Finished another chapter

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2020-12-13 21:23:28 +02:00
parent 91bd780266
commit ca9f8376a5
5 changed files with 193 additions and 47 deletions

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@@ -5,7 +5,7 @@ Working Title: *The Difference Between an Idiot and a Moron*
Step I -- the 'Big Idea':
'Adir's spectacularly mediocre lifestyle is unsurprisingly jeopardized
when he's drafted into *nature's dumbest animal -- *the military'
when he's drafted into *nature's dumbest animal --* the military'
Step II -- Plot Outline:
@@ -31,7 +31,7 @@ Defense (DFACP)**
\- a place of great hopes from young soldiers who will never reach the
greatness they are led to believe they deserve. (False Hope)
\* **Hutspace Base Complex- **And old place reeking of despair, and the
\* **Hutspace Base Complex-** And old place reeking of despair, and the
endgame of all hopes from previous training. (Apathy)
\* The Boroughs, Airforce HQ -- A proud place full of false substance,
@@ -69,7 +69,7 @@ Tech School. These are satellites to their main locations.
\* Small glimpses of pre-draft life.
***1****. Defense Force Academy of Computer Professions and Cyberspace
***1. Defense Force Academy of Computer Professions and Cyberspace
Defense***
The Naivete
@@ -80,9 +80,9 @@ agonizes over.
(False Hope)
***2****. Hutspace Base Complex Base 108***
***2. Hutspace Base Complex Base 108***
**Big Things *****Are *****Coming, Right?**
**Big Things** ***Are*** **Coming, Right?**
Adir is stationed in a reality unlike what he had believed, and
desperately clings to hope of his great role, despite all signs
@@ -90,7 +90,7 @@ suggesting otherwise.
(Apathy)
***3****. The Boroughs, Air Force Headquarters***
***3. The Boroughs, Air Force Headquarters***
Of Course I Have A Say!
@@ -98,7 +98,7 @@ Adir is restationed again, this time aware of the faults in his new
station -- but powerless to prevent or face them, he grows proud and
distant -- a facade that comes crashing down and leads to depression.
***4****. University***
***4. University***
It's So Nice To Feel Human Again
@@ -109,7 +109,7 @@ service and regains his self worth and dignity -- which leads to a
painful loss, and the conversion of depression to rage on his next
stationing.
***5. 15***^***th***^*** AFB -Job Field Airbase***
***5. 15***^***th***^ ***AFB -Job Field Airbase***
Nature's Dumbest Animal
@@ -169,8 +169,8 @@ it now, but it's okay, because afterwards he's scheduled himself to go
forth, earn lots of money, fund his Biotech degree and go about saving
the world.
Here comes the Sacred Cow, and that* 'Meaningful Service'* everyone's on
about. What could go wrong?* *
Here comes the Sacred Cow, and that *'Meaningful Service'* everyone's on
about. What could go wrong?
V. Point Of View:

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@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ I. Distill the 'Big Idea' -- a single sentence. ('Elevator Pitch').
II. Create a one page outline of the plot:
IV. Grow the plot, and decide its' general type
IV\. Grow the plot, and decide its' general type
(Adventure/Change/Mistake/Lure/Race\...)
I. Decide on a schedule. \[300 words a day\]
@@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ IV. Write an 'Opener'.
(Dramatic/Philosophical/Suprising/Poetic/Humouros) \[famous
openers\]
V. Write, then critique -- whatever the chunk size. Not both.
V. Write, then critique -- whatever the chunk size. Not both.
VI. Brave the 'Marathon of the Middle'.

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@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ no expectations, no comments. Had the rest had been like this things
would have been considerably easier.
The Gerbil was already striding through the dark server room towards the
(aptly named, he mused) restroom for his usual* embarrassing medical
(aptly named, he mused) restroom for his usual *embarrassing medical
issue* when one of the many pointless IP phones in the great hall rang.
He picked up and said nothing because he still thinks it's really funny.
@@ -74,8 +74,8 @@ engraved in his sorry psyche as the aroma of despair and stupid.
He strode towards the squadron as the jobnics were already pouring in
with their little backpacks and single Airpods talking enthusiastically
to their friends about the* crazy* party* *last night, praying to no one
in particular that none of* them *show up. None of the bastards did --
to their friends about the *crazy* party last night, praying to no one
in particular that none of *them* show up. None of the bastards did --
likely too busy parking and shaving and whatever it is they do - and he
stepped into the first squadron's soothing, people free inner courtyard
and towards the Trainer's door, where Tavor awaited him next to the
@@ -89,7 +89,7 @@ and frowned. 'You look pretty tired'.
'Do you want a Mud Coffee, maybe? Was just making one for myself'.
Sitting down for Mud Coffee with a pilot was every self respecting Air
Force soldier's* dream*, man, but the Gerbil had an appointment with a
Force soldier's *dream*, man, but the Gerbil had an appointment with a
smelly beanbag, and he meant to honor it. It was his highest duty as a
jobnic, a rebel, and an irritable ass. Even though they have those nice,
tall coffee glasses here\...
@@ -103,11 +103,12 @@ Tavor took his phone from the phone shelf and strode away with purpose.
Adir kind of liked Mike Tavor. He still treats him as human.
He casually hid his phone in his pajama pockets (with a loud*
ccccrrrrk!* from the scotch pockets), entered the code on the numpad and
stepped inside. He didn't need the phone -- in fact, it was a hindrance
-- but it was a matter of principle, like most other matters in the
Gerbil's life right now. This is his domain and he answers to none.
He casually hid his phone in his pajama pockets (with a loud
*ccccrrrrk!* from the scotch pockets), entered the code on the numpad
and stepped inside. He didn't need the phone -- in fact, it was a
hindrance -- but it was a matter of principle, like most other matters
in the Gerbil's life right now. This is his domain and he answers to
none.
The Trainer room was blessedly dark -- even the blinds into the
courtyard were shut. The only light was the big digital clock, filling
@@ -116,10 +117,10 @@ moments before the instructors arrive.
He entered the small side room and did the whole usual nonsense --
flipped only some of the switches in that specific order, closed the
hatch, put the AC on the thingy, made the three beeps, waited for the*
Vrrrrruuuhhhhh!* to start up and the* Hhhhhuuurrrrrv* that died down*
*and crouched his way back to the main room, where the eight big screens
slowly lit up and started complaining.* *
hatch, put the AC on the thingy, made the three beeps, waited for the
*Vrrrrruuuhhhhh!* to start up and the *Hhhhhuuurrrrrv* that died down
and crouched his way back to the main room, where the eight big screens
slowly lit up and started complaining.
*You and me both*, he thought. Both stupid old things.
@@ -128,8 +129,8 @@ seconds of booting up, and five hundred and forty seconds of him staring
at it. He then clicked on the thing and waited for it to start up --
thirty seconds of starting the program and three hundred seconds of
staring at it. Add about thirty scattered seconds of taking out his
phone, checking the time, sighing grumpily and putting it back with a*
ccccrrrrk! *Because he still could, dammit. Just as he pressed the
phone, checking the time, sighing grumpily and putting it back with a
*ccccrrrrk!* Because he still could, dammit. Just as he pressed the
gamepad (they paid millions for this! how?!) to confirm the thing works,
today's two instructors walked in.
@@ -410,7 +411,7 @@ there was no sound.
Adir deducted something was amiss using his superb emotional
intelligence.
'**WHO**', the man bellowed, '**IN THE *****FUCK, *****LET HIM OUT LIKE
'**WHO**', the man bellowed, '**IN THE** ***FUCK,*** **LET HIM OUT LIKE
THIS?!**'
In the background, people started scurrying. A hand reeled him back in
@@ -527,11 +528,11 @@ soldiers from Adir's department scattering randomly in every direction.
'What do you mean you're not running!?' roared Henesee, loud enough to
slow the scattering around them, if momentarily. 'I am your *Department
Commander!, *and as your ***Department Commander! **I demand that
*-**'**
Commander!,* and as your ***Department Commander!** I demand that*
-**'**
'*How are we still having this conversation??' *Adir shouted back at the
top of his lungs. *'I could have gotten there **TEN TIMES **by now!'*
'*How are we still having this conversation??'* Adir shouted back at the
top of his lungs. *'I could have gotten there **TEN TIMES** by now!'*
'*IF I TELL YOU TO GO THAT WAY, THEN -'*
@@ -588,7 +589,7 @@ prepared in the event of war'.
man but he just won't take a hint. What did you tell him?'
'Look, we've been over this. I will not keep 'undergarments' here. I
will* never* keep 'undergarments' here.* *Not for two weeks, not for two
will *never* keep 'undergarments' here. Not for two weeks, not for two
hours!'
'Not even for the war?' asked Ronen with an air of triumph
@@ -800,7 +801,7 @@ happens every single day'
'You know,' admitted Gilad, 'It's true.'
'A real* Computanovella*', said Yoav
'A real *Computanovella*', said Yoav
*'*Shut u- no, wait. That's actually brilliant', said Gilad.
'*Computanovella, chapter 3253: Opal configures the squadron's emails*'
@@ -836,7 +837,7 @@ them.
'Me?! How dare you! While you loiter an-'
'*Loiter!? *You come waltzing in from headquarters and think you know it
'*Loiter!?* You come waltzing in from headquarters and think you know it
all? Can't you see we're discussing strategy?'
'*Out in the open?*' the officer demanded. 'That's against information
@@ -1313,7 +1314,7 @@ the exchange is taking so long.
'Since September'
'You're telling me', he said, furious, 'You've been here since
*September *and you don't know your commander, soldier?'
*September* and you don't know your commander, soldier?'
'Let me go somewhere in peace.'
@@ -1577,7 +1578,7 @@ Tamar broke the drawn out silence.
'Adir, I find this highly unlikely.'
'I know you do. I do as well. But take a *good look *at me -- do you
'I know you do. I do as well. But take a *good look* at me -- do you
think I had that beard approved? Can you see I bear no rank? Please, be
my guest -- let's go down to the pit right now and see if anyone
recognizes me at all.'

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@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ General Chapters
To be Incorporated
***Chapter ****\[****\]****-- Corporal Adir Levin***
***Chapter** **\[\]-- Corporal Adir Levin***
"Says here you're a, uhm, corporal?" said the NCO sitting across from
Adir.
@@ -58,8 +58,8 @@ Personnel file.
"What??"
"I left mine in Hutspace. Well over a year ago. Whatever it is *you're
*holding I've never seen in my life."
"I left mine in Hutspace. Well over a year ago. Whatever it is *you're*
holding I've never seen in my life."
The NCO sighed deeply.
@@ -143,7 +143,7 @@ Chapter II -- The New Cyber Kids
syringe flies across the room and into my shoulder!' Adir was telling
several of his new coursemates, all huddled excitedly.
'Into your* shoulder?*' Karin asked with silent awe. She always spoke
'Into your *shoulder?*' Karin asked with silent awe. She always spoke
silently.
'Still have a nasty mark,' he answered, 'Look'. He lowered the thick
@@ -159,7 +159,7 @@ Number.'
'That's Time Length!' Sharon excitedly pitched in. 'Nothing's more
important!'
Adir found the whole concept of 'Time Length'* incredibly* stupid.
Adir found the whole concept of 'Time Length' *incredibly* stupid.
'Alright, line up', Shani said from the now open classroom door, just
enough for them to hear. Adir has yet to decide his stance on the whole
@@ -334,8 +334,6 @@ You've been given a great privilege. Act like it'. He left.
The others were just pouring out, and as soon as Dan was out of sight
many they flocked to Adir.
* *
'You're an idiot,' Yogev thoughtfully stated. Even Karin seemed to
agree.
@@ -967,3 +965,150 @@ do them the honors, bring Ram here to show them how much we appreciate
them -- and grant their rank from the unit commander, personally. Ram?"
\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~
Ram spread his arms and looked about the room with ecstasy.
"How great it is to gather with good news for a change!" he declared
proudly, and a wave of clapping went through the room.
"Ah, there's no need for much introduction, is there? We all know each
other. We all work together. And we all watched these fine young men and
women, standing here before us, grow empowered as they shape the next
generation of the defense of our country. Those on the outside may be
mistaken as to think these are quiet times, but if only I could tell you
what goes on in the shadows! The threats nowadays are much more severe
than most care to think. It is only via our..."
At this point, the Horizon commander went into the omnipresent rant
about the air force's crucial air superiority, the threats from the
north, the technological advantage which the air force has gathered and
the increasing reliance on it, all delivered with a confident,
deliberate speech.
Adir, who had heard this speech dozens of times since joining the air
force (do they gather monthly and rehearse these things? They\'re so
alike!), naturally drifted away skillfully. He was a person of
incredible mental will, a trait which manifested itself very helpfully
in these situations -- once he decided he does not want to hear, then he
will not commit so much as a syllable further into memory, and looking
into his rigid stance and attentive eyes you would never see it.
Now, however, he was exhausted -- and in his fatigued mentality,
something managed to slip through the cracks.
Ram approached each of his coursemates in order. As if through a haze,
he could see each receiving their rank. Daniel, ever the happy-go-lucky,
saluted each of the commanders proudly and stood facing the crowd as
they sewn in his rank, one sleeve each. Each gave him a loud pat on the
back, and he thanked them with his clear, ringing voice.
Dennis stood casually, but with a smug air, and received his after
respectfully shaking the commander's hands rather than going for the
pat. Karin thanked them each in her quiet, shy voice, with eyes downcast
as her rank was sown. Roni, ever the energy blast, often blurted out
amazed excerpts - 'I can't believe this is finally happening!', 'Thanks
so much for this! That's awesome'. Arrogant as ever, Tom gave each
commanders a strong handshake after a small, satisfied chuckle, and then
of course prompted them to give him a 'worthwhile' pat on the back.
Omer, always in neutral, merely went with a 'yeah, cool', and shook
hands as if with buddies from highschool. Dana screeched with excitement
and giggled with glee, never managing to gather her feelings into a
coherent word, let alone a sentence. Reasonable Chen addressed the two
commanders as of dealing with two respected colleagues, Thanking them
humbly with an official, reserved greeting and a friendly air.
Each of them were praised as they received their rank -- how they had
solved this and that malfunction, how funny it was when this and that
happened to them, how much so and so trait help the team and make
everyone happy. Adir had not been there for nearly all of the events
described, recent arrival as he was, and could not relate -- yet even
through the haze, the words hurt him. He felt envious of the standing
his coursemates made for themselves -- knowing full well from their own
words they were unhappy. It was a facade, he know, but he could not help
but feel strong misgivings, pangs of regret and solitude -- perhaps if
he had powered through at Hutspace, he could attain that ever-off
acclimation he so desired, and be left alone in peace.
But why should I wait to be left alone in peace, if I can force the
others to acknowledge I am alone, in peace? He thought, and with that
took a deep breath, feeling himself washed away, and shut himself down
from the rest of the room through sheer determination. It always works.
This time, however, it backfired magnificently.
When he next opened his eyes, every single person in the room was
staring at him -- some with unveiled curiosity, some with open contempt,
others with confusion and some even with a shred of pity. He had no idea
what was going on, and was suddenly growing aware of his sorry state. He
felt his eyelids droop, the heavy black circles around the eyes
throbbing, the wrinkles around his eyes and forehead dry and stiff, the
skin greasy.
Amit was suddenly at his side.
"Come up, Adir. Why did you even stand out here? Come on!"
Adir furrowed his brow, and stared Amit down for an answer.
"You're getting your rank, Adir! It's your turn. Come up! Everyone's
waiting"
Then it suddenly registered.
They're granting **me** a rank? He wondered, stunned.
They're granting **ME** a rank!? He thought, indignant. What a fucking
charade!
Amit motioned John to come over, and he promptly surged through the
crowd parting for him until he was at Adir's side as well. He grasped
his arm, trying to lead him up, eyes towards Ram. Amit put a hand
between his shoulder blades. "Go on, it's okay. Go and receive your rank
like the rest of your friends."
What happened next was profoundly idiotic, on Adir's part, and he was
well aware of it beforehand. Adir realized very early on he could not
fight every affront thrown his way by the military -- hell, he could not
consider even 5% of them. He had to pick his battles, so he may have the
strength to stand his ground where it mattered. These stupid affronts,
he would have to take. He would have to stand there like an idiot, no
one knowing him, no one saying one positive thing about him, and receive
these two stupid stripes that declared him as slightly less a piece of
shit than everyone else.
"No," he said. His voice rang surprisingly loud in the silence.
John turned to stare at him, alarmed.
"Are you missing your markings?" Amit asked. "It's okay -- I had some
brought for you. Here -" he handed Adir a set of two Corporal markings.
"You'll need to bring the other sets afterwards from HQ. Now -"
"I'm not going", he said again, and was surprised to hear how feeble his
voice sounded. He was shaking, he realized suddenly -- with fear, anger,
stress or sadness he could not even tell.
In the Pit, things stay very constant. The lights are always on, and the
temperature is always fifteen degrees Celsius. There's always the hum of
servers and fans in the background, and every ten minutes or so a short
alarm or announcement is sound. Under such static conditions, Adir's
emotions stabilized as well -- growing more timid with each passing day
until, finally, dying out completely. He had felt nearly nothing for
well other two months now; nothing upset him greatly. Nothing brought
him joy. Nothing went beyond irritating him, and being tired was just
another state of being.
But now, now he was flooded. He was quivering with anger, tearful with
sadness, breath heaving with stress and panic coursing through every
vein in his body. He was proud, he was assertive, and he was deeply
hurt.
He could see Ram, from the corner of his eye, considering the situation
awkwardly. The man who'd just been so eloquent and precise now seemed at
a loss for words.
John stared him down severely. Adir thought he could see a brief flash
of sympathy in his eyes, which was quickly gone.
'We'll talk about this later', he said quietly, and motioned Ram to
continue.

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@@ -696,7 +696,7 @@ heart. A decision was made, and he will stick to it.
He got out.
***Chapter I -- ****Security Service Candidate Adir Levin***
***Chapter I --** **Security Service Candidate Adir Levin***
Private Adir Levin was just shy of 19 years of age when he was drafted.
@@ -899,7 +899,7 @@ Now he was here.
The Computer Science School was nothing like he had envisioned a
military base to be -- not that he had done much envisioning at all.
Spring Buds, where he went through boot camp, had been* exactly* like
Spring Buds, where he went through boot camp, had been *exactly* like
what little he had envisioned -- it was stuck in the middle of nowhere,
it was full of big, ugly green tents and ancient structures torn
straight out of the 1920's. It had guard posts and lots of dirty empty
@@ -922,7 +922,7 @@ kept and had lots of emblems and flags protruding from the upper floors,
with a million passages to and from it -- as if it was the beating heart
of the base, and the soldiers flowing into it its lifeblood.
The base was, however,* ridiculously* small -- Adir could circle it
The base was, however, *ridiculously* small -- Adir could circle it
leisurely in just under eight minutes. Also unlike Spring Buds -- which
was huge -- was the fact that it lay right in the middle of the city,
perhaps a 15 minute bus ride from his house. The base was elevated from