Finished another chapter
This commit is contained in:
20
Baseline.md
20
Baseline.md
@@ -5,7 +5,7 @@ Working Title: *The Difference Between an Idiot and a Moron*
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Step I -- the 'Big Idea':
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'Adir's spectacularly mediocre lifestyle is unsurprisingly jeopardized
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when he's drafted into *nature's dumbest animal -- *the military'
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when he's drafted into *nature's dumbest animal --* the military'
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Step II -- Plot Outline:
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@@ -31,7 +31,7 @@ Defense (DFACP)**
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\- a place of great hopes from young soldiers who will never reach the
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greatness they are led to believe they deserve. (False Hope)
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\* **Hutspace Base Complex- **And old place reeking of despair, and the
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\* **Hutspace Base Complex-** And old place reeking of despair, and the
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endgame of all hopes from previous training. (Apathy)
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\* The Boroughs, Airforce HQ -- A proud place full of false substance,
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@@ -69,7 +69,7 @@ Tech School. These are satellites to their main locations.
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\* Small glimpses of pre-draft life.
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***1****. Defense Force Academy of Computer Professions and Cyberspace
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***1. Defense Force Academy of Computer Professions and Cyberspace
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Defense***
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The Naivete
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@@ -80,9 +80,9 @@ agonizes over.
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(False Hope)
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***2****. Hutspace Base Complex Base 108***
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***2. Hutspace Base Complex Base 108***
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**Big Things *****Are *****Coming, Right?**
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**Big Things** ***Are*** **Coming, Right?**
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Adir is stationed in a reality unlike what he had believed, and
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desperately clings to hope of his great role, despite all signs
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@@ -90,7 +90,7 @@ suggesting otherwise.
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(Apathy)
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***3****. The Boroughs, Air Force Headquarters***
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***3. The Boroughs, Air Force Headquarters***
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Of Course I Have A Say!
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@@ -98,7 +98,7 @@ Adir is restationed again, this time aware of the faults in his new
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station -- but powerless to prevent or face them, he grows proud and
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distant -- a facade that comes crashing down and leads to depression.
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***4****. University***
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***4. University***
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It's So Nice To Feel Human Again
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@@ -109,7 +109,7 @@ service and regains his self worth and dignity -- which leads to a
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painful loss, and the conversion of depression to rage on his next
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stationing.
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***5. 15***^***th***^*** AFB -Job Field Airbase***
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***5. 15***^***th***^ ***AFB -Job Field Airbase***
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Nature's Dumbest Animal
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@@ -169,8 +169,8 @@ it now, but it's okay, because afterwards he's scheduled himself to go
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forth, earn lots of money, fund his Biotech degree and go about saving
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the world.
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Here comes the Sacred Cow, and that* 'Meaningful Service'* everyone's on
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about. What could go wrong?* *
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Here comes the Sacred Cow, and that *'Meaningful Service'* everyone's on
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about. What could go wrong?
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V. Point Of View:
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@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ I. Distill the 'Big Idea' -- a single sentence. ('Elevator Pitch').
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II. Create a one page outline of the plot:
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IV. Grow the plot, and decide its' general type
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IV\. Grow the plot, and decide its' general type
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(Adventure/Change/Mistake/Lure/Race\...)
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I. Decide on a schedule. \[300 words a day\]
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@@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ IV. Write an 'Opener'.
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(Dramatic/Philosophical/Suprising/Poetic/Humouros) \[famous
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openers\]
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V. Write, then critique -- whatever the chunk size. Not both.
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V. Write, then critique -- whatever the chunk size. Not both.
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VI. Brave the 'Marathon of the Middle'.
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@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ no expectations, no comments. Had the rest had been like this things
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would have been considerably easier.
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The Gerbil was already striding through the dark server room towards the
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(aptly named, he mused) restroom for his usual* embarrassing medical
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(aptly named, he mused) restroom for his usual *embarrassing medical
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issue* when one of the many pointless IP phones in the great hall rang.
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He picked up and said nothing because he still thinks it's really funny.
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@@ -74,8 +74,8 @@ engraved in his sorry psyche as the aroma of despair and stupid.
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He strode towards the squadron as the jobnics were already pouring in
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with their little backpacks and single Airpods talking enthusiastically
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to their friends about the* crazy* party* *last night, praying to no one
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in particular that none of* them *show up. None of the bastards did --
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to their friends about the *crazy* party last night, praying to no one
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in particular that none of *them* show up. None of the bastards did --
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likely too busy parking and shaving and whatever it is they do - and he
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stepped into the first squadron's soothing, people free inner courtyard
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and towards the Trainer's door, where Tavor awaited him next to the
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@@ -89,7 +89,7 @@ and frowned. 'You look pretty tired'.
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'Do you want a Mud Coffee, maybe? Was just making one for myself'.
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Sitting down for Mud Coffee with a pilot was every self respecting Air
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Force soldier's* dream*, man, but the Gerbil had an appointment with a
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Force soldier's *dream*, man, but the Gerbil had an appointment with a
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smelly beanbag, and he meant to honor it. It was his highest duty as a
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jobnic, a rebel, and an irritable ass. Even though they have those nice,
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tall coffee glasses here\...
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@@ -103,11 +103,12 @@ Tavor took his phone from the phone shelf and strode away with purpose.
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Adir kind of liked Mike Tavor. He still treats him as human.
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He casually hid his phone in his pajama pockets (with a loud*
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ccccrrrrk!* from the scotch pockets), entered the code on the numpad and
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stepped inside. He didn't need the phone -- in fact, it was a hindrance
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-- but it was a matter of principle, like most other matters in the
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Gerbil's life right now. This is his domain and he answers to none.
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He casually hid his phone in his pajama pockets (with a loud
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*ccccrrrrk!* from the scotch pockets), entered the code on the numpad
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and stepped inside. He didn't need the phone -- in fact, it was a
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hindrance -- but it was a matter of principle, like most other matters
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in the Gerbil's life right now. This is his domain and he answers to
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none.
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The Trainer room was blessedly dark -- even the blinds into the
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courtyard were shut. The only light was the big digital clock, filling
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@@ -116,10 +117,10 @@ moments before the instructors arrive.
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He entered the small side room and did the whole usual nonsense --
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flipped only some of the switches in that specific order, closed the
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hatch, put the AC on the thingy, made the three beeps, waited for the*
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Vrrrrruuuhhhhh!* to start up and the* Hhhhhuuurrrrrv* that died down*
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*and crouched his way back to the main room, where the eight big screens
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slowly lit up and started complaining.* *
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hatch, put the AC on the thingy, made the three beeps, waited for the
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*Vrrrrruuuhhhhh!* to start up and the *Hhhhhuuurrrrrv* that died down
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and crouched his way back to the main room, where the eight big screens
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slowly lit up and started complaining.
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*You and me both*, he thought. Both stupid old things.
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@@ -128,8 +129,8 @@ seconds of booting up, and five hundred and forty seconds of him staring
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at it. He then clicked on the thing and waited for it to start up --
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thirty seconds of starting the program and three hundred seconds of
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staring at it. Add about thirty scattered seconds of taking out his
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phone, checking the time, sighing grumpily and putting it back with a*
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ccccrrrrk! *Because he still could, dammit. Just as he pressed the
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phone, checking the time, sighing grumpily and putting it back with a
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*ccccrrrrk!* Because he still could, dammit. Just as he pressed the
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gamepad (they paid millions for this! how?!) to confirm the thing works,
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today's two instructors walked in.
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@@ -410,7 +411,7 @@ there was no sound.
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Adir deducted something was amiss using his superb emotional
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intelligence.
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'**WHO**', the man bellowed, '**IN THE *****FUCK, *****LET HIM OUT LIKE
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'**WHO**', the man bellowed, '**IN THE** ***FUCK,*** **LET HIM OUT LIKE
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THIS?!**'
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In the background, people started scurrying. A hand reeled him back in
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@@ -527,11 +528,11 @@ soldiers from Adir's department scattering randomly in every direction.
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'What do you mean you're not running!?' roared Henesee, loud enough to
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slow the scattering around them, if momentarily. 'I am your *Department
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Commander!, *and as your ***Department Commander! **I demand that
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*-**'**
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Commander!,* and as your ***Department Commander!** I demand that*
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-**'**
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'*How are we still having this conversation??' *Adir shouted back at the
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top of his lungs. *'I could have gotten there **TEN TIMES **by now!'*
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'*How are we still having this conversation??'* Adir shouted back at the
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top of his lungs. *'I could have gotten there **TEN TIMES** by now!'*
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'*IF I TELL YOU TO GO THAT WAY, THEN -'*
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@@ -588,7 +589,7 @@ prepared in the event of war'.
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man but he just won't take a hint. What did you tell him?'
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'Look, we've been over this. I will not keep 'undergarments' here. I
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will* never* keep 'undergarments' here.* *Not for two weeks, not for two
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will *never* keep 'undergarments' here. Not for two weeks, not for two
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hours!'
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'Not even for the war?' asked Ronen with an air of triumph
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@@ -800,7 +801,7 @@ happens every single day'
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'You know,' admitted Gilad, 'It's true.'
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'A real* Computanovella*', said Yoav
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'A real *Computanovella*', said Yoav
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*'*Shut u- no, wait. That's actually brilliant', said Gilad.
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'*Computanovella, chapter 3253: Opal configures the squadron's emails*'
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@@ -836,7 +837,7 @@ them.
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'Me?! How dare you! While you loiter an-'
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'*Loiter!? *You come waltzing in from headquarters and think you know it
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'*Loiter!?* You come waltzing in from headquarters and think you know it
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all? Can't you see we're discussing strategy?'
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'*Out in the open?*' the officer demanded. 'That's against information
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@@ -1313,7 +1314,7 @@ the exchange is taking so long.
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'Since September'
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'You're telling me', he said, furious, 'You've been here since
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*September *and you don't know your commander, soldier?'
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*September* and you don't know your commander, soldier?'
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'Let me go somewhere in peace.'
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@@ -1577,7 +1578,7 @@ Tamar broke the drawn out silence.
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'Adir, I find this highly unlikely.'
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'I know you do. I do as well. But take a *good look *at me -- do you
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'I know you do. I do as well. But take a *good look* at me -- do you
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think I had that beard approved? Can you see I bear no rank? Please, be
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my guest -- let's go down to the pit right now and see if anyone
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recognizes me at all.'
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@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ General Chapters
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To be Incorporated
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***Chapter ****\[****\]****-- Corporal Adir Levin***
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***Chapter** **\[\]-- Corporal Adir Levin***
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"Says here you're a, uhm, corporal?" said the NCO sitting across from
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Adir.
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@@ -58,8 +58,8 @@ Personnel file.
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"What??"
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"I left mine in Hutspace. Well over a year ago. Whatever it is *you're
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*holding I've never seen in my life."
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"I left mine in Hutspace. Well over a year ago. Whatever it is *you're*
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holding I've never seen in my life."
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The NCO sighed deeply.
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@@ -143,7 +143,7 @@ Chapter II -- The New Cyber Kids
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syringe flies across the room and into my shoulder!' Adir was telling
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several of his new coursemates, all huddled excitedly.
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'Into your* shoulder?*' Karin asked with silent awe. She always spoke
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'Into your *shoulder?*' Karin asked with silent awe. She always spoke
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silently.
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'Still have a nasty mark,' he answered, 'Look'. He lowered the thick
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@@ -159,7 +159,7 @@ Number.'
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'That's Time Length!' Sharon excitedly pitched in. 'Nothing's more
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important!'
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Adir found the whole concept of 'Time Length'* incredibly* stupid.
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Adir found the whole concept of 'Time Length' *incredibly* stupid.
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'Alright, line up', Shani said from the now open classroom door, just
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enough for them to hear. Adir has yet to decide his stance on the whole
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@@ -334,8 +334,6 @@ You've been given a great privilege. Act like it'. He left.
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The others were just pouring out, and as soon as Dan was out of sight
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many they flocked to Adir.
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* *
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'You're an idiot,' Yogev thoughtfully stated. Even Karin seemed to
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agree.
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@@ -967,3 +965,150 @@ do them the honors, bring Ram here to show them how much we appreciate
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them -- and grant their rank from the unit commander, personally. Ram?"
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\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~
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Ram spread his arms and looked about the room with ecstasy.
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"How great it is to gather with good news for a change!" he declared
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proudly, and a wave of clapping went through the room.
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"Ah, there's no need for much introduction, is there? We all know each
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other. We all work together. And we all watched these fine young men and
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women, standing here before us, grow empowered as they shape the next
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generation of the defense of our country. Those on the outside may be
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mistaken as to think these are quiet times, but if only I could tell you
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what goes on in the shadows! The threats nowadays are much more severe
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than most care to think. It is only via our..."
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At this point, the Horizon commander went into the omnipresent rant
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about the air force's crucial air superiority, the threats from the
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north, the technological advantage which the air force has gathered and
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the increasing reliance on it, all delivered with a confident,
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deliberate speech.
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Adir, who had heard this speech dozens of times since joining the air
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force (do they gather monthly and rehearse these things? They\'re so
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alike!), naturally drifted away skillfully. He was a person of
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incredible mental will, a trait which manifested itself very helpfully
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in these situations -- once he decided he does not want to hear, then he
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will not commit so much as a syllable further into memory, and looking
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into his rigid stance and attentive eyes you would never see it.
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Now, however, he was exhausted -- and in his fatigued mentality,
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something managed to slip through the cracks.
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Ram approached each of his coursemates in order. As if through a haze,
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he could see each receiving their rank. Daniel, ever the happy-go-lucky,
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saluted each of the commanders proudly and stood facing the crowd as
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they sewn in his rank, one sleeve each. Each gave him a loud pat on the
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back, and he thanked them with his clear, ringing voice.
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Dennis stood casually, but with a smug air, and received his after
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respectfully shaking the commander's hands rather than going for the
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pat. Karin thanked them each in her quiet, shy voice, with eyes downcast
|
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as her rank was sown. Roni, ever the energy blast, often blurted out
|
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amazed excerpts - 'I can't believe this is finally happening!', 'Thanks
|
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so much for this! That's awesome'. Arrogant as ever, Tom gave each
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commanders a strong handshake after a small, satisfied chuckle, and then
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of course prompted them to give him a 'worthwhile' pat on the back.
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Omer, always in neutral, merely went with a 'yeah, cool', and shook
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hands as if with buddies from highschool. Dana screeched with excitement
|
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and giggled with glee, never managing to gather her feelings into a
|
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coherent word, let alone a sentence. Reasonable Chen addressed the two
|
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commanders as of dealing with two respected colleagues, Thanking them
|
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humbly with an official, reserved greeting and a friendly air.
|
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Each of them were praised as they received their rank -- how they had
|
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solved this and that malfunction, how funny it was when this and that
|
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happened to them, how much so and so trait help the team and make
|
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everyone happy. Adir had not been there for nearly all of the events
|
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described, recent arrival as he was, and could not relate -- yet even
|
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through the haze, the words hurt him. He felt envious of the standing
|
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his coursemates made for themselves -- knowing full well from their own
|
||||
words they were unhappy. It was a facade, he know, but he could not help
|
||||
but feel strong misgivings, pangs of regret and solitude -- perhaps if
|
||||
he had powered through at Hutspace, he could attain that ever-off
|
||||
acclimation he so desired, and be left alone in peace.
|
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|
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But why should I wait to be left alone in peace, if I can force the
|
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others to acknowledge I am alone, in peace? He thought, and with that
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took a deep breath, feeling himself washed away, and shut himself down
|
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from the rest of the room through sheer determination. It always works.
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This time, however, it backfired magnificently.
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|
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When he next opened his eyes, every single person in the room was
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staring at him -- some with unveiled curiosity, some with open contempt,
|
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others with confusion and some even with a shred of pity. He had no idea
|
||||
what was going on, and was suddenly growing aware of his sorry state. He
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felt his eyelids droop, the heavy black circles around the eyes
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throbbing, the wrinkles around his eyes and forehead dry and stiff, the
|
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skin greasy.
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Amit was suddenly at his side.
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"Come up, Adir. Why did you even stand out here? Come on!"
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|
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Adir furrowed his brow, and stared Amit down for an answer.
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|
||||
"You're getting your rank, Adir! It's your turn. Come up! Everyone's
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waiting"
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|
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Then it suddenly registered.
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They're granting **me** a rank? He wondered, stunned.
|
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|
||||
They're granting **ME** a rank!? He thought, indignant. What a fucking
|
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charade!
|
||||
|
||||
Amit motioned John to come over, and he promptly surged through the
|
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crowd parting for him until he was at Adir's side as well. He grasped
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||||
his arm, trying to lead him up, eyes towards Ram. Amit put a hand
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between his shoulder blades. "Go on, it's okay. Go and receive your rank
|
||||
like the rest of your friends."
|
||||
|
||||
What happened next was profoundly idiotic, on Adir's part, and he was
|
||||
well aware of it beforehand. Adir realized very early on he could not
|
||||
fight every affront thrown his way by the military -- hell, he could not
|
||||
consider even 5% of them. He had to pick his battles, so he may have the
|
||||
strength to stand his ground where it mattered. These stupid affronts,
|
||||
he would have to take. He would have to stand there like an idiot, no
|
||||
one knowing him, no one saying one positive thing about him, and receive
|
||||
these two stupid stripes that declared him as slightly less a piece of
|
||||
shit than everyone else.
|
||||
|
||||
"No," he said. His voice rang surprisingly loud in the silence.
|
||||
|
||||
John turned to stare at him, alarmed.
|
||||
|
||||
"Are you missing your markings?" Amit asked. "It's okay -- I had some
|
||||
brought for you. Here -" he handed Adir a set of two Corporal markings.
|
||||
"You'll need to bring the other sets afterwards from HQ. Now -"
|
||||
|
||||
"I'm not going", he said again, and was surprised to hear how feeble his
|
||||
voice sounded. He was shaking, he realized suddenly -- with fear, anger,
|
||||
stress or sadness he could not even tell.
|
||||
|
||||
In the Pit, things stay very constant. The lights are always on, and the
|
||||
temperature is always fifteen degrees Celsius. There's always the hum of
|
||||
servers and fans in the background, and every ten minutes or so a short
|
||||
alarm or announcement is sound. Under such static conditions, Adir's
|
||||
emotions stabilized as well -- growing more timid with each passing day
|
||||
until, finally, dying out completely. He had felt nearly nothing for
|
||||
well other two months now; nothing upset him greatly. Nothing brought
|
||||
him joy. Nothing went beyond irritating him, and being tired was just
|
||||
another state of being.
|
||||
|
||||
But now, now he was flooded. He was quivering with anger, tearful with
|
||||
sadness, breath heaving with stress and panic coursing through every
|
||||
vein in his body. He was proud, he was assertive, and he was deeply
|
||||
hurt.
|
||||
|
||||
He could see Ram, from the corner of his eye, considering the situation
|
||||
awkwardly. The man who'd just been so eloquent and precise now seemed at
|
||||
a loss for words.
|
||||
|
||||
John stared him down severely. Adir thought he could see a brief flash
|
||||
of sympathy in his eyes, which was quickly gone.
|
||||
|
||||
'We'll talk about this later', he said quietly, and motioned Ram to
|
||||
continue.
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -696,7 +696,7 @@ heart. A decision was made, and he will stick to it.
|
||||
|
||||
He got out.
|
||||
|
||||
***Chapter I -- ****Security Service Candidate Adir Levin***
|
||||
***Chapter I --** **Security Service Candidate Adir Levin***
|
||||
|
||||
Private Adir Levin was just shy of 19 years of age when he was drafted.
|
||||
|
||||
@@ -899,7 +899,7 @@ Now he was here.
|
||||
|
||||
The Computer Science School was nothing like he had envisioned a
|
||||
military base to be -- not that he had done much envisioning at all.
|
||||
Spring Buds, where he went through boot camp, had been* exactly* like
|
||||
Spring Buds, where he went through boot camp, had been *exactly* like
|
||||
what little he had envisioned -- it was stuck in the middle of nowhere,
|
||||
it was full of big, ugly green tents and ancient structures torn
|
||||
straight out of the 1920's. It had guard posts and lots of dirty empty
|
||||
@@ -922,7 +922,7 @@ kept and had lots of emblems and flags protruding from the upper floors,
|
||||
with a million passages to and from it -- as if it was the beating heart
|
||||
of the base, and the soldiers flowing into it its lifeblood.
|
||||
|
||||
The base was, however,* ridiculously* small -- Adir could circle it
|
||||
The base was, however, *ridiculously* small -- Adir could circle it
|
||||
leisurely in just under eight minutes. Also unlike Spring Buds -- which
|
||||
was huge -- was the fact that it lay right in the middle of the city,
|
||||
perhaps a 15 minute bus ride from his house. The base was elevated from
|
||||
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user