
'...'
'Commander Kim,' said Commander Kim
'Commander Kim,' said Adir.
'I have a question about case statements, Commander Kim'
'Yes, Adir -- you had a question about case statements'
'Yes'
'Well?'
The guy did not even twitch. It's almost midnight, for god's sake. What
do they do to these people? *What happens in INBA city?*
'I don't understand'.
'\...You don't understand?' asked Commander Kim
'I don't understand', said Adir.
'You don't understand case statements?' Commander Kim cleverly deducted.
'Commander Kim, I think Adir does not understand case statements',
Re'em, Adir's desk mate, helpfully pitched in.
'Commander, I don't think I understand case statements', Adir admitted.
'What,' inquired Commander Kim, 'About case statements don't you
understand?'
'The case statements, commander', Adir stated. 'I lost you a good 50
minutes ago'.
'We've only been on case statements for the last 30 minutes'
'Yes.'
'Well, then, why didn't you say anything earlier?'
'Commander Kim, Adir did say something earlier', Re'em pitched in.
'I did say something earlier, Commander Kim', confirmed Adir.
'I'm sorry,' said Commander Kim, who was not at all sorry. 'I can't
quite recall. Could you repeat your question?'
'When we just started,' he said, 'You explained what case statements
were, and I said I did not understand'.
'I told you to see me after class if you don't understand', Commander
Kim recalled.
'Yes.'
'I answered your question, then'
'I suppose you did at that'
'But you did not come to me after class'
'Class has yet to end. Commander.'
'Okay,' said Kim, who was clearly going for something else. 'What else
don't you understand?'
'The whole thing -- you were talking about case statements'
'And?'
'I do not understand case statements'
'Come see me after class', Commander Kim commanded.
'Does anyone have any further questions?'
'No', everyone else piped smugly
'Good. Class is over. Adir, will you come see me, please?'
Adir came to see him. Everyone else left besides Re'em, who was never
tired because he eats so many coffee beans. Re'em left when Commander
Kim demanded that he leave.
'Do I really have to leave, Commander Kim?' he insisted. 'I kinda wanna
see this'.
'You can go back to the hostel with the other soldiers,' Commander Kim
said.
'Yes, but -'
'Don't you ever but me. I'm not your mate from boot camp'. Re'em sulkily
crunched a coffee bean.
'Now go'.
With that, they were two.
'Adir,' Commander Kim said with everlasting patience, 'What don't you
understand about case statements?'
'Well-'
'If you don't understand case statements,' demanded Commander Kim, 'Why
don't you stay after class to study it?'
'Because it is 11P.M, commander'
'Stop calling me commander'
'I'm sorry, commander'
'Why don't you stay after class?'
'We start at 7AM'
'That you do'
'You must see some fault here'
'I do,' he said. 'You're giving up on yourself'.
Adir thought that was a rather exaggerated statement. 'I think that is a
rather exaggerated statement', he said.
'When I was a coursee here,' Kim lectured him, 'I did not understand
case statements. So I stayed late every day, until I understood case
statements. Do you understand?'
'You have also been studying programming throughout highschool with
excellence', Adir said. He knew this because Commander Kim often told
them he had been studying programming throughout highschool, with
excellence.
'The course requires no prior programming knowledge', Kim reiterated yet
again.
'And yet, you all have extensive prior programming knowledge'
'Pele does not, either'
'It doesn't matter, because Pele is getting released in a month'
'How did you come to that conclusion?'
'It's true,' Adir insisted, 'he told me.'
They sat at their tent together, in the Spring Buds Rookie Base Harel
Division Tent Area B. It was cold and damp and there was fuel on the
floor as always.
'You mark my words, Adir', said Pele, who says very little. This sudden
outburst alarmed Adir. 'If I am still in the military in three months',
he proudly intoned, 'then I am a god damned whoreson'.
'Don't be silly', Adir had told him. 'We just got in'
'And no one told me it was so stupid. I'm not going through with this.
It's just not for me.
You mark my words, Adir. Should I still be drafted three months from
now, I am a stupid, spineless whoreson.' Adir did mark his words, and
could not help but admire his perseverance. There's a man who knows what
he's after.
'What are you on about?' asked Kim.
'Look,' he said. 'I could obviously sit here and grind water for many
sleepless nights until I understand case statements'
'Good,' Kim said, 'Then it is decided'
'However', Adir said, 'We study for 15 hours everyday'
'And?'
'And I am a human being'
'You're getting off track here'
'I do just dandy at everything else, and I need to work very hard to do
so, because I'm not supposed to be here. I have only so many hours, and
I choose to use them to surmount the challenges I can'
'You can do whatever you want if you study hard enough.'
'I have limited time and energy and I choose to spend them thus. If
you'd like to help, Commander, I'd be grateful. But I just don't have
the patience to grind through this alone'
'Ask your coursemates.'
'Hey, can you help me with variable type declaration?' Adir had asked
Tom, who was the best programmer in the course.
'Sure Adir,' said Tom, 'I'm the best programmer in the course. What
don't you understand about variable declarations?'
'The variable declarations', said Adir.
Tom had gathered the course's finest with a solemn mission -- to teach
Adir variable declarations. They sat with Adir for about four late
nights before declaring him unteachable.
'We're sorry, Adir', they had told him, 'But maybe you should ask
Commander Kim'.
'Do you guys wanna get ice cream or something?'
'It's midnight', said Nitzan.
'Oh, right,' Adir replied.
'What are you on about?' said Kim, finally losing his patience. 'You
know what? When you put in some *real* effort, I may consider helping
you. I'll see you tomorrow' he said and left.
Adir left the cold, dead classroom and sat outside, even though he could
go home. He wished he had some coffee beans. Programming, the feline
cat, jumped to his lap. They were best buds, even though he was allergic
to feline cats. And they say he can't pull through.
The next day, Commander Idan spoke to him just before lunch, robbing his
precious free minutes. They sat outside just within sight and out of
earshot of everyone else. Commander Idan, while a skilled adversary at
military mind chess, still fell short of Adir, who has learned to
anticipate his moves quite easily. First, the admonishment.
'Adir, why were you late this morning?'
'Life gets in the way, Commander'.
'Do you think,' he said, 'When you're on duty, life will get in the
way?'
'That is very much a possibility, I'm afraid'.
Then, there is the steely gaze.
Commander Idan gazed at him, steely. Adir did nothing in response
because he was so tired.
Then, the merciful change of subject.
'Commander Kim told me you've been struggling with case statements', he
said.
'I have been, commander'
'Yet you do not stay late and ask for help from your coursemates'
'I do not, commander'
'Why are you giving up on yourself?' Idan demanded fiercely.
'I think that is a rather exaggerated statement.'
'Look, you've got it in you.' Idan said, inspired. 'Otherwise you would
not have been here'
'I am not supposed to be here', Adir stated.
'How are you so certain?'
'I turned half my test in empty'
'If you are here', Idan intoned poetically, 'You should be here. Look,
you got it in you. Wouldn't you like to be a Computer Systems
Infrastructure Manager?'
'That would be nice', he said
'Don't you feel it burning in your soul?'
'I think that is a rather exaggerated statement.'
'Look, you've got it in you, Adir. What happens if you fail
Programming?'
'The feline, or the language?'
'What?'
'The feline, or the language?'
'What if you fail the feline, Programming?' Idan asked, dumbstruck.
'I would be greatly upset. We have a special bond'
'So why do you struggle with case statements?'
'What does that have anything to do with the cat?'
'What cat?'
'So the language'
'The programming language, yes'
'Oh. Not the feline cat'
'Don't joke around with me,' said Commander Idan. 'I'm not your mate
from boot camp. You know, you shouldn't even touch it'.
'The language?'
'No, the feline cat. It's prohibited by martial law'
'Because I think I shouldn't touch the language either'.
There was silence.
'The language should also be prohibited by martial law'.
'\...'
'I'm also severely allergic'
Idan tried the steely gaze again. It was ineffective.
'If I touch my face now,' Adir mused, petting Programming, 'It will be
so, so bad'.
'If you fail Programming -- *the language*, you will fail the course.
What will you do if you fail the course?'
'Something else, probably'
'Wouldn't you like to be a Computer Systems Infrastructure Manager?'
'That would be nice'
'Don't you feel it burning in your soul?'
Adir was not listening, because he was so tired, and Programming's fur
was so soft.
'Don't give up on your self,' Commander Idan preached, 'It says a lot
about character'.
That got to him. 'I honestly don't understand,' he said, 'Why is it
considered so awful when I set my own priorities. I'm good at a few of
the other fields. An hour spent there will help me much, much more that
an hour of futile programming. I could grind away coding, sure -- but
I'd like to be good at a few things I already have a grip on, rather
than a mediocre programmer. Is that so bad?'
'Don't make excuses. We're good at everything'.
'It doesn't work like that'
'Don't give up on yourself,' he said. 'Now go eat lunch. I don't want to
be having this conversation again'.
Yogev walked up to him. 'I think you're absolutely amazing with
Programming,' he said in his usual cold, cynicism soaked drone.
'The language?'
'Don't be an idiot', Yogev said. 'The feline cat, of course. Things that
matter'.
Commander Shilo swung by from somewhere. 'Go! Run!' he told them.
'There's PE! The Communications commander is here!'
'Yes Commander!' Yogev spat back and took of with a frenzy.
'You too, Adir! Get up! Why are you giving up on yourself?'
Adir was so, so tired, and Programming was purring softly, which Adir
loved because he'd never had a cat before, much less a feline cat.
'I'm not running', he tossed back, annoyed.
Chapter III -- The Grand Computing Conference Room
'I'm not running!' Adir spat back outraged.
@@ -1199,7 +592,7 @@ hours!'
'*Especially* not for the war!' Adir proclaimed.
'What if a rocket falls on you?' cried Ronen
'What if a rocket falls on you?!' cried Ronen
'I should hope so', he said to Ronen, who was stunned despite them being
over this a million times.
@@ -1207,24 +600,26 @@ over this a million times.
'What do you *mean* you hope one lands on you?' Ronen demanded. 'Have
you ever had a rocket land on you? Oh, it's not pleasant!"
'Because now I'm having a blast!'
'Because now I'm having a blast! Get it? A blast?'
'What am I going to tell your parents?' Ronen confronted him sharply.
'Your son just stood there and got blasted apart?'.
'Your son just stood there and got blasted apart?'
'You can tell them their son is an idiot,' he said. 'Mum already knows.
Dad, I'm not so sure'.
'He had a blast', Gilad piped in despite himself
'You can tell them their son is an idiot,' Adir said. 'Mum already
knows. Dad, I'm not so sure'.
'Just go to the bunker,' Ronen spat back with visible disgust. 'You've
done enough'.
'Oh, yes. The bastion. Our stronghold'.
'What if a rocket falls on me?'.
'Could you lay off for five minutes? We'll discuss this later'
'Can't wait. I'll schedule an appointment.'
'Go.'
'*Go.*'
'You're an idiot', Ana told him back at the smoking area, where they sat
with Gilad and Max about thirty minutes later. 'Why do you bother
@@ -1232,10 +627,10 @@ bickering with them?'
'It pisses me off!'
'Do you think nature's dumbest animal cares?' Gilad rounded on him. 'Do
you think a guy like Henesee stops after this and thinks, *man, that
P.F.C is right! I **am** being a jerk!* Do you think this happens in a
place like this?'
'Do you think *nature's dumbest animal* cares?' Gilad rounded on him.
'Do you think a guy like Henesee stops after this and thinks, *man, that
friggin' P.F.C is right! I **am** being a jerk!* Do you think this
happens, in a place like this?'
'I'm not a P.F.C for a while. And it doesn't mean I have to take it'
@@ -1260,9 +655,7 @@ inside through the door.
'Just finishing a cig,' Ana said.
'Whatever. Come soon', he told them.
'Gilad, Adir'. With that he left.
'Alright. Come soon', he told them. 'Gilad, Adir'. With that he left.
'Come,' said Gilad. 'We have to rescue Yoav. They probably got to him as
well. Crazy people.'
@@ -1274,7 +667,7 @@ grumpily.
'I'll be dead right inside, per usual', remarked Max.
'I'll go scream into my pillow and change my mail signature,' Ana said.
'I'll go scream into my pillow and change my email signature,' Ana said.
'See you at lunch'.
'Give me some credit,' Adir told them. 'I'll swing by much sooner'.
@@ -1290,9 +683,9 @@ squad and discuss your problem, you idiot. Let's fetch Yoav'
'Like you're not an idiot'
'How dare you', Gilad admonished him. 'I've been stuck here for *two
years* with these guys. Do you think an idiot like you could have pulled
two years like that?'
'How dare you', Gilad stopped and turned to confront him. 'I've been
stuck here for *two years* with these people. Do you think an idiot like
you could have pulled two years like that?'
'Over my cold, dead body'
@@ -1303,23 +696,23 @@ Unsurprisingly, they found Yoav in the department alone with David, who
was on with six phones at once.
'Yes, Gilad, I'm still working through the operations log,' he proudly
told commander Gilad Henesee over the phone. 'Yoav, how's it going with
the operations log?' he frantically asked. 'Well, there's the -' 'Yoav,
hang on. No, Ronen, the operation log is incomplete. I can't find Adir
told commander Henesee over the phone. 'Yoav, how's it going with the
operations log?' he frantically asked. 'Well, there's the -' 'Yoav, hang
on. No, Ronen, the operation log is incomplete. I can't find Adir
anywhere. Sent Gilad out to fetch him, and -'
'I'm right here, dude' Adir said, feigning himself hurt. 'You're not
looking very hard. It's like I don't mean anything to you, man'
'I'm right here, dude' Adir said. 'You're not looking very hard. It's
like I don't mean anything to you, man'
'No! Adir, you kind soul, of course you - Ronen, I'll call you right
back!, just wanted to report, okay? I, uh, I have found Adir -- I will
add him to the task force, with him and, and uh, Yotam, to handle the
add him to the task force, with him and, and uh, Yoav, to handle the
operations log, quickly. Can you please keep Gilad up to date? No? Okay,
I'll tell him. Just hang on a second, Adir, don't go anywhere. Yes,
Gilad, I have Adir here, an- to your office? At 18:00? well, now, look,
there's a task forc-'
'Thank god,' Yotam said as the door slammed on David alone in the
'Thank god,' Yoav exclaimed as the door slammed on David alone in the
platoon. 'The guy really needs a break! They won' t stop calling'.
'Really?' Adir asked innocently. 'It's been a slow day'.
@@ -1329,7 +722,7 @@ calls David, who constantly calls Dor, who is constantly called by
Johnny -- how does anything get done? They just sit around and call each
other. No one ever gets up!'
'You have a call', Gilad said.
'You have a call', said Gilad.
Adir snatched the phone. 'We're at Operations, David', he said quickly
and out of breath. 'The new server fell! Yoav helped set it up so he can
@@ -1358,11 +751,10 @@ importance and strode with purpose until everyone was holed up again.
And there they were: The Great Computing Conference Room, the Computing
Department's pride and joy.
The other departments in the platoon all had their spots --
Communications had the smoking area, and even Comms -- cursed as they
were -- could sit around in their spacious room and never talk to each
ever, as they often do, because nobody cares what Comms do, including
Comms.
The other departments in the platoon all had their spots - Networking
had the smoking area, and even Comms -- cursed as they were -- could sit
around in their spacious room and never talk to each ever, as they often
do, because nobody cares what Comms do, including Comms.
Yet Computing had been deprived of that joy -- besieged by the
department (the room) a few steps down the road next to the airfield,
@@ -1376,6 +768,10 @@ from the airstrip just before Construction. 'Look at the luxury! There
is this nice ledge, here, and we can shelter at Construction if it
rains, and no one comes here ever'.
It was brilliant. Only a few steps further down from Base Command, with
a clear line of sight to the department. It was so bold, so audacious,
that no one could even think to find them there.
'Yes, I guess no one does', mused Adir, who stared even further away
towards the Igloo with sudden interest, as no one had ever done before.
@@ -1404,7 +800,7 @@ happens every single day'
'A real *Computanovella*', said Yoav
*'*Shut u- no, wait. That's actually brilliant', said Gilad.
'*Computanovella, chapter 3253: Opal configures the squadron's mails*'
'*Computanovella, chapter 3253: Opal configures the squadron's emails*'
*'*God, that was a disaster', said Adir*.*
@@ -1415,7 +811,7 @@ The guy wouldn't listen!'
'He's a good guy, but he just can't take a hint!'
'*Computanovella, episode 4972: Adir discovers Igloo meme-haven'*, Adir
'*Computanovella, episode 6972: Adir discovers Igloo meme-haven'*, Adir
added, excited.
'When was that?' asked Yoav

2
The_Difference_Between_an_Idiot_and_a_Moron.md
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@@ -935,5 +935,3 @@ Yet an army base it was, and the bastards would not let Adir soon forget
it. He and his peers may have waltzed in from the city each morning,
sure, but after coming in through the old-school guard post, it was army
alright.
**